Oh, The Dank Memes You'll See!


Congratulations!
 Today is your day.
 You’re off to browse 4chan!
 You’re off and away!

Mountain Dew in one hand.
 Doritos in the other.
 You can steer yourself
 any direction you choose.
 You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
 And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down forums. Look ‘em over with care.
 About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
 you’re too smart to go down 4chan/b.

And you may not find any
 you’ll want to go down.
 In that case, of course,
 you’ll get off this site.

It’s opener there
 in the wide open reddit.

Out there things can happen
 and frequently do
 to people as dank
 and MLG as you.

And then things start to happen,
 don’t worry. Don’t stew.
 Just go right along.
 You’ll start quickscoping too.

OH BABY A TRIPLE!
 THE DANK MEMES YOU’LL SEE!

You’ll be on your way up!
 You’ll be seeing great subreddits!
 You’ll join the high stoners
 who smoke weed everyday.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
 You’ll go sanik fast and you’ll tell all the noobs.
 Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the snipers.
 Wherever you go, you will top all the xBox Live Leaderboard.

Except when you don’t.
 Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so
 but, sadly, it’s true
 that quickscopes
 and reking
 can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
 in silver league.
 And your clan will fly on.
 You’ll be left with no dankness.

And when you’re in last place,
 you’re not in for much fun.
 Un-last placing yourself
 is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the players are pro.
 Some players are scrubs. But mostly they’re dank.
 A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
 Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
 How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you take AWP or AUG?
 or AK-47? Or, maybe, not quite?
 Or go around back and sneak in from behind with a knife kill quite dank?
 Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
 For a quickscopes to rek someone’s mind.

You can get so confused
 that you’ll start in to race
 down long wiggled roads at a sanik fast pace
 and grind on for miles cross Green Hill Zone,
 headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
 MySpace …

…for people just waiting.
 Waiting for someone to go,
 To their profile, last viewed 20 years ago,
 or the dank mail to come,
 or the waiting around for Mountain Dew or Doritos
 or waiting for their rare Pepe to sell.
 Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for *CENSORED*

NO!
 That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape
 all that *CENSORED*
 You’ll find the bright places
 where hardcore gamers are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
 once more you’ll ride high!
 Ready for anything in CS-GO.
 Ready because you’re that kind of a player!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
 There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
 And the magical things you can do with that sniper
 will make you the winning-est winner of all.
 Fame! You’ll be as famous as famous can be,
 with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t
 Because, sometimes they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times
 you’ll play lonely games too.
 Games you can’t win
‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
 Whether you like it or not,
 Alone will be something
 you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
 you’ll browse through 4chan again.
 There are some, down the road between /b and /a
 that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go
 though the weather be foul.
 On you will go
 though your enemies prowl.
 On you will go
 though /b.
 Onward up many
 a frightening creek,
 though your arms may get sore
 and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will browse
 And I know you’ll browse far
 and face up to your problems
 whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course,
 as you already know.
 You’ll get mixed up
 with many strange users as you go.
 So be sure when you browse.
 Browse with care and great tact
 and remember that 4chan is a fucked up place.
 Just never forget to be dexterous and dank
 And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
 Yes! You will, indeed!
 (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU’LL GO PRO!

So…
be your name Shrek or Pepe or Peppa
 or XxX_pussy_destroyer_XxX,
 You’re off to browse dank memes!
 Today is your day!
 Your league is waiting.
 So…get on your way!