[21:41:40] killerjays: sorry i dced
[21:41:57] killerjays: you said what else?
[21:42:13] killerjays: he said to get backup plans just in case the one im trying right now doesnt work
[21:42:28] Bitter Soul: what is the plan you're trying rn
[21:42:31] Bitter Soul: im so confused
[21:42:32] killerjays: i have 2 backup plans right now, but, i need a job for them to happen
[21:43:11] killerjays: 1. go and take an accelerated program at point Loma Nazarene for a buisness degree that goes along with my AA in kinesiology
[21:43:27] killerjays: then go to a university to get my bachelors
[21:43:45] killerjays: in kinesiology
[21:44:12] Bitter Soul: why a business degree
[21:44:47] killerjays: because it gives me the skills to run my own business
[21:44:56] Bitter Soul: ok
[21:44:57] Bitter Soul: and 2?
[21:45:13] killerjays: 2 isnt quite a plan yet but im working on it
[21:45:21] killerjays: 2. go straight into a specialized school (I do not know which school that is going to be)
[21:45:50] Bitter Soul: what exactly do you plan on doing with this business you may develop
[21:46:20] killerjays: the specialized school could be for either chiropractic studies or oriental medicine studies that requires me to have job experience to complete the degree which takes out 2 birds with one stone
[21:46:42] Bitter Soul: no
[21:46:49] Bitter Soul: your own business
[21:46:50] Bitter Soul: what is that
[21:46:52] Bitter Soul: going
[21:46:54] Bitter Soul: to be
[21:47:11] killerjays: i dont know... urgh
[21:47:23] Bitter Soul: figure that out
[21:47:41] killerjays: i dont know is an excuse, and i should have no excuse so ill figure that out
[21:47:44] Bitter Soul: there is 0 reason to waste money and time on school when you dont know what you're going to do with the degree
[21:48:10] Bitter Soul: im not your mom lol
[21:48:14] killerjays: ik you arent
[21:48:16] Bitter Soul: yea it is an excuse, but im js
[21:48:20] Bitter Soul: make sure you know
[21:48:24] Bitter Soul: before you make that step
[21:48:33] Bitter Soul: you cant afford to make mistakes. tbh no one can anymore
[21:49:27] killerjays: true
[21:49:35] killerjays: so I really need to look this up tomorrow
[21:49:45] killerjays: and study for my test on monday after my tennis class
[21:50:35] killerjays: the thing is i should know how my week goes, but instead im making plans for the next day and I need to get myself together :/
[21:51:06] Bitter Soul: take a look at your school schedule, and find gaps of time
[21:51:09] Bitter Soul: it could be like
[21:51:10] Bitter Soul: 30 min
[21:51:12] Bitter Soul: tbh
[21:51:13] Bitter Soul: and just
[21:51:15] Bitter Soul: sit down
[21:51:17] Bitter Soul: and research
[21:51:31] Bitter Soul: you dont need to be me LOL dont be a stalker XD if you want to, more power to you
[21:51:44] Bitter Soul: just develop your plan and make sure you know 100% what you're getting into
[21:51:44] killerjays: what does that mean
[21:51:47] Bitter Soul: what to expect
[21:51:54] Bitter Soul: what does what mean
[21:51:56] killerjays: dont be a stalker :P
[21:51:58] Bitter Soul: oh
[21:52:03] Bitter Soul: when i research things
[21:52:04] Bitter Soul: i
[21:52:08] Bitter Soul: research things
[21:52:11] Bitter Soul: like
[21:52:12] Bitter Soul: everything
