The Life of a Changling's Punching Bag

>Day I Know Exactly What a Ghost Penis Looks Like
>Another day of creative insults and physical abuse.
>The Boss is in a good mood.
>She's been a depressed sack of... sad stuff lately, so the change in attitude is a Godsend.
>Albeit a painful one.
>Ever since the failed hostile takeover of Canterlot she's been an emotional wreck.
>From what you've pieced together, she has a kind of mental link with all of the other
changelings of her hive.
>She can "feel" when one of them is nearby or a continent away.
>Works vice versa too.
>And from what I've seen and heard, communicating through said link isn't doable.
>She uses green crystal ball things for that.
>Best way to explain her link is like imagining a cup phone.
>Kinda like the ones you would make as a kid so you could talk to your imaginary friend
across the house only to have your mom yell at you for making your dad leave and to shut the
fuck up so she could watch her stories while drinking a bottle of vodka.
>...
>Anyway.
>Instead of muffled messages of how much of a good for nothing whore your mother is...
>...was.
>She would get pulses of "feeling".
>Its how the Boss described it before telling me to shut the fuck up and let her
consin...consen....focus on her invasion plans while drinking a bottle of vodka.
>Goddamn Russians

>So right, yeah, feelings.
>They can send differents types of pulses to each other based around their current mood.
>Caution, aggession, fear, and pride just to name a few.
>But if a pulse stops, everyone feels it.
>'Cept me of course.
>Being the pinnacle of nothing that I am.
>It happend every once in a while before the invasion.
>A hunting party goes out
>Something goes wrong.
>Everyone freezes for a split second.
>I only noticed this after talking with some of the hive workers.
>Talking about how the gross green pods work one second.
>Then a look of sadness on all of their faces the next.
>It also helps that I heard a Warrior mutter 'A brother has fallen'.
>When i asked the Boss why everone stalled she just asked me to leave her be.
>She never does that.
>Usually she would insult my being or smack me across the room for my impudence.
>But never "ask" to be left alone.

>When I asked a throne room guard what was wrong with her, he gave me a look like I was
living under a rock.
>'We have lost one of our skilled hunters to the void. Did you not sense it?'
>I of course told him he was an idiot and that I was human and incapable of such things.
>But upon further query I had learned that the Boss senses these kinds of much more
intimately than the rest of the hive.
>But that was after he dragged me out of the throne room and kicked my ass for calling him
an idiot.
>Sometime afterwards I started noticing more and more of these lock-ups.
>Along with the decline of the current hive population and increase in hostility and unrest.
>I should have noticed it sooner.
>More and more hunting parties were being sent out.
>Fewer would return.
>And the populace was showing signs of famine.

>Fast forward a month before the invasion.
>The hive is in an uproar.
>Nearby settlements have been deserted due to mysteriously abducted citizens.
>No love to be harvested
>Local wildlife had been harvested to keep the hive temporarly sustained.
>Lasted a week.
>And more and more changelings kept dying from starvation.
>Except me because I'm human and have superior biology for survival.
>Plebs.
>That and I can eat things that aren't love energy.
>Like cave fungus and love drained animals.
>The Boss calms everyone down by telling them she has found a solution for the shortage and
for them to be patient.
>She accentuates her statement with a pulse of love energy to all of her "children".
>Normally you can't see the exchange of pulses between the Boss and her subjects.
>But the amount of energy she sent out was enough to light up the hive with green tendrils
linking herself and her "children".
>Kinda reminded me of a cross between a lightning storm and the northern lights on Earth.

>After her display and the approval of the hive, she made her way back to her throne room.
>And as my role of Royal Punching Bag, I followed.
"Huh, never seen anyting like that before."
"So what's the plan Boss?"
>She continued on her way in silence until she reached her throne.
>"Children, leave us."
>With that the room was cleared and sealed within a matter of seconds leaving the Boss and I
as the only occupants.
"So should I go too or.."
>"Follow."
>It was then that I knew someting was very wrong.
>But followed her without question to her personal chambers through a door behind her
throne.
>As we enter she uses her magic to close the balcony doors that overlook the hive. Then
closes the chamber door.
>After making sure all entrances were sealed, she soundproofed the room with another flash
of magic.
>She then takes a seat in her lounging couch and looks me in the eyes.
>"There is no plan."

