Ancient Wargods of Pizza

The mutant wastes of Cascade were well known for having all sorts of ruins and relics and artefacts to be salvaged by any crawlers. Terry and his gang of crawlers were making their way through the place, having to bypass the lethal karabiner trees surrounding one particularly interesting mound of sand, called such because when they break, you die. Beyond the mound, some old, intact structures lie, and ancient objects confounding modern humanity lie in varying states of disrepair. The first big find was inside an ancient locomogo, this one reduced only down to its metal parts like the chassis and engine, its colorful firmoplast shell and leather bucket seats rotted away or consumed by the grey plague long ago.

Inside the wreckage was an ancient hatebox, with a metal frame and single glassen door to peer inside whatever you wanted to watch suffer or whatever you needed cleansed with shock heat that'd go through the coils. It had the little removable prison bars, but they were bent, at least it could be used to carbon the chow bread rations they brought with them. Kel-E was able to remove the protrusion from the gonecrete, a metal pole device some historians claim were used to measure your wealth relative to the position of the bright star, long before the dark star showed up. Most folks called em ugly poles nowadays, because getting hit with that 4 foot pole of metal with the knobbly bits at the end would render one ugly, or uglier. Good tool for fending off humanitants, truly a prize worth keeping. It even had metal jangler discs still inside for a more satisfying whack. Scavenging forth, Terry's historian came across what they hoped was an ancient record that hadn't been discovered before, but alas, it was another marker, "PO BOX" and numbers too worn to make out.

It wasn't until the evening that they made the strangest discovery. The building was roofless, the doors gone, mostly all that stood was walls, but inside were relics untouched by the plagues or the coming of the dark star or the fireshrooms of the first age. Truly bizarre, the gang had to have any smashing tendencies whipped out of them by the historian who sought to preserve the ancient artefacts, so that a proper seer could discern their function and purpose with as little life loss as possible. Strange cones of paper with outlandish designs of mutants that wouldn't have existed at the time, but also with undistorted bodies. Purple long-ears, yellow beakiners, a mutilated red cunning lurker missing eye and hand, and most prominent a brown burler adorned with some strange fashion and a metal screaming stick.

The paper cones were only the first find as well, presumed to be some form of projectile or carrying device from the waxy coating and holes for mounting handles. Margar was the first to find the second great discovery, even with their vision hindered from the cone testing striking his fleshy look-orb. Under one of the tables looked to be a bunch of firmoplast shells resembling the four creatures emblazoned on the cones, the shells seeming to be fitted for children, or skelebonical robonic-types. The shells seemed quite reinforced and looked to have into-his/herface wires for bionic or robonic implants, truly bizarre were the rusted bars of metal that could squeeze a developing humanity or numanity skull into a shape similar to the treacharous wormman-style shape. Otherwise the helmet head cans were only for robonicals.

Was this some sort of training grounds of the robonical types? Or perhaps to train children in the art of ancient war? More relics would need to be looked into to discern the purpose of this unharmed structure. The layout's purpose would be lost to time, but not its remaining secrets as Historian Dayver had the pained Marger to sift through the rubble of another part of the building with his somewhat crushed arms, having been forced to try on the shell parts of the yellow beakiner on his forearms and pained hands. The crucial discovery of the past was found here, two badly dented shells with occupants still inside. Removing the helmet of the red cunning lurker revealed a robonic skull inside, damaged firmoplast domes over its glassen nail head eyes, though clearly not functional. More shocking was it had two eyes despite the shell having a flap over one, triangular ears as well. Inside the helmet of the brown burler helmet however was a rather dusty and badly damaged humanity skull, bars having crushed in the sides and top, bone chips here and there from ancient times.

With the evidence and further testing, it was discerned by the seer of shine, the recorder of wrath, Historian Dayver the high rowed fint, that the facility was clearly a training ground, using the paper cones and the firmoplast shells, four combatants would represent ancient gods of war, striking one another as the shells' tightness would ensure even the gentlest of taps would cause agony in the other combatants, be they human, numan, robonic or otherwise. Whomever could cause their opponent to yield would then crown the loser with the visage of the god, forced into further agony and kept alive by the into-his/herface wires sending their healing implants into overdrive as they were made to suffer physically and mentally in shame of their defeat. The crown of the brown burler crushing the skull as tribute to the dullard god of primal screaming. The crown of the red cunning lurker handicapping the wearer as tribute to their feeble body requireing intellect to win rather than physical might. The crown of the yellow beakiner to smash the wearer's jaw in tribute to the eternal hunger of the beakiner deity. And finally, the crown of the purple long-ear removing the eyelids and much of the face in tribute to the ever-watching, ever-sensitive perception skills of the long-ears.

Historian Dayver recorded the incredible findings in his log with pictures as Terry and his gang started to gather up as much of the robonic parts and firmoplast shells as they could to trade for food and soil when they'd return to Junker Hub Cave.