Torchic: *hug*
?hariZard: Your hugs seem oddly cold, what's up?
Torchic: life today sucked
?hariZard: Ok?
Torchic: you asked whats up, whats up with that?
?hariZard: Well, is that the only reason it sucked today?
Torchic: oh, i was just saying that today sucked and thats why my hugs might seem cold.
Torchic: today sucked because this morning i woke up from a nightmare, one of a child being kicked to death. something in my head said the kid was me
Torchic: the next part i went to school early today because i had to, then got in trouble and had a horrible breakdown, accompanied by horrific pains, then I went home and passed out. When I woke up my dad came home and we talked about how depressing and stupid humanity is
?hariZard: So you talk about yourself and everyone eles that way?
Torchic: not really, just the things that make it so
?hariZard: And does your dad agree to you?
?hariZard: *with
Torchic: its generally having to do with the govornment and my dads observations of the people around him rather than me leading the conversation
?hariZard: Soo, why do you cry?
?hariZard: Why do you faint?
?hariZard: Is it a health issue?
?hariZard: Mental issue?
Torchic: because i feel the weight of all my failures on me, and it crushes me, painfully.
Torchic: mental issue probably
?hariZard: Well, maybe if you didn't reflect on your failures and instead on your succeses then maybe you won't cause all the drama you have before. And I swear, don't give me these responses: "i don't have any." or "f*** yourself" then i'm leaving.
Torchic: i dont even reflect on them, and there is no drama besids the people attacking me, namely kyoob.
Torchic: they just rest in the back of my mind and reawaken when a similar event happens
Torchic: to think of the sucess is that I have suceeded little, but i do have some, i just am not in the position to do anything significant yet.
Torchic: the greatest thing i try to think of is people i make happy
Torchic: and sometimes that gets drawn into question, when that happens it feels like there is nothing good about me
Torchic: and do you hate me just because kyoob accused me of crashing him, despite him not saying he accused me when he clearly was pointing at me anyway
?hariZard: No, and i'm sure Kyoob dosen't "hate" you. He might dislike you but not hate you.
Torchic: when i get accused of doing something as lowly as crashing a server, i have a hard time seeing otherwise... im supposed to be a friend but the fact they say i crash their server makes me feel like they expect that of me
?hariZard: Well he did tell me he thought so after you replying oddly.
?hariZard: I wouldn't blame him, you did sound a little off. But, i'm sure you didn't.
Torchic: i sound a bit off because my day's been shit
Torchic: Also the fact that i've given up my own hopes of hosting and feel replaced, effectively rendering me useless
?hariZard: My goodness, you're too soft and weak. Have you ever heard of "face your problems" instead of "hide from your problems?" Like, seriously. If you want to host, host. If you want to murder, murder. I really would care less.
Torchic: 9:55 PM - ?hariZard: My goodness, you're too soft and weak
Torchic: no fucking shit
Torchic: im not strong
Torchic: what of it
Torchic: thats just who i am and how i was born
Torchic: ive been trying to fix it
Torchic: so dont give me "oh you dont try" bullshit
Torchic: i put a lot of effort into fixing whats wrong with me
Torchic: and i face my problems
Torchic: ALL the fucking time
Torchic: ALLLL the time
Torchic: I never get rest from them
Torchic: Because theres so damn many of them
Torchic: What is your life pristine without any damn problems?
Torchic: Is life effortless for someone as flat and careless as you>?
Torchic: Well tell you what life aint fucking peaches and daiseys for me
Torchic: I've had half my family leave me through death or simply moving on in life, WHILE dealing with the biological VERY STRONG depression that runs on BOTH sides of my family,
Torchic: ONTOP of an incapable school and people who werent doing their part,
?hariZard: I do have problems, I just don't talk about them ALL the time. And I can also tell you I never cry over them.
Torchic: I DONT TALK ABOUT THEM ALL THE FUCKING TIME
?hariZard: You just did
?hariZard: To Kyoob, and now me
Torchic: BECAUSE YOUR TALKING TO ME ABOUT HOW SOFT AND DAMN WEAK I AM
?hariZard: Wow, what's with the caps?
Torchic: I TELL YOU FUCKING WHAT IM SOFT AND WEAK BECAUSE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH WAY MORE THAN YOU EVER HAVE TO
?hariZard: Did I trigger you or something?
Torchic: BECAUSE IM SICK OF YOUR FUCKING SHIT
Torchic: I JUST TRY TO BE YOUR FRIEND
Torchic: AND WHAT TO I GET
Torchic: YOU FUCKING BARRAGE ME WITH DEGRADING LINES
Torchic: 9:55 PM - ?hariZard: My goodness, you're too soft and weak.