>Looking back, I probably had the funniest look on my face after she said that.
>A cross between constipation and catastrophic mental meltdown.
>Probably worthy of a Kodak moment.
"...What?"
>"I said there is no plan."
"But you just told every-"
>"You saw how they were getting."
>She was getting more and more frustrated.
>"I only told them I had a plan so I could buy time to ACTUALLY concieve a plan!"
>She then proceeded to stand up and throw her couch across the room where it shatters
against the wall.
>I look to the remaining chairs in the room and silently think.
>'I'm sorry for your loss.'
>The fuck is wrong with me.
>The Boss is now pacing around the room and starts brainstorming ideas while stabbing a
table with a dagger.
>...
>I knew I should have worn my helmet that day.
"So no plan huh?"
>"I just told you that."
>"Were you not paying attention you boiled ape!?"
>muhfeelers.zip
"Do you want some...help?"
>She stops mid-stride and looks at me as though I slapped her in the face with a most

revolting thing concieveable.
>Like a dirty used condom.

>"You?"
>"Help?"
>We stood there for a short time in silence until she burst into laughter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztVMib1T4T4
>"Are you serious?"
>"How could you, a weak, magicless, good for nothing, excuse for a creature, possibly help?"
>muhfeelers02.zip
"We could, i dunno, exchange ideas on how to save the the hive, maybe?"
>She gave me a look that reminded me of a movie where the villian contemplates the best
way to murder someone.
>"So you want me, the Queen of the Changelings, to lower myself to accept help from an
abomination of nature?"
>"Is that correct?"
>She stood right infront of me in full intimidation mode while never breaking eye contact.
"Uhh...yes?"
>I could have worded that better.
>Hindsight is 20/20 as they say.
>Next thing I knew I was flying over the hive wondering why gravity had forsaken me.
>Good times.

>After her little disagreement she had one group of hive workers retrieve me from a crater on
the far side of the hive and another to repair the hole in her chamber wall.
"A simple 'no' would have been nice."
>I was a little bitter.
>"Silence fool."
>"You should be thankful I was in a forgiving mood, else your punishment for your insolence
would have been much more severe."
>Yeah, cause getting thrown through a wall and across the hive wasn't "severe" enough.
"Sorry, Boss."
>"Save your pitiful apologies, we have work to do."
"What?"
>She turns toward her map of Equestria against the wall opposite of the one she had thrown
me through.
>And kicks me in the chest with her left hindleg.
>"Being the forgiving and gracious leader that I am, I have decided to allow you to humor your
benevlolent Queen with your ridiculous and assinine opinions and or ideas."
>ithinkimbleedinginmychest.gif
"...yay..."

3 Weeks Before Invasion
>Chatter among the hive dwellers increased after my little unexpected flight across the hive.
>Some saying that there was no plan and the Queen is a lying hag.
>Others saying to have faith in their ruler.
>But most were just waiting with baited breath until the big reveal of the Queen's solution.
>Me?
>I was just glad she didn't hit or launch me again.
>We were going over the hives current status and possible temporary solutions when the
Boss snapped.
>"AAAUUUGH!"
>"THESE PLANS ARE WORTHLESS!"
"What do you mean?"
>"I MEAN that they will not solve our food shortage in the LONG run."
>"They will however by us some more time."
>"But we need a larger supply of love to sustain our numbers."
>"And any nearby settlements are too small and would only rouse attention from Canterlot if they suddenly lose contact."
>"My Children grow more restless by the day!"
>"We need a solution now!"
>She flung her dagger onto the wall map and at the same moment a knock is heard at her chamber door.
>"What is it?!"
>A throne room guard had entered the room and bowed deeply.
>"Forgive my intrusion your Highness, but the scout commander stationed at the pony capitol
is requesting to speak with you about a new development."
>"Tell him it can wait!"
>"I'm in the middle of-"
>The guard interrupts her.
>"He says it is of utmost importance, my Queen."
>The Boss looks to me then huffs and punches me in the face.
"SONOVA-!"
>"Very well send in the Communication Crystal."
>The guard bows
>"Yes, my Queen."
>He turns to get the Crystal but the Boss stops him
>"Oh and guard?"
>He turns back around to address the Boss only to be lifted in the air and held against the wall
by his neck.
>"Do NOT interrupt me again or I'll see to it that you are sent to to clean the hatchery for the
next decade.
>The guard just nods furiously and is then dropped to the floor.

