Bonesy adds to le Critique

Possible Section Title: Ih'''(ate)'''soy''(milk)'''

So it was August 18th, 2012, '''(CPC: at around 9:45, on a cloudy day, when my grandparents died in a horrific

car crash,)''' which was the day before New Super Mario Bros. 2 was released for the 3DS, as well as the year

the Wii'''(CPC: Space, you dumbass.)'''U would be released, along with many other games, such as '''(CPC:

These sentences must be in some kind of marathon, because they’re running on and on!)''' '''(Memez: You know,

run-on sentences)''' New Super Mario Bros. U, ZombiU, Luigi’s Mansion 2: Dark Moon, Paper Mario: Sticker Star,

and many other great games. '''(CPC: Hmm………….ZombiU being good……….right. Because when Game Informer calls your

game “sloppy and poorly executed”, you just know your game is a winner.)''' This story is about my creepy

encounter with one of these games, New Super Mario Bros. 2. '''(CPC: THEN WHY THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU TALK

ABOUT THE WII U STUFF?!? (Memez: That's pointless as fuck then, because it's just for the bloody sake of being

there, I suppose.))'''

(Side note '''(CPC: If this is a side note, shouldn’t it be written on the side instead of in the middle? Oh,

quit booing me!)''': This is written in a future perspective, in which it is supposedly '''(Memez: Supposedly?

If you're writing it then you SHOULD FUCKING KNOW THE DATE THAT IT IS BEING WRITTEN YOU GODDAMN IDIOT)'''

being written 8 years after the events occurred, '''(CPC: OK, now I know. Thanks for clarifying,

narrator……….who is telling us the story right now in the present!)''' which obviously isn’t true, '''(CPC: Oh

my god, the narrator is telling us himself that his story is fake and made up! Someone castrate me! That

completely ruins any sign of illusion that creepypastas are SUPPOSED TO CONTAIN! (Memez: Because this pasta is

unbelievable all the way to the end, anyone hardly believes in this piece of shit anyway))''' since it’s still

October 2012 as I’m writing this.) '''(CPC: So remember kids, if October 2012 is 2 months after August 2012,

that could also translate to October 2012 being 8 years after August 2012. They’re gonna ask you that on all

the Regents exams, trust me!)'''(Bonesy:Pointless information:1 Good Storytelling:0)

Less than a year prior to New Super Mario Bros. 2’s release was Super Mario 3D Land’s release, and,

considering I’d loved the cape in Super Mario World and the Tanooki Suit in Super Mario Bros. 3, I purchased

both games. '''(CPC: So, you spent around 25 bucks of your hard earned money to buy 2 games because………….the

powerups in them were TOTALLY NEATO, DUDE?)''' There was only so much to do in Super Mario 3D Land, '''(CPC:

“Because unlike ZombiU, SM3DL is actually a GOOD game.”)'''(Bonesy:Am i the only one here who doesn't

understand what the fuck a Tanooki Cape is?) and I 100% completed it in less than a week '''(CPC: You know

that there’s still fun to be had with a completed game, right? Just erase the save and play again! Dang ol’

whippersnappers these days, I tell ya what!)''' (granted, I did spend almost half of my week playing it, and

another quarter playing Mario Kart 7 '''(CPC: You don’t need quarters to play Mario Kart 7. It isn’t an arcade

game. ''' and messing around with the features of my newly acquired 3DS), leaving me waiting for the next

Mario game to come out, eager for something else to do. '''(CPC: So, basically, our protagonist’s only hobby

is playing Mario games, even though he said that ZombiU was a good game, and that game had nothing to do with

Mario. USE YOUR THOUGHTS, WRITER! USE YOUR THOUGHTS!)''' This explains why I was so eager to get NSMB2 that I

got it on the release date, which was August 19th for those who didn’t know. '''(CPC: By god……………………..this is

some of the most blatant repetition I’ve ever seen. At least in the other pastas I’ve shit on, they knew when

they repeated bullshit back into my face!)''' Well, August 19th in America. I’m not quite sure when it was

released in Japan. '''(CPC: Oh no, please, after you, my good sir! If you’re an expert on Mario, please

explain every fucking specific detail on this game’s release in Japan! In fact, write a book on it! Title it

“NSMB2: Why Japan Got A Video Game Before Us (Which They Always Do) And Why You Should Know The Exact Date Of

When NSMB2 Was Released In Japan”! (Memez: That wouldn't make this pile of crap a pasta anymore, through. More

like an "explainpasta."))'''

I looked at the downloadable version’s price, and '''(CPC: Let’s see…..this is a pasta about a video game……

Hmm, what’s missing?......... OH YEAH, WE’RE GOING THERE! BRING OUT THE FUCKING CHECKLIST!!! (Memez: I'd get

my goddamn cliche counter ready too, version "Video Game Cliche Detector 4000." And a backup one, just in

fucking case. (The Mind: *summons an active cliche counter and an inactive cliche counter)))''' then I went to

my GameStop to see if someone had purchased it, '''(CPC: Protagonist goes to a video game store to purchase

his fate. CHECK! (Memez: CLICHE COUNT: 1. Video game cliche 12. Buying the game from someone at a yard sale,

even if it's not yard but fuck it.)''' decided they didn’t like it, and brought it to GameStop, and, sure

enough, some people did. '''(CPC: The public already hates the game one day in it’s release, so they bring it

to Gamestop instead of selling the wanted, new game on Ebay. CHECK!)''' '''(Memez: Oh, and plus, RUN-ON

SENTENCES!)''' In fact, they had 1 returned copy left, '''(CPC: Only 1 copy of the game that the horrible

protagonist can buy. CHECK!)''' but there was no picture on the front, rather a really crappy label that read

