Thoth Law Firm Episode 3

Vivi sorted through Foster's rejection pile, she stopped and held up a particular case, "You turned down a child custody case? The courts always favor the mother, that was easy money, Foster."
Foster sucked his teeth, "That particular case was a dark elf."
"Oh, ew," Vivi dumped it.
Foster went back to eating his lunch when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID, it was reception. He put her on speaker.
"Hey Dalila," he greeted her.
"We have Skype for Business, Foster, why aren't you ever online?!" Dalila complained at him.
"Pen and paper, Dalila, these are the tools of the law," Foster told her, casually eating his sub.
"Yeah, bull, use your computer, it'll automatically archive case files after a year, so you don't force the intern to."
Vivi looked up from her work curiously, "Wait, there's a way you could have avoided having to do this?"
"I don't like the archive, Dalila. Things need to be forgotten, the past needs to be put behind us," Foster told the receptionist.
"What could you possibly have in your past that you want to forget?!" Dalila demanded.
A short-statured beelzebub threw open Foster's office door, "Foster! It's been more than a decade!"
Foster dropped is sandwich, "Dalila, you didn't tell me I had a visitor."
"I would have, but you started talking about random stuff," Dalila reminded him, "Bye."
She hung up. Foster sighed, picking back up his sandwich, "Amanda Zubi...Zubiza."
"Zubizaretta!" she corrected him, "And Foster Hawking, you've definitely filled out. How are things?"
She walked over and hoisted her rump onto his desk. She seemed to have no issues making herself comfortable.
"You haven't changed at all," Foster told her, physically she looked no different from high school, "Things have been great, I'm a lawyer now anyway."
"I googled you to see how you were doing, saw that you're working for a law firm," she gave him a grin, "You're a fine man, not at all like you were in high school."
Foster cleared his throat, "Do not bring up high school or the events thereof. I'd appreciate it."
"What happened in high school?" Vivi asked.
"We fucked," Amanda replied without missing a beat.
"Amanda..." Foster said.
"But he's ashamed of it...story of my fucking life."
"Amanda, no offense to you, as I have put it behind me," Foster wrapped his sandwich up, suddenly not hungry, "But what we did, or rather, what you did to me, was rape."
"Legal," Amanda pointed out
"Legal rape..." Foster corrected himself.
"Oh, ew," Vivi said, "You two are old."
"How old are you?!" the beelzebub demanded.
"I'm tw--
"She's right, those old laws were already on the way out when we were in high school," Foster pointed out, "Just knowing I was alive when they were still in circulation makes me feel ancient."
"Hey, I didn't like them either..." Amanda stated.
"You had an interesting way of protesting it."
"I did a lot of mental gymnastics in high school..." Amanda crossed her arms, "But I guess I never formally apologized for it. So, I'm sorry, Foster."
She broke eye contact, her upbeat attitude fading into guilt.
"Foster said he put it behind him! Don't get all moody!" Vivi pleaded with her, not one for seeing someone sad.
"I'll thank you not to speak for me on personal matters, Vivi," Foster shot her a look, "But I have indeed put it behind me. You nonetheless understand why I am hesitant to reminisce with you, Amanda. I am currently on the clock, and even when I clock out, I would prefer not to."
"Goddamn, you're cold," Amanda pointed out.
"Very," Vivi agreed.
Foster sighed, "I guess I can see my way to having a coffee with you as we talk trash about the Mamono Anti-Discrimination Laws."
"Oh, I'm not here to catch up...ugh, how socially inadequate do you think I am to call you up while you're at work?" Amanda corrected him, "No, I'm being brought up on rape allegations. I need a lawyer."
Foster snickered, "I'm sorry, what?"
"Did you just fucking laugh at me?!" Amanda slammed a fist into his desk.
Foster tried and failed to suppress his laughter, "You're accused of rape and you come to ''me''? Of all people?"
"Yeah, you're a fucking lawyer."
"You want one of your previous victims to defend you in a case involving the very crime he was a victim of?"
"Hey, Hawking, I didn't rape the fucker, alright?"
"Oh? Didn't you?" Foster asked with an inappropriately light-hearted tone.
She threw herself bodily at Foster and busted him in the jaw. Foster fell out of his office chair.
Vivi leapt into action, latching her many suckers upon the beelzebub and restraining her. Amanda toppled to the ground with a roar of frustration. Foster pushed himself back up and stomped across the room towards Amanda.
"Vivi, let her go, I'm going to beat the shit out of her and I want it to be a fair fight," Foster ordered Vivi as he removed his suit jacket.
"Please! You look like you'd lose a fair fight with an alp!" Amanda taunted him.
Foster grasped Vivi by the collar of her dress suit and pried her off. He fell to his knees and straddled the beelzebub, taking a fistful of her jacket with one hand and rearing back his other hand to strike her in the face.
His office door swung open and Akila stepped inside. Upon witnessing the situation she walked in on, she pivoted and exited without a word.
Foster watched her leave before sighing.
"Sorry," Foster apologized as he stood up and brushed himself off.
Amanda sat up, "I wanted you to hit me, you spineless bastard..."
She scratched her arm nervously with a claw, "It would have made me feel better."
"Coffee, Vivi," Foster told the intern.
Vivi waddled away, sending a last nervous gaze at the two as she turned the corner.
"So, you're being accused of rape, and you want me to defend you," Foster pulled his jacket back on, "Who in the world told you I was the first choice?"
"I dunno...you came to mind. And I guess it was an excuse for me to come and make amends, if that's even possible. And considering the nature of this case...it cuts me deep and I thought hearing you forgive me would make me feel better. So much for that."
"Did you do it?"
"I just fucking told you I didn't!" she protested.
"Then why are you being accused?"
"Because I'm a monster..." she looked really down on herself.
"That's not what I meant, I meant what is his motivation?"
"No, I mean...look at me, Foster. What did you feel that time in high school? Shame? Disgust?"
Foster pinched the bridge of his nose, "You're doing wonders for my mood."
"I'm just..." she looked thoughtful, "I'm just the bottom of the barrel. A bitchy personality, a horrifying bug body."
She began to spasm rhythmically.
"Oh dear god, no," Foster pleaded, "Don't you start crying in my office."
Too late, Amanda began sobbing. She spoke through tears, choking the words out, "I'm just trying so hard to be a good person, Foster! Why do people hate me so much?!"
Foster walked over and pulled his chair back onto its wheels. He collapsed into it and cradled his forehead in his palm.
Vivi walked back in, stopping suddenly when she saw Amanda sniveling on the floor. She reached behind her with a leg and closed the door slowly. She scurried across the floor and gave Foster his coffee. He accepted it and began drinking it eagerly.
They sat there, awkwardly waiting for Amanda to cease her crying. It continued on for five more minutes before she finally cleared up the last of her sniffles.
She stood up and turned to Foster, "I don't have a spotless record, Foster. I know that. But this time I didn't do anything wrong."
"What, pray, was the situation?"
"It's simple..." she began, "I was with this guy...he's not a bad guy, he's actually pretty good looking and is has a great personality. Anyway! He and I hit it off, and we head back to his place. We had sex. Lots of it. Consensual, emotionally-invested sex. You know? Like, we had secretly liked each other this whole time and shit? It was magical, better than anything I had ever fantasized about."
"Amanda..." Foster said sternly.
"Anyway! So, it meant a lot to me, and it actually started to make me feel like I could put it all behind me and shit."
"Amanda, please."
"Dammit Foster, give me some time, this is, like, fucking painful for me..." Amanda grimaced at him, "Anyway, when I tried talking to him the next day, he avoided me, pretended we were nothing but coworkers again. So when I called him out on his bullshit in front of everyone, he said I raped him."
"Ouch," Vivi commented.
"Airing your laundry like that in front of your coworkers isn't exactly kosher," Foster pointed out.
"It's not illegal, Foster. Yes, I regret doing that. I do a lot of shit I fucking regret, ok? I live in the moment and I act on impulse. But I don't rape."
Foster cleared his throat.
"Not any-fucking-more, ok?! But he accused me of rape, and here we are..." she crossed her arms, "Are you going to take my case or not?"
Foster looked as if he were thinking deeply about it.
"And hey," she added in a softer tone, "Even if you turn me down, I want you to know that it eats at me. I won't try to defend what I did anymore. I used to. But you know, the girl who did that to you is dead. I grew up, just like you did. We're nothing like those kids anymore. So when I say I'm sorry, I mean it. I would do anything to take it back. Seriously, just name it."
"Don't ever hit me again," Foster commanded.
"Consider it done," she obliged, "Anything else?"
"You absolutely cannot tell my girlfriend that you and I had gotten intimate in the past..."
"Deal. What? Is she one of those psycho bitches?"
"Well..." Foster was pensive.