?hariZard: Andddd? I'm stateing a fact.
Torchic: AND SOMETIMES
Torchic: YOU DONT NEED TO STATE A GODDAMN FACT
Torchic: KEEP IT TO YOURSELF NUMBNUTS
?hariZard: Go ahead, tell me my problems?
Torchic: YOUR PROBLEMS ARE YOUR AN EMOTIONLESS ASSHOLE
?hariZard: Eh, ok.
?hariZard: That's a start.\
Torchic: It's empty soulless people like you that make this world an awful place
Torchic: And people like me have to put up with it
Torchic: Every
Torchic: Damn
Torchic: Day
Torchic: The best part is
Torchic: You dont even care
Torchic: You dont have the capacity to care
?hariZard: Oh, you do.
Torchic: Im not saying its just you
Torchic: Im saying theres many people like you
Torchic: And you do the world no favors with your act
Torchic: Listen, I've tried months before to help you with your problems, along with my other friends, and it was going quite well
Torchic: When people like you started being notable for your lack of capacity to even care, I was appauled.
Torchic: I couldnt do anything
Torchic: You people couldn't give a care in the world to save your own life
?hariZard: Actually I can.
Torchic: Thats why you so freely comment on people's weaknesses
?hariZard: I woldn'
Torchic: For one I know they exist
Torchic: For two I'm already trying to deal with them,
?hariZard: *I wouldn't be living if I didn't care about my own life.
Torchic: For three drilling at them only makes my life harder.
Torchic: You dont care about your life, you continue to live to fufil your own morbid amusement of whatever color it may be
Torchic: If you died it would only be a minor dissapointment to you
Torchic: you'd fight for your own life, sure
Torchic: But that isnt caring
Torchic: And if you have to ask what is
Torchic: Clearly something's missing
?hariZard: Acutally, since I have a gf in real life. I would rather stay alive keeping her safe.
Torchic: Exactly
Torchic: You dont care about your own life, you only care for someone else and what you can get from them
Torchic: In this case your own girlfriend
?hariZard: That's funny.
?hariZard: I don't think we've met in real life, have we?
Torchic: We haven't
Torchic: That doesn't mean I simply dont exist
Torchic: I'm not just text on a computerscreen
Torchic: You have people that love and care about you
?hariZard: So you can't say a thing about me and how I act when not infrount of a moniter.
Torchic: I don't have to, I know your type, and you act just like them
Torchic: Mindless, heartless, and uncaring.
Torchic: And quite possibly soulless
Torchic: I want to believe theres something in you, I really do. But I'm trying hard to not care for simple fact I know I'll never find anything
Torchic: I cant help someone who cant help themselves
Torchic: I take my problems head-on and look how that worked out for me.
Torchic: I suffer the mental consiquences of nonstop horror of life, and putting up again with the likes of you under the assumption you will somehow and someway give a care
Torchic: As if you were human
Torchic: And yet to no suprise every time they never operate humanely
Torchic: How ironic is it that the average human isn't even self-descriptively human.
Torchic: Perhapse as a species we've devolved.
?hariZard: We never "evolved" in the first place.
Torchic: I didn't even say we evolved. We had what we had and we stepped down a little.
Torchic: now take your low-life inhibiting mindset elsewhere. I don't want it. If all you do as a "friend" is tell me how horrible I am,
Torchic: Then perhapse I was wrong to call you such in the first place.
Torchic: Because thats literally all you've done for me
?hariZard: I never told you how horrible you were!? Like, come on.
Torchic: Other than that you've jsut been 'there'
?hariZard: I've never even cursed at you.
Torchic: Yes you do, you forget your own comments
Torchic: You've commented on my lack of strength, you tell me that i just cry a lot.
?hariZard: Those are facts.
Torchic: you remind me that i am weak
Torchic: and what of them
Torchic: i know them
?hariZard: Those arn't comments
Torchic: what does re-enforcing them in my face help at all
?hariZard: Well, it tells you to stop doing them.
Torchic: someone who has no strength left to even spare some self-supporting thoughts
Torchic: no it doesnt
Torchic: it tells me "grats, your a sad person."
Torchic: You can offer ways for me to stop being sad or attempt to support
Torchic: Flatly stating facts doesnt fix anything
?hariZard: Again, stop thinking so negetively.
