He came from Reddit said he’d just left college,
Had a PC but was looking for knowledge
On /v/
For the Wii
He told me that his rig was bloated
I said “in that case can it run Crysis?”
He said “Sure”

And then in sixty seconds time, he said
I want to play with console gamers
I want to do whatever console gamers do
I want to call other console gamers
I want to call other console gamers’
Moms whores
Well his thread was a bore
But I said “Let’s find you a PS4”

I linked him to a page on GameStop
It’s quite expensive
And the price was better elsewhere
But he bought it there

I told him console games cost money
He just laughed and said
“Fucking buyfag”
I said “Yeah?
Well I don’t see any custom firmware in here”

(Are you sure)

You want to play with console gamers
We’ve got exclusives but they’re often lamer,
You want to play with console gamers
You want to play with console gamers
On /v/

But he didn’t understand
He said “I want to play Mario land”

Locked at thirty eff pee ess
No sales to make the games cost less
Locked at seven twenty pee
Only shit games ever free

You have to pay to get online
The player base, it always whines
Yeah we might have some great games
And the price for ease is it’s all the same

You’ll never play with console players
You’ll never suffer like console players do
You’ll never spend like console players
You’ll never adjust your field of view
And update, and patch, and lag
And call the other players fags

Pick a side with the console gamers
Pick a side just as long as it’s not Wii U
Get mad in the console flame-wars
Get mad even though they’re trolling you
And the stupid thing that you do
Because you think brand loyalty’s cool

I want to play with console gamers on /v/ (repeat)