Michelle woke with a start. She surged forward in her bed and looked around with bloodshot eyes.
"Something is very wrong..." she said to herself as she poured herself some caffeine pills.
She leapt out of bed, clopping across her floor and getting dressed quickly. She pulled out her phone and began to dial Foster when the doorbell rang. She fumbled and nearly dropped her phone. With some brief hesitation, she made her way to the front door.
She opened it, it was a FedEx guy. He held out some papers for her to sign.
"What? I wasn't expecting a package?" she said as she took the papers.
"You're not getting a package," he pointed out, "You're being served."
She looked at him in shock. She looked at the papers, a lawsuit.
He tipped the brim of his hat, "Good luck to you, madam."
He turned to walk away. Without missing a beat, she rushed forward and elbowed him in the back of the skull. He toppled to the floor, clutching his head. She lackadaisically stepped forward and grabbed his ankles, pulling him inside her house and closing the door.

Minako Maki, a blue oni, sat in her office inside Thoth Law Firm. She silently worked on a car engine sitting on her desk. Her computer screen was bright with a reference guide for engine modification, and was playing smooth jazz. It chirped with a message from Skype. She reached over and clicked it open.
"You have a potential client, I've sent her up," the message from Dalila said.
Minako grunted with distaste. Dalila never waits for approval before sending up visitors.
There was a knock at Minako's door.
"Come in," Minako said as she packed up her tools.
Michelle opened the door and stepped inside. She closed it quickly behind her, looking around nervously. She noticed the engine sitting on her desk.
"Those things are heavy, you guys have high-quality desks," Michelle commented, "Better than our crappy particle-board desks at ''my'' law firm."
"I made this desk myself. It's solid oak, I spent a three-day weekend in the woods with a set of whittling knives," Minako said casually as she lifted the engine and placed it behind her desk, "You are Hawking's stalker..."
"Michelle Dabney," Michelle told her.
"Miss Dabney, you come here looking for legal help and not for personal reasons," she sat down and entwined her fingers, looking expectant.
"You are correct," Michelle gave her a nod, "I've been served."
She handed the legal papers over to the oni. She leaned forward and snapped them up, giving them a long look.
"Did the process server trespass to serve you?" she asked without looking away from the papers.
"Is my situation really so dire that that's our only hope?" Michelle asked.
"I'll take that as a no," Minako threw the papers back onto her desk, "This is a class-action suit, which means there are multiple people against you."
"I'm a lawyer, Miss Maki..."
"Then I'm sure you understand why I would turn down a case like this."
"What? Are you serious?"
"Miss Dabney, the courts neither favor mamono nor defendants who have multiple accounts of her illicit behavior," she lifted the papers and held them out to Michelle, "I suggest you find another lawyer."
Michelle snapped the papers out of her hand, "Fine...your taste in music sucks anyway."
She stomped out. Minako watched her leave. She reached down, pulled the engine back up, and plopped it on her desk.