‘new mario 2’ in sloppy cursive handwriting. '''(CPC: Ooh, a haunted and mysterious label at the official

store! CHECK!) (Bonesy:Why sloppy cursive handwriting? Why not sloppy print writing?) '''(Memez: CLICHE COUNT:

2. Video game cliche 4. The cartridge/label shows obvious signs of tampering.))'''

At the time, this didn’t bother me much, and I bought it anyways. '''(CPC: Protagonist continues to be a dumb

plot device and buys the haunted and mysterious game! CHECK!)''' It was a dollar cheaper than the downloadable

version, '''(CPC: Protagonist gives an incredibly cheapass reason to buy said haunted game! CHECK! '''(Memez:

I don't know if this "haunted game with a cheaper price" is supposed to be an actual cliche, but it's probably

is so CLICHE COUNT 3. Video game cliche 22. The person who sold the game (yard, eBay, whatever) begging people

to buy it, and for a low price too. There's too many of those.))''' which was $39.99 if my memory serves me

correctly, '''(CPC: By goodness, HE REMEMBERS THE EXACT PRICE NOW?!? (Ha! In your face! I’m not summoning God

tonight, I’m not summoning God tonight!) (Bonesy:So, other people get their shitty cliche ridden games
 for a dollar and your excited about 39.99? HA.Loser)''' and I’m one for saving money, even if it’s only a

dollar.
'''(CPC: “The consequences? I don't care about the consequences. I just care about keeping one more buck in my

pocket. Ah, the fact that the Gamestop manager’s feeble mind is easily manipulated by cheapos like me and

talentless employees is no skin off my nose. Survival of the cheapest, SpongeBob! Survival of the

cheapest!”)'''
When I went to the counter to purchase it, the cashier didn’t freak out about how I should just take it for

free or anything, '''(CPC: Writer tries to avoid “free game cliché”, but is quite tact about it and thus fails

miserably at writing this section out. FUCKING CHECK!)''' he just told me that I was 38 dollars and 99 cents

in the '''(Memez: man)'''hole, '''(CPC: When was a hole introduced in the story? And now the writer’s telling

us that he’s a living, breathing pile of cash?..............................I’m sorry, guys. I’m having too

much fun. You can stop booing me right about now.)''' so I paid for the game, gave the cashier a three-dollar

-tip, '''(CPC: You…………………………………gave the cashier……….who did ABSOLUTELY nothing helpful…………a three dollar tip,

………………BUT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO SPEND AN EXTRA BUCK THERE BUYING A GAME THAT WOULDN’T SCAR YOU FOR LIFE?!?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE WRITING! IT BURNS!)''' and left the store.

'''(The Mind: Three cliches already? I'm sure this is getting ridiculous all the way to the fucking end, for

sure.''

'''Memez: Not just ridiculous, but it is gonna give us a headache, I suppose. These mansion residents like to

prank with us doesn't they?)'''

As soon as I got home, I registered the game on Club Nintendo’s website,'''(CPC:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???)''' (Bonesy:And not a single fuck

was given that day) then instantly took the game out of its case and snapped it into my 3DS. '''(CPC: If you

can snap your fingers to make a 3DS cartridge fly into the system’s cartridge slot, then you, my good man,

have some wicked skill. '''(Memez: Or rather, he's a fucking psychic. Especially considering that the cliches

here are goddamn psychic they could give me a double migraine.))''' As I turned on my 3DS, I noticed the home

menu was no longer there, but replaced with 4 options:

The game, New Super Mario Bros. 2, of which the logo wasn’t what it should be, '''(CPC: And………..HOW do you

know this when you never played the game before?)''' but instead it was a picture of Yoshi, but his eyes were

bloodshot and the whites of his eyes weren’t really that white, they were more of a disturbingly noticeably

different shade of red, yet the difference was barely noticeable at the same time '''(Bonesy:ZOMG SEW MUCH

BLOODY BLOOD ITS SOOOOOOO SCARY YEW GUIZE!!!!11!!!!ElEVEN!!) (Memez: CLICHE COUNT 4. General cliche 26.

Characters with abnormal eyes (especially blood red eyes) and every one hates them because of it.)'''. There

was blood dripping from his chin. '''(CPC: Don’t worry guys. My CHECKLIST was only for the Gamestop scene!

'''(Memez: My cliche counter is still active, soooooooo, CLICHE FUCKING COUNT 5. Video game cliche 3. Classic

childhood game with super-violent content added. Also, adding to that, it's already expected since this part

about fucking blood is coming, what's not to like?))'''

This freaked the crap out of me, and I instantly shut off the system (Bonesy:FINALLY, a Creepypasta

protagonist with some SENSE! Oh wait, theres still more to this pasta....FUCKDAMMIT.) '''(Memez: "HOLY FUCKITY

OF FUCKS THIS GAME IS OBVIOUSLY HAUNTED I'M NOT GOING TO PLAY IT... Or maybe later.")'''. The other three

options, before I continue with the story, were DS download play, Pictochat, and gameboy advanced cartridge

play, although both pictochat and gba cartridge play were crossed out since the 3DS didn’t have these

features. The original DS and the DS Lite, however, did. That’s the other reason I freaked out. '''(CPC:

……………………………………..WHAT? Just………………………….WHAT? Was that supposed to……………scare us? Of course not, the writer can’t

write for retards if he tried.)''' (Bonesy:*Holds hand up into air* Teacher? Will this be on the Mid-Terms?)

