Aoba DMMd re:connect Translation

Aoba Dramatical Murder Re:connect:

I used scrap on myself for Ren’s sake, and there I met my older twin brother and another “me”…
We talked about how Ren was struggling because he was a part of me, and exchanged thoughts…
When I opened my eyes, my friends and I were in front of the collapsed Platinum Jail, and then…
The all-mate Ren was there, re-initializing.
At first I thought Ren and I would return home together.
But that wasn’t how it would happen.
Ren’s consciousness had disappeared from the all-mate.
Sei, the other “me”…
everyone had disappeared.
I was alone.
I had to embrace the feeling of some kind of emptiness in my heart as I returned to Kyuujuuminku.
With my empty heart, time passed without anything especially happening.
Even so, I returned to days that were similar to the ones before I went to Platinum Jail…

One year passed.
As the days passed I remembered things that I had thought I’d forgotten.
The memory of the past, that had barely remained.
Bit by bit, fragments came back to me.
In my room. While cooking meals. While in the bath. While sleeping.
Each time I would frantically talk to Grandma about the memories so that I wouldn’t forget them again.
It seemed trivial at times, for some of the fragments were almost impossible to put into words.
But no matter what it was, I felt like I was coming to better understand my past.

T: I see. Bits of your memory…
A: Yeah.
A: Grandma, if you know even the slightest bit about me… I would like you to tell me.
T: …
A: If it’s hard for you to say it, I will wait until you’re able to.
A: But no matter when that is I still feel like I need to know what my past was.
A: No, it’s not that I have to know… I want to know.
A: What happened, I want to know it all. I think if I do, I’ll be able to face myself.
T: …
Grandma stays silent while looking at me with a troubled expression.
Well, of course. Of course she would be troubled if I asked her to answer right away.
Grandma has her own feelings as well, and she might even think it’s better if I don’t know about certain things.
Even so…
I want her to tell me about the me I don’t know.
Grandma finally heaves a sigh.
T: …That’s right. You did think that you have to know on your own, so I don’t have much of a reason to keep it from you anymore.
A: Grandma…
The gratefulness for my Grandma who made up her mind for me grows in my chest.
If it were before Platinum Jail, I’m sure she wouldn’t have told me.
I may not have been able to accept it, either.
T: Even though I say that, I wonder what to say.
A: I, recently I have been having dreams.
T: Dreams?
A: Yeah. It’s probably… dreams about my dad, I think.
A: I can hear the sound of the waves, we’re somewhere on the beach… and from there a shadowed person is calling my name.
A: I think that’s probably my dad. There is also the church, and he sound of chimes.
A: That’s the church that you gave me to, right?
T: Does that dream take place on Midorijima?
A: I think so. I can’t see it as any other place. And it feels nostalgic…
T: Hmm…
T: There is only one church near a beach in Midorijima.
T: The fact that you feel nostalgic about it must mean…
T: That it might be the church where I left you
A: I thought so… Is that church still there?
T: It’s still there as it was… But when everyone was told to evacuate for the building of Platinum Jail, everyone left. There’s no one there anymore.
A: I see…
T: And even so, the fact that you’ve only remembered that….
T: Might mean that it is the right time to talk about everything.
Grandma lowers her head to think, then raises it after a little bit.
That face has strength in it, as though she’s decided on something.
T: The time to talk has finally come.
A: Grandma…
T: Then, shall we talk from the beginning.
T: About your past.
….From then on, through the talk with Grandma, I began to grasp my past that I had forgotten a little more.

Red: “----------, ---------“
Red: “---------, ----------“
Blue: “----------, -----------“
Blue: “---------, ------------“
Repeating, incessant voices.
When I was a kid, the inside of my head was always like this.
Inside my head, someone and someone were endlessly talking.
Those two voices always controlled me from the inside.
Whether I spoke or not the voices didn’t stop.
Chit chat chit chat.
They mostly fought, and sometimes they would talk to me.
I thought of them as….
“friends inside my head”.
A: …Who?
A: The one who’s always talking inside me head, who are you?
Red: I am you.
Blue: I’m you.
A: …
A: Everyone, is me?
Red: That’s right.
Blue: Yes
A: …
A: Why are you always, always talking. It’s noisy.
A: I can’t hear other people’s voices.
Red: That’s fine right, even if you don’t hear them.
Red: Don’t talk to anyone else. Other people, they’re all…
Red: Just enemies.
A: Is that true?
Blue: No, that’s not true.
Blue: What he’s saying is extreme. You can’t stay all alone.
A: …Is that true?
Red: You’re noisy. You, shut up. Don’t interfere. It’s fine.
Red: Everyone is an enemy. We don’t know what they’ll do to us. That’s why…
Red: It’s better to destroy them before that.
A: Destroy?
Blue: You can’t. You have to close your ears to that guy. What he’s saying is wrong.