"Friends??" Amanda repeated with surprise, "What the hell kinda question is that?!"
"Well, it comes down to this, Amanda," Foster explained, "There's no evidence, no signed contract of his consent, nothing out there we could possibly use to prove your innocence. So, we need character references. People who know you and can vouch that raping a man is not something you'd do..."
Amanda looked thoughtful, "Well, my mother thinks I'm too weak to ever force myself on a man..."
"I mean, it works," Foster looked dissatisfied, "If she means you're too gentle-hearted or harmless to do it, then it works in our favor."
"It is almost guaranteed that she will use the opportunity to speak out against the current political climate and call the entire case a sham because she doesn't think rape exists."
"Sisters? Do you have any sisters?"
"Prison. They're all in prison."
"Dammit..." Foster slammed a fist onto his desk.
"Hey, there's a definite undertone of racism against beelzebubs in our society," she said defiantly, "It's how I got into this mess. And from the sound of it, it's not going to let up until I join my sisters."
"The first and last nail in the coffin," Vivi pontificated.
"Vivi, please," Foster grasped his head with his hand.
Foster contemplated the issue for a while, Abasi walked past his door with Akila. She was on the phone with a client, pulling Akila along by her bandages like a dog on a leash. In spite of the soundproof nature of his office, he could hear her booming voice through the window.
"That's it, the case is lost," Abbey said, "I'll see if the prosecution can draft us up an offer in exchange for a signed confession...yes, you're confessing, hopefully in exchange for the courts going easy on you...well, your choice, those extra five years we could knock of your sentence don't seem like much until those five years begin."
They turned the corner and her voice faded.
Foster plopped his face down on his desk, "I can't imagine there's a case any more doomed than ours..."

Michelle threw open the door to Tsubaki Moto's office. The ushi-oni was in the middle of some rather inappropriate behavior. With the intrusion of the weresheep, she fumbled her toy and it fell to the floor. It rattled violently against the floor as she bent over to pick it back up. She accidentally slammed her head against her desk, fracturing it down the middle. Her desk collapsed inward at the fissure and sent all of her office equipment smashing into the ground, including her computer monitor. She nonetheless had only one concern, she wrapped her claws around her toy and fumbled with twisting the bottom. When it finally turned off and the aggressive humming ceased, she tore open her office drawer and threw it inside, slamming it closed. Her rather aggressive movements caused the drawer itself to fall off of the desk and clatter on the ground. The impact with the ground re-activated the device inside, which caused the entire drawer to shiver across the floor slowly.
She began to cry tears of frustration as she brought up a keratinous claw and stomped the errant drawer violently. She looked as the young man did at the end of Old Yeller, sobbing but nonetheless resolute in her execution. The crashing sound of her claw smashing into the drawer echoed loudly down the hall before Michelle considerately closed the office door behind her. The drawer, after a dozen stomps, was an unrecognizable tangle of warped metal. It nonetheless continued its crusade across her office floor, the vibration only having grown stronger.
Desperate, heartbroken, she threw open her office window. She lowered her torso and chased the drawer around the office for a spell before lifting it and chucking it out the window. She rushed over and slammed the window closed. She lingered there for a moment, sighing with relief.
She turned to Michelle with a disturbing fake smile, "Hello, welcome to Thoth Law Firm!"
Michelle threw her papers onto Tsubaki's destroyed desk, "You're the last lawyer in this firm, please take my case."
"Ooh!" she moved forward and picked up the papers. She read them through summarily, "What's a 'class-action' suit?"
Michelle sighed and dropped her head. The window to Tsubaki's office fell outward on its frame and shattered loudly on the street outside.

Foster and Michelle sat in her car together, driving home after a long day for both of them.
"You waited in the parking lot today, instead of pulling around up front," Foster pointed out.
"I had to use the bathroom..." Michelle lied.
"Ah...you seem exhausted, did you have a long day?"
"I can't even begin to measure how long my day was."
"But you told me today you had time off."
"Yeah, well...I had errands to run."
"I shudder to think what kind of errands those were."
"Just regular old housekeeping, taking out the trash..."

Previously that day, Michelle had abandoned the process server in the middle of the woods. She pulled off the tarp she wrapped him in and folded it over her arms.
"Enjoy your stay here," she taunted the bound man, "And don't worry, there are plenty of friendly fairies who will come and help untie you..."
She turned and walked away from him. The man struggled fruitlessly against his bindings, screaming into his gag. She ignored him, disappearing into the foliage.
A single fairy peered out from inside a bush. Her face lit up with excitement when she saw him.
"Girls, girls! The nice weresheep left us another friend!" she flew out, accompanied by a small swarm of her friends.
They descended upon him, "Look at him! He's so cute!"
The man sighed, relieved that he would not have to wait long before being untied. Worse, he could have been found by a grizzly.
"She ties such good knots, we really should ask her next time to teach us! He's like a beautiful little gift for us!"
''Wait, what?''
"Come on, shrink him down so we can carry him and put him with the others!"
''This isn't a swarm of friendly fairies, this is a conspiracy of playful pixies!''

"You know, Michelle, I really would appreciate it if you actually took me home one of these days instead of to your place without asking," Foster pointed out as they stepped into her condo, "I have a budgie at home who hasn't seen me in a week, and I'm not one-hundred-percent certain he still has any water left."
"No worries, sweetie, I've been dropping by your place and taking care of him," she assured him.
"I can't...I don't remember giving you a key," Foster gave her a serious look.
She held up a little pink dangler on her keychain, "I handled it."
Foster sighed, collapsing on her couch.
She wasted no time hopped onto it next to him, resting her cheek on his shoulder, "There goes the old grumpy-face again."
"What's the plan for tonight then?" Foster asked with defeat.
"I'm feeling kinda spent after today," she groaned, "I just want to hit the hay."
"You too, huh? I could definitely go for some extra sleep tonight. What say you we--
She snorted quietly as she had just then fallen asleep on his shoulder. He could not help but smile a bit at her. She looked so cute and natural when she was acting the way weresheep were supposed to. He slid carefully out from under her and pulled her into a bridal carry. He took her to the bedroom and lay her down gently. He pulled off his office attire and slipped under the covers next to her. He glanced around, as if to make sure nobody saw him. Which was silly, since he knew she rigged her whole house up with cameras. Satisfied, he buried his nose in her curls and inhaled deeply. It knocked him out. For what it was worth, the sleep he was getting from her was well worth not seeing his dearest budgie in a week.