>As I'm sitting on the floor holding my face, the guard returns with with the Crystal on a
pedestal.
>"Here you are My Queen."
>"Is there anything else you require?"
"Some ice and pain killers would be nice..."
>The Boss smacks you upside the head then turns to the guard.
>"No, now leave us."
>The guard bows then leaves without a word.
"Augh, my beautiful head.."
>"Be silent foal, lest I toss you from the balcony again!"
>idontgetpaidenoughforthis.jpg
>The Boss approaches the Crystal and applies some magic.
>After a second the image of scarred changling appears.
>The Boss glares at the image.
>"This better be important Commander."
>"Apologies, My Queen. But I felt I had to notify you immediately."
>[glaringintensifies]
>"Then spit it out and stop wasting my time!"
>"O-of course My Queen!"
>"My scouts have been reporting increased levels of chatter about an upcoming event said to
take place in the palace. A wedding to be precise."
>The Boss lets out an exasperated sigh and glares even harder at the Commander.
>"And you felt it was neccesary to bring this to my attention because...?"
>The scout commander smiles
>"My Queen, the one getting married is none other that the Princess Of Love!"

>No one made a move for what seemed like eternity
>"Commander, I expect a full report by the day's end."
>"Is that understood?"
>The the scout commander saluted and smiled
>"Yes, My Queen!"
>And with that the Boss ended communication
>...
"...Princess of...Love?"
"Thats a thing?"
>The Boss just stood there, staring at the crystal as if it would divulge the secrets of the
universe at a moments notice
"Uhh...Boss? You okay?
>Without a word she just moved back to the map wall
>Then out of nowhere, she started laughing
>Still nursing my head wound I made my why to her side
>Only now noticing the dagger she threw in her fit of rage landed squarely on the Equestrian capitol
>CANTERLOT
>Huh
>Looking back on that moment I just now realized why she was laughing
>I feel like a dumbass

>"It's perfect!"
>The boss had finally gotten her laughter under control but was giggling madly
>"All of Canterlot focusing their love and adoration toward two ponies."
>"And as a bonus, the BRIDE is a PRINCESS!"
>"Do you have any idea how this could affect the hive?!"
"Uh... It would solve the food shortage?"
>"Not only solve it, but that kind of power could sustain us for CENTURIES!"
"...really?"
"Yes, you fool, YES!"
>At this point she was practically jumping for joy
>That had been the happiest I had seen her in a while
>Things were really starting to look up
>And everything would be fine
>Sadly it was not meant to be and her newfound resolve would not last
>I kinda miss that side of the Boss...

>The rest of that day was spent in anticipation of the scout commander's full report
>How excited she was could only be described as terrifying
>You're probably wondering how the fuck that works so imagine this:
>A much larger, 6ft tall, hole ridden, slit-eyed, sharp fanged, emotion eating, magical, bug horse wants to take over a nation's capitol for the sole purspose of a continued existance.
>And if history lessons back on Earth have taught me anything, its that individuals gathered behind a common goal can be very, VERY dangerous
>And down right scary for anyone in their path
>To say I was a bit worried would be an understatement
>On the bright side if things work out, then the Boss' mood would imrove drastically and she wouldn't feel the need to beat the crap out of me so often.
>Sometimes I wonder what life would  have been like if that were the case.
>"Ah, Commander."
>"I trust you have your report ready?"
>"Yes, My Queen."
>To be completely honest, I blanked out most of their coversation and decided I had enough excitement and head injuries for the day
>Basically I went to my room which was and still is a glorified closet in the Boss' room and passed out

1 Week Before Invasion
>The hive was still abuzz with barely contained excitement after the Boss' reveal of "The Solution" two weeks ago.
>Scouts were being called in from around Equestria to keep the hive updated on happenings in and around Canterlot.
>Warriors were hardening their chitinous shells for siege warfare.
>Workers were preparing storage cuccoons for ponies they capture.
>Hatchery Drones were readying the newest additions to the infantry and closing shop in order to assist in the full force assault.
>And me?
>I just watched.
>You'd think I'd have a part in this grand mobilization.
>But no.
>The Royal Punching Bag isn't allowed to get involved.
>Or touch anything.
>Which was fine by me.
>Less for me to worry about.
>But at the time, I couldn't shake the feeling that something would go wrong.
>"ANONYMOUS, WHERE ARE YOU YOU SACK OF EXCREMENT!?"
>I never liked that name.
>Anonymous
>Lacking individuality, unique character, or distinction.
>A name for a nobody.
"Coming Boss!"