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- >Your fluffy has been exceptionally well-behaved since the incident.
- >She obediently eats everything she's given, and makes little to no noise.
- >Well, you did cut out her tongue in a fit of pique, so that's not unexpected.
- >It wasn't without its downsides, though.
- >Without the tongue there to manipulate while she chews, you had to switch her to softer food.
- >You learned this almost right away, when she choked on pony chow and you had to kick her in the stomach to dislodge it.
- >"Howwa a-a!" she sputtered. "Pwaah nno huww fwuffa! Fwuffa oo fwuffa, fwuffa a foo-a!
- >Fucking hell.
- >Can barely understand her now.
- >The meaning became clear when she tried to dive back into the food right away, shaking in panic.
- >She was scared you'd punish her again for rejecting food.
- >Whoops, another whole pony pellet stuck in the throat.
- >You kicked her again, then picked up the bowl and the slobbery pellets.
- >"Nnnoo! Fwuffa howwa! Nno haa foo-a!" she cried out, sobbing.
- >You made do that day by adding water and mashing up the pellets with a hammer, creating a sloppy paste.
- >Fuck that noise, though.
- >Two days later you go to the store to switch her over to soft food.
- >Or so you thought, before pricing some; that shit's fucking expensive.
- >This means that she's actually getting pasta MORE often, since it's cheaper.
- >The irony is not lost on you.
- >Her eyes dance as you set the plate of pre-mushed noodles down in front of her.
- >"Here you go, Helen Keller," you grouse.
- >"Faann oo a-a!" she peals. "Wuh oo!"
- >"Yeah yeah," you reply, "shut your shit up."
- >She ravenously attacks the plate of red mush, gobbling down mouthful after mouthful...
- >... but soon begins to slow down.
- >Next she's taking small bites, considering each swallow carefully.
- >"Hahha hayh funna," she says, looking at you.
- >"What the fuck did you just say?"
- >"Hahha hayh funna!" she repeats, insistently. "Hayh funna! Hayh funna!"
- >She points at the food.
- >"First of all, I can't understand you because you sound like fucking Helen Keller," you answer irately. "And second, that's spaghetti, the same shit you always ask for. Eat it."
- >"Hayh funna..." she insists, pouting.
- >"Not gonna eat it?" you ask, rattling the utensil drawer.
- >Her eyes go wide with fear. "Howwa! Howwa!" she yelps, diving back into the food.
- >She eats morosely, clearly not enjoying it.
- >It hits you. She was trying to say it tastes funny.
- >Well, of course it does with a missing tongue.
- >Looks like irony levels remain stable for now.
- >You leave her to eat and turn on your Xbox to wreck up some ancient Chinese cannon fodder.
- >Nobody can stop Lu Bu.
- >After about fifteen minutes she waddles over to you and nuzzles your leg, rubbing sauce on it.
- >"Pwa?" she asks.
- >"What?" you answer, completely engrossed in the game.
- >"Pwa! Pwa!"
- >"Fucking Helen Keller, I can't understand you. Shit! Worthless fucking AI generals!"
- >She starts bawling, convinced that you're mad at her instead of stupid-ass Diaochan.
- >You pause the game with a groan.
- >"Stop crying! What do you want?"
- >"Pwa!"
- >"Pwa?" you repeat. "What are you, a Lilipea?"
- >"Pwa! Pwa!" she sobs.
- >You think about what you know of fluffy ponies.
- >After all, they only understand like thirty words and six concepts.
- >She just ate and it's not bedtime... must want to play.
- >You lean over to pick her up... and notice the sauce all over your pants.
- >"Fuck! You got marinara all over my leg!"
- >She quails away from you.
- >"Howwa a-a!"
- >"You know you're not supposed to touch anything after spaghetti dinner until I wipe you off, you little dumbass. Now we have to play the sponge game."
- >"Nnoo! Nno wa' pwa!" she whines. She fucking HATES the sponge game.
- >"Too bad," you say flatly, grabbing her up by her legs.
- >"Nnooo!" she squeals as you rub her fluffy sides up and down your pantleg, smearing marinara sauce into her.
- >"Did you get some on the floor too?" you ask her.
- >"Nno! Nno ehh foo-a onn fwooa!" she cries.
- >"Sure. Let's go look. You remember the punishment for lying, right?"
- >She resumes crying as you carry her back to the kitchen island.
- >Of course, there's a healthy portion of sauce on the floor. She's never once managed to eat spaghetti without leaving some.
- >"Uh-oh. Looks like you DID leave some on the floor. And you lied!"
- >You rub the blubbering pony belly-up along the floor, wiping up the sauce with her back fluff.
- >"Fwuffa ha' 'ame!" she wails.
- >"Don't like it, Helen Keller?" you tease. "Well then, remember to ask me to wipe you off after spaghetti!"
- >"Howwa! Nno mo' 'ame!"
- >"You know the bath game comes after the sponge game," you admonish. "Otherwise we have to play the sponge game again and again, every night."
- >The pony is crying quietly now, too disconsolate to say anything; you carry her to the sink and wash her off.
- >She squirms and swats at you with her hooves when you try to wipe her face, and you have to hold her head still with your other hand.
- >Just like always, though; her weak swats don't hurt and you're used to them.
- >"Nno waa baf 'ame," she complains, rubbing her damp face with her hooves afterwards. "Wann pwa bwa'. Wann pwa baww."
- >"Well you shouldn't have lied to me," you answer. "Now you have to play on your own. If you behave yourself I'll play with you tomorrow."
- >Her eyes tear up. "Howwa... Hawahawa howwa..."
- >What.
- >You've worked out 'howwa' from context by now; it's 'sorry'.
- >The fuck does 'hawahawa' mean?
- >You set her down in her fenced play area and head back to your game, the word rattling around in the back of your consciousness.
- >After a cesspool of a campaign which you only manage to turn around by virtue of your Lu Bu-ness, you switch off the game and head to bed.
- >You pick your pony up; she's forgotten most of the details of the evening and is happy to see you again.
- >"Hawwo!" she chirps, cuddling your arm as you carry her to the bedroom.
- >"Hi," you reply, "time for bed."
- >You set her down inside the safe closet.
- >"Huh?" she asks, putting a hoof on your leg.
- >"I said, time for bed."
- >"Huh! Huh!" she insists.
- >"What the fuck is so hard to understand? It. Is. Time. For. Bed."
- >You turn to leave but she latches onto your shin.
- >"Wann huh bafow bah! Wann huh!" she shrills.
- >She wants a HUG.
- >"... Fine."
- >You pick her up and squeeze her gently as she nuzzles your chest.
- >"Hawahawa wuv a-a," she mumbles into your shirt.
- >There's that word again.
- >"What the fuck is 'hawahawa'?"
- >She cocks her head at you.
- >"Hawahawa ih Hawahawa, a-a," she answers, smiling.
- >She points at herself with a hoof.
- >Oh, fuck it all.
- >She thinks Helen Keller is her name now.
- >Jesus Christ.
- >"Hawahawa wuv a-a," she repeats as you set her down. "A-a wuv Hawahawa?"
- >You sigh.
- >"Yes, I love you too, Helen Keller. Go to sleep."
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