The next day, Michelle met Tsubaki at a local coffee shop. Tsubaki insisted they do not meet in her office since there was work being done on it. Tsubaki was wearing the same suit she was wearing yesterday. She accidentally destroyed her dryer yesterday. She was riding it.
"Ok, you know, I wasn't going to ask about the wrinkled suit, you did not have to tell me all of that," Michelle pointed out.
Tsubaki blushed, "Oh! Right, yeah. Umm, I just start talking a lot when I'm nervous."
"Why are you nervous? We're just sitting here."
"The barista is really cute and I think he likes me," Tsubaki leaned in and whispered.
Michelle, eyes half-closed, stared at her with an unamused expression. She leaned forward and beckoned Tsubaki over with her index finger. Tsubaki leaned forward curiously.
"His name is right there on his shirt," she told the Ushi-oni, pointing to his nametag, "Emery. Now watch this."
Michelle pulled out her cell phone and went to a website that allows one to search for people based on multiple parameters.
"I love this site, bookmark this url if you can, it's amazing," she explained.
She entered the man's name, 'Emery.'
"Now, we can assume that he lives in this area, so we'll put in the address of the coffee shop and set a radius of ten miles," Michelle explained as she did so with lightning-quick fingers.
"We've got three results for Emery. Which is surprising because I've never heard the name Emery before. So now we go onto Facebook...search for these three names, first and last..."
She got a picture of the barista with the second search, "Alright, Emery Royceston. His profile is public. Good, that's a bonus."
She rapidly goes through the man's profile and friends, "Single...many friends, has a dog, high school dropout, cannot hold a job. Also, seems to be fond of committing crimes and the phrase 'fuck the poe-lease.'"
"Oh my..." Tsubaki recoiled, "That's horrifying...he looked so cute, what a bum."
Michelle shrugged with a smirk, "You know how it is. If he has all that time to slick up his hair, you've got to imagine he doesn't have anything else going for him."
Tsubaki continued to stare at Michelle's phone for a while, before coming up with an idea, "Hey, can you come with me to a bookstore, there's this guy there I'd like you to do that for..."

"Yeah, my Amanda would never do something like that," the aging beelzebub told Foster and Vivi, "She's too much of a browbeaten coward to properly dominate a man."
"Good...well," Foster calmly drank the tea her husband prepared. He recoiled a bit, it was a lot sweeter than was necessary, "As long as you can testify along those lines in court, we should be fine..."
"And even if she did work up the courage to be a proper mamono, to call it rape is an insult and a sign of the degeneration of our society."
"There, that, don't say that, that's not going to earn her any points..."
"They're going to have me swear, right? Swear on a bible or something?"
"In modern law, we have a secular equivalent oath you can take."
"Well, I'm not going to stand up there and lie. They want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Well, the whole truth, as painful as these entitled pricks find it to be, is that the world is utter garbage. And my little Amanda bought into that bullshit in high school. She's contributing to the systematic castration of mamono."
"Maybe we can just get an affidavit..." Foster suggested.
The old woman leaned forward in her chair, "And what of you, young man? Why haven't you found a nice girl yet? What is the lawyer business? How's it working out for you?"
The taunting tone in her voice implied that she did not think we was doing well for himself.
"I think I've made my point...you all talk such a big game, but when it comes down to it, you still rely on the kindness of mamono to get by. Well, the rest of society might think it's cute when you dress up in a little suit and pick up your cute little briefcase. But I don't care about your feelings, the world doesn't work that way. You expect the rest of the world to lower their standards so that your efforts could be considered passable."
"This is getting a little..." Vivi began.
"We lower our military entry standards to allow you humans to join, to the point where even the most physically inept monsters can get in now. We're physically weakening our army to make you little shits feel special. And once you get in there, you hold everyone else back. What next? Lower the requirements to get an engineering job? You think physics will cut you a little slack when you build that structurally unstable bridge? You think deadly nuclear radiation will just back off a bit because you didn't handle plutonium as well as you should have?!"
"I think we're done here," Foster stood to leave.
"We've been spoiling you fucking humans, and you think the world owes you an existence because of it!" she got louder.
Foster approached the door, "Thank you, Miss Zanzibarland."
"Zubizaretta! Disrespectful!"
He quickly threw open the door and closed it behind him, holding it closed with his body.
He peered over at the window, he saw Vivi inside, pinned up against the glass. She had a pleading look in her eyes as the old mamono lectured her.

