Out Of Time (Suzu route Act 4-11B)

Out Of Time


"What's the pigment in blood that makes it red?" Hisao asks, watching me from the other side of the table as he stabs at his breakfast with a plastic spoon.

"It's..." Hold on, I... I know this one.

I bite my lip. We studied this, and it's probably going to be on the test that's coming up in... soon. Very soon. Uncomfortably soon? That's, I'm not worried at--oh.

"Hemoglobin." I declare with as much energy and enthusiasm as I can manage, which isn't very much. But Hisao flashes a bright smile.

"That's right." He says between bites of his food. "You've got this."

I smile back, but I'd be lying if I said I shared his optimism. I can barely even sit up straight. The urge to sink forward and rest my upper body on the cafeteria table is almost overpowering, and it's not because of the usual reasons. I mean, yeah I'm tired and I, I usually am, but today is worse. This is worse.

I feel a shoe lightly tap against mine underneath the table, and I realize that I've been resting my eyes. For just how long I'm not sure, but nothing has moved, nothing has changed so I know I didn't fall asleep. I blink at Hisao, my eyes heavy and tired and hurting, and he stares back.

"What's the hormone that helps regulate the human sleep cycle?" He asks, his expression gentle but teasing.

I manage to raise an eyebrow, but even that doesn't get far. "Melatonin."

"What part of the heart functions as the body's pacemaker?" I counter.

Hisao smiles. "Touche," he says softly. "The sinoatrial node."

"You... you got it." I stifle a yawn before poking at my own breakfast a little, but I'm so tired. It's just the two of us sitting here in the cafeteria for some last minute studying, our classes haven't been too awful this week so far but--

"How've you been sleeping?"

"Huh?" I glance up but Hisao doesn't repeat himself, he just watches me carefully. Expectantly and with concern in his eyes, like he's waiting for bad news that he knows is coming.

That's not fair, I was expecting another review question. But I know there's no point in lying to him. Hisao, I... I don't want to bear bad news, or anything like that. But I don't want to lie to you, either.

I’ve never wanted to lie to you.

"Not so great." I admit with a sigh. The boy sitting across from me is wearing a strained smile by now, I know he'd be doing more than that if he could. I know he's worried, I can tell, he's worrying right now.

"No nightmares though." I offer, trying to ease his troubled face, his troubled mind. "I just couldn't sleep last night."

It looks like that comes as a relief, even if it's just a small one. I'm glad. "At all?" He asks.

"Yeah." It's one of the many reasons I'm not looking forward to this test. With our classwork ramping up, the staff keep telling us how important it is to get a good night's sleep and to, to eat a healthy breakfast and all that but I'm trying, and I can't. Sleep, anyway. When I want to, anyway.

There's nothing I can do about that right now, though, and as much as I want to just find a quiet, dark corner and lie down until my head decides to stop messing with me, I don't have time for that. Even as I'm slouching and slumping, even as just sitting here at the table is becoming more and more difficult, I focus on eating my breakfast and cramming in as much last minute review as Hisao and I can manage.

Before very long it's time to head to class, and Hisao's arm linked in mine feels good, having him next to me, it feels good. I'm exhausted, I'm nervous about this test and the thought of what's to come, the thought of our impending trip to the city still makes my gut churn with fear but even then, I can't help but smile when I glance up at the boy walking next to me.

Now if only his own smile wasn't so troubled. If only he managed to not look so worried for even a moment.



I should have known this would happen.

Hisao glances up and down the hallway, affirms that the coast is clear for the moment, then turns back to me. "Can I come in?"

Normally he wouldn't even be asking, normally we wouldn't have stopped here, at my door. Normally after a day like this we'd, we'd already be inside. I would be squirming closer to him in the bed, and his hands would be... and his, his mouth would be...

But this isn't 'normally'. This isn't normal. Every inch of my body aches, it feels like I'm worn out and worn thin, I... I need to crash. Crash and maybe burn a bit, but as long as I have him, I know it will be all right.