Red: I’m not wrong. I’m right. I’m you. That’s why what I’m saying it right.
Blue: Wrong. I’m also you. I’m here to make sure you go down the right path. What you’re saying is wrong.
Red: I told you I’m not wrong. I’m right. We need to break them before anything happens. If we do then we won’t get hurt.
Blue: No. You can’t do that. You can’t hole yourself up, you can’t hurt the people around you.
Blue: There are definitely other ways to do things than destroying them. That’s why
Red: That’s why shut up I said you were noisy!
A: …
I could always, always hear the voices.
Chattering.
Noisy.
That’s why I naturally began to shut out the people around me.
Because even if I didn’t talk to the people around me, I always had the “friends” inside my head to talk to.
Because of that I couldn’t hear the voices of the people around me.
At first I could hear them but at some point I lost the strength to listen.
Noisy.
The voices filled my head.
Noisy.
With that feeling, I started to distance myself from the people at the church who had taken me in.
Even if they spoke to me, I wouldn’t give an answer. I was expressionless.
In that time the adults who had looked after me also started to give up.
Most of the children at the church were orphans, and there were also a lot of kids who were adopted.
But a child as unsociable as I was, was of course never adopted.
I didn’t have friends. Which didn’t really matter.
I wasn’t lonely.
Because I had the “friends in my head”.
I was always on my own because of that.
…But.
A: …
Morning, afternoon, night. The time didn’t matter, there were times when I was spurred on by sudden impulse.
I didn’t understand it myself, I didn’t know how to process whether I should cry or yell out…
I ran at those times.
I would leave the church and go outside on my own.
Without putting my shoes on, barefoot.
Like an animal running away from danger on instinct, I would run outside without thinking anything.
When I did, the “friends” would continue to talk but due to my breathing so strongly from running I could barely hear them.
Everything in front of me was like one straight line, and I got further away from what was behind me.
I would pound into the ground and grass, kicking it up, and moved my feet mechanically.
I would run in the forest that surrounded the church… and before long I would leave the forest.
I always reached the beach.
A: Haa haa haa.
I would place my hands on my knees, leaning forward to catch my breath.
The salty breeze would ruffle my hair, and the roar of the waves reached my ears.
I didn’t know myself why I always ended up coming to this place.
Was it by chance, or on purpose.
But…
When I lofted my head to look at the ocean, I would always lose words.
The deep blue spread as far as the eye could reach, and the waves sparkled endlessly…
That spaciousness made me want to cry.
I thought, to think that there was something so pretty.
I could hear the “friend’s” voices as well at that time but I pretended I didn’t.
In exchange, I filled my head with the surrounding scenery and I became a living thing that only stared at the ocean.
I would sit on the sand, wrap my arms around my knees, and enjoy the calming, quiet feeling.
…It’s then that I met that person.
N: Ahh. The ocean is big and wide and amazing after all.
N: Hey, do you like the ocean?
A: …
Suddenly, a voice came from above and surprised, I turned around.
…Who.
I wanted to ask, but my voice wouldn’t come out.
N: The ocean is nice, right. You can feel its endless possibilities. You can look at it forever.
N: But if you really looked at it forever, you would gradually stop being so moved by it.
A: …
N: That’s why I cherish the moment when I think it’s amazing.
N: And I leave on a trip to find that feeling again.
N: When I do that, I can find things that excite me every day.
N: From things this big, to incredibly small.
That person spreads his hands wide and then brings his hands close together in front of his chest.
N: Everything changes, there is not one thing that is the same as another.
N: Well, that’s the reason I came here. But what about you? Because you love the sea? Or
N: To run away from something, is it?
A: …
Without saying anything I looked up at that person, shocked.
I didn’t really understand what I was so surprised about.
Just that this person didn’t have any wariness about him and talked from the depth of his heart, gentle words…
I couldn’t take my eyes away from this person who gave me a strange feeling.
N: Only you can know what you’re running away from.
N: But even I can sympathize with your way of thinking. Because…
N: Those eyes. Like they’re speaking words to me, they’re telling me a lot of things.
That person’s hand touches my head gently. My body shivered.
But I didn’t think that I wanted to run away.
N: …It’s strange. In your eyes there are two contrary colors.
N: You don’t know which is right. Because you don’t know, you can’t choose.
N: You seclude yourself in yourself, at a standstill in that vagueness… Something like that.
N: But it’s a simple thing.
That person thinned his eyes in a smile.
N: There isn’t really anything you don’t know.
N: For example, even if you mess up, there are always ways to fix it.
N: There is no right or wrong choice. In the first place, who decided that there was one choice at all.
A: …
N: In short, you won’t know anything unless you try it.
N: If you don’t move, you’ll be that forever. It’s the same as giving up on everything.
Listening to that person’s words, my body that had been stiff had at some point lost all strength.
The voice that came to me was soft, like the wind from the ocean, and felt like it embraced my whole body.