I now owned 2 DS Lites, or so I thought; later I’d taken the cartridge out and found that everything that was

on my 3DS prior to this incident was perfectly intact. '''(CPC: Thank you for spoiling the protagonist’s fate

while also disappointing me! I’m so upset that the protagonist doesn’t die in this story! '''(Memez: Oh, in

fact, if he actually did, then there's this goddamn inevitable cliche: I died.))'''

After turning the system on and off again several more times, thinking it was a glitch '''(Memez: I don't know

if this counts or not, but CLICHE COUNT 6. Video game cliche 20. Thinking that certain things were just some

"minor glitches".)''', I realized nothing would change and decided to select the game. '''(CPC: Well maybe,

you should take the cartridge out as said ONE SENTENCE AGO and throw it in your local dump. Quality over

quantity, bitch!)'''  When I did, however, the console shut off again, making a loud popping noise as it did.

It turned back on 1 or 2 seconds later. When the console restarted, I started on the main menu of the game,

looking as I had seen it on GameXplain and various other videos I’d seen on YouTube. When I selected the first

option, however, there was 1 used file, the third one, but Mario's face wasn't on the file, '''(CPC: HOW DID

YOU KNOW MARIO’S FACE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE WHEN YOU NEVER PLAYED THE FUCKING GAME?!?!?)''' rather the

picture of the extremely demonic Yoshi from the logo.(Bonesy:DEEMUNS ARE SEW SCAREE YEw GUISE!!! Writers Mom:

I shouldve taken the day-after pill with you.)

There was 1 available file, the first one. The second one was simply grayed out with the words ‘Not enough

memory space to proceed!’ written over it. '''(CPC: You know, the modern era isn’t the era of the NES. Don’t

games have like a bazillion memory gigabytes in them these days?)''' I simply ignored this '''(Memez: "as a

glitch and moved on")''' and decided to check out what progress the third file had on it.

To my surprise, the guy had already 100% completed the game, and he’d collected several million coins,

'''(CPC: Fun fact: It takes approximately 50-60 days to count to one million if you DON’T SLEEP for that

entire amount of time. And the third save file has SEVERAL million coins on it. What, the previous owner

didn’t need to eat, drink, spend time with his/her family, piss or shit? Plus, the protagonist found this used

game at Gamestop CLOSE TO IT’S RELEASE DATE, which means that those several million coins COULD NOT HAVE BEEN

EARNED. IN THAT GODDAMN RELEASE DATE!)''' something I’d somehow missed at the Main Menu. '''(CPC: Don’t worry.

I can understand how you missed that. Because you’re an idiot.)''' One thing I did wonder was ‘How in the

WORLD could he have collected 4 and a half million coins in just a few hours?’ '''(Memez: Anomalies.)''' The

game couldn’t possibly have given the player THAT many coins, '''(CPC: *facepalm*)'''  and the game couldn’t

possibly be that easy to 100%. He’d either used GameShark or Live Action Replay or something, or he was just

an extremely hardcore Mario fan, '''(CPC: Symbolism, I like it!)''' most likely the first. '''(CPC:

……………………………I’m saying it again, WHAT?!? (Memez: Seconded. WHAT?!?!))'''(Bonesy:Meh, might as well join the

bandwagon. WHAT???)

He was in the Star World.(Bonesy:I don't play Mario games, so i'm imagining Star World as Post-Apocalyptic New

York.) I touched the World 1 icon on the touch screen '''(Memez: Obviously)''', but found myself being

teleported to the New Super Mario Bros. Wii world map. This really didn’t bother me that much except for the

fact that the fortress looked like the New Super Mario Bros. Wii one as opposed to the New Super Mario Bros.

one and the one I’d seen in the Star World. I entered the first level and played through it.

It played through just as it had in the various videos of it I’d seen on YouTube, but with different graphics.

The question marks on the ? blocks were written in blood, as it appeared '''(Memez: If it appeared like that,

I think some idiots wrote that in red sharpie)''', and whenever I stomped on a goomba or burned a koopa, there

would be a small blood stain on the screen where that enemy was. I beat the level with 2 star coins, 666

coins,(Bonesy:ZOMG GUISE IT'S 666 ITS TEH DEEVILS NUMBERH I'M SEW EDGY AND ORIGINAL!!!) '''(CPC: Oh, gee! I

could make fun of anything! I mean, the possibilities are endless!)''' '''(Memez: CLICHE COUNT: 7. General

cliche 4. The numbers 6, 13, and 666.)''' and 333 seconds remaining. (By the way, 2 divided into 666 is 333)

(Bonesy:For the three year olds reading this, here's some basic math.) '''(CPC: By the way, you just blatantly

added a goddamn cliché to your pasta for no particular reason, which you were trying NOT to do at the Gamestop

scene!)''' '''(Memez: OK. Now I know, thanks for clarifying, I would have never figured that out on my

own.)'''

Right then, a message box popped up and read ‘You should have stopped sooner. It is too late now.’ '''(CPC: I

know I should have, but I’m doing a collab with my buddies and I don’t want to disappoint. (Memez: Oh, sure

you do dude. Also, CLICHE COUNT 8. Video game cliche 15. The game's talking to me, telling me to go away, turn

back or something of that sort. Adding to it, IT HAS NO EXACT WARNING THAT SHIT WILL FUCKING HAPPEN.))'''

This next part is where I decided this was either a hacked copy or a haunted copy. '''(CPC: Oh, the

protagonist couldn’t tell the fucking difference until NOW? (Memez: And that is where THIS comes in. CLICHE

COUNT 9. Video game cliche 2. Haunted cartridge))'''

I reentered level 1-1 to find the third star coin, but all I found was the fact that the level was just an

ocean of blood now (Bonesy:Blood makes EVERYTHING SCARIER! Writers Friend:But...a whole ocean? Writer: YES A

WHOLE OCEAN YOU COCKMOLLUSK I HAVE A SPECIFIC VISION!!!!)'''(Memez: "Yes, blood TOTALLY makes everything

scary!")'''. When I reached the midway point, the picture of the abused Yoshi showed up on screen. I had 3D

on, so I was scared half to death '''(Memez: REALLY? YOU GOT LITERALLY SCARED HALF TO DEATH?!?!)'''.