I'm too tired to think of any snappy comebacks right now, so instead I just smile up at him, even though I'm wincing and squinting and blinking. I reach out to grab his tie, intent on tugging him through the open door behind me but before I can, a pair of girls round the corner. A certain pair. A specific pair.

They don't acknowledge our presence, either out of politeness or awkwardness or I don't know. They don't say a word, but I think I can make out the popping of a wrist here and there as their hands fly back and forth, as they talk animatedly in their foreign tongue. Foreign hand. Which is actually the Japanese version of sign language.

The student council they, they don't even look at us as they pass, but they don't have to. I let go of Hisao's tie, drop my hand away and I'm so tired that it just kind of swings limply at my side. I stare at the floor and try hard to keep my eyelids from drooping, even as I feel my shoulders, no, my whole body begin to sag.

Defeated. And to the vanquished go the... the cold, empty beds.

Maybe this is what happens if I lose. What if I can’t sleep the night before the practice exam? I guess it’s better than the nightmares but what if, what if my insomnia lasts all the way until then, for the next two weeks? It’s happened before, usually only a few times a year but with my luck...

That sinking feeling is back, and it feels like it’s heavier than ever. But Hisao's voice comes again, reaching through my anxious thoughts.

"Forget about them."

I raise my head to look at him and almost crack a bitter smile. Shizune and Misha are so low on my list of things to worry about or be afraid of right now, and maybe he knows that from the way he’s looking at me, but...

There it is. That expression, careful and worried and I... should have known he'd be like this. But I’ve seen that look before, and I don’t want to see it every day for the next two weeks. I don’t want to see it at all.

So I won’t let him make that face. I won't let him wear himself down, just to make me feel better, because I...

I want you to feel better too, Hisao.

We’re in this together, now. Can I say that? Do I want to say that? I guess those were always my words, and no one else’s.

"You're not getting into trouble just because of me. " I smile weakly, forcing myself to stand up straight. My voice is raw with fatigue but the day is over, my bed is only a few steps away and I'll be okay. I will, I will.

"Don't worry, I’m not by myself." I flash him a grin before disappearing into my room, returning a moment later with my... my cuddle buddy for the night. Is that a thing? Is that a term? It is now, I guess. He is my buddy and we shall, we shall cuddle.

Hisao looks like he wants to keep frowning, but even he can't help but smile as I hug my engorged t-rex plushie against my chest. "You've still got him, huh?"

It's so round and big and fuzzy that it's roaring muzzle covers up most of my face, I'm sure I'm just a pair of tired, dark-rimmed eyes blinking at him from under a mop of sea-green hair right now.

"Of course I do." I mumble into the soft fabric in front of me. I close my eyes for only a moment, savoring the sensation of the stuffed animal in my arms and the memories it holds, but I feel myself beginning to pitch forward just a tiny bit. Opening my eyes turns out to be much more difficult than closing them, so I decide to keep them open for a little while longer.

"Does he even have a name?" Hisao asks, still smiling at my antics. Sleepy feminine charms and stuffed t-rexes, the best combination.

Now that I think about it though, he actually doesn't. Have a name I mean, and my plushie I mean, not Hisao, that's... his name is Hisao, that's why he's...

I need to go to bed. But I do have an idea.

"How about 'Hicchan'?" I grin again, lowering the t-rex a little see he can see my face.

Hisao grimaces. "How about not."

"C'mon," I tease him. "That way I can say I spent all night cuddling with Hicchan."

"And besides, he... he reminds me of you." My expression softens as I stare up at the boy in front of me.

When I woke up the day after the festival, this stuffed animal was my only proof that the events of the previous night hadn’t been just a dream. When I woke up after one of my nightmares or I was having my hypnagogic, my going-to-sleep or waking-up hallucinations, my t-rex was there to wrap my arms around, to bury my face in and remember the person who gave it to me. I would think about what Hisao would say, what he would do if he was there, and it always made me feel better. Just like he did. Just like he does.

Hisao is back to smiling now, but his gaze is still careful. "Okay." He relents. "Although I don't see the resemblance."

"Well, you don't have tiny little t-rex arms, so that’s... that’s a plus." I reply hazily, stepping forward until my plushie is roaring into the fabric of my boyfriend's shirt.