[21:52:29] killerjays: i wish I was like you in that aspect
[21:52:35] killerjays: i do want to be you xD
[21:52:44] killerjays: because then it means i know everything like the back of my hand
[21:52:56] Bitter Soul: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
[21:53:02] Bitter Soul: i dont know everything XD
[21:53:03] Bitter Soul: plfa
[21:53:04] Bitter Soul: *pls
[21:53:05] Bitter Soul: PLS
[21:53:06] killerjays: its so vivid in your head that you can actually MAKE IT A GOAL
[21:53:20] Bitter Soul: what I do is
[21:53:25] Bitter Soul: I take out a piece of paper
[21:53:30] Bitter Soul: write down what it is I want to do
[21:53:31] Bitter Soul: like
[21:53:34] Bitter Soul: 2-3 sentences
[21:53:36] Bitter Soul: doesnt matter
[21:53:38] Bitter Soul: then
[21:53:50] Bitter Soul: make a list of things I need to achieve said goal
[21:53:51] Bitter Soul: then
[21:53:56] Bitter Soul: anaylze the things I need
[21:53:59] Bitter Soul: do I really need them
[21:54:02] Bitter Soul: how will I get them
[21:54:03] Bitter Soul: etc etc
[21:54:04] Bitter Soul: then
[21:54:09] Bitter Soul: you work your way up the list
[21:54:14] Bitter Soul: and do research where its needed
[21:54:35] Bitter Soul: i do that and a whole bunch of other things
[21:54:45] killerjays: so you are saying make a list first
[21:54:49] killerjays: then write down sentences
[21:54:51] Bitter Soul: kinda
[21:55:05] Bitter Soul: 1- write down in 2-3 sentences what your plan is
[21:55:21] killerjays: ill make multiple plans
[21:55:25] Bitter Soul: 2- write bullet points on what exactly you need to achieve this
[21:55:53] Bitter Soul: 3- look over your bullet points. How will you get these tools? Will you need help? Do you really need everything you listed? Can you manage this? etc etc
[21:56:01] Bitter Soul: 4- Research things you arent sure about
[21:56:13] Bitter Soul: basicallt
[21:56:16] Bitter Soul: *basically
[21:56:23] Bitter Soul: a mini research project outline
[21:57:01] killerjays: will you tell me yours?
[21:57:08] killerjays: you refused to show me your spreadsheet :/
[21:57:25] Bitter Soul: the college thing?
[21:57:34] killerjays: yes
[21:57:47] Bitter Soul: the spreadsheet was the last step and Im still working on that actually
[21:57:51] Bitter Soul: ty for reminding me
[21:57:56] Bitter Soul: but yea
[21:58:03] Bitter Soul: I'll type up that paper onto word
[21:58:04] Bitter Soul: or w/e
[21:58:06] Bitter Soul: and show you
[21:58:25] Bitter Soul: i mean, I have like 50 thousand of them hanging on my wall lol
[21:58:25] killerjays: my dad said he just wants to see me improve in that aspect where he thinks i actually want to carve my life my way
[21:58:42] Bitter Soul: Personally
[21:58:48] Bitter Soul: I think you need a push
[21:58:50] killerjays: and that he will help me too if i ask
[21:58:52] killerjays: and yes i do
[21:58:58] Bitter Soul: like
[21:59:11] Bitter Soul: you seem like you could survive on your own, a little hiccup here & there
[21:59:14] Bitter Soul: you just need someone
[21:59:15] Bitter Soul: to be like
[21:59:17] Bitter Soul: hey
[21:59:23] Bitter Soul: get the fuck out, and do something
[21:59:30] Bitter Soul: and then you'll get the hang of it
[21:59:34] • killerjays stares at you and smiles xD
[21:59:37] Bitter Soul: what
[21:59:38] Bitter Soul: XD
