Benjamin and the Magical Feminine Penis
A character study by J Dilla Salinger

It was the breast of times and it was the wurst of times. Benjamin awoke one crisp autumn morning to check the results of the previous Presidential erection. He knew that he would be “pleased” with the results, as he spent the last few nights deep in a meth-induced prayer. With a squeal, he jumped off his bed and ran 1 meter to his computer to check the results.
He saw the winner was [REDACTED TO PRESERVE THE APOLITICAL NATURE OF THIS TEXT]
“Time to celebrate*”
And thus Benjamin ordered as many hookers as he could find on Esty. However, due to his Mom’s credit card maxing out, he could only order one hooker. She arrived 30 minutes later, hot and ready like a sexual Papa John’s pizza. Benjamin, being the virgin that he is, nervously whispered a quick prayer to KEK while grasping his 4chan-brand rosary (anal) beads before answering the door.
What Benjamin saw was more man than women. Standing 6ft tall and with the shoulders of a football player (both American and European), the She-man knelt down and spoke to him.
“Hi, I’m Zooey. Are you ready?”
“Y-you have very broad…”, Benjamin squirmed.
“Thank you, I like being a broad.”
“S-shoulders, I mean.”
“It’s okay. I’m a Traditional Republican™, just like you.”
Zooey, using her hormonal strength, picked up Benjamin and hurled him across the room. Then, closing the door behind her, Zooey began to [REDACTED TO PRESERVE 4CHAN’S WHOLESOME FAMILY VALUES]
“How does it feel to have been with a Post-Modern woman?”, asked Zooey, while she lit herself a vape.
“At first it was pretty edgy, but now it just feels phony*”, Benjamin looked out into the night sky.
“Sincerity is for old people. That’s just the way it is.”
It was then that Benjamin came up with the idea for a kind of sincerity for the newer generations. He decided to call it Sincerity for the Newer Generations. His movement failed the next day when he was diagnosed with aids.
THE END?
*- Guess the book.