That person looked steadily into my eyes.
N: …I have the feeling that you’re a bit like the past me. You have the same eyes as the past me. Even though I say past, it was a bit of a while ago.
That person shrugged his shoulders like he was joking and squatted in front of me.
Our eyes met.
N: …Well, you can’t do anything unless you find the words for it.
N: Then, shall we try to take a step forward?
A: …
…Take a step forward?
I didn’t understand what he meant, but I suddenly got scared and shook my head from side to side.
N: It’s okay. I’ll be with you. What’s more is that choices aren’t as scary to make as you think they are.
N: You came to this sea because you wanted something, right?
N: When you look at this ocean, what do you feel?
A: …
N: You came here in order to search for something. Things like this will happen often from now on.
N: That’s not just fun things, it will sometimes be sad and hard things as well.
N: But, no matter how hard or sad things are, they don’t end there.
N: The end is when you think you’ve had enough and give up.
N: The only one who can ever decide that is you. Not fate or someone else.
N: …That’s why
N: It’s not scary, so come out of your own world.
N: It’s okay. Because you can destroy that world at any time.
…destroy.
N: Destroy it, and after that create a new one.
N: There’s no way it could end.
Destroy it, and create a new world.
The “friends in my head” were also always telling me to destroy, but I heard it differently when that person said it.
They were more encouraging, positive words.
N: Hey, what’s your name?
A: …
I had the feeling that I was called something at the church but I could never really hear it so I never memorized it.
I looked troubled up at that person trying to find an answer.
As if he understood what I was trying to say, he nodded and smiled.
N: ..Okay, I’ve decided. I’ll give you the chance for a new life.
N: From now on your name is Aoba.
……… Aoba.
A: …A o ba
N: Aoba, do you want to go with me?
A: ….
A: …..I’ll go
A: I’ll go with you.
For the first time I spoke with my own will.
In order to answer that person.
When I did, the “friends inside my head” suddenly stopped talking.
I only heard the sound of the wind and the waves.
For me that was true peace.
That person nodded like he was satisfied with my answer and picked me up.
N: Then, let’s go. I’ll introduce you to my partner.
A: Partner?
N: Right. I’m sure you’ll become friends right away.
After that I met that person’s… I met dad’s partner.
Basically, my mom.
N: Yaa
H: Ah, Nain! Where were you… eh
H: …
H: That child you’re holding… what happened?
N: I just picked him up from over there.
H: Picked him up!?
N: Yup.
Dad laughed with a smile and bumped me up in his arms.
Suddenly being told that mom’s eyes and mouth went wide with surprise but then changed into amazement.
H: Seriously… You’re always like that, Nain. Always doing something suddenly and unthinkable.
N: This child is called Aoba. I’m thinking of taking him with us.
H: Taking him with us…
H: You’re always so sudden! In the first place, where is that kid from. This could be kidnapping.
N: I think he might be a child from the church over there.
When dad said that mom nodded a couple times like she agreed.
H: Ahh, from the church… I heard that all the kids over there are orphans but
N: Aoba says he wants to come with us as well.
H: That’s why, even so to take him with us so suddenly…
A: I’ll go.
A: Together is good.
H: …
A: Take me with you…
I said that in a faint voice and mom gave a perplexed expression as she thought things through.
She looked straight at me and then leaned towards me.
H: Are you a kid from that church?
I nodded.
H: You don’t want to return to the church?
Again. I nodded.
H: Really? What if we’re really scary people who are going to take you somewhere very far away?
A: …
A: …I’m not scared.
H: Eh?
A: You’re not scary people, so I’m not scared.
H: …
A: Take me with you.
Mom opened her eyes wide and gave a tiny, troubled laugh.
H: …Fuu. If such a cute kid says so even though I know we may not be doing a good thing my heart still sways.
N: I don’t think it’s a problem. It’s fine if we just tell the church later that we want to take him.
H: Hmmmm. Mm… If we don’t ask I don’t know but…
H: Well, but yeah… For the time being if we ask the church, right. Yeah.
As she talked mom nodded many times as though she came to a conclusion.
N: She says. Isn’t that good, Aoba.
A: Yeah.
I smiled and gave a big nod.
Then… I felt like I smiled for the first time in a while.
I was a child so my muscles were still fresh but the expression of smiling still felt new and exhilarating.
Looking at me dad smiled, then mom followed suit.
H: You know, Nain, when he decides something he won’t change his mind. It’s a problem, right?
H: But he doesn’t say wrong things. I believe in that.
H: That’s why is Nain says he wants to take you with him, he must feel something from you.
H: Something that means he shouldn’t leave you alone here.
Mom stretched out a hand and touched my cheek.
H: I somehow feel like you’re a stubborn person like Nain, though. I’m Haruka. Nice to meet you, Aoba.
A: …Yeah
My heart felt light and warm, and I smiled again.