[21:59:46] killerjays: that would totally be you
[21:59:48] killerjays: <3
[21:59:51] Bitter Soul: <3 tru
[22:00:03] killerjays: yea if i noticed myself
[22:00:07] killerjays: if i follow a routine
[22:00:10] killerjays: i feel comfortable
[22:00:17] Bitter Soul: as we all do
[22:00:19] killerjays: but... thats where change
[22:00:22] killerjays: fucks with me
[22:00:33] Bitter Soul: no one is saying this is going to be easy
[22:00:43] Bitter Soul: why tf do you think I have a LIFE PLAN I revise like
[22:00:44] Bitter Soul: every
[22:00:45] Bitter Soul: damn
[22:00:46] Bitter Soul: day
[22:00:47] killerjays: ik my dad says its going to eat me alive if i dont try now
[22:01:02] Bitter Soul: its going to eat anyone alive
[22:01:04] Bitter Soul: regardless
[22:01:25] Bitter Soul: it doesnt matter what age you are, its never really easy having to support yourself for once when you arent used to it
[22:01:27] Bitter Soul: and I meamn
[22:01:29] Bitter Soul: *mean
[22:01:34] Bitter Soul: 110% support yourself
[22:01:47] Bitter Soul: and you have to worry about things you didnt have to worry about before
[22:02:18] killerjays: babe
[22:02:22] killerjays: you have a goal\
[22:02:24] killerjays: in december
[22:02:27] Bitter Soul: i do
[22:02:34] Bitter Soul: i have so many goals
[22:02:35] Bitter Soul: i have
[22:02:37] Bitter Soul: a timeline
[22:02:41] Bitter Soul: on my wall
[22:03:24] killerjays: yfw your parents take it down
[22:03:33] Bitter Soul: they have
[22:03:35] Bitter Soul: before
[22:03:38] killerjays: lmao
[22:03:39] Bitter Soul: when I was grounded
[22:03:40] killerjays: urgh
[22:03:43] Bitter Soul: i put it back up
[22:04:17] killerjays: ik you think im weird for saying i want to be you and in your thinking proces
[22:04:21] killerjays: *process
[22:04:26] Bitter Soul: no I dont
[22:04:37] Bitter Soul: I've had other people tell me the same thing, the problem is
[22:04:42] Bitter Soul: i am not perfect by like
[22:04:44] Bitter Soul: any means
[22:04:49] Bitter Soul: nor am i a fucking sherlock
[22:04:50] killerjays: youre a roll model
[22:04:54] Bitter Soul: not even
[22:04:56] killerjays: yes even
[22:05:00] killerjays: if they are coming up to you
[22:05:01] Bitter Soul: i think in a complicated way
[22:05:04] Bitter Soul: and the only reason
[22:05:08] Bitter Soul: why I plan everything out
[22:05:10] Bitter Soul: and account
[22:05:12] Bitter Soul: for every detail
[22:05:18] Bitter Soul: is so I feel like I have some control
[22:05:20] Bitter Soul: over my life
[22:05:25] Bitter Soul: when in reality, I really dont
[22:05:34] killerjays: you will though
[22:05:38] killerjays: when you make the step
[22:05:56] Bitter Soul: andrew
[22:06:08] Bitter Soul: stop lol
[22:06:15] killerjays: xD what
[22:06:59] Bitter Soul: nothing
[22:07:20] Bitter Soul: why dont you ask your dad to sit down with you and talk about this then
[22:07:24] Bitter Soul: since I obv cant help
[22:07:27] killerjays: no you can
[22:07:31] Bitter Soul: how
[22:07:33] killerjays: thats why im... -///-
[22:07:38] killerjays: kinda asking
[22:07:40] killerjays: what you do
[22:07:47] Bitter Soul: um
[22:07:48] Bitter Soul: I do
[22:07:51] Bitter Soul: a lot of things
[22:08:05] Bitter Soul: some I suggest you dont do
[22:08:28] killerjays: ill make that decision .3.