(Bonesy:Why not two-thirds to death?)

I’d used to be a huge fan of Yoshi, '''(CPC: “I would hog the computer for the premiere of every Yoshi game,

and yell at my younger brothers if they so much as said a word before the game premiered, which was usually

around several months to a year.”)''' but starting then, I wasn’t quite so much anymore. '''(CPC: I can see

that the writer’s trying to scare the readers more than he’s trying to dive into how realistic the protagonist

is, but that’s not how likes and dislikes work. That’s like saying you hate Teen Titans Go because you saw the

first twenty seconds of the first episode and thought to yourselves “OH MY GOD, RAVEN’S A PEGASISTER! CHANGE

THE CHANNEL THIS INSTANT!!!”)'''(Bonesy:WAIT, RAVENS A PEGASISTER??? FUCKDAMMIT,I KIND OF LIKED HER!)

When the picture disappeared from the screen, my player was gone, and in his place was the Yoshi, pleased, as

though he had just finished eating Mario. And my proof that he did?
'''(CPC: Where did I go wrong,)''' I lost a life.
'''(CPC: Somewhere along in my pain and strife.
And I would have stayed up with you all night.
Had I known how to save that light. (Don’t you go around judging my improvisation. I was just ticked off at

the song because “night” doesn’t rhyme with “life”.))'''

I appeared on the world map, but now I wasn’t just Mario anymore. Now, I was a neglected version of Mario,

just like Yoshi- Mario’s eyeballs were bloodshot, and blood was dripping from his chin. '''(CPC: I thought our

protagonist was a huge wad of cash! Now he’s a beaten up version of Mario?!? '''(Memez: Oh god, he's a

shapeshifter. Call the Ghostbusters this instant, even through I'm a paranormal researcher!))'''

'''(The Mind: A shapeshifter THAT can turn into representations of a horrible protagonist and cliches.)'''

I concluded here that the demon passed from person to person as the demonic person murdered another, so Yoshi

was presumably perfectly fine now(Bonesy:How in Cthulhu's name did you come to that conclusion?) '''(Memez:

Soooooooo, if the antagonist is an invisible demon based off digital coding that can haunt characters by

murdering them, THEN CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE LOGICAL REASON THE TITLE OF THIS BULLCRAP IS "IHSOY" IF IT'S NOT

EXACTLY ABOUT IHSOY?!?! This should be preferably named "The New Super Mario Bros 2 Cartridge Demon," that'd

be MUCH better.)'''. I proceeded through the level, although it wasn’t me that was controlling it, Mario was

controlling himself. Rather, Oiram (Bonesy:ZOMG U GUISE MY CHARACTERZ NAME IS BACKWARDZ IM SEW ORIGINULL AND

KEWL!!! Also, don't be using my last name, bitch.) (oh-ee-ram)(Bonesy:I preferred Oy-Ram) was controlling

himself. '''(Oiram: ''“Ah, my time to shine! Better put on my fancy suede shoes, because I’m gonna blow the

crowd away!”'''''
'''CPC: The only thing that’s gonna be blown away is you, when we grind you into powder after we’re done.)'''

I called him Oiram since Oiram was Mario backwards, '''(CPC: *headdesk*)''' '''(Memez: ........Obviously.)'''

(Bonesy:Is this guy writing for his three year old sister or his three hundred year old grandma?) and since he

wasn’t really Mario anymore, really just a backwards, twisted version of himself. '''(*CPC looks at Oiram* Why

dis the protagonist call you twisted?'''
'''Oiram: ''“Well, I DID lock you in a library for no well explained reason just so you guys could kill me

whilst I sit here awaiting my death, doing absolutely nothing whatsoever to stop you three. It’s anyone’s

call.”'''''
'''Memez: "I'm not sure who did it either. Screw you, Flandre, screw you...)'''
Therefore, the demonic Yoshi was really Ihsoy (ih-soi)(Bonesy:Nope.It's Eye-so-ee for now on.Just because fuck

you).

When Oiram reached the end of the level, he grabbed the top of the flagpole, but, rather than gaining a life,

he lost one '''(Memez: Makes total sense)'''. Princess Peach was behind the flagpole, and she was overjoyed to

see Mario as she was stranded there. '''(CPC: Isn’t the whole point of most Mario games to, oh, I don’t know,

RESCUE PRINCESS PEACH FROM BOWSER?!?!? Even MARIO FUCKING PINBALL LAND got this right, and that’s the worst

official Mario game of all time!'''
'''Oiram: ''“Well I guess my game isn’t like MOST Mario games.”'''''
'''CPC: Pure bullshit. It’s just a poor excuse for the author’s bad writing.)'''
She didn’t know it was really Oiram. '''(CPC: Because no one in the world could tell the difference between

Mario and Oiram. After all, Oiram’s supposed to be the COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF MARIO!'''
'''Oiram: “I put on Mario’s costume when I met Peach. After this successful encounter, I tried it on in the

real world for a few months, and everyone thought I was just a crazy person who couldn’t let go of the fact

that this year’s Comic-Con ended.”'''
'''CPC: Oh, shut up.'''
'''Memez: No one called paranormal researchers? LIES.)'''
A picture of Oiram appeared on the screen for the same amount of time as the picture of Ihsoy did. When it was

gone, Princess Peach was lying on the ground, dead, and over her was the demon, ripping her apart bit by bit.