"Aww, his profile is private..." Tsubaki lamented.
"Ah, that's no problem. You have two choices. You can create a burn account and get him to add that, or you can find another account he has..." Michelle advised her pupil.
"Another account?"
"Twitter...see if he tweets."
She worked her claws on her smartphone screen. This was no doubt the most she had ever used her smartphone, as she was just then realizing how badly her claws scratched up her touchscreen.
"He does! Oh, look, he does have a twitter! Look look, he likes anime!"
"Oh, goody, now try to figure out which one he likes the most, and research the hell out of it."
She studies his tweets for a few minutes.
"Oh! He seems to like Death Note the most."
"Good now we just--
"No no, I already know this one! I'm a huge fan!"
"Good, then you're one step ahead, now you talk to him."
"What?" Tsubaki flinched.
"Yes, talk to him. Look, we know his address, his favorite things, his political views," Michelle grinned, "You're set, approach him and drop some charm on him."
"Oh, but I don't know, I've never really talked to men."
"What? You've never?" Michelle was taken aback.
"Well, I mean, I have. But I get so nervous when I'm talking to them in that context," she rubbed her arm.
"I can't teach you social confidence, you've gotta figure that out yourself."
"No no! Give me a chance! I'll try!"
She clatters over nervously to the man. Her clumsy movements meant that he was well aware of her approach long before she came within speaking distance. He regarded her with a wary eye.
"C-can I help you?" he asked nervously.
"Hello, Carlyle Chadwick! My name is Tsubaki Moto and I like Death Note too! Would you like to go out on a date with me?!" she exploded upon him.
Michelle palmed her face, she could almost see Tsubaki's words piling upon this poor man.
"I, uh..." he looked around nervously, "Yes, Tsubaki...nice to meet you too. Where would you like to go?"
Michelle peered between her fingers at the two of them with surprise.
"How about, uhh," she pulls out her smartphone and skims it quickly, "Tilted Kilt!"
Michelle sighed at Tsubaki's ineptitude. She checked her smartphone in the middle of talking to him face-to-face.
"I love the kilt! I'd love to go, on you??" he asked hopefully.
"Yes! I'll pay for it, what do they serve?"
Michelle was simultaneously overwhelmed with pride in her pupil and cringing from her blunders.

Foster and Amanda sat in his office.
"I'm sorry," Foster said.
"What?" Amanda looked at him curiously.
"I tried my damnedest," he explained, "But I can't figure out a way to get you off these charges. His case is airtight, even I'm starting to doubt you."
"Hawking, if you're trying to make a joke, stop," she said very seriously, "It's not funny. I didn't do it. I mean, I did, I had sex with him. But it was consensual."
"I was just airing my concerns."
"Listen, I know what I did to you, and I also know that you've been working your hardest for me," Amanda explained, "Which is really just proof of how good of a guy you are. And, in a way, I was hoping that having you on this case would both save me from these charges, and prove to you, a man I regret ever hurting, that I've changed."
"It brings me no comfort knowing you've changed, it doesn't change what you did."
"Then maybe my going to prison is for the best then. Think of it as punishment for what I did in high school. I certainly didn't do what he said I did this time. But you know what, you can sit there in court, and help the prosecution take me down for all I care."
"I can't do that, Amanda. It's illegal."
"Foster, you wouldn't do it if it were legal, right?" Vivi asked with concern.
"Well, no, dammit. Of course not, I really don't think she did it. But you know, the court won't be convinced of that. And frankly, the only reason I'm convinced is because we've spent so much time talking to her and scrounging about in her life looking for character references. I have no real reason to believe."
"Well, I've already been through the five stages of grief," Amanda pointed out, "I've accepted what will happen on my court date."
"No you haven't," Foster said suddenly, "Seeing a man you love denounce you will absolutely destroy you. You'll be back to stage one in no time."
Amanda scratched her head nervously, "Damn, Foster...you sure know how to knock someone down."
"You know, in spite of all this, I'd like to let you know that I forgive you," Foster finally said, "It doesn't feel right doing it. I feel like the rest of the world wants me never to forgive you. But it feels right to me to say 'apology accepted.' And that I sort of consider you to be an old friend now."
Amanda's eyes welled up and she leapt over Foster's desk to tackle him with a hug. Foster grunted with pain as the two of them hit the floor.
"Prison time or not, this is something I can live with!"
Foster sighed to himself, ''No, it's not.''

Three of Michelle's exes sat with their lawyer. They drank coffee and discussed their case.
"It seems it's only the three of us who are brave enough to follow through with this it seems," Tom said.
"What about Herb? Has he replied yet?" Dick asked.
"Nah, you'd think he would be down for it, since he tried to sue her before," Harry answered.
Their succubus lawyer sighed, "We don't need all seven of them to participate. You three should be enough to make a good case. It is a shame though. Perhaps we can organize a way to put Miss Dabney behind bars so that the witnesses can feel safe coming forward?"
"Is that possible? How would we do that?" Tom looked excited.
There was a ring at the door. Tom stood up, "I got it."
He left the room.
"Mark apparently still talks to her," Harry pointed out to the other two people in the room.
"What? You serious? Is he nuts?" Dick asked.
"I don't think he's afraid of her, I think he's just, like, super-progressive or something," Harry suggested.
There was the sound of someone clattering to the floor from the living room.
"What was that?" the succubus asked.
The door to the kitchen where they all sat slammed open, Michelle stepped through with a gentle smile on her face.
"Oh fuck!" Dick clambered out of his chair and ran in the opposite direction. Michelle closed the distance to Harry and buried his nose in her arm wool before he could process what happened. The succubus, unaware of what Michelle actually looked like, just looked on in horror. Michelle finished putting the man to sleep. She lifted the carafe of coffee, splashing the succubus in the face with it. She shrieked and clutched at her face. Michelle threw herself over the table and slapped a handcuff on the succubus's left wrist. Michelle looped the succubus' arms behind her back and tightened the other one on her right wrist. Without wasting any time, she snaked her hand into the other woman's pocket and withdrew a cellphone. She stood up and whipped the cellphone into the linoleum. She gave it a few good stomps before turning towards where Dick ran away.
Dick locked the bathroom door from the inside and caught his breath. He looked desperately around the bathroom for an escape, a weapon, anything. He threw open the medicine cabinet, throwing things in disarray in his search. He eventually wrapped his fingers around the towel rack and pried it from the wall. It was hollow in the middle and probably would not serve terribly well as a weapon. But it was all he had.
"Richaaaaard," Michelle called teasingly from elsewhere in the house.
The door to the bathroom rattled in its frame. Dick nearly pissed himself as he held the towel rack threateningly at the door.
"Now now, Richard, let's make this easier on both of us," she suggested.
"Fuck you!" he cried, his voice cracking.
Michelle nonchalantly prepared a pest pistol on the other side of the door. The rattling of the hinges was merely her leaning against it.
"Richard, do you remember the gentle sleep you got when we were together?"
"W-what?!"
Michelle lifted the pistol and inserted the nozzle in the upper crack of the door frame. She began pumping the bellow, filling the bathroom slowly with the dust.
"What?! What's that?!" he demanded as he saw the fine white powder slowly flooding the room.
"Just a little part of me," she told him, "Come on, Richard, let me in. Breathe deep and let me in."
She snickered at herself. She really enjoyed putting on the crazy act. She heard his large frame collapse on the floor. Good.
She withdrew the pest pistol and pocketed it. She returned to the kitchen, spotting the succubus trying to use the house phone.
"Ah ah!" Michelle warded her off it like a parent speaking to a child. She delivered a hoof to the back of the succubus' knee. She crumbled to the ground as Michelle picked up the receiver. She held it up to her ear, nobody was on the other end. She sighed in relief as she placed it back on the hook.
"Dammit Thomas, who still has a landline these days? Jesus Christ," she mumbled to herself.
She regarded the succubus, "Name."
"W-wha--
"Name."
"Ph-Phebe, Phebe Southers," she sputtered out quickly.
"It's unfortunate, you are very likely not as easy to knock out as these human men, but you understand my need to have you incapacitated until I can sort this mess out," Michelle explained, leaning against the kitchen counter.
"I take it you are Michelle," Phebe glared at the weresheep.
Michelle raised her hands, "Guilty as charged," she chuckled a bit, "But in all seriousness, I'm going to need a way to knock you out. And I'd like to do it in a way that doesn't cause permanent brain damage. A sentiment we both share, I'm sure. Any ideas? I've brought a variety of sedatives, I'd like to use one that works instead of administering a cocktail and possibly doing irreparable damage. And hurry it up, I've got a lot of vacuuming to do."
Phebe grunted at the thought.