[22:08:32] Bitter Soul: fine
[22:08:42] Bitter Soul: i already told you my Outline example
[22:08:48] killerjays: ok
[22:08:50] Bitter Soul: I also close the door to my room
[22:08:53] Bitter Soul: and lock it
[22:09:04] Bitter Soul: and turn on music somewhat loud
[22:09:06] Bitter Soul: and just
[22:09:10] Bitter Soul: sit there
[22:09:12] Bitter Soul: and think
[22:09:16] Bitter Soul: I wont let myself get up
[22:09:18] Bitter Soul: or do anything else
[22:09:24] Bitter Soul: until I have filled up 2 pieces of paper
[22:09:29] Bitter Soul: explaining where I am now
[22:09:32] Bitter Soul: what I want to do
[22:09:34] Bitter Soul: how I can do it
[22:09:45] Bitter Soul: and possible troubles I'll encounter
[22:10:13] Bitter Soul: I also just
[22:10:25] Bitter Soul: start on the internet
[22:10:30] Bitter Soul: the most unorganized way ever
[22:10:45] Bitter Soul: but I just look up things that come to mind about what it is that I want to do
[22:10:53] Bitter Soul: and that sometimes leads to other things I want to know about
[22:10:58] Bitter Soul: which leads to 50+ tabs
[22:11:00] Bitter Soul: such fun
[22:11:12] Bitter Soul: ummmmmmmmmmm
[22:11:35] Bitter Soul: I degrade myself sometimes
[22:11:39] Bitter Soul: because
[22:11:44] Bitter Soul: so some wierd reason
[22:11:50] Bitter Soul: that makes me want to try harder
[22:12:00] Bitter Soul: and to actually put forth effort
[22:12:09] Bitter Soul: (only works when someone other than my parents do it)
[22:12:18] Bitter Soul: need me to keep going or no
[22:12:27] killerjays: i was going to ask what kept you
[22:12:31] killerjays: motiviated
[22:12:34] Bitter Soul: LOL
[22:12:36] killerjays: or how you motivate yourself
[22:12:43] killerjays: but... .3.
[22:12:46] Bitter Soul: ok
[22:12:47] Bitter Soul: so
[22:13:16] Bitter Soul: the fact I'll have some freedom and be able to be on my own and do w/e I want (within reason) is #1 motivation
[22:13:17] Bitter Soul: then
[22:13:29] Bitter Soul: the fact that if I dont fuck up and get serious about life, I get to see you
[22:13:31] Bitter Soul: hats #2
[22:13:33] Bitter Soul: *thats
[22:13:43] Bitter Soul: ^ how I motivate myself
[22:13:47] Bitter Soul: I think about that
[22:13:51] Bitter Soul: how to stay motivated
[22:13:57] Bitter Soul: thats something I cant tell you
[22:14:04] Bitter Soul: you have to WANT to do it for yourself
[22:14:32] killerjays: ok.
[22:14:41] Bitter Soul: for me, the longer I stay here, the farther away I am from you and also
[22:14:42] killerjays: ill write down what i really want
[22:14:43] Bitter Soul: the more shit
[22:14:46] Bitter Soul: I have to put up with
[22:14:48] Bitter Soul: ok
[22:15:31] killerjays: so
[22:15:33] Bitter Soul: ?
[22:15:34] killerjays: #1
[22:15:42] killerjays: i want to finish this SEMESTER and graduate
[22:15:48] killerjays: for my AA
[22:16:14] killerjays: #2 get a job in between all of that
[22:16:24] killerjays: so that I can plan my next semester around that said job
[22:17:00] killerjays: my priority though right now is to find that plan for the future because im being reactive and walking blind
[22:17:20] Bitter Soul: you arent
[22:17:34] Bitter Soul: if you were walking blind, we wouldnt be having this conversation rn
[22:18:13] killerjays: ik ik
[22:18:16] killerjays: but...
[22:18:18] killerjays: im 19
[22:18:20] killerjays: this is different
[22:18:38] Bitter Soul: im 15, do you HONESTLY think I have more life experience than you?