To think that smiling felt this good.
H: Fufu. You can call me “Mom” Or something. Is it too soon?
N: Isn’t it fine? Then, I’m dad.
H: We’re suddenly becoming a family here? How simple~
But mom looked incredibly happy as she said that.
After that there was a lot of talking, and I ended up returning home with mom and dad.
Though I say that, dad was a person from outside the island, so it was more like mom’s house.
There was no lingering affection in me for the church at that time.
I felt a little guilty towards the adults who had looked after me but I felt like there was nothing left for me there.
I wanted to be with these people more.
I wondered where I would go. I wondered what they would show me.
These people are okay.
More than anxiety, I felt expectation as I clung hard to dad’s clothes.
T: ….
T: …What’s with that kid
N: He’s our kid.
H: …
T: …
T: …..
T: ……
T: What the hell are you two saying----!!!!!
…Grandma was at mom’s house.
Of course it’s the same Grandma who I’m living with now.
But mom isn’t really Grandma’s real child.
There were bad feelings between mom’s parents when she was a child and they gradually grew apart.
Knowing that, the distant relative Grandma took mom in.
Mom, who had barely ever talked to anyone, seemed to brighten when she came to this island.
Looking at mom’s current energetic figure you could never have guessed how dark her past was.
Also, that time was before the people were asked to move for the preparations for Platinum Jail, so the house they lived in was not the one Grandma and I live in now.
I really can only just remember it.
T: …. You two came back after just a long time and just as I think you’re about to leave again you do this…!
T: Of all things someone else’s kid…! What kid are you planning to take along!
H: Uhm, you know, mom. This is…
N: His name is Aoba. Isn’t he cute?
T: You kidnap him because he’s cute! Hurry and return hum!
H: Hey mom, please listen!
H: This kid is one of the church’s kids.
T: …Church?
Upon hearing those worse, Grandma who was in a tiffy finally calmed and looked troubled.
T: By church you mean the one near the beach?
N: Right. He was sitting in the sand alone.
Grandma looked at me steadily as I sat in Nain’s arms.
Those eyes were serious, like they were trying to figure something out.
H: Mom, those kids at the church are mostly orphans, right?
H: We don’t know unless we ask but, if this child doesn’t have a family decided for him yet…
H: Is it wrong for us to make him our family?
T: …
H: This kid is also clinging to Nain, he says he wants to go with us and won’t let go.
H: I asked him many times and it seems like he doesn’t dislike the thought of being with us so…
Grandma stared at me silently, not indicating whether she heard mom’s voice or not.
Realizing what she was doing, mom and dad kept quiet and everything became silent.
I wonder how much time passed like that.
Grandma closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh, then looked at me again.
It was different from the surprise she showed before, and she looked resigned.
Not in a bad way. It was a face that looked resolved and prepared to accept fate.
T: …I wonder if this is also fate.
A: ?
Grandma muttered those words quietly and turned her sights to mom and dad.
T: I will contact the church. To tell them that we want to take this child in.
H: …Eh?
H: Eh, mom, does that mean
T: …Hmph
She must not have thought that Grandma would forgive them so easily. Mom looked confused.
N: I thought that if it was Tae-san she would say that. I believed in her.
T: You’re always in good form.
Grandma glared at dad like she thought he wasn’t interesting. But, dad just smiled.
It seems that once Grandma heard that I was a church kid she thought “perhaps”.
Perhaps…
I was the child she left to the church to die because of what had happened at the research institute.
It seems that when Grandma left me to the church she never meant to see me again.
She felt like she had regrettably been part of supporting the research.
It was hard for her to look at me, the victim, and apparently she felt deeply guilty.
What’s more is that even though she quit the research institute, Grandma is a researcher through and through.
She was frightened… that she would end up looking at the experimental child as a research opportunity.
But as if to cut down her fears, I showed up in front of her.
At first she thought that there was no way it could be true, but the more she looked at me, the more convinced she was.
This is the kid that she brought to the church.
When Grandma realized that, she decided immediately to take me in.
It also seemed like mom’s determined face was part of the reason.
Mom was beaten by her parents as a kid and because of that it was impossible for her to have children.
That’s why looking at my mom who was so desperate about me she had a hard time denying her.
To be connected again like this after being cut off once.
Grandma said she couldn’t think of it as anything but fate.
There was regret and guilt regarding me but, she seemed to think…
that that was one reason why she should help raise me.
….Like that, me, mom, dad, and grandma started our life together.
After that, the rumor started to flow about Platinum Jail’s construction ideas and the need for everyone to move off of the island.
In the flow, we left Kyuujuuminku and moved to the house we’re living in now.
A: Ahahah ahaha!
N: Hey Aoba, wait!
A: I don’t want to, I’ll get caught!
H: Ah! Hey Aoba! You’re not wearing clothes and your hair is dripping! Nain, what are you doing~
N: Well, when I went to dress him he ran away. It’s hard to catch such a nimble little thing.