(Bonesy:POINTLESS VIOLENCE TOETS McSCROTES AKES IT SCARY U GUIZES)

I looked away for roughly 2 minutes here, so there are no details here, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hear

them anyways. '''(CPC: I don’t want to hear any more of your horrible writing anyways!)'''

Oiram was standing perfectly still, content with himself. He suddenly collapsed and dissolved into the air.

The demon crawled into Princess Peach. Her final words were, “Mario… How could you?” '''(CPC: “Et tu, Mari-

e?”)''' '''(Memez: She's already dead in the second previous paragraph. Therefore, how can she utter words in

this situation?........UNLESS WE USE FUCK LOGIC AND SAY THAT THE AUTHOR FORGOT TO PUT THAT BEFORE OIRAM

FUCKING RIP HER APART.)''' She finally was taken over by the demon, and was now Hcaep Ssecnirp (Hu-cay-ep sec

-nerp) (Bonesy:That sounds stupid. You are stupid.).

This was the first point I considered giving up on the game, but curiosity killed the cat '''(Memez: Quote Ms.

Fortune, "Curiosity can't kill me.")''', didn’t it? Or, in this case, curiosity killed everyone. Curiosity is

a dangerous, dangerous thing... '''(CPC: So true. I was curious as to whether or not this story would be

entertaining or scary. '''(Memez: According from my observations, it ends up more like "horribly

entertaining"))'''

At this point, I gave up on the first level and decided to move on to the second '''(Memez: I thought you gave

up on playing the game, BUT YOU KEEP PLAYING ANYWAY?!?!)'''.

In World 1-2, Mario was back to normal. Mario was Mario, not Oiram.

I started to move. After moving about 8 tiles, Hcaep Ssecnirp appeared at the start of the level, where Mario

had been just milliseconds before. Hcaep Ssecnirp started chasing Mario, but she was running at an extremely

fast pace, '''(CPC: GOTTA GO FAST!)''' and it all happened so fast that I barely had any time to react.

By the time I reacted about half a second later, she was already only 3 tiles behind Mario. Mario started to

run at full speed, but Hcaep Ssecnirp was running a bit faster. Mario came out the pipe, and Hcaep had entered

it. Mario ran past the first group of bricks, and Hcaep had been under the last one. This stressful chase went

on throughout the first half of the level '''(Memez: You know, the Benny Hill Theme would've fit in this

situation)''' until Hcaep had caught up with Mario.

Mario was knocked down as Hcaep dug into Mario’s stomach. Naturally, I looked away for about 3 minutes. I then

looked through my fingers to see if it was over (Bonesy:Are you fucking seven?), and it was.

Oiram was back, but he lay on the ground, fainted. There was no sign of Mario or Hcaep Ssecnirp, but Princess

Peach was there, looking over the knocked out Oiram. She started to reach out to try to help Oiram, but she

thought twice '''(Memez: Are you a mind reader? If so, can you please kindly clarify what exactly did she

thought twice? I'm going to ask Satori about this.)''' and backed away. She quickly turned around and broke

into a sprint until she found help. Yoshi was underneath the group of bricks toward the beginning of the

level, and Yoshi was running to the right, as if he was chasing Hcaep Ssecnirp and Mario, trying to see what

was happening.

Princess Peach told Yoshi what was going on and that Yoshi needed to take them back above ground to where

'''(CPC: food,)''' shelter '''(CPC:, and a roaring fire)''' was. Yoshi agreed to help Peach and allowed Peach

to ride him to safety. Yoshi flutter-jumped up to the pipe that entered the level and they entered it. '''(CPC

: 10/10 WORLD CLASS ENTERTAINMENT IN THE FORM OF WRITING, I’M NOT READING THIS EVER  AGAIN –IGN)'''

Being above ground was no better though, as everything there was now flooded with a sea of blood as well as

the first level.(Bonesy:Was the blood hyper-realistic though?)

I’d like to insert here that, although I '''(Memez: sensibly)''' considered at least 20 times in this minute

of the game to simply rip out the game cartridge, throw it to the ground, and stomp on it for at least 3 and a

half hours, I didn’t, '''(CPC: *screams loudly into pillow*)''' '''(Memez: *cliche counter goes into a fit of

reality incursion and explodes*)''' because I knew I needed to finish this game if I wasn’t going to have

nightmares for a week until I committed suicide. '''(CPC:

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOODNE-

BWAHAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-----*giggle* he needs to keep playin-HAHAHAHA---- so he doesn’t- *snicker*

----- commit suicide!- OH MY GOODNESS, BWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA- ok I’m done.)''' So I kept playing.

Yoshi simply flutter-jumped over the entire level, as if it was no problem. '''(CPC: I’m pretty sure that

flutter jump sound effect Yoshi always makes would give me a headache if I had to constantly listen to it for

more than ten seconds.)''' At the end, Yoshi and Peach grabbed onto the flagpole, as you would expect, and

slid down, pulling the Bowser flag down, and pulling up another flag in its place. However, this flag didn’t

have a Mario Symbol, a Luigi Symbol, or a Princess Peach symbol. '''(CPC: “It had a Yoshi symbol! And everyone

lived happily ever after!”........................................No, I wish that happened. Instead,)''' this

flag bore the symbol of the demon who had been taking control of everyone’s bodies '''(Memez: WHICH LOOKS

LIKE?!?! Please clarify.)'''.(Bonesy:AAaaannnd he never does.Lets assume it's an ASCII penis.)