[22:18:44] killerjays: YES
[22:18:47] Bitter Soul: LOL
[22:18:48] killerjays: sadly
[22:18:48] Bitter Soul: HOW
[22:18:55] Bitter Soul: THATS NOT EVEN POSSIBLE ANDREW
[22:19:12] killerjays: ik but babe, youve had a harder life by far
[22:19:19] Bitter Soul: NO
[22:19:21] Bitter Soul: I HAVE NOT
[22:19:45] killerjays: imo you have
[22:19:53] killerjays: ive been fucking babied my whole life -.-
[22:19:58] killerjays: and now its coming back to haunt me
[22:20:02] killerjays: im so frustrated
[22:20:12] Bitter Soul: that pdd
[22:20:13] Bitter Soul: or
[22:20:15] Bitter Soul: w/e it was
[22:20:28] Bitter Soul: the thing you USED to have, do you really think I could handle that?
[22:20:29] Bitter Soul: LOL no
[22:20:33] Bitter Soul: I'm so fucking lazy
[22:20:33] Bitter Soul: like
[22:20:36] Bitter Soul: you have no idea
[22:20:44] killerjays: oh soo fucking lazy huh
[22:20:45] Bitter Soul: so dont even tell me my life was harder
[22:20:46] killerjays: yet
[22:20:50] killerjays: you do better than me
[22:20:56] killerjays: in focusing on things that MATTER
[22:20:56] Bitter Soul: andrew
[22:21:08] Bitter Soul: thats not like
[22:21:12] Bitter Soul: something I was born with
[22:21:18] Bitter Soul: thats something I do
[22:21:21] Bitter Soul: because my father
[22:21:22] Bitter Soul: shoved it
[22:21:23] Bitter Soul: down my throat
[22:21:54] Bitter Soul: and maybe you were babied, so what
[22:21:56] Bitter Soul: that was
[22:21:58] Bitter Soul: back then
[22:22:06] Bitter Soul: p sure you werent born yesterday
[22:22:07] Bitter Soul: right?
[22:22:19] killerjays: y
[22:22:19] Bitter Soul: y or n
[22:22:22] Bitter Soul: OK THEN
[22:22:24] Bitter Soul: SO
[22:22:32] Bitter Soul: FOCUS ON WHAT'S GOING ON NOW
[22:22:47] Bitter Soul: you've already taken the hardest step
[22:22:54] Bitter Soul: you may not realize it
[22:22:55] Bitter Soul: but you have
[22:23:01] Bitter Soul: and
[22:23:03] Bitter Soul: FUN FACT
[22:23:06] Bitter Soul: thats something
[22:23:12] Bitter Soul: I am still scared to do
[22:23:21] killerjays: what is that "step"
[22:23:57] Bitter Soul: cold turkey, you want to be treated like an adult and you want to provide for yourself
[22:24:02] Bitter Soul: im half and half
[22:24:31] killerjays: i dont want to have you provide for yourself...
[22:24:55] Bitter Soul: bru
[22:24:58] Bitter Soul: when I come
[22:24:59] Bitter Soul: to cali
[22:25:00] killerjays: i want to be that person who takes care of you so that you arent stressed
[22:25:01] killerjays: but.
[22:25:03] killerjays: i.
