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MoistAdventure

Charon doesn't care-on.

Feb 19th, 2016
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  1.  
  2.  
  3. You opened your eyes.
  4. Where were you? You can only see gray.
  5.  
  6. "Um, excuse me, sir?"
  7. You could hear a girl's voice to your left.
  8. You turn your head to face it.
  9.  
  10. There's a pale-blue skinned girl kneeling next to you, holding a paddle.
  11. "I'm sorry to intrude your sleep, but we have to leave ferry soon."
  12.  
  13. ...
  14.  
  15. Did she just pun you?
  16.  
  17. She helps you off your feet and directs you to a flimsy looking wooden raft that can only seat two people.
  18.  
  19. She steps on the raft, and motions for you to hop on.
  20. "I would really prefer it if you would stop lumbering around."
  21.  
  22. ...she just punned you again.
  23.  
  24. Still reeling from that pun-ch, you step on the raft and sit down.
  25.  
  26. ---------
  27.  
  28. After a few minutes, the girl asks how you died.
  29.  
  30. "I was stabbed to death," you tell her.
  31.  
  32. "Wow. You got to the point fast."
  33.  
  34. ....
  35.  
  36. *UGHHH.*
  37.  
  38. ----------
  39.  
  40. How long has this paddle-raft ride lasted?
  41. It's certainly lasted longer than your River Dyx.
  42. Which is to say, quite long.
  43.  
  44. Damn it, now you're starting to get all punny, too.
  45.  
  46. ----------
  47.  
  48. You decide to ask this girl what her name is.
  49.  
  50. "Charon. And don't tell me yours, because I don't really Chare-on."
  51.  
  52. ...
  53.  
  54. URRGHGGBHBHGHGHGHGH
  55.  
  56. ----------
  57.  
  58. "What kind of wood is this raft made out of?" You ask her.
  59.  
  60. "I don't know. It seems to float oak-ay, though."
  61.  
  62. [reader booing]
  63.  
  64. -----------
  65.  
  66. "So who stabbed you?" She asks.
  67.  
  68. "Some guy who was hiding behind a pine tree."
  69.  
  70. "Wow. How did you not see him?"
  71.  
  72. "Dunno. I thought he was a friend of pine- I mean, mine. Fuck."
  73.  
  74. *tomatoes pelt the author.*
  75.  
  76. ------------
  77.  
  78. After what feels like eternity, you finally reach the other side of the River Dy-
  79. -Styx, I meant.
  80.  
  81. You say thanks to Charon and say goodbye.
  82.  
  83. "Bye, son," she says.
  84.  
  85. ...What?
  86.  
  87. "Get it, like bison?" She says, giggling.
  88.  
  89. Oh for fuck's sake.
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