"Give me a hug, I need to pass out." I mumble, blinking up at him. Hisao nods as if it's his solemn duty before putting his arms around me and pulling both me and my t-rex close.

This is, it's a little more difficult with a big, fat and round stuffed animal between us, but it's worth the effort. A quick but very nice and almost unexpected kiss from him is harder to pull off too, but definitely, definitely worth the effort.

We part and I almost stumble backwards. I really, really hope I can sleep tonight, but I have a good feeling about it. I think.

"See you tomorrow." Hisao says softly, thrusting his hands in his pockets. I know he'd rather be with me, and... and I'd rather he be with me too, but this isn't so bad. It's not too bad.

He's not worried, all troubled and frowning in concern anymore, and he's not like he was earlier, after science class. It had turned out that half an hour of last-minute studying wasn't enough to make up for an entire night spent tossing and turning, and flipping pillows over and pleading to just get some shut-eye. I guess I should have asked not to fail my science test instead, because... yeah. I just... I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t even remember the things we’d just talked about, and before I knew it I was making multiple choices at random and trying not to look like some small and very tired animal that had just been kicked.

But that was a while ago, that was earlier today. Here and now, I... I might look like that, but it’s not how I feel, and Hisao has finally started to relax. Oh, and he’s... oh. He’s still standing in the hallway, waiting for me to say something back and smirking a little bit by now. Hmph.

“Right, yeah.” I mutter, taking one of my t-rex’s, one of Hicchan's tiny little stub hands in mine and waving it back and forth. "G'night."

Hisao smiles, and there it is. That real smile, that real warmth. It’s still there, even if it’s been covered up by fatigue and by worry. Even if it’s just for a moment, I’m glad to see that smile again. I... I think he’ll be okay. I think we’ll be okay.

For tonight, anyway.

“G’night.” He whispers, stealing one last look at me and my prehistoric companion before turning to go.



I do manage to get some sleep that night, but not very much. I keep waking up every few hours and before I know it, it’s not dark outside anymore. So after another morning of feeling and, and probably looking like a zombie, by the time our science class rolls around the last thing I need is to find out that I did in fact fail our test. So of course that’s exactly what happens.

This doesn't exactly motivate me to give the rest of the day's classes my all, and when I stumble to the library with Hisao after the final bell rings, it's on the unspoken condition that there will be no studying. No, there will be nothing of the sort, today we, we declare war on stupid organisms and pH levels and biomes.

The first step in our grand offensive, although I don’t think it’s very offensive at all, is to seize some of the largest beanbag chairs the library has to offer and hold them hostage. We make sure they don’t escape by sprawling out in them and sinking into their soft, spongy embrace, and next I roll onto my side, tuck my knees under me and curl into a ball. Then I, I shut my eyes and count my breaths, just knowing that Hisao is in the chair right next to me and waiting until the thick atmosphere and the warm afternoon sun accomplish what an entire night of flopping back and forth in my bed couldn’t.

It works, our... our bold strategy, great success. The already dull and distant noises of the library fade away, and then I'm not quite sure how much times passes.

When the sounds of familiar voices begin to penetrate my hazy slumber, I can still feel the heat of the sun caressing my face. I keep my eyes closed, just enjoying the feeling of being recharged and, um, trying to remember where I am and why. But I'm awake enough to hear, I'm awake enough to recognize this voice. And that one too, the other one.

"Why did you call me to this wretched hive of scum and villainy, man? Don't you know what goes on here?"

That's... that's Kenji. And he's, I don’t think this is a...

"First off, the library isn't a hive." That's Hisao! "And second, keep your voice down, she's sleeping."

I guess that's me they're talking about. And I guess I'm in the library and what's... going on?

I begin to stir, but freeze as hot air wafts towards me. From the smell of garlic, even my senses can deduce that Kenji must be leaning in a little too close. And probably squinting heavily while he’s at it.

The presence retreats, I wonder if he... vampires, right? Garlic?