H: Heyyyy, the floor will get wet! You have to have a towel.
N: I’ll go get one, you’re in the middle of dinner preparations, right?
H: Yeah. Then, Nain, please.
N: Yup.
A: Grandma, what are you making?
T: Hm? When you properly get dressed, dry your hair, and set the table I might tell you.
A: Really?
T: Of course. Today is something Aoba loved. So hurry up. You’ll catch a cold if you stay like that.
A: Wa-
N: Haruka, here. This is a towel for the floor. Aoba, you use this towel. I also brought your clothes.
H: Thanks, Nain.
H: Hey, Aoba. Come here. First we have to dry your head and body.
A: Ahahah, it tickles my hair~
H: It doesn’t hurt?
A: Nope, I’m fine.
H: I’m glad. There, now for your clothes. Can you do it yourself?
A: I can!
H: I see. You’re so talented, Aoba. After you put your clothes on, set the table okay?
A: Okaay!
A: …Okay… ther.
N: I’m going to go get changed too. If I stay in just one towel like this I’ll probably catch a cold.
H: Have fun. It’ll be dinner soon.
N: Right.
A: Grandma! I put my clothes on!
T: Ahh…ah?
T: Aoba, your pajama buttons are all out of place.
A: Eh?
T: …There, now it’s okay.
A: Thanks, Grandma!
T: Just be careful next time.
A: Yeah!
T: Great answer! Then, shall I tell you tonight’s dinner?
A: Yeah!
T: Today is Aoba’s favorite meat and potato stew!
A: Meat and potato stew?
T: We have brown sugar mocha for dessert.
A: Yay~! …Ah, but
A: …did you put milk in?
T: I didn’t.
H: Aoba doesn’t like milk, huh.
A: Uu…
H: You should try to learn to drink it kay? Or else you won’t grow big.
A: U~… I’ll do my best.
T: Haha, there there. You’re a good kid. I’ll put the food on the table.
H: Aoba, can you set the plates and chopsticks?
A: Yes-!
Grandma, dad, mom, me.
None of us are related by blood.
But we were family.
But there was so much warmth there that it was like we were related by blood.
At first I was nervous after all, I couldn’t talk a lot and I was hesitant.
But Grandma, dad, and mom were all so nice.
When things were fun everyone would laugh, when I did something wrong I would get scolded rightfully…
Before I knew it it became naturally for me to be loud and laugh and it was inevitable that I would run around the house.
The “friends in my head” that I always heard at the church didn’t make a sound anymore.
I never knew what it was like to actually be blood related to family but…
Even so my chest filled with pride.
Grandma, dad, and mom were my unmistakable family.
Spending time with other people like that together was so much fun.
Really… it was fun.
Grandma, dad, and mom made me who I am today.
They’re all people I love.
As I got more used to living my life in Kyuujuuminku, mom and dad started leaving the house for trips more often.
Dad was always the type of person to wander around aimlessly on trips and when he stopped by this island he met mom.
Since then they had been traveling together.
At the shortest they would leave for three days. That would get gradually longer, and the time they spent at the house would get shorter.
As a child in my childish mind I thought that they might disappear like that someday.
But I tried as hard as I could not to think about that.
Of course there were times where I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I would get sadder and sadder each time I did.
Mom and dad will disappear.
It was inevitable but I wasn’t mature enough yet to accept it.
I would tell Grandma that I was “lonely” when they left and Grandma would always show a complicated expression.
I got sad looking at that face so I tried not to say I was lonely too often.
One night after mom and dad had gone on many short trips.
I was in the bath with dad and he told me a story about his trips.
Dad’s stories, which I could never tell if they were reality or dreams, were always interesting and exciting.
They may have been made up but to me either was fine.
It was more fun than anything to hear these stories that I would never have imagined on my own.
I loved playing in those imaginary sceneries.
N: …At that time, a butterfly larger than my hand stopped on the tree branch.
A: Butterfly? It was bigger than dad’s hand? …This big?
N: Bigger than that. Maybe like this.
A: Wa, that’s huge~! That’s a robot right? There’s no such thing as a butterfly that big.
N: It wasn’t a robot, it was the real thing. The wings were pure blue and it was incredibly beautiful.
N: The butterfly flew lightly through the air. Then it landed on Haruka’s hair.
A: Eh? Mom’s? Was mom okay?
N: Of course! A butterfly won’t do anything. It just took a break in Haruka’s hair.
A: He~. Was mom surprised?
N: She was surprised, but happy. She said it was like a pretty hair piece.
A: Was it pretty?
N: Yeah. It really suited Haruka.
A: That’s nice!~~
N: I wanted to show Aoba that butterfly. But it would have been sad if I took it away.
A: Yeah, sad.
N: It would be nice if you could go see it someday.