Tsubaki happily enjoyed snacks with her date at the bar. They had a lot in common, though he largely seemed to be unaware of her social screw-ups. Or perhaps he knew and was giving her the benefit of the doubt.
The night had been winding down, however, and the Ushi-Oni was not quite sure how to land this plane, so to speak.
Carlyle yawned, "It sure it getting late. I've got classes tomorrow."
"Oh, uh," Tsubaki was unsure what to do now. She looked over her shoulder at Michelle, who sat at a table, leisurely nursing a beer. When she saw Tsubaki looking her direction, she gave a friendly wave.
She turned back to Carlyle, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom, I will be right back."
She skittered over to Michelle's table. She did not stop in time, however, and slammed into the table, smashing it onto its side.
"Michelle! What do I do now? He sounds like he's tired!"
"Well, get a feel for the waters. Does he want to spend the rest of the night alone, or are you invited? Come on, get an answer out of him!" she said enthusiastically.
Tsubaki nodded vigorously before clattering back over to the bar.
"Hey, Carlyle. Am I invited over to your place, or did you mean you wanted to sleep alone??"
Michelle slapped her forehead.
"Oh, uh..." Carlyle blushed a bit, "I don't know if I'm...terribly ready to spend the night with you in ''that'' sense."
"Oh," Tsubaki looked crestfallen.
"But, if it's not weird, I wouldn't mind having you sleep with me," he suggested.
"Really?! You're not just saying that as, like, a consolation prize or something?" she perked right back up.
"No, you look very fuzzy and warm, I thought it would be," he looked a little guilty for thinking about it, "like, really nice."
Tsubaki looked unshakably happy. She rushed back over to Michelle's side, "He wants to spend the night with me!"
"Well, he's a little odd," Michelle stated the obvious, "But good for you. Say, what time is it?"
Tsubaki pulled out her cellphone, "It's 9:37, why?"
"I am very late meeting Foster today," Michelle pointed out, "I'll see you tomorrow, enjoy your evening."
She downed the last of her beer and left the bar.

Foster sat on his couch, his budgie standing on his shoulder casually nipping at his ear. He flipped through the television channels with a glazed-over look in his eye. Keys rattled at his door as Michelle opened it and stepped inside.
"Sorry, I'm late," she said, "What time is it?"
"Eh," he pressed the guide button on the remote, "9:49."
"You look broken," she pointed out.
"This case is going to be the death of me."
"That bad, huh? Yeah, I'm having a lot of trouble on my end too," she said as she plopped down on the couch next to him.
Foster looked over at her. He reached over and plucked something from her hair.
"Alraune client?" he asked.
She looked over at him in confusion, noticing he was holding a leaf in his fingers.
"Eh, no," she said, "The wind was really blowing out there, I guess the leaf got caught up there."
"Ah," he said, giving the leaf to his bird to play with. It accepted happily, swinging the leaf around and nibbling at it.
She leaned over and lay her head down on Foster's other shoulder.
"Please don't ever leave me," she said with a satisfied sigh.
Foster rolled his eyes, "You're weird."