"She's asleep all right." Kenji states, yes. Yess, I am the sneakiest. I don't let it go to my head though, or... or to my face, now I want to know what's going on. And this beanbag chair is, I am intensely comfortable right now, so if I could find out without moving, that would be nice too.

"What's the problem though? Isn't she asleep, like, all the time? Isn't that kind of her thing?"

"Kind of, but there’s more to it than just needing a lot of sleep." Hisao replies. He speaks in the same tone you would use when explaining something to a small child, but his voice takes on a helpless edge as he continues. "She has nightmares. Or she falls asleep during the day but has insomnia at night, and it can be when she’s stressed or for no reason at all. And sometimes she has hallucinations when she’s waking up or going to sleep, or...”

He lets out a long sigh. "That's why I asked you to come here, Kenji. Help me find something to calm her down. Help me find something to make her feel better, because I'm running out of ideas."

Hisao...

There’s a pause. I can almost picture Kenji, hand in his pocket and a thoughtful frown on his face.

“So it’s a mission to raise morale, huh? Support the troops and all that? Anything for the war effort, man.”

“Thanks.” Hisao says simply. He doesn’t exactly sound confident, but I can tell he’s grateful. And... and tired. He sounds tired.

“Hey, do we need a yellow ribbon for this? I’m sure we could find one, there was some second-year trying to restart the fashion club a few months back.”

“A what? No, we don’t need any ribbon. And how do you know that?”

“Gotta keep your ear to the ground when it comes to feminists, dude.” Kenji replies smugly. “How else are you supposed to see them coming? It’s like when there’s a house fire. All the smoke goes upwards, so you stay low.”

“I thought that was so you didn’t--you know what, no. Just help me look for books she might like, maybe something I can read with her, I don’t know. Anything.”

“Alright, whatever. Go ahead and ignore my nuggets of wisdom, it’s not my house that’s going to get burned.”


After that I can hear the two of them scrabbling around, with the occasional muttering or whispers. I would either try to poke my head up and see what they’re doing or just wake up and tell Hisao he doesn’t need to worry so much, but... I’m stuck. My beanbag chair was a trap, like a, a venus fly... venus narcoleptic girl... trap. No matter what it’s called, I can’t manage to get out and I can hear the two boys working their way towards me anyway, so I just flop back into place and close my eyes again. Maybe they can drag me to the cafeteria when I start to get hungry, chair and all.

“Here man, show her this.” Kenji says as they arrive back at our little enclave, our fortress of sleepitude. “Everyone needs to know this stuff.”

“Why would Suzu care about mixed unit tactics? And why does the library have so many copies of this one book?”

Kenji shrugs. Or at least, he sounds like he’s shrugging. “Beats me, it’s probably a conspiracy. No wait, yeah, that’s exactly why! Because it’s a feminist training manual and they order them in bulk!”

Now I can tell that he’s wearing a deep frown. “Don’t show her this book.”

“Whatever. Did you find anything else?”

Some shuffling. “Well, I guess you could always go with something in here. She likes this kind of crap, right?”

“It’s not crap.” Hisao replies. I can tell he’s interested from his tone of voice. “But she is into this, yeah. Let me take a look.”

Kenji appears to be waiting in anxious silence while I can make out Hisao flipping through pages. “This might... actually be perfect, Kenji. Thanks.”

Well that’s. Relief, and excitement? I wonder what they’re looking at?

“Sure, girls always go for stuff like that. Just read her a couple lines at random and she’ll be pancake in your hands.”

“I thought the phrase was putty in your hands?”

It’s totally putty in your hands. I open my eyes to steal a peek at what they’re doing but remember too late that the afternoon sun is in my face. That tingling sensation begins immediately, oh god don’t sneeze don’t--

I bolt upright in the chair, not quite escaping its spongy depths but moving far enough to get the sun out of my eyes, my face screwed up in every effort to resist sneezing and giving me awa... giving me a...

Hisao is staring at me, hands held conspicuously behind his back while Kenji is oblivious to the entire thing and looks about to segue into another speech.

I, uh. Um.

“I want pancakes.” I blurt, causing Kenji to stop in his tracks and Hisao to raise an eyebrow.

