One-Shot: Slice of Life/ Tabletop Anon

I mixed together four one-shot requests into one and came out with this.

>Day tippidy tables in Equestria
>You were playin on the table topples.
>Luna had an army of Celestial Worshipers, while you were playing your usual Elder God set.
>Of course, this far into the game, you'd already converted a quarter of her minions through morale breaks.
“Lu, why aren't you running your usual faction set?  This is getting a little embarrassing.”
>The mare in question cringed, surveying the field of once-worshippers that she'd have to slaughter to get to Anon's hero.
>”Our sister did speak highly of her minion's synergistic healing factor, mayhaps I've played poorly against a main counter.”
“Is this because Starswirl got nerfed?  I know he's only summoning three dancing blades instead of four, but the guy's still deadly.”
>”The entire point of Starswirl was to enter the fray unaided, carving a path for his long-range oriented minions.  Now they expect him to get assistance from those with life points too low to last a turn.”
>She grumbled to herself, mumbling “nerfed my waifu.”
>You chuckled.  Still couldn't believe you managed to get them to start saying that to describe their favorite thing.  Couldn't get them to say husbando, though, that'd give it away.
>You reached for your measuring tape to set up the next play, but a knock came at the door.  After setting the distance to 10cm, you placed it on the table, making sure not to knock over any of your pieces.
“Come on in.”
>You went back to measuring your piece movements, but stopped once you saw the shine of purple in the corner of your eye.  There was no way you were going to finish this turn with Twilight Sparkle in the room.  Shooting a glance at Luna, you shared a slight frown, then turned towards your visitor.
“Sup Sparkle, what brings you to my place?”
>Twilight eyes her surroundings with that hawkish look she always gets whenever she's in your house.  She makes no comment at Luna, who was a common sight, but taps the crystal jutting through the middle of your living room.
>You're still happy that thing didn't skewer you on your way into Equestria.
>”You know what I'm here for, Anon,” she says, checking the crystal for damage.  “You've got to start paying your taxes before the guard get involved.”
>You pfft at her, waving a hand in dismissal.  “I'm not paying anyone a dime for getting teleported out of nowhere and nearly dying as your sword-tipped castle stabbed the shit out of my house.”
>”Every citizen of Equestria pays property taxes, Anon.”
”Am I even a citizen?”
>You toss a glance over at Luna, who shrugs.
“I think circumstances give me lenience here.  I'm not even taking any extra horizantal space, because, again, you /skewered/ my waifu.”
>”Not intentionally!”
“You think you can shit magic big enough to terraform mountains and make castles and there aren't going to be any side effects?  For all I know, everyone in my neighborhood could have been blown to shit from the rift that dragged me here, or worse.”
>”I just want you off my waifu, Anon.”
>You gape at her, flinging your arms towards the various spiky crystal bits cutting into your house.
“Look at this place!  You think I trust the magic that brought me here enough to keep this thing stable as you try to move it somewhere else?  This is all the home I got left, my /literal/ home!  I'm not moving!”
>Twilight sighs, bonking her head against the crystal in frustration.  She flaps her wings intermittently, mulling over the situation, then turns back to you.
>”Frankly, I could care less about the taxes, but the mayor's going to be on you with guards any day now.”
>You smirk, letting out a laugh.
“The mayor. Right.  The mayor, of all ponies, is going to send day guards up to your castle to say, “Excuse me, Princess, we need to go evict your friend unless he pays a fine.”
>You move one of your pieces, having finally had the time to do some measurements, then look back at Twilight.
“And you know they're gonna be day guards.  Luna's like my main squeeze over here,” you say, throwing a thumb in her direction.  “Besides, the mayor digs me.”
>”Thou sayest what?”
>”Huh?”
>Both mares stare at you incredulously, but you just lean back on the crystal star, smiling.
“Totally does.  I went to lunch with her again yesterday.  She's a softy.”
>Luna lets out a “oooh”, covering her mouth with her hooves, while Twilight furrows her eyebrows at you.
>”Anon, Mayor Mare's schedule has her in Tall Tale for meetings since two days ago.”
>You whistle, surprised at the news.
“She blew off business just to see me?  I guess that explains the cloak.  She /so/ digs me.”
>You catch Luna giggling to herself, so you point the measuring tape at her.
“Hey, what's that about?”
>”Pfthaha, thou art a waifu!”
>Oh no.
“Aw come on, that's not-!”
>”She's got a point, Anony-fu.”
>You cross your arms, staring daggers at the two mares.
“Well the feeling's not mutal yet.  Maybe. I dunno – just cut it out, you two.”
>You stew for a moment, focusing on your pieces as the mares keep giggling at each other and making kissy comments.
>”Oh Anon, you could balance all of the town's checkbooks with those big, strong arms of yours.”
>”Hark, Anon!  Tis the dusk's red gaze that mirrors my passion for your exotic form!”
>As you finish setting the pieces, you turn back to both of them, scowling.
“Yeah yeah, Lu and I have a game to finish,” you say, pointing back at the board.  “I think it's time for you to go, and besides, if worst came to worse there'd always be a vote by the princesses on what to do.  I know I've got Luna's and I'm sure were pals enough to have yours.  I've yet to meet your sister-in-law, but I'm sure I could get lovebutt on my side, and Celestia's no tyrant, so I'm set.”
>You move to the door, opening it for Twilight.
“No taxes, no problems, no threats to my house.  Anyone touches my waifu, I destroy their laifu.”
>Twilight lets out one last chuckle before heading for the door.
>”Okay, lover-boy.  Good luck with your marefriend.”
“Heeey,” you say, waving a fist at her as you close the door.
>Turning back to the table, you finish setting your pieces.  No attacks could be made this turn, but at least you're close to finishing Luna off.  You sit in silence, Luna moving her pieces and making a few attack rolls, but a giggle finally escapes her lips.
“Don't say it.”
>”Heheh.”
“Come on.”
>She moves her cleric in, smiting some of the foes around her before healing all the injured units you intended to finish next turn.  As Luna takes your pieces off the board, she speaks in sing-song voice.
>”Waifu art you.”
“God dammit.”
>Today was a chrush-tease day.