Fukan Fuukei Final

"...Have you ever longed for the outside world for a long time? For so many years that you lose touch with reality? I hated, despised, and feared the outside world. I was overlooking it all the time. After a while, my eyes became weird. I was in the sky above that garden, and was overlooking the world below. It was a feeling like my eyes were flying around while my body and mind were still here. But since I can't move from here, all I can do is to overlook the area around here.”...


"Let me ask you one more thing. Why did you admire the sky? You hated the outside world."
That's probably because...
"There is no end to the sky. I thought there would be a world I wouldn't hate if I could go as far as I wanted, if I could fly as far as I wanted."
The voice asks me if I found that world.
My chill does not stop. I tremble as if someone's shaking me, and my eyes are getting hotter.
I nod.
"...Every night, I feared I wouldn't be able to wake up the next day, I was scared I wouldn't live until tomorrow. I knew I wouldn't have the strength to wake up if I fell asleep.
“The days like a tightrope were only filled with fear of death. But because of that, I could feel that I was alive.
“I could only smell death every day, but to live, only that smell was reliable.
“Since I am nothing but a discarded shell, I can only feel alive when I am facing death."
That's right. That is why I like death more than life.
To fly anywhere, to go to anywhere I want...
"You took my boy as a companion to death?"
"No. At that time, I didn't know. I was attached to life and I wanted to fly while being alive. I should have been able to do so with him."
"You and Shiki are similar. You guys have a bit of salvation in that you guys both chose Kokuto. It's not a bad thing to search for the feeling of being alive in someone else."
Kokuto. I see, so that Shiki person came to take him back.
I guess my savior was also my death. I have no regret in that though.
"That person is really childish. He is always so straight. That's why he should be able to fly to anywhere he wants if he tries.
“... I wanted for him to take me."
My eyes are hot. I don't get it, but I'm probably crying.
Not because I'm sad... If I could really go somewhere with him, how much happiness would that have been? It's something that wouldn't come true, because it's a dream that shouldn't come true, that's why it's so beautiful that it makes me cry. That is the only dream I've had in the past few years.