“Welcome back.” He says simply.

“Yo. Returning to active duty, huh? I knew it would happen eventually.” Kenji adds, smiling as he tucks one hand in his pocket.

“Yeah, I...” I glance around slowly, try to lurch out of my chair and fail, then look back at them. “How long was I out?”

“Not too long.” Hisao replies, smiling gently. The warm sunlight soaks into his clothes, it makes that smile even better but it also brings out the dark rings around his eyes, the bags that are beginning to form beneath them.

“How do you feel?” He asks, and I want to wince. He, he looks kind of bad. He looks as worn out and exhausted as that, and he’s asking ME how I feel? I want ask him the same question but I know he’ll wave it off, he’s like that. He does that.

Maybe he learned it from me.

“Better, I think.” I extend an arm to the only boy who can see it. There’s a dull thump as... as something comes to rest on the table behind him, but then Hisao steps forward to take my hand and haul me to my feet.

Kenji looks like he would love to warn me about the dangers of sleeping in the library, but suddenly there’s a crash near the entrance. He doesn’t even flinch at the noise, but at the sound of Yuuko’s panicked apologies he goes into full jumpy mode, slamming into the bookshelf behind him and spreading his arms on either side. He mutters something about the area being compromised before giving the space a few feet to the left of us a nod and then walking sideways like a combat crab along the aisles, eventually disappearing from sight.

Neither of us say anything for a few long moments. Hisao stares at the spot where Kenji had vanished and I give the beanbag chair below me an appraising look, contemplating pulling Hisao down with me and trying for another nap. I’m, I’m not all that tired but you are Hisao, you’re tired and I know it. Before I can muster up the strength to start tugging though, he turns to me.

“Hey.” He says, giving me a little nudge with his shoulder. “Think you’re going to be up for a while?”

Well, I... I guess that could be arranged. “Maybe.” I reply, looking up at him. “Why, do you think the cafeteria is still serving pancakes?”

“Somehow, I doubt it.” Hisao chuckles. He gestures to the table a few feet away, but I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. There’s no sign of whatever mysterious artifact Kenji unearthed, just a few textbooks and study guides laid out.

Hisao takes a seat in one of the normal... the normal chairs. The ones that are lacking in beans and squishiness. He took the only one around and I’m not risking another skirmish with the venus thing behind me, so instead I nudge a few of the books out of the way, turn around and then hop backwards to sit on the table. Even that takes so much out of me that I want to groan, but it’s... it’s nice to have the upper hand for once, so to speak. Hisao is taller than me, so it’s nice to be the one looking down at him. Blinking down at him, and hoping very hard that I don’t randomly pass out and fall off the table because that would be so embarrassing.

Hisao’s eyes are drawn to my knee brace. He opens his mouth, probably to ask if I’ve been remembering to stretch and ice my knee and I open my own mouth to tell him that I have. Sometimes, anyway.

He looks up at me, his expression just a little cautious. “Can I ask a question?”

“You just did.” I reply with a smile, but I mean it, I’m talking three to four days a week here. The, the nurse probably wouldn’t be pleased but he’s not around and it’s better than nothing, right?

“Another question.” Hisao says, before raising his fist to his mouth to cover a yawn. I find myself leaning forward a little bit.

I wonder how much sleep he got last night. I wonder how much he’s been getting lately, period.

Does he have trouble sleeping, when I’m not there?

Would he admit it, if he did?

“Shoot.” I reply softly, staring into those warm, those weary brown eyes. He nods.

“I remember, back before summer vacation, you said there weren’t really any jobs you could see yourself doing.” He begins. I blink once but for some reason, even talk like this is low on my list of things to worry about, these days.

“And I know you’ve said you’re not very good at this stuff. Believe me, I’ve noticed.” He says, looking up at me with a wry smile.

“Uh huh.” I mutter under my breath, but he’s still smiling, and I am too.

Yeah. By now, I guess he’s noticed a lot. I guess he saw just how scared I was of everything that’s going on, of everything that’s happening. This practice test and this trip into the city, I know it’s all his way of trying to help me deal with the prospect of graduation, to show me that things will be okay.