[22:25:03] Bitter Soul: what do you think we'll be doing
[22:25:09] Bitter Soul: notice
[22:25:10] Bitter Soul: i
[22:25:11] Bitter Soul: said
[22:25:12] Bitter Soul: we
[22:25:16] Bitter Soul: I never said I
[22:25:41] Bitter Soul: WE have to provide for ourselves
[22:25:42] killerjays: i know you didnt
[22:25:45] killerjays: but the way im thinking
[22:25:55] killerjays: is that im not quite a person who can HELP you
[22:25:56] killerjays: right now
[22:26:05] Bitter Soul: YES
[22:26:06] Bitter Soul: YOU
[22:26:07] Bitter Soul: ARE
[22:26:23] Bitter Soul: STOP FUCKING DOUBTING YOURSELF AND BELITTLING YOURSELF
[22:26:25] Bitter Soul: HOLY SHIT
[22:26:38] Bitter Soul: YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'VE HELPED ME THROUGH
[22:27:02] Bitter Soul: need I remind you I was BROKEN when we started dating
[22:27:06] Bitter Soul: and now what
[22:27:21] Bitter Soul: I fucking asked you out
[22:27:29] Bitter Soul: BECAUSE of your character
[22:27:38] Bitter Soul: because I FUCKING KNEW YOU COULD HELP
[22:27:40] Bitter Soul: IM NOT
[22:27:41] Bitter Soul: STUPID
[22:27:54] Bitter Soul: HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, IM KINDA GOOD AT READING/JUDGING PEOPLE
[22:28:06] Bitter Soul: there is no reason to say
[22:28:09] Bitter Soul: you cant help me
[22:28:10] Bitter Soul: you can
[22:28:13] Bitter Soul: and you have been
[22:28:16] Bitter Soul: and you continue to do it
[22:28:20] Bitter Soul: without even noticing
[22:28:41] Bitter Soul: and you are that 1 person I go to
[22:28:44] Bitter Soul: to help me
[22:28:48] Bitter Soul: with w/e it is
[22:28:54] Bitter Soul: stress, school, drama bullshit, etc
[22:28:57] Bitter Soul: so
[22:28:58] Bitter Soul: stop
[22:29:04] Bitter Soul: as you were saying
[22:29:14] killerjays: brb dad walked in
[22:29:18] Bitter Soul: k'
[22:33:10] killerjays: so
[22:33:15] killerjays: he was just reiterating
[22:33:22] killerjays: that he isnt out to get me blah blah blah
[22:33:28] killerjays: he said it was just a kick in the ass
[22:33:35] killerjays: that he is giving me a deadline to kick me out
[22:33:43] killerjays: and if i dont make an effort, he wont flinc
[22:33:46] killerjays: *flinch
[22:34:01] killerjays: and yes babe, im aware that I have helped you emotionally
[22:34:09] killerjays: im worried about financially ;-;
[22:34:12] killerjays: it scares me
[22:34:20] Bitter Soul: you think that doesnt scare me?
[22:34:33] Bitter Soul: bruh Im FAILING algebra rn, thats math, and thats math we need
[22:34:48] Bitter Soul: i already know thats going to be an issue
[22:34:50] Bitter Soul: but
[22:34:59] Bitter Soul: when i start working
[22:35:08] Bitter Soul: im saving for college, 1
[22:35:18] Bitter Soul: and then putting some away for emergencies
[22:35:21] Bitter Soul: aka
[22:35:27] Bitter Soul: financial shit later on
[22:35:41] killerjays: and surprises like car trouble
[22:35:44] killerjays: etc
[22:35:46] killerjays: smart
[22:35:47] Bitter Soul: yea -.-
[22:35:56] Bitter Soul: considering i have to pay 175 a month
[22:36:13] Bitter Soul: for the insurance rate ill be adding onto my parents' bill
[22:36:20] Bitter Soul: so there's bill paying practive
[22:36:23] Bitter Soul: practice
[22:36:45] killerjays: thats why im scared
[22:36:48] Bitter Soul: why
[22:36:50] killerjays: you have no clue how much you know more than me
[22:37:04] killerjays: about finances
[22:37:10] Bitter Soul: the internet
[22:37:13] Bitter Soul: is a magical thing
[22:37:32] Bitter Soul: look
[22:37:38] Bitter Soul: i know for damn sure
[22:37:40] Bitter Soul: finances
[22:37:44] Bitter Soul: arent going to be easy
[22:37:50] Bitter Soul: but im making this one thing clear
[22:37:53] Bitter Soul: i am not
[22:37:56] Bitter Soul: and I repeat
[22:37:57] Bitter Soul: not
[22:38:11] Bitter Soul: breaking up with you/divorcing you, whatever it may be
[22:38:11] Bitter Soul: over
[22:38:13] Bitter Soul: fucking
[22:38:14] Bitter Soul: money