At the end of the level complete animation, Princess Peach and Yoshi were struck to the ground by none other

than Oiram. Oiram started ripping Yoshi and Peach apart again, and my mind told me to look away again '''(The

Mind: "I've told you to not visualize an event that would mentally scar you for the rest of this goddamn

story, BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN!")''', but for some reason I couldn’t do it. '''(CPC: *quick snicker* Imagine how

THAT must have played out. Peach must have been like:
'''“Thanks you so muc- OWWWWW, MY FACE! IT’S GETTING TORN IN EVERY AREA BY THE DEMON! MY BODY! I CAN’T FEEL MY

LEGS! THE PAIN! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS! OH, THE CRUEL, AGONIZING AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''
'''*happy, catchy level complete jingle plays*)'''
I don’t know why at all, because I could control my eyes to look around the screen, but it was almost as if

there was some invisible barrier preventing my eyes from looking beyond it. I just couldn’t bring myself to

look away '''(Memez: THEN WHY YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO USE YOUR HANDS TO CLOSE YOUR EYES?!?!)'''. Either

way, I’m not telling you what it looked like, because it looked absolutely disturbing and disgusting. '''(CPC:

Eh, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. After all, I had the balls to sit through some episodes of Mega Babies

and Mr. Pickles without vomiting or crying in horror!)''' After Oiram ripped Yoshi and Princess Peach apart,

Oiram dissolved into the air and Princess Peach and Yoshi were mutating into Hcaep Ssecnirp and Ihsoy. I

hadn’t noticed that they’d mutated into the demonic versions before, only that they had been replaced by them.

After this level, the world map switched back from the New Super Mario Bros. Wii world 1 map to the regular

New Super Mario Bros. 2 world 1 map displayed in the YouTube videos. This is where the game got somewhat

normal for a little while. Throughout the rest of World 1 and all of Worlds 2 and 3, the demonic people

weren’t murdering each other '''(Memez: This makes no goddamn sense. There was only one demon, but then there

are suddenly more demons all of the sudden?)''', although I would occasionally get a text box saying that

Ihsoy and Hcaep Ssecnirp were c'''(u)'''ming for Mario (the text box didn’t actually call them Ihsoy and Hcaep

Ssecnirp, but it did say something along the lines of them coming after Mario).

Once I arrived in World 4-1, however, it was worse than the first two levels. The level was exactly like the

Cheese Bridge Area from Super Mario World '''(Memez: If it look like a certain area of another game, then can

you please kindly clarify what makes it "bad" in any logical sense?)''', other than the graphics, which were

normal to New Super Mario Bros. 2. At the time, I had no clue as to whether or not it was supposed to be like

this since I hadn’t seen any videos about World 4-1 yet.

The creepiest part about it was that the bridge had a few blood stains on it here and there (Bonesy:Must i

reiterate about the whole blood is scary thing?) '''(Memez: Oh, YOU COULD HAVE JUST FUCKING SAID THAT

EARLIER!)'''. As I progressed through the level, the blood stains grew more and more common, until I reached

the end of the level. By that point, the bridge tiles were entirely red with blood, and I found there Ihsoy

and Hcaep Ssecnirp, ripping apart Mario’s own brother, Luigi.

They finished Luigi off and looked up to see Mario. They started chasing him. Mario starting running backwards

through the level, as Luigi mutated in Igiul (Eej-ih-wol).(Bonesy:Bless you.) '''(CPC: brotheritis

shitonicus)''' Igiul, Ihsoy, and Hcaep Ssecnirp chased Mario backwards through the level until Mario got to a

good place to attempt to jump over the three of the demon characters. Unfortunately, by the time Mario started

to jump, Igiul, Ihsoy, and Hcaep Ssecnirp had struck Mario down and started to tear him apart.

This is where this game got really weird '''(Memez: It was already weird since you witness beaten up and

horribly fucked up version of characters! Can this illogical batshit get beyond that?)'''. Apparently, Bowser

had heard about what was going on '''(CPC: Ay, a lil’ Parakoopa told ‘im!)''' and decided no one was allowed

to ‘defeat’ Mario (like Bowser did anyways) except for him (yeah, like that’s gonna happen) '''(CPC: Pointing

out your noticeable idiocy & incoherence of the Mario franchise does NOT make it go away!)''' and decided to

come whoop'''(ie cushion)''' the demonic characters. Bowser fought off Igiul, Ihsoy, and Hcaep Ssecnirp until

they just left for a while. '''(CPC: And after that, Bowser achieved Mary Sue status!)''' '''(Memez: That

sentence pretty much sums up the entire pasta.)''' Bowser helped Mario up and kicked him past the next few

levels.

The level was exited and I was taken to the world map as Mario flew past a few levels to World 4-5.

In World 4-5, my character started on top of a rather high cliff. I jumped off of it to find the rest of the

level below the screen. To the right, there was the entrance to an underground tunnel. I tried continuing to

the right above ground, but the screen would scroll any further, so i decided to enter it.

Once in the tunnel, I ran further to the right for almost ten minutes. Eventually, Mario ran into Igiul,

sitting there, ripping out Bowser's insides, so I, of course, covered my eyes '''(Memez: "And, while at that,

wondering why I, being a dumb plot device of a protagonist, didn't do the sensible to cover my eyes with my

hands since the scene where Oiram tore the fucking guts out of Yoshi and Princess Peach!")'''.

I took my hands away from my eyes when it was over, and saw that Igiul was gone, and Bowser was replaced with

Reswob (Rez-wob). '''(CPC: lizardousis steroidica)''' At this point, I thought to myself, Wow, 'Reswob' has

striking resemblance to 'Reznor.'(Bonesy:The fuck are you talking about you shite headed excuse for a writer?)