I really hope that things will be okay.

Hisao continues. “You spend so much time with your head in the clouds, so I was wondering, I never really asked...”

“Spit it out, boy.” I tease him, even though my voice is barely more than a whisper, my words aren’t sharp at all.

“Fine.” He huffs. He looks me in the eyes. “Suzu, do you have a dream?”

I blink twice at that. “Well, last night I think I was on a train, and there was this woman wearing one of those big Russian hats--”

“Not like that.” He grins, but it’s short lived. “I mean, even if you can’t think of any career you would want to have, is there some place you want to be, when you’re older? Somewhere you want to live, someone you... want to be?”

Hmm. I... huh.

I frown, lowering my head to stare at my mismatched knees.

Only a few months ago, I couldn’t see anything in my future at all. The only things I really cared about were surviving my classes, having fun with my friends and sleeping in as much as humanly possible on Sundays. When I was a kid, it was everything just to manage my days, manage my life in the chunks of it that I spent awake. The present was all I had, the past was represented in bookmarks and bruises, and there wasn’t any time for looking forward. So no, I... guess I never really had a dream.

The future was just something that they talked about on the news in an increasingly worried tone. It was never real, it was never on my doorstep until the day my brother graduated from junior high, and I was left alone in a school full of kids who didn’t have to be afraid of staircases, or rooftops or gym class.

Even when I was old enough to come here, when people around me said things like ‘oh, I want to own a restaurant’ or ‘oh, I want to be a police officer’, I wasn’t really jealous or anything like that. I just kind of shrugged, I just tried not to think about it.

Part of me still wants to change the subject, or find something inside my head to latch onto and wander off with, but...

I glance up at Hisao. Hold on a second, you. Let me think.

Just let me think.

I...

“Now that you mention it...” I trail off. This is, erm.

“What?” Hisao asks, his eyes wide and unassuming.

“It’s kind of embarrassing.” I mumble, squirming in my makeshift seat. This table isn’t even comfortable, he’d better catch me if I fall asleep and slide off.

“I won’t judge you.” He replies, smiling up at me. Well... fine. I guess.

I do remember, there was something I wanted. It’s not very much, it’s not very impressive and I don’t even know if it’s very realistic, but he’s the one pestering me about it, so...

“A window.”

“Hmm?” Now it’s his turn to blink. Hisao cocks his head to one side, he watches me curiously and waits for me to go on. I suppose I can’t stop now.

“I want...” I bite my lip. “I want to live somewhere high up. In an apartment complex maybe, and somewhere where I can see the ocean. And...”

He’s still waiting patiently, the edges of his lips curling up in just a hint of a smile. Here we go again, I’m... I’m letting him in my head again. He’s always grateful, when I do that.

I’m always grateful that he cares enough to want in at all.

“And it has this window that’s almost as big as a whole wall.” I continue, nodding to myself. “And you can see and smell and hear the ocean.”

Hisao leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest, his expression thoughtful.

“That does sound nice. But what if you fall asleep and...”

“It’s a really thick window.” I interject, feeling my face begin to burn. But he’s grinning again.

“Fine, fine.” He says, looking up at me. “So that’s it, huh? No 401K, no pension plan?”

“I don’t know what those words mean.” I pout. Hisao chuckles gently.

“Me either, for the most part. That’s really it, though? A window?”

“Well...” I shrug. “Yeah.”

But Hisao doesn’t roll his eyes. He doesn’t lecture me for being lazy about my future, or for not having everything worked out in meticulous detail.

He smiles.

“It’s a start.”



There are nine systems in the human body. There’s the circulatory system, the digestive system...

The week is finally over, and the entire school is enjoying some well-earned rest.  I don’t see a single soul as I make my way through the halls of the boys’ dormitory, but the distant sounds of radios and televisions let me know that the place isn’t entirely deserted.

The practice test just keeps getting closer and closer, it’s only a week away now. Every time I see a calendar, my stomach starts clenching and twisting. It’s past the point of being painful. Every morning when I wake up, that nagging feeling is still there, and with each day that passes it just keeps getting stronger, louder, and harder to ignore.

