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Zeikfried

Saturday Night is Game Night

May 19th, 2012
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  1. >Your fluffy has been exceptionally well-behaved since the incident.
  2. >She obediently eats everything she's given, and makes little to no noise.
  3. >Well, you did cut out her tongue in a fit of pique, so that's not unexpected.
  4. >It wasn't without its downsides, though.
  5. >Without the tongue there to manipulate while she chews, you had to switch her to softer food.
  6. >You learned this almost right away, when she choked on pony chow and you had to kick her in the stomach to dislodge it.
  7. >"Howwa a-a!" she sputtered. "Pwaah nno huww fwuffa! Fwuffa oo fwuffa, fwuffa a foo-a!
  8. >Fucking hell.
  9. >Can barely understand her now.
  10. >The meaning became clear when she tried to dive back into the food right away, shaking in panic.
  11. >She was scared you'd punish her again for rejecting food.
  12. >Whoops, another whole pony pellet stuck in the throat.
  13. >You kicked her again, then picked up the bowl and the slobbery pellets.
  14. >"Nnnoo! Fwuffa howwa! Nno haa foo-a!" she cried out, sobbing.
  15. >You made do that day by adding water and mashing up the pellets with a hammer, creating a sloppy paste.
  16.  
  17. >Fuck that noise, though.
  18. >Two days later you go to the store to switch her over to soft food.
  19. >Or so you thought, before pricing some; that shit's fucking expensive.
  20. >This means that she's actually getting pasta MORE often, since it's cheaper.
  21. >The irony is not lost on you.
  22. >Her eyes dance as you set the plate of pre-mushed noodles down in front of her.
  23. >"Here you go, Helen Keller," you grouse.
  24. >"Faann oo a-a!" she peals. "Wuh oo!"
  25. >"Yeah yeah," you reply, "shut your shit up."
  26. >She ravenously attacks the plate of red mush, gobbling down mouthful after mouthful...
  27. >... but soon begins to slow down.
  28. >Next she's taking small bites, considering each swallow carefully.
  29. >"Hahha hayh funna," she says, looking at you.
  30. >"What the fuck did you just say?"
  31. >"Hahha hayh funna!" she repeats, insistently. "Hayh funna! Hayh funna!"
  32. >She points at the food.
  33. >"First of all, I can't understand you because you sound like fucking Helen Keller," you answer irately. "And second, that's spaghetti, the same shit you always ask for. Eat it."
  34. >"Hayh funna..." she insists, pouting.
  35. >"Not gonna eat it?" you ask, rattling the utensil drawer.
  36. >Her eyes go wide with fear. "Howwa! Howwa!" she yelps, diving back into the food.
  37. >She eats morosely, clearly not enjoying it.
  38. >It hits you. She was trying to say it tastes funny.
  39. >Well, of course it does with a missing tongue.
  40. >Looks like irony levels remain stable for now.
  41.  
  42. >You leave her to eat and turn on your Xbox to wreck up some ancient Chinese cannon fodder.
  43. >Nobody can stop Lu Bu.
  44. >After about fifteen minutes she waddles over to you and nuzzles your leg, rubbing sauce on it.
  45. >"Pwa?" she asks.
  46. >"What?" you answer, completely engrossed in the game.
  47. >"Pwa! Pwa!"
  48. >"Fucking Helen Keller, I can't understand you. Shit! Worthless fucking AI generals!"
  49. >She starts bawling, convinced that you're mad at her instead of stupid-ass Diaochan.
  50. >You pause the game with a groan.
  51. >"Stop crying! What do you want?"
  52. >"Pwa!"
  53. >"Pwa?" you repeat. "What are you, a Lilipea?"
  54. >"Pwa! Pwa!" she sobs.
  55. >You think about what you know of fluffy ponies.
  56. >After all, they only understand like thirty words and six concepts.
  57. >She just ate and it's not bedtime... must want to play.
  58. >You lean over to pick her up... and notice the sauce all over your pants.
  59.  
