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Altar Break (Warning!)

Nov 15th, 2012
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  1. Some of you may not appreciate this one considering its distasteful subject matter and OOC actions.
  2.  
  3. ----------------------------------------
  4.  
  5. “...speak now or forever hold your peace.”
  6.  
  7. That's it. The magic words. 'Open Sesame' for another turning point in my life.
  8. First a heart attack in the snow, then a weeping confession in a wheat field and then a parting of ways in front of the school gates, moments that came and went, that left an undeniable print on me, body and soul. So many last chances, so many passed by opportunities, so much that could have gone one way but didn't.
  9.  
  10. I could have said something, I could have done anything except what I did. I could have fought for her, but I didn't. I let her slip through my fingers. I should have spoken up, should have said what was on my mind.
  11. I couldn't ensure my happiness, but I damn well will make sure she has hers.
  12.  
  13. I stand up.
  14.  
  15. People turn in the church pews to stare at me, the sounds echoing in the massive cathedral. I have to admit, I've enjoyed my time in Inverness. Scotland is a beautiful country. I studied it, read up on it and found everything I could about this place. Pointless little trivia that paled with the fact that it's where Lilly lives; official language English, politics is a devolved government within a constitutional monarchy, patron is Saint Andrew, dialing code 44 and their animal is a unicorn.
  16.  
  17. That seems strange; can myths be national animals? I remember thinking that when I learned that little fact. Had to remind myself what a unicorn was; a horse with a horn, thought to have mystical properties and the subject of many chases, an elusive and beautiful creature always just outside the seeker's grasp.
  18.  
  19. I can relate.
  20.  
  21. Oh, well. Time to chase the unicorn.
  22.  
  23. I keep standing, silently waiting. People are staring at me, even the Priest has turned an astonished eye towards me. I bet in all the years he's been presiding, that little, wispy grey man never thought someone would ever take him up on his offer. Sorry, Padre, I think, I have to take over for a little while.
  24.  
  25. Akira is looking up at me from sitting down at my side. She's not smiling but I know her well enough to see that glimmer in her eyes, that excitement before the danger starts. She always did have a fondness for doing things recklessly, whether it was driving fast or underage drinking. So long as she shared in it and protected you, she loved to get into trouble.
  26. I don't think she's loved someone as much as she's loving me right this instant.
  27.  
  28. The bridesmaids, the groomsmen all turn and glare at me. I probably should have been standing in one of the parties, but the groom wouldn't have me and Mr. Satou refused to let me be on Lilly's side of the ceremony. He said it was embarrassing enough to have me here, he wouldn't parade me around for all his friends and business associates to see. I guess I'm giving him another reason to hate me now. That's all right, I guess, I hated him the moment we met.
  29.  
  30. Now it's the groom's turn. I don't hate him, I have no reason too. I dislike him. The time we've spoken did not endear him to me and his actions the past three weeks have made me very sure that he does not deserve the object of our mutual affection. His brute of a best man, no less than his bodyguard, looks like he wants to pull his gun, but he doesn't.
  31. He's shocked and insulted by my actions. He had the guts to take me aside before the ceremony started and told me that I was not to do anything to disrupt the wedding, most likely under orders to tell me from his boss.
  32.  
  33. I lied with a smile on my face and it's the same smile I have on right now.
  34.  
  35. I think I might start to enjoy cruelty.
  36.  
  37. Who else but Hanako would be the maid of honor? We traveled here together and she was the one who convinced me I should accept the invitation in the first place. I'm glad I did. Sometimes I wonder if there could have been something between us, but it never went past friendship. There were some close calls, nights spent up late, dinners and outings that lingered, but one of us always pulled away at the last minute. There was an imprint on me, a claim she could never get past and that I could never forget. It wasn't fair to either of us, I know, but it's the way things are. She's trying to hide her smile, looking down at the small cluster of flowers in her hands and avoid attention. She was always good at that and it was a poor skill for her to have. She's become a beautiful woman and I wish I could have appreciated her for it sooner.
  38.  
  39. Silence drags on before the bride catches onto it. No one alerts her, but she doesn't have to be told. She knows right where I am sitting and she turns in my direction, not facing me, but knowing what is happening.
  40.  
  41. I'm not expecting the look on her face.
  42. She's angry.
  43.  
  44. ----------------------------------------
  45.  
  46. “I can't believe you would do this to me!”
  47.  
  48. The tiny dressing room is removed from the sanctuary, but I hope no one can hear her yelling.
  49.  
  50. “On my wedding!? Why would you do this, in front of my family! All of my friends!“
  51. “Lilly, I'm sorry, but I....”
  52. “Don't! Don't you try to justify yourself! I brought you here because I wanted your support, because you were my friend, not for you to ruin everything!“
  53.  