A: Yeah! With dad, mom, and Grandma too!
N: That’s nice too but… I want Aoba to go together with someone who’s important to him when he’s older.
N: With someone other than mom, dad, and grandma.
A: Eh~? Why? I like it with everyone.
N: It’s like that now. But someday I’m sure you’ll meet someone who you really treasure.
A: Is that true?
N: Yes. Like mom and dad.
A: Dad, what do you love about mom?
N: Everything.
A: Everything?
N: Yup. Her looks, her personality, and how she’s usually nice, but the part of her where she also won’t listen to what others say, how her will is strong, but how she can actually be lonely, everything.
A: How did you come to like her?
N: It was decided by nature. Mom and I had that kind of fate.
A: I see~
N: At first, mom was sitting on the sand like Aoba was. With her knees like this.
N: I asked her what was wrong when I saw her.
N: She had eyes that were sad and hurt like Aoba’s.
A: Is that so?
N: Yup. No matter what I said to mom, she stayed quiet. It was like I was talking to myself, she was so holed up in her world.
N: That’s why I told her to hurry and come out of that place.
N: I would take her with me.
N: Then her expression changed. Her hurt eyes regained a bit of their light.
N: Then, she told me there were two people who told her that.
N: Me and grandma.
N: It’s strange. If I think about it like this, Aoba and mom are exactly alike.
A: Yeah. That’s because I love mom.
N: Haha, I see.
A: But you’re saying that I will find someone who I love more than dad, mom, and grandma?
N: That’s right. That person is different from us. It will be a person who will make a new world with you.
A: A new world?
N: Right. Just like this house and us are for Aoba, the new person will become your light.
N: You can see a lot of places with that person, see a lot of things, cry, laugh, get mad. You can do a lot of things.
N: Like that all of those experiences will become irreplaceable.
A: Is that so…?
N: Haha. Maybe it’s still a little hard to understand for you.
A: But I still want to see the butterfly with dad, mom, and grandma.
N: That’s right. That will become an important memory as well so let’s go someday.
A: Yeah!

…That promise still hasn’t been fulfilled.
Dad and mom started leaving the house even more…
And I started to think that it was almost time.
Maybe Grandma also had predicted it.
Because of that prediction the days where I couldn’t calm down continued.
I felt uneasy, like I had lost something.
It didn’t become like the past, but I started curling up inside myself more than I had done in a while.
That’s why when dad told us himself Grandma and I weren’t really surprised.
N: Next is…
N: We don’t really know when we’re going to return next.
A: Eh…
T: …
T: Does that mean you don’t have a plan to return right now?
N: …yeah.
At Grandma’s question, dad smiled a little like he was troubled.
They had no intention to return.
I had the feeling that those words were hiding behind dad’s smile.
There was the rumor that there were restrictions being put in place about Midorijima’s border.
If that was true, then they wouldn’t be able to return once they left.
I know dad would leave while knowing that but even so… it was sad.
Dad traveled all around before coming to this island, and there wasn’t really a place he had lived in before it.
Three years had passed in which I’d lived with everyone.
It was his first time being in one place for so long.
I heard from dad that is was because he met mom, Grandma, and me.
But that doesn’t mean we could hold him back because we were there.
T: Are you really going?
N: Yeah. I want to go and see a lot more places. No, I have to.
N: In order to hear a lot of voices.
A: …voices?
N: Right, voices.
Dad smiled.
H: Mom, I’m sorry.
When mom apologized, Grandma lapsed into a troubled silence.
It seemed like she had told dad not to take mom if it was going to be a long trip.
Stay on the island.
I heard that even though she was sad, mom had nodded once in agreement.
But of course on the actual day, she would have to listen.
In the end dad would be shot down.
Grandma would surely oppose mom leaving, and that would never change.
H: Mom…
Mom looked really apologetic and sad.
I…
would be really sad when mom and dad left, so much so that I felt like I would drop into a deep hole.
But I also felt that this was a step forward that I needed to take.
…I knew that I couldn’t stop dad.
If possible, I wanted him to always stay in this house but I knew it was impossible.
Dad would leave the island for his own sake.
The only one who could stop him would be himself… that’s what I thought.
That’s why I shouldn’t stop them.
Just like dad wished, with mom too.
I was anxious to think of what would happen if mom were to be pulled away from dad.
These two were one as two.
That’s why…
A: …
I didn’t want to let them go. I wanted them by my side.
…No. I couldn’t hold them back.
Just like when the “friends in my head” would talk, two feelings were whirring around inside of me.
I couldn’t really sort them out and I clung to Grandma’s clothes.
Grandma looked town at me with furrowed brows, clenching her jaws.
A: Grandma…
T: Aoba…
Looking at me Grandma must have thought “I can’t let those two go.
But that wasn’t right.
They had to go. It was better if they did.
I was troubled, pained, and confused by the contradictory feelings.
