U tmhq m bgllxq rad kag /n/. Uf etagxp nq rmudxk euybxq rad bqabxq ar kagd mnuxufk.
I have a puzzle for you /b/. It should be fairly simple for people of your ability

U fgdz baxmd nqmde itufq
mzp U iuxx ymwq kag odk.
U ymwq sgke tmhq fa bqq
mzp sudxe oayn ftqud tmud.
U ymwq oqxqndufuqe xaaw
I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look

 efgbup
mzp zadymx bqabxq xaaw xuwq oqxqndufuqe.
U fgdz bmzomwqe ndaiz
mzp ymwq kagd otmybmzq ngnnxq.
Ur kag ecqqlq yq, U'xx bab.
Ur kag xaaw mf yq, kag'xx bab.
Omz kag sgqee ftq duppxq?
stupid and normal people look like celebrities. I turn pancakes brown and make your champane bubble. If you sqeeze me, I'll pop. If you look at me, you'll pop. Can you guess the riddle?

Lzw ujwslmjw sllsucwv, zak lwfvgfk wphgkwv, al'k tgfwk s vsjc tjgof. Al sllsucwv Eauzswd, sfv caddwv zae. Hdwskw, vgf'l yg lg lzw ujqhlk gx lzw ualq gx datwjlq. - Nmfvg
The creature attacked, his tendons exposed, it's bones a dark brown. It attacked Michael, and killed him. Please, don't go to the crypts of the city of liberty. - Vundo

Original poster here, with one more hint. You found the address. but when you arrive and find what is I want you to, you'll see something horrible. 怜悯。

Distances from you to certain cities are written below.
BERLIN 200 miles
PARIS 300 miles
ROME 400 miles
AMSTERDAM 300 miles
CARDIFF ??? miles
How far should it be to Cardiff ?

"The cicadas will sing."