  54. She paces, her long train dragging behind her, the veil pulled back and her bouquet of, what else but lilies, tossed onto the table.
  55. It's been almost a decade and she's only grown more beautiful.
  56. She covers her face with her hands. “What were you thinking? Why would you embarrass me like this?“
  57.  
  58. “What was I supposed to do? I've been here almost a month and you haven't given me the chance to talk at all. Every time I tried to talk to you about us, about what happened, you changed the subject or found some excuse, some reason you had to leave. Did you think I wouldn't take this opportunity to get you alone and have it out once and for all?“
  59.  
  60. “I didn't expect you to do it in front of my future husband!“
  61.  
  62. “Then you should have let me speak before hand.”
  63.  
  64. She sighs and turns away from me, hands wringing in their silk, white gloves. It's a beautiful dress and I'm sure it costs more than I've ever had in my life. The whole wedding was money; guests flown in from around the world, the flower budget in the hundred-thousands, the cathedral bought for the whole day; Mr. Satou spared no expense for his little girl, not surprising as I'm sure he sees the wedding as not just a family event but a business investment, considering his financial relationship to the groom.
  65.  
  66. “Well then, out with it. I can't keep them waiting for long.“
  67.  
  68. I sigh. I didn't want her to be angry with me for doing this. I wanted her to know how important this was and that I was only thinking of her while doing it.
  69.  
  70. “What are you going to do?” she asks. “Confess how wrong we were all those years ago? That I should have stayed with you and not come to Scotland? That I made a mistake?“
  71.  
  72. “Well, you have made a mistake, but I'm not talking about the one we made back at Yamaku. Lilly, you shouldn't be getting married, not like this.“
  73.  
  74. She turns to me. “You think I should have married you?”
  75.  
  76. “No, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is you shouldn't be marrying him.“
  77.  
  78. “Sean is a good man! He's very dear to me and he's known my family for years!“
  79. “Yeah, years, and it shows.”
  80. “What is that supposed to mean?”
  81. “Lilly, he's twenty years older than you are!”
  82.  
  83. Her lips turn in a little grimace. “What does that have to do with it?”
  84. “You must be kidding? This isn't a marriage, it's a business merger!“
  85.  
  86. She glares, but it's misdirected at the wall over my shoulder. “How dare you!”
  87.  
  88. “What, it's only a coincidence that he's the son of your Father's biggest investor? That he'll own his Father's business when he retires, which should be within a few years? That the result will be your Father's gain when the two merge, is that all a coincidence?“
  89.  
  90. She tightens her hands. “You've been talking to Akira, haven't you?”
  91.  
  92. “Of course I have! She's the only person in your family who will speak to me! The only one who's actually thinking about your happiness!“
  93.  
  94. She puts both hands on her heart. “I am happy! Just because it's not with you, doesn't mean I'm not.“
  95.  
  96. I shake my head. “This isn't about me.”
  97. “Yes, it is!” she yells. “This is all about you! About the choice we made, Hisao, both of us! We decided, you and I, to end it when I left. That's what we did!“
  98.  
  99. I remain silent. “And what if it was the wrong choice?”
  100.  
  101. She goes silent as well, her face conflicted. “Then it's too late to take back now.”
  102.  
  103. I turn away from her, my fists tightening. “Yeah, maybe it is. But it doesn't mean I have to watch while you ruin your life. You can't marry this guy, Lilly, you can't! It's what your Father wants, not you!“
  104.  
  105. “You don't know that.”
  106.  
  107. “Don't I? Since I got here, the two of you haven't spent any time together if it wasn't about planning the wedding! When Hanako and I are with you, you don't talk about him! The two of you haven't even spent time together when there wasn't a crowd of people with you. He left halfway through the rehearsal for a business call, doesn't that tell you something?“
  108.  
  109. She crosses her arms over her chest. “Sean is a very busy man. I understand how important his career is to him, I do not blame him for that.“
  110.  
  111. “You should! I don't think it's out of line for a bride to try and monopolize the groom's time, but you've just let him walk all over you since I got here and I can't help but think it's been that way since the engagement started. I imagine your Father signed on the dotted line when it began! Was it in blood?“
  112.  
  113. She grits her teeth and it's hard for me to see her this angry. “What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this to me? What do you expect me to do, leave? Say no after all this time? I'm standing at the altar, Hisao, it's too late to say 'stop'!“
  114.  
  115. “It's never too late!”
  116.  
  117. “It is for us!”
  118.  
  119. We both stop, standing in front of each other. Her face is red, her cheeks burning in anger.
  120.  
  121. “Don't make this about me and Sean. You tell me, right now, what this is really about. This is about us and that you think we made a mistake. We made a choice and now you can't live with it anymore. You're jealous because I'm moving on with my life and you haven't!“
  122.  
  123. I flinch.
  124.  