By this point, I thought I had put all of the pieces together, and I now believed that the return of Reznor to

the Mario series had caused all of this. '''(CPC: Didn’t Ihsoy cause all of this? I mean, he was the demonized

character that started it all and had no reason to fuck up the game. Oh wait, I remember reading that Ihsoy

word way before I read the file select scene. Oh yeah, in the FUCKING TITLE OF YOUR FUCKING PASTA!!!)'''

'''(Memez: *Instantly retrieves a headache and had to stop commenting on this horrendous pile of crap for a

minute and instead have The Mind try to cure his migraine.*)''' I did a speedrun through all of the levels up

to the next level with a Reznor boss fight in it and prepared for the worst. '''(CPC: OK, this author has

COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN that this is his first time playing the goddamn game.)'''

Once I arrived at the boss fight, I was Fire Mario and had a leaf in my reserve. Reznor made his regular

roaring sound, but this time, a message box popped up that read, 'You have been foolish to try to defeat me,

Matthew. I am sorry to do this, but your life must end. '''(CPC: Woohoo! Finally! The protagonist’s about to

die! At least the writer knows a thing or two about comeuppan- wait a second. *reads back a few paragraphs,

and then double facepalms* HOW IS HE GONNA DIE IF HE SAID EARLIER HE CHECKED HIS 3DS AFTER THIS WHOLE

CATASTROPHY OF A PASTA?)'''  It's a shame that one such as yourself will perish soon after you. (CPC: No. It’s

really not a shame. Please kill him.) And another, and another, and another '''(CPC: , and another, and

another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and

another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and finally one more person who will

find this game cartridge 3000 years into the future. Oh yeah, I’m a predictor, bitch!)'''

"How do you know my name?" I muttered, "And what makes you think you have the autority to end my life?"

(Bonesy:I think we should vote on giving this guy the authority to end the writers life. Oppose? No

one.)'''(CPC: If the protagonist wants to bypass the game’s authority to kill him, then he should just stay in

his house. As we all know, cars are killing machines!................................*sigh* OK, I know that

I’m a terrible comedian sometimes. CAN YOU STOP BOOING ME NOW?)'''

I'd think back now and feel '''(CPC: penny)''' foolish for talking to a video game, but it actually responded.

"How do I know your name, you ask? The answer to that is simple. You've muttered your name in your sleep many

times, Matthew.
'''(CPC: When I watch you sleeping'''
'''there is nothing that you hide'''
'''When I smell you breathing'''
'''there is a sweetness from inside)'''
"It doesn't matter if I have the authority to kill you, Matthew, and I don't have to have the ability to kill

my enemy, I only have to have a weak enemy."

"Yeah," I responded, "and it's too bad that you're about to get owned. Once and for all!" '''(CPC: But doesn’t

the protagonist already own the game? I mean, he did buy it from Gamestop.)'''

'''(Memez *after recovering from the migraine*: ALRIGHT, GUYS, I'M BACK AGAIN. Mindsy, what did I missed?'''
'''The Mind: Well, you missed some cliches. *reads back paragraphes that aren't checked* Ah, here. General

cliche 7. Pointless violence and excessive gore. Most of the time, it's just a lame attempt at shock value.

And, video game cliche 8. The game knows my name (even though I never put it in anywhere/the game has no

ability for me to change my characters/save files name.'''
'''Memez: Excellent, gonna use this backup cliche counter. CLICHE COUNTER: 11)'''

The text boxes stopped popping up, and the boss fight began. The platforms the Reznors were on were spinning

quite a bit faster than they were in the other Reznor battles and the Reznors were throwing fireballs an awful

lot faster than before, but I still managed to defeat them all one by one. '''(Memez: Nothing wrong here.

Moving on.)'''

I hit the block underneath the first Reznor, and Mario lost his Fire Flower. I defeated the second Reznor, and

he shrunk down to small Mario. I pulled out my leaf for the next two Reznors. '''(CPC: And this is

important…………BECAUSE?)''' As I did so, a picture of Ihsoy and Hcaep Ssecnirp lying on the ground as the demons

possessing them started to get weaker. '''(Memez: According from what I've observed, a static picture of Ihsoy

and Hcaep Ssecnirp lying on the ground wasn't mentioned once in this story........UNLESS WE USE FUCK LOGIC

AGAIN AND SAY THAT THE GODDAMN IDIOT OF AN AUTHOR FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT POPPED UP JUST NOW.)''' The demons

were controlled by the Reznors.(Bonesy:Am i the only one here who doesn't know what the fuck a Reznor is?)

Every time I defeated a Reznor, Mario lost a power-up, so after defeating two more, Mario had no more power-

ups left, and he couldn't continue with the boss fight. '''(CPC: With the pattern as described to us, couldn’t

he have defeated all 4 Reznors? He would have been on his last Small Mario before he lost a life.)'''

A message box popped up.

"I'm afraid it has to end, Matthew. Give up to the devil (Bonesy:Wait, IHSOY IS THE DEVL NOW?? WHAT THE

ACTUAL CUCKING FUCKYFUCKFUCK????) and accept your fate. You cannot argue with your destiny, Matthew."

'''(Memez: "Can I say something about destiny? Screw destiny! If this evil thing comes we'll fight it, and

we'll keep fighting it until we whoop it. 'Cause destiny is just another word for inevitable and nothing's

inevitable as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say 'You're evitable!'" YOU GODDAMN SCHOOL-FUCKING

RETARD HIGH ON LSD COMBINED WITH MARIJUANA, THIS IS BULLSHIT! FUTURE ISN'T PREDESTINIED, IT IS CREATED!'''
'''Oiram: So what? If someone or something manages to do something and it's just done, then it's destiny.'''
'''Memez: I DON'T FUCKING CARE! IF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELSE FUCKING INTERVENTED IT FROM HAPPENING, HOW CAN IT

BE CALLED DESTINIED ANYMORE?!)'''