Torchic: Its just stating facts
Torchic: Why is thinking negatively the only way then
?hariZard: Oh, it's not
Torchic: Then how about you think positivlehy
Torchic: *Positively
?hariZard: That is to stop taking my words and making them 10x worse than they are.
Torchic: Can you even do that
?hariZard: I can.
Torchic: Then do it more often
?hariZard: Would you like me too?
Torchic: Think positively of me instead of focusing on my negatives like a lowlife who simply calls people out on how horrible they are
Torchic: It's even been studied before,
Torchic: Calling people out on their negatives only makes it worse.
Torchic: In a class of children, one half was commented on their positives and encouraged, they performed well.
Torchic: The other half was called out every time they did something wrong
Torchic: They developed temporary and some of them life-long speach impediments that inhibited their ability to speak
Torchic: rather, when i say speak I mean 'convey thought'
Torchic: Negative commentation literally damages people.
Torchic: not just a figurative way
Torchic: And you think that helps
?hariZard: Words do hurt, but you have called out my problems to me. Yet, why am I not responding the same way you are?
Torchic: I call you out because you called me out
Torchic: I am nice to you otherwise
?hariZard: Because, I rather not waste time thinking on comments that are not even useful to me.
?hariZard: I'm just using that was a example.
Torchic: If you didnt constantly tell me about how sad I am all the time I might not be sad all the time
Torchic: You'll neverlearn though
?hariZard: If you say so.
Torchic: Unless you do
Torchic: In which case you will
Torchic: Start practicing positives already.
Torchic: Go call SwAt sexy or something
?hariZard: That's not positive.
Torchic: It isn't?
?hariZard: That's just, weird, expecially if I say it.
Torchic: You find saying complements weird? Complements regardless of who you are are complements
Torchic: And if someone says their weird then fuck them
?hariZard: Ok, no. "Sexy" is not really the best compliment for just saying out of no where.
?hariZard: Unless I liked Swat, then I might.
?hariZard: I say like as in love.
Torchic: Well say he's cool then
?hariZard: Eh, I rather say it to you.
?hariZard: Matt, your cool.
Torchic: Thanks, I guess
Torchic: But how about Met, whats something you like about him
?hariZard: Um. . .
?hariZard: Well, I like it character and roleplay style.
?hariZard: *his
Torchic: Is he on the server now?
?hariZard: Yep.
Torchic: Then by god, tell him that
?hariZard: Done.
Torchic: Great
Torchic: Now was that so hard?
?hariZard: Nope.
Torchic: Do you feel good about complementing them?
?hariZard: Well, he didn't say anything back.
?hariZard: Soo, no'
?hariZard: I rather help him in some awy.
?hariZard: *way
Torchic: Isn't it the thought that counts at least?
?hariZard: Like, I helped Kyoob fix the server problems.
?hariZard: That made me feel good.
Torchic: But the fact that you might have made Met feel a little better about himself
Torchic: That you might have made him smile a bit
?hariZard: I don't think so. He might have thought it was weir-. . . Whelp.
Torchic: Well, someone walks up to you on the streat and goes "Hey, nice shirt"
Torchic: You might think that it was weird or random,
Torchic: But you certainly are happy to be complemented anyway
Torchic: as is the case with most
?hariZard: But saying it to someone you already know and they know how you act can make them think why they said it. Like, "Maybe the said it so they can ask something from me." Or as friends do, joke around with them.
Torchic: Thats a very cynical way of approaching
Torchic: If you dont end up asking them for anything, then he might just accept it
Torchic: If he asks you why you just say 'Oh, just thought I'd point it out'
?hariZard: To tell you the truth, I don't use words to make people feel better. I use action for that. My words can be hurtful, but I can asure you my actions can benifit you greatly.
Torchic: Well, if it maks up for anything, I feel nice that you complemented me in saying I'm cool. In return, I'll call you cool for calling me cool.
Torchic: Sometimes the best actions are words, ------.
?hariZard: Ok, I know I said your name, but please don't use mine. I won't say yours again.
Torchic: Oh, I figure it better to call you ------ than Tarsa
Torchic: Thought itd be nicer
?hariZard: Not really. It's weird being called my your real name online.
Torchic: Oh
?hariZard: Anyways, I'm going to go back to rping.
?hariZard: You can join if you want.
?hariZard: "I feel unwelcomed"
?hariZard: Don't beeeee
Torchic: Ah... I guess, even with the recent interaction?
?hariZard: If he bans you for a stupid reason, I'll tell him to unban you.
?hariZard: Okay?
Torchic: Alright