  125. She takes my silence as a cue. “Did you think Hanako and I wouldn't speak about it? She told me about the two of you. I asked her, I had wanted the two of you to be happy together, but she said nothing ever happened. This is what you do, Hisao, you let opportunities pass you by.“
  126.  
  127. I take a step towards her. “And you let bad things happen without speaking up.”
  128.  
  129. Her mouth turns into a conflicted line. “What do you want from me? Sean is a good man, respected. My Father trusts him, my Mother likes him. So he is older than I am, what does that matter? He'll be a good provider, a good husband. He's intelligent and resourceful. I'm not going to be some prisoner in a tower somewhere, Hisao. I'll be well taken care of.“
  130.  
  131. “Yeah,” I say bitterly, “because that's what's important; being taken care of. Not being happy.“
  132.  
  133. “Happiness can be learned.”
  134. “And what about love?”
  135. “That as well.”
  136. “You'll learn to love him? That's pathetic!”
  137.  
  138. “It's more than you ever gave me!”
  139.  
  140. I stop cold.
  141.  
  142. “You didn't stop me! You didn't say you loved me, so don't act like you were perfect!“
  143.  
  144. She's practically snarling and it frightens me.
  145.  
  146. “What did you ever do for me except abandon me!? When I left, you didn't stop me! You were quiet, you were silent! You were a meek little boy who didn't speak up and now you have the arrogance to think you can do it now? Did you think I would come running back to you, that I was just waiting for your say-so? That I would crawl back to you with one little word, some foolish dramatics, a silly little show of emotion? You think it was brave to stand up in front of my family and friends and embarrass me this way? It wasn't brave, Hisao, it was childish! Petty and childish! That's what you are and that's what you always were! A child! You weren't enough for me!“
  147.  
  148. My heart lurches and bashes against my ribs. I might as well have been punched in the chest. At least then I might be dead and I wouldn't have to listen to her anymore.
  149.  
  150. “You abandoned me! You let me go and you don't get me back when you're ready for it! I needed you and you weren't there!“
  151. The anger subsides and gives was to the anguish beneath.
  152. “Why didn't you say something!? Why didn't you stop me!? I wanted you! I didn't want this!“ She gestures wildly at herself, her dress, at the room around her with the decorations, the flowers on the table, pointing to everything and nothing in a flurry of wild, uncontrolled movements. “You had your chance and you lost it! Now you come back and do this to me!? How dare you! How dare you think you have another chance, that I would give it to you! You betrayed me! You left me! Like everyone else did! You're just like them! How could I trust you after what you did to me!?“
  153.  
  154. I'm silent. I have nothing to say. She's right. I betrayed her, betrayed her trust. She needed me and I wasn't there.
  155. “Lilly, I'm sorry....”
  156.  
  157. “Don't! Don't you apologize!”
  158.  
  159. She carefully wipes her eyes, trying not to and failing to avoid smudging her makeup.
  160.  
  161. “You lost. Don't take this out on Sean and my family because of your mistake, our mistake. He's a good man and he doesn't deserve this embarrassment. I don't deserve this embarrassment! You think you're better than him? You're not! He's kind and gentle! He gives to hospitals and charities! He wants to have a family and children and that's what I want! He's successful, more than you'll ever be, and he can provide for me better than you ever could!“
  162.  
  163. She's desperate, clawing at hurtful words and phrases to make me go away, to chase me off. I've had enough years to run through my head every moment of our relationship and know what I did wrong, what she does when faced with conflict. It's the opposite of how she deals with things; if it's too hard, she sits and silently endures rather than cause trouble, but if it keeps being brought up, keeps facing her with it's truth, she'll turn on it, throw hurt at it until it goes away.
  164.  
  165. She wants me to leave. She wants me to stop hurting her because she knows what I'm saying is the truth.
  166.  
  167. “I am getting married to Sean and you cannot stop that. You have a choice; you can either be happy for me and let this happen or, if you can't even be happy that I'm happy, you can leave.“
  168.  
  169. She's crying. I can see the anguish on her face. She speaks the words and they're all bitter lies on her tongue, an ultimatum she doesn't want to deliver.
  170.  
  171. “The last time I sat idly by while we destroyed our lives, Lilly,“ I tell her. ”I won't be an audience to it a second time.“
  172.  
  173. She sobs and turns away from me. “Then...then you should leave. Go away.”
  174.  
  175. I wait for a few moments, expecting something else, but it never comes.
  176. I turn, walk out the door and close it behind me.
  177.  
  178. The church's hall is empty, just a potted plant on a table next to the door. I wait, stand there, thinking of something, anything but what's happening right now.
  179. This is not what I had planned and now I'm running away from it, just like I did all those years ago. When it fell apart, when Lilly left, my support system was gone. I was in free fall and rather than take ownership of what happened, I just let it be, let it slide, just like she did.