The next day, Foster knocked upon Lennon Penner's door. The door of his personal house. The man answered shortly. He was a towering hulk of a man. That this man could be raped by a girl as petite as Amanda was already stretching the truth.
"Hello, Mr. Penner. My name is Foster Hawking, I would like to discuss Amanda with you," Foster said as politely as he could.
"I've already given my side of the story several times, I wish you all would leave me alone and stop dredging up that painful memory," the man looked sad. Actually genuinely sad.
"No, Lennon, I don't want to discuss the rape. I would like to discuss Amanda."
The man looked up at him curiously, "What?"
"All cards on the table, I am her lawyer. And I come to you as her lawyer."
"Oh, uh," he leaned his head out of the threshold and looked around for any other visitors, "Alright, come on in."
Foster nodded and stepped into the pig sty that this man called his dwelling. He was led to a living room riddled with garbage, uneaten food, and clothing that Foster could not imagine how long had gone unwashed. The man sat and indicated a chair across from him for Foster to sit in. It had an old pizza box on it, and judging from the trail of ants leading to it, the pizza was still inside.
Foster placed his briefcase upon the floor and used it as a makeshift chair, "You will pardon my refusal to touch anything in this house, I am deathly allergic to odium."
"Odium? Yeah, I think my friend has an allergy to odium too," he gave an understanding nod.
"Mr. Penner, do you like Amanda?" Foster asked.
The man was taken aback, "I, uh...well, how could I? After what she did?"
"Well, I don't need your answer, let me tell you something I know as her lawyer. When her court date arrives, she is going to sit in the defendant's corner and listen as your prosecuting attorney calls her a terrible person. For hours, this will go on. There will be tears, she will act out and deny charges. The judge will, on several occasions, threaten to hold her in contempt of court. She will quiet down and continue to listen to these claims that she is a monster, not literally a monster, figuratively. And the jury will nod knowingly because she is a beelzebub, and that sort of behavior is expected."
Foster left in a pause, to let the lashes of this verbal whipping sink in, before renewing his efforts.
"And the coup de grace, that means final blow, will be when you are brought up on that stand, and give an account of your side of things. This young woman, who genuinely thought that what the two of you had was love, will listen as you tell a group of 12 peers that your relationship never existed, and that she took advantage of you. She will no doubt break down crying. The jury will interpret it as guilt. They will declare her guilty, the judge will give her a light sentence of ten or fifteen years in prison with her sisters, every single one of which went to prison for the same reason. She will have a reduced sentence because the judge believes her to be in a state of contrition."
Another pause, the man looked nervous in his seat. Good.
"You will go back to your life. And she will have the next decade of her life to think about everything. She will not get out, she will probably die in prison. By her own hand, I would reckon. You're safe, you don't have to worry about revenge. You can sit here, comfortable in your safety, and feeling proud that you helped take down a cruel rapist."
Foster stood and picked up his briefcase, "I won't presume to know if my client actually did any of what you said or not. I have no evidence, no witnesses, and she has nobody in her life that can vouch for her. She's a sad, lonely woman. She's exactly the type of mamono to do what you say she did. In fact, she did in the past. Taking advantage of laws that allowed her to act in such a way without fear of punishment. I am one of her victims. I am a character witness of the exact opposite."
"What?" the man asked, "She...what?"
"Long story, high school. Don't want to talk about it. But, I'm done talking to you as her lawyer, here's me talking to you as her friend. I truly believe her when she says you and her had a passionate night of consensual lovemaking. And I also believe her when she says that it was the best moment of her life. A turning point, when all of her good behavior finally paid off. But I do ''not'' believe her when she says she'll fare just fine. This will destroy her, if you let it."
Lennon was silent. Foster saw himself out the door.

Phebe woke up, her head pounding. She reached over to her nightstand and picked up a glass of water, drinking it all very quickly. She gasped for breath after she emptied the glass. She looked around. She was in her own bed. Her husband slept soundly next to her. She had no memory of going to bed, nor the previous day for that matter.
She remembered going to visit her three clients, they discussed the case. Then...nothing.
Strange. She reached over to dial Tom up. Her phone did not seem to have his contact information anymore. In fact, the phone seemed to have the crack in its screen completely fixed. Maybe that was what she did last night? Got the screen fixed?
She pushed herself out of bed.

Michelle sat expectantly on her couch, no television, no music. Her doorbell rang. She stood up and clopped across her condo, opening the door on a pair of police officers. Cute, one was a human woman and the other was a ghoul. It was like something out of a buddy-cop story.
"Miss Dabney, we have a court-ordered warrant here to search the premises," the human stated, "If you would just step outside with my partner here, I can have this done in no time."
"Absolutely, officer," she said with a smile.
The two of them seemed surprised by her amiable willingness.
The human woman spent two hours searching the condo, only to come out empty-handed.
"She's clean," the cop said, "Frankly, I'm a little disturbed by the hidden cameras everywhere, but there's no sign of anything."
"You're fucking kidding me?!" the ghoul was flabbergasted, "What the hell kind of bullshit is that?!"
Her partner ignored her, turning to Michelle, "Alright, Miss Dabney. We don't have a warrant to arrest you, but would you mind coming down to the station for some questioning?"
"Sure thing, I wasn't doing anything important anyway," Michelle gave them a vibrant smile.
The two of them were put off by her joviality.

"Have you come into contact with Thomas Ng, Richard Sales, or Harold Pines?" the human officer, whose name was Diane, asked Michelle.
"Since their restraining orders?" Michelle clarified.
"Yes. Since their restraining orders."
"No, I haven't. How are they?"
The officer cleared her throat, "Were you aware of their attempts to serve you with legal papers?"
"Yes, I was. I received the service papers two days ago. I remember it because the process server disguised himself as a FedEx employee."
The ghoul snickered to herself. Diane was not amused.
"Did you attempt to contact them at all?"
"No, I wished to obtain my own legal counsel before confronting them about this case. After all, with their restraining orders, I could not rightly meet them in person."
"And you are a lawyer, correct?"
"Yep, law is in my blood, legalese is my native tongue, the courtroom is my second home."
"Hmph," Diane grunted, "Did you ever find a lawyer?"
"Indeed, Thoth Law Firm's own Tsubaki Moto."
"Alright, and where were you last night from six to nine?"
"I was with Tsubaki Moto, at the Tilted Kilt."
"How is that place, by the way?" the ghoul asked.
"Imogen, please," Diane said with irritation.
"It's no problem. Their food is very good. Their vegetarian options are a little limited though. But seeing the men walk around in traditional scottish garb made my meal taste twice as good," Michelle explained.
Diane cleared her throat, "So if we were to ask Tsubaki Moto where you were yesterday, she would agree she was with you all day?"
"Yes."
"And after nine?"
"My boyfriend, Foster Hawking, can vouch for me then. I went straight to his place after the Kilt. However..." she let her sentence trail off, "I would greatly appreciate it if you did not bother him with this. My past is rather embarrassing, and I've just been trying to move on and live a normal life. I would hate to scare him off with the police knocking on his door."
Diane sighed, "This is all just some sort of fucked up coincidence."
"You're free to go, weresheep. Thanks for cooperating with us. We won't bother this Foster with anything. The crime in question had to have been committed between 6-9. If this Tsubaki can confirm your alibi, there's no reason to pry any further," Imogen dismissed her.
"Might I ask what this crime was, exactly?"
"No," Diane said curtly.
"Understood," Michelle nodded and gave them a smile, "I'll see myself out."
"Have a good afternoon, Miss Dabney," Diane said with thinly-veiled distaste.
They watched her leave. Diane turned to Imogen, "You're a fucking embarrassment."
"Hey, bitch, I thought it was pretty clear she had nothing to do with it when you searched her place. What is she going to do with four dead bodies?!"
"We don't know if they're dead yet."
"Diane, please...where else would she be keeping a large number of kidnapped men? We searched through all of her assets, she has no storage garages or second homes."
"I don't know...this woman has a history of obsessive, antisocial behavior. And four men, all very closely tied to her, have just disappeared."
"Yeah, I know how it looks. Would it make you feel better if we cracked open her finances and see if she maybe hired some form of hitman?"
"That would make me feel much much better," Diane crossed her arms, "She's responsible for this, I know it. If we could just find this treasure trove of kidnapped men..."