I was completely worried…
I looked up at Grandma and shook my head from side to side.
T: …
I want to let them go.
That’s what I wanted to tell her.
No matter how lonely I would be or how hard it would be, It would be bad to stop them.
Grandma looked at me with a bit of surprise in her face but then she looked to mom and dad.
T: …Haa
T: Seriously. If Aoba even gives me that face, I can’t say that I can’t let you go.
H: Mom! That means…
T: If you really must go. You would leave even if I tried to stop you anyway.
T: It would leave a bad aftertaste if that happened, so I won’t do it.
H: Mom…
N: …Thank you.
Mom looked moved to tears, dad looked at Grandma full of thanks.
T: Hmph
Grandma turned away and I pulled on her clothes again.
A: Grandma, let’s wait for mom and dad together, ok?
T: …
A: Dad and mom will return, right?
I kind of knew that they wouldn’t really return.
But I wanted it to happen to I said it.
I said it… in the flow just like the wave of unsettledness I felt inside of me.
Grandma furrowed her brow for just a second and then pulled her lips in tight and nodded.
T: Yeah.
Then she turned to look hard at dad again.
T: Nain. I’m leaving Haruka to you.
N: Right.
T: Don’t leave her alone or let her go through any tough situations.
N: Of course. Haruka is my partner. I’ll protect her.
T: Haruka, you too.
T: It’s something you decided on your own. So make it so you don’t regret it.
H: Right.
Hearing their answers Grandma looked down and away.
T: …But
T: This is your house. If you’re tired, come home any time.
N: …Yeah.
H: Thank you, mom…
…Then mom and dad left on a long trip.
I was surprised at how empty the house felt when the two of them weren’t there.
A little bit after mom and dad left the house I cried.
Before I even realized how sad I was, the tears had started falling, I couldn’t stop them.
As I was crying, I finally realized that “I’m sad without them”.
Before that I knew I was sad but I didn’t know the reason, and the emotion rushed forward.
The sense of losing something important spread… and I cried in pain and sorrow.
As I cried in the living room, Grandma held me tight.
Grandma’s body was soft and kind and a nostalgic smell I knew well wafted forward.
A: Uuu, Uwaan. Mom, dad… Ugusu uu~…
T: You have to bear it, Aoba.
T: I have to hold back with something like this.
A: Uu… u…
T: There will be a whole lot more of sad things and things you don’t like in this world.
T: But you can’t lose to them. You have to take those feelings in and continue forward.
A: Un…
T: If you want to cry, cry. Cry lots and lots, and when you get tired sleep.
T: As you repeat that, the sadness will go away little by little.
T: There may be things that make you want to cry right away but…
T: But you know, that will repeat as long as you live. Going forward like that means you’re human.
T: How you’re going to go forward, the only one who can make the decision on what paths to take, is only you.
T: Only you can decide if you can or can’t do it.
T: If you think like that, it won’t be the end. You’re always the one who can create a path forward.
A: Grandma…

N: It’s not scary, so come out of your own world.
N: It’s okay. Because you can destroy that world at any time.
N: Destroy it, and after that create a new one.
N: There’s no way it could end.
N: ..Okay, I’ve decided. I’ll give you the chance for a new life.
N: From now on your name is Aoba.

Aoba, Aoba, and Aoba.
The friends inside my head.
This is something I heard from Grandma but…
The main Aoba that is me may be “reason”.
Red: Don’t talk to anyone else. Other people, they’re all…
Red: Just enemies.
This guy is “desire”…
Blue: No, that’s not true.
Blue: What he’s saying is extreme. You can’t stay all alone.
This guy is deterrence… Ren.
I took on the role of “reason” Rather, I controlled it.
But in reality, “desire” had a far away capacity for strength.
For example, my “reason” could have fragments of “desire” in it.
“Desire” was always in disorder and always tried to pursue pleasure.
That’s why “reason” felt like he had to control it.
But once “desire” started to overflow, “reason” became completely enveloped.
So that wouldn’t happen to “reason” there was “deterrence”… Ren was born.
This is something that happens inside of everyone, but it’s rare that people have it split like I do.
Sei and I were born as designer experimental babies for Toue.
Immediately after we were born data was taken from us, tubes were stuck in us, and we were surrounded by people who only saw us as research material.
Furthermore, we had the power called scrap.
I wonder if that was actually a burden… but it wasn’t yet formed in a baby’s mind.
I split myself into personalities, and so that I didn’t have to bear all the burden made “3 people” to protect me.
Sei scattered his consciousness all around to protect its largeness.
“Reason”.
“Desire”.
“Deterrence”.
They are all there just to protect my heart.
I tried to capture and control “desire”.
But I didn’t need to.
That guy is me too…
And is nothing but something that was born to protect me.
None of them are bad guys.
They each have their own roles, and struggle to protect me.

N: From now on your name is Aoba.
A: …A o ba.