I’m trying not to dwell on it. I’m trying so hard not to let all of that crush me, and I’ve even been managing to sleep all right, although I did give in and smuggle Hisao into my room once or twice.

...The endocrine system, the respiratory system... there’s the elevator, stairs are for chumps.

Now it’s a Sunday afternoon, which is the earliest anyone will find me up and about on any day that we don’t have class. My parents called to check up on me this morning, I, um, told them that I needed some money. I always hate asking for things like that, but it’s for a good cause. I guess. They were happy, really happy to hear that I needed it for a mock entrance exam.

That changed a bit, when they found out where it was being held. They were worried, even if they didn’t want to come out and say it. And I’m worried too.

I wish the elevators here had music. Maybe, maybe something with saxophones. Something I could tap my foot to, if chronic fatigue wasn’t part of “my thing”. Um, let’s see, the skeletal system, the... the urinary system...

My dad offered to hire a private tutor to help me prepare, but I told him I have the best tutor anyone could ask for. And I do, that’s why I’m here now. Down the hall, past the empty rooms. The muscular system, the nervous system, and the... um.

I come to a stop in front of Hisao’s door.

...The reproductive system.

I bite my lip, raise my hand and knock, but there’s no response and I’m not really surprised. Hisao probably isn’t back yet. He and Miki left this morning, they said they were going on a scouting mission, and I’m pretty sure I know where they went.

As they were walking away, I heard Miki say that she’ll pay for the bus fare if he pays for the flowers.

My gaze sinks to the floor.

You would, Hisao.

You would do that. You would want to do that.

But I won’t let you do it all by yourself. You, and Miki, I won’t let you two do everything just to hold me together. After all, we’re a team, right?

I turn around, before I can start to get wrapped up, get buried in my thoughts and worries and forget why I came here. I’m sure Hisao’s taking his time, I’m sure he’s looking around the whole area. And that’s exactly why I’m here.

I knock on the door across the hall, the one with enough locks to keep out the most dedicated thief/assassin/spy hybrid. According to Kenji those are a thing, and they have laser vision, I think? Or was it x-ray? Maybe both, are there x-ray lasers? God, I hope we don’t need to know that for the practice test.

I can hear a loud whirring noise coming from the other side of the door, but it grinds to a halt. There’s the sound of numerous bolts and locks being undone, and then the door opens just a crack, although I doubt the boy on the other side can see me anyway.

“Who’s there?”

Called it. “Was that a powersaw?”

The tiny bit of Kenji that I can see frowns. “That depends on who’s asking.”

“Kenji, it’s... it’s me.” Still nothing. I let out a sigh. “Agent Ambien? And the password is ‘ham sandwich’.”

“Oh!” His expression brightens, but only for a moment. “That’s not the password.”

“It is, I changed it. Just now.” The logical thing to do is to get into a debate over proper security channels and start making up words just to see if he’ll notice, but fatigue is suddenly gripping my eyes. My legs are starting to feel weak, so I cut to the chase.

“Hey, Kenji. I need your help with something. Can you come with me?”

“Why, have they landed?” He asks, frowning again and glancing back over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a scouting mission.” I reply. “You can leave the saw.”

“You’re no fun.” Kenji scowls, but he begins patting himself down, probably to make sure he’s got everything he needs to survive life outside his room.. Once he’s satisfied--and I’ve assured him that I wasn’t followed or microchipped or replaced by a robot double--we’re off, and I’m explaining the details of my not-really-that-detailed plan. Just before we turn the corner though, I can’t help but take one last look at the door behind us. The one that I’d knocked on first, the one that doesn’t have a bunch of locks and chains and bolts.

Hisao, there’s, there’s just one week left. We only have one week until all this stressing and worrying is over, one way or another. I want so bad for this to be behind us, I want more than anything else to be somewhere ahead, somewhere where I can look back and say yeah, that was pretty rough. But it’s over now.

I know that I’ll be able to do that soon. We’ll be able to do that soon. And I know that until then, you’re working hard to keep me afloat.

But two can play at that game.