Tom, Dick, and Harry all woke up to the sound of screaming inside the knot of a tree, looking at a man getting violently molested in front of them by a small group of pixies. They all panicked and moved to run away, but found all their limbs bound and their mouths gagged.
"Hey guys," they heard a voice say to them. They looked over, it was Herb. He was unbound, "Welcome to the club. We've been getting a lot of new members lately."
They looked at him with fear.
"We jokingly call it the 'Knothole Lounge'," Herb explained, "But don't worry, you can be happy here if you try. The food is good, the girls are all very nice once you get to know them. And with their pixie magic, they can shrink down just about anything and bring it inside. We've got a miniature generator for electricity, a widescreen television, the latest in consoles and movies. No internet though."
The three men scream into their gags. At the internet part, not the sexual slavery bit.

Three days later, Foster sat in his office. There was naught he could do for Amanda's case, so he reopened his doors to new clients.
"So, you wish to sue...yourself?" Foster asked the slime carrier sitting across from him.
"Yes, I never asked to be this slimy abomination!" the human half claimed. The slime half just kind of squeaked.
"Alright, and what are you hoping to get from this exchange?"
"Damages. I want money!"
"And who will be paying for these damages?"
"Err...the court, right? That's how it works?"
"Get out of my office," Foster told her.
She rolled out, "Oh, look, a man who can't do a woman's job."
Foster sighed. Amanda ran past the leaving slime carrier and ran into Hawking's office before the door closed. She leapt across his desk and tackled him with another hug.
"Goddammit!" he shouted as he impacted the floor.
Amanda clutched his face with her chitinous claws and kissed him several times while shouting 'thank you!'
"What what what?!" Foster yelled as he tried to pry her off of him.
She pulled away, sitting on his floor with her legs crossed and her palms planted on his floor, "He dropped all charges! I'm not going to jail!"
Foster perked up, looking at her in surprise, "He did?! Ouch, that's gotta look bad on him."
"He came over to my place last night, and said he doesn't care what the world thinks, he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me!" she seemed so extraordinarily happy, while Foster was just deeply concerned.
"You're serious? He almost destroyed your life, Amanda," Foster reminded her.
She waved at him dismissively, "Pshaw, Foster, we've all made mistakes in the past. If you can forgive mine, I can forgive Lennon's."
"Amanda, it's been more than a decade since then...he did this a few days ago."
"So, he's a little nervous, and he was scared. It's cute."
"Cute?! Amanda, what the f--
"I think it's beautiful!" Vivi spoke up, throwing her arms around Amanda, "Every good relationship is built on some strife! That's what my mom always says!"
Amanda returned the hug, the two of them crying tears of joy. Foster stood up and righted his office chair. He stared longingly out the window.
"Only sane man left on the planet, broadcasting on all frequencies..." Foster mumbled to himself, "Please respond."
"Foster, I'll take you and Vivi out! Double date, come on, it'll be on me!" Amanda offered.
"Eh, no thank you, Amanda. My girlfriend's been really clingy lately," Foster refused, "I appreciate the offer, but maybe some other time."
"Well, hey, you know him doing this whole rape 360 thing was embarrassing for him, you said so yourself. He knows, but he's doing it anyway," she explained, "That's why I'm forgiving him, he's owning up to his mistakes."
"Yeah, I suppose. Either way, it's not a legal issue anymore, so it's none of my concern."
Amanda looked hurt, "I mean, c'mon Foster. We're still friends right? You care as my friend?"
Foster sighed, "Ok, then yes. As your friend I'm uncomfortable with forgiving him after what he put you through, but frankly, I can't say I've got a much better taste in women."
Foster's phone rang, he looked at the caller, "Speak of the devil."
He answered it, "Hey Michelle."
"Hey sweetie! Were you talking about me?"
"I...uh," Foster shivered, "That is uncanny, Michelle, it's very disturbing. Have you bugged my office?"
"No, honest! I was just teasing, but it's nice to hear you were talking about me! Did you want to go to that steakhouse that just opened up tonight? You've been so good about eating vegetarian with me that I thought you deserved a break."
"Err, yeah, sure. Sounds good."
"Alright! I'll be there at the same time today to pick you up, love you!"
Foster jolted, "Oh...umm."
He glanced around at the two girls in the office with him. They were busy having an excited conversation. He cleared his throat.
"I...I'll see you tonight," he replied, hanging up quickly. His heart was pounding.

Michelle lowered the phone from her ear, placing it on her coffee table. She gave a warm grin as she thought about how cute Foster was. Her awkward little man.