…Aoba.

…Aoba.
A: …Eh?
T: What’s wrong, you suddenly turned around.
A: No… I just felt like someone was calling me just now.
T: No one called you.
A: I see.
After finishing her long speech, Grandma takes a deep breath and stands.
T: I’m thirsty. Shall I put on some tea.
A: Can I help with something?
T: You can sit.
A: Okay.
I sit on the couch and sink into it, trying to sort out everything that Grandma has told me up until now.
There are a lot of things that I remembered, but a lot of things that still aren’t clear memories.
But to me, even if we’re not blood related, mom and dad are incredibly important to me…
and I can’t think of them as anything other than the people who helped to make me me.
Of course if Grandma wasn’t with mom and dad I wouldn’t be the same.
If I hadn’t been able to control the parts of myself, I may have been swallowed up by them.
According to Grandma, dad was also one of Toue’s experiments.
He ran away, and maybe that’s why he can’t stay in one place for too long.
But I don’t think that that’s the only reason why dad travels like that.
He said that he wants to see a lot of places. In order to hear a lot of voices.
Dad has his own reasons and goals.
Thinking that, I can see the strange strength in all the words that dad said.
Because he can understand people’s pain and suffering he can say such heavy words full of warmth.
A little bit before… the thing at Platinum Jail happened, I think I was about to be swallowed by the parts of me.
But a lot of people lent me their strength and I could overcome it.
Grandma, the friends who helped me, Sei.
Mom, dad. Ren.
It’s not about what was wrong or bad, because a lot of things are happening, this world can move forward.
It’s different for everyone everywhere and no one knows what will happen.
But even so in order to continue forward we have stand strongly by “what we believe in”.
I believed in dad’s words.
I started from there.
Even now dad’s words still live inside me.
A lot of things happened for me to get here, I shouldn’t think of it in a bad way, most of it was fate and my own decisions…
That’s why I don’t want to look backwards, I want to be thankful for what I have here.
Then, I hope I can become an existence who let’s other people think that way as well.
…Mom and dad.
I want to see them…
I haven’t even seen a picture to remember them by. I wonder if Grandma has one?
T: What’s wrong, you have a serious face.
Grandma looks at me as she sets steaming tea cups on the table.
A: …Grandma. Do you have anything to remember mom and dad by, like a picture?
T: I don’t have a picture. But someone does have something to remember them by.
A: Who?
T: You do.
A: Eh?
I sit up straight on the couch and look at Grandma.
A: What are you talking about?
T: The necklace around Ren’s neck.
A: Eh… that syringe?
A: That’s… a memory?
T: Yeah. You may not remember though.
T: When you were a child you hated syringes. You always cried so loudly when we went to the hospital.
T: That’s why in order to make it so that you hated it a little less he gave it to you.
T: There’s ocean water from Midorijima inside of it, instead of thinking of it as something you hate, you could think of it as having something you loved inside of it.
T: Well, it was a silly talk that was like him.
T: But the fact that you put it around Ren’s neck…
T: Must be pure chance that you forgot about it.
Saying that Grandma laughs gently.
I’m “reason” there’s “desire” and Ren is “deterrence”.
“Deterrence” was born so that “reason” didn’t get swallowed but “desire”.
Ren was born to protect me.
I had completely forgotten that the accessory I put on Ren was from dad.
To think that I put a present from dad on Ren who was born to protect me…
It may be a strange coincidence after all.
T: Speaking of which, I got a post card from somewhere today.
A: Postcard?
A postcard is really retro.
You’ll hear of close friends or old people sending them sometimes, so it must be from one of Grandma’s friends.
Grandma goes into the kitchen, takes a piece of paper off the table, and then come back.
T: …
As if to make certain of the sender, Grandma shoves it towards me.
A: Hm? For me?
T: You’ll know if you look.
Even though she says that I don’t know anyone who would send me a postcard…
A little confused, I take the postcard.
There is only the address to here and no name from a sender.
Grandma said I’ll know if I look, but where?
I turn over the postcard…
and my eyes widen.
…A blue butterfly.
The blue butterfly completely fills up the postcard.
It’s so vivid it looks like it will fly out of the page.
N: The wings were pure blue and it was incredibly beautiful.
N: The butterfly flew lightly through the air. Then it landed on Haruka’s hair.
A: …
Looking at the blue butterfly in that blue sky, the sender could be anyone.
…But I knew who it is right away.
I bite my lip and look at Grandma and Grandma laughs a little.
T: There’s only one person who would send a postcard to us like this.
A: …Ahaha
Dad, mom, and Grandma.
After that, I ‘ll go see a large blue butterfly with my special person.
That promise hasn’t come true yet.
But it may someday.
I think I’ll wait for that day to come.
I’ll wait for them to return to this house again.
Until then I’ll make this postcard into a memory as well.
…for mom and dad who are still somewhere on this earth.