  60. >"Fuck! You got marinara all over my leg!"
  61. >She quails away from you.
  62. >"Howwa a-a!"
  63. >"You know you're not supposed to touch anything after spaghetti dinner until I wipe you off, you little dumbass. Now we have to play the sponge game."
  64. >"Nnoo! Nno wa' pwa!" she whines. She fucking HATES the sponge game.
  65. >"Too bad," you say flatly, grabbing her up by her legs.
  66. >"Nnooo!" she squeals as you rub her fluffy sides up and down your pantleg, smearing marinara sauce into her.
  67. >"Did you get some on the floor too?" you ask her.
  68. >"Nno! Nno ehh foo-a onn fwooa!" she cries.
  69. >"Sure. Let's go look. You remember the punishment for lying, right?"
  70. >She resumes crying as you carry her back to the kitchen island.
  71. >Of course, there's a healthy portion of sauce on the floor. She's never once managed to eat spaghetti without leaving some.
  72. >"Uh-oh. Looks like you DID leave some on the floor. And you lied!"
  73. >You rub the blubbering pony belly-up along the floor, wiping up the sauce with her back fluff.
  74. >"Fwuffa ha' 'ame!" she wails.
  75. >"Don't like it, Helen Keller?" you tease. "Well then, remember to ask me to wipe you off after spaghetti!"
  76. >"Howwa! Nno mo' 'ame!"
  77. >"You know the bath game comes after the sponge game," you admonish. "Otherwise we have to play the sponge game again and again, every night."
  78. >The pony is crying quietly now, too disconsolate to say anything; you carry her to the sink and wash her off.
  79. >She squirms and swats at you with her hooves when you try to wipe her face, and you have to hold her head still with your other hand.
  80. >Just like always, though; her weak swats don't hurt and you're used to them.
  81.  
  82. >"Nno waa baf 'ame," she complains, rubbing her damp face with her hooves afterwards. "Wann pwa bwa'. Wann pwa baww."
  83. >"Well you shouldn't have lied to me," you answer. "Now you have to play on your own. If you behave yourself I'll play with you tomorrow."
  84. >Her eyes tear up. "Howwa... Hawahawa howwa..."
  85. >What.
  86. >You've worked out 'howwa' from context by now; it's 'sorry'.
  87. >The fuck does 'hawahawa' mean?
  88. >You set her down in her fenced play area and head back to your game, the word rattling around in the back of your consciousness.
  89. >After a cesspool of a campaign which you only manage to turn around by virtue of your Lu Bu-ness, you switch off the game and head to bed.
  90. >You pick your pony up; she's forgotten most of the details of the evening and is happy to see you again.
  91. >"Hawwo!" she chirps, cuddling your arm as you carry her to the bedroom.
  92. >"Hi," you reply, "time for bed."
  93. >You set her down inside the safe closet.
  94. >"Huh?" she asks, putting a hoof on your leg.
  95. >"I said, time for bed."
  96. >"Huh! Huh!" she insists.
  97. >"What the fuck is so hard to understand? It. Is. Time. For. Bed."
  98. >You turn to leave but she latches onto your shin.
  99. >"Wann huh bafow bah! Wann huh!" she shrills.
  100. >She wants a HUG.
  101. >"... Fine."
  102. >You pick her up and squeeze her gently as she nuzzles your chest.
  103. >"Hawahawa wuv a-a," she mumbles into your shirt.
  104. >There's that word again.
  105. >"What the fuck is 'hawahawa'?"
  106. >She cocks her head at you.
  107. >"Hawahawa ih Hawahawa, a-a," she answers, smiling.
  108. >She points at herself with a hoof.
  109. >Oh, fuck it all.
  110. >She thinks Helen Keller is her name now.
  111. >Jesus Christ.
  112. >"Hawahawa wuv a-a," she repeats as you set her down. "A-a wuv Hawahawa?"
  113. >You sigh.
  114. >"Yes, I love you too, Helen Keller. Go to sleep."
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