Molly 1-4

Fuck I wish I had as much to say this time but I just wanna be complacent and do nothing tonight, but I also wanna be helpful, so I took the middle ground and succeeded at neither

Lines 2 and 5

	Hisao sound eager to sit around and do nothing for two hours. Maybe he wants to spend time with her or something, but keep in mind this is act 1 and I don't think he should have fallen for her just yet or anything.

Line 7

	>the third chair out of twenty

	Throw us music-illiterates a bone here. I have no idea what that means.

Line 11

	>him, they

	pick one and stick to it

Line 13

	>doctors

	doctor's

Line 18

	something about referencing her concern in two sentences in a row doesn't really seem right. try and compound that stuff if you can

	>makes disappointed

	makes me disappointed

Line 26

	>etudes

	I think I just had a revelation. Since I have no idea what that is and I think Hisao would similarly not have any idea what that is, you might mention at some point in the path that in his stay at the hospital, some of the books he read were about musical stuff

Line 28

	>Molly approaches a second year with an alto sax, sitting on his own

	An alto sax is an instrument, I know that much, but the sentence still doesn't make sense

Line 68

	>dissmissevely

	dissmissively

Line 74

	>35 feet by 10 feet

	feet aren't used as a measurement in japland, and it seems a bit too exact of an observation instead of a natural one. "It can't be bigger than about ten by thirty-five feet" would sound more organic

Line 78

	spell out the numbers; it looks more professional

Anyway I really hope that you take those interactions with her and the blind kid and use them to say something about her personality. For instance, the way that Hanako responds positively to the competition Hisao shows during their chess game at the end shows her desire to be treated as an equal, which is a huge plot point, and at the same time it remains subtle. If the blind kid exchanging CDs dealio is just filler, I'll be disappointed.

Also were the names Saito and Koga taken from Megaman Battle Network and Pokemon? Just wondering