"Yeah, I can't, which is why I'm glad this isn't it!"
'''(CPC: Hmm……this interaction between the protagonist and his enemy is familiar, but I can’t put my finger on

it…'''
'''Oiram, Shitty Story’s ghost, and Dronian’s ghost simultaneously: Maybe we can help solve your current

dilemma!'''
'''CPC: No, it’s fine, you guys. Thanks for asking though! Hmm, now what was it……….'''
'''Memez: Mindsy, please kindly tell these anomalies to kindly fuck off anyway. It's not helping it.)'''
The message box disappeared and a picture popped up. The demons possessing Peach and Yoshi had died. Yoshi and

Peach were now starting to get up. As they did, they started to cheer Mario on. Peach then said, "Don't worry,

Mario! We can do it if we work together!"
'''(CPC: Mario: EARTH!'''
'''Peach: .IND!'''
'''Yoshi: HEART!'''
'''By their powers combined, they formed CAPTAIN PLANET!)'''
Princess Peach and Yoshi suddennly ran onto the screen. Princess Peach gave Mario another leaf, and I

continued to fight the Reznors. Yoshi hopped up onto the platforms and stuck his tongue out and ate two of the

Reznors. Mario hit the block under another one, and there was one left.

"I see how it is," the last Reznor said. "You think you have beaten me, but you haven't. This isn't the end."

'''(CPC: For the love of God, REZNOR CAN’T SPEAK! THE ONLY THING HE DOES IS ROAR!'''
'''God: Don’t worry, my son. I love everyone who lives on Earth. Except for anyone related to the Westboro

Baptist Church.'''
'''CPC: Don’t worry, God. I love you too!'''
'''God: Good boy. Now give your old daddy some sugar.'''
'''*Critic hugs God*'''
'''God: Ah, there it is. That’s the Critic I know and love.'''
'''*Critic smiles*'''
'''God: This still doesn’t make up for you being the cause of me missing that birthday.'''
'''CPC: DAMNIT!'''
'''God: God, out!)'''

'''(MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER SIDE...'''
'''Memez: ...Did you see that?'''
'''The Mind: Yeah. That's it?'''
'''Memez: No homie love, no hug?'''
'''The Mind: *transforms into Squigly* Yeah, here you go.'''
'''*both decides to hug each other for no fucking reason whatsoever for exactly 10 seconds.*'''
'''The Mind: *transforms back into a sphere* Okay, now please kindly go back to blowing up bad schools.'''
'''Memez: Goddammit, dude. I'm blowing up this shitty story up first and THAT'S final of this shit! Screw you

again, Flandre, screw you...)'''

(Bonesy:But...Midna isn't here... I HAVE NO ONE TO HUG ME! *cries in a corner.)

"No, it isn't," I replied, "Not for me. I'm sorry to do this, but your life must end," I said, cleverly

repeating what he'd said just moments earlier.

I hit the B button and Mario jumped, defeating Reznor once and for all, and killing the demons possessing

Luigi and Bowser. '''(Memez: Don't forget to mention that simply just jumping can defeat an entire Renzor boss

fight! Okay that was pretty terrible.)'''

"'''(Memez: Owl City:)''' This isn't the end..." Reznor whispered as he faded away.

The level ended, and I said, "Yes, it is." '''(CPC: Oh golly, we sure got a wisecracker over here! Hoooo,

doggy!)'''

After this, the game played perfectly normally, and World 4-1 was no longer Cheese Bridge Area from Super

Mario World. I never saw Yoshi again in the game, so I assumed that he wasn't supposed to be in the game to

begin with.

---

After all these years, I was looking through my closet for things to sell at a garage sell to get some extra

money, when I came across the cartridge for this. I decided to see what I'd done on it, as I couldn't really

remember what my progress was on it '''(Memez: ...Was that really important?)'''. I popped it into my 3DS, and

i clicked on the third file.

I noticed that only the progress I'd made was still there, as I remembered that I had been playing on the

previous owner's file, which was 100%. I went through all of the worlds to check which star coins were

missing, only to find that I was only missing one star coin: the third star coin in World 1-1.

I went back into World 1-1 a few times until I found the third star coin. I finally collected it, and my

console suddenly shut off. I tried rebooting it a few times, but it never turned on. I tried plugging it into

the charger, but it still refused. I tried a few different things until I finally decided that my 3DS was

broken. '''(CPC: OH GOD, THE HORRIBLE FLASHBACKS I’M GETTING OF AFTERMATH, MINECRAFT, AND REDSTONEJESUS! MAKE

IT STOP!)'''

The game's been much fun to play, but since my 3DS recently broke, my game has been rendered useless. '''(CPC:

Um………….you just need to…………BUY ANOTHER SYSTEM to fix that issue!)''' Because of this, I've decided to sell it

as well as many other things in the garage sale.

The reason I am typing this is so the next person to play this knows about the creepy things of this game and

knows not to go back through to see what the third file has completed on it.

This is where I conclude this tale (Bonesy: HAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU THINK THIS WAS GOOD!!), as I have nothing left

to tell. If you want more, I'm sorry, but I no longer own that copy of the game, and I have no records of who

bought it '''(Memez: Soooooooo, you REMEMBERED the exact fucking price of the game, but you didn't remembered

who bought it only because your mind demands it?................Alright, you all ladies and gentlemen,

skeletons and paranormal girls, I'm finished with this goddamn stupid shit.)'''. Never forget to beware of

Reznor. Never forget...(Bonesy:Who?)