  180.  
  181. Lilly was right, I abandoned her, just like I'm doing now.
  182.  
  183. I walk down the hall, hands in my pocket, my suit itching. I stare at the stonework, worn down over centuries, peoples footprints indented in time. I bet no one as miserable as I am has ever walked this hall before even in the middle ages.
  184.  
  185. What am I supposed to do?
  186.  
  187. The train roars out of control with me on it, out of my ability to stop. Events unfold without my permission, swarming around me, faces and words unable to be cataloged and controlled.
  188.  
  189. This is what happened last time. When things couldn't be stopped, I let them happen, went for the ride and this is where it left me. This is the life I made by not saying something, not doing something.
  190.  
  191. Lilly was correct; I did betray her.
  192.  
  193. I'm doing it again.
  194.  
  195. I saw her face, the truth. She wants anything but this, but she doesn't know how to stop it, doesn't know how to change the events unfolding around her, just like she was when she first left. We're both out of control, in the passenger seat of our lives with no way to dictate the direction we're going in, our paths told to us by others.
  196.  
  197. She wanted me to stop her then. She wants me to stop her now.
  198.  
  199. I stop walking.
  200.  
  201. I'm an idiot.
  202.  
  203. I need to show her.
  204. I need to show her how important she is, what I should have done years ago. Show her that no matter what she says, there is still something between us.
  205.  
  206. I've thought about this moment enough times. I go on auto pilot before I think too much like I always do.
  207.  
  208. I go back down the hall to the door.
  209. I can hear her sobbing.
  210. I knock firmly.
  211.  
  212. “What?!” Lilly cries, tears in her raspy voice.
  213. “Lilly, it's me.”
  214. “What...what is it?”
  215. “I changed my mind. I can't do this. I need for you to be happy.“
  216.  
  217. The sobbing eventually halts and I can hear her move towards the door. “Hisao, I know this is hard, I know, but I want you here. I want you to be happy for me.“
  218.  
  219. She opens it.
  220. I rush in, close it behind me and lock the door.
  221. “Hisao, what....?”
  222.  
  223. She never gets to finish her sentence.
  224. I grab Lilly by the shoulders and push her back against the wall, pinning her hands to her side and I kiss her.
  225. She screeches in muffled alarm and fights back, but I'm stronger than she is and all she can do is throw her head side to side to try and break the kiss, but I'm too forceful, too insistent.
  226. Her fingers flex, her long nails scratching my wrists, but I hold onto her, wincing through the pain.
  227. Eventually I'm the one who breaks the kiss and she gasps for air, alarm and fear in her voice.
  228. “What are you doing? What are you doing!?”
  229.  
  230. “What I should have done years ago. What I should have told you from the very beginning. I should have taken control, but I didn't. I should have stopped you, but I couldn't. I'm not weak anymore, Lilly.“
  231.  
  232. I take her by the cheeks gently and kiss her again and she begins the slap at me, try to push me away.
  233. “No!” she says. “Stop it! Stop this, Hisao! I don't want this! I don't want this!“
  234. “You're lying. I can tell. I know who you really are, Lilly. I've spent the last decade knowing who you are and the mistake I made. You needed me to show you how important you were to me, that I would fight for you. That's what I'm doing.“
  235.  
  236. “Stop, please! Hisao, no!”
  237.  
  238. I kiss her again and I can feel her shudder under my hands. She fights back, but it's weaker this time, her lips pressed against mine with a tiny quiver in the motion.
  239.  
  240. “You can't!” she gasps. “Please, don't do this to me!”
  241.  
  242. I lift Lilly off the ground and press her against the wall, her legs around my hips. She gasps in surprise, her arms wrapping around my shoulders in instinct for support. She stops and goes deathly still and I can feel her hands pressed on my arms, searching out and squeezing.
  243.  
  244. “What...what is?” She feels the muscles under my suit and they must surprise her.
  245. “I've taken care of myself,” I whisper to her. “All through university, I worked hard against my condition. Without you, I had to keep my mind occupied. When it wasn't my studies, I trained. I started jogging everyday, I ate better, took care of myself. I even started weight training. I'm strong now, Lilly. You can tell, right? Did you ever imagine I could do this to you?“
  246.  
  247. I put her hands on my broad chest and her eyes go wide when she feels me.
  248.  
  249. “You wouldn't even hug me when I got off the plane. I wanted you to know, but I couldn't find the way. I wanted to show you what I've become. I'm strong, Lilly, in more ways than one. My heart isn't the only thing healthy now. I know what I want and I know what you want. If you didn't, you would have screamed already and they would have come running.“
  250.  
  251. Her hands are still searching out my chest, feeling the muscle beneath, an alarmed look in her eyes while I hold her pinned up against the wall.
  252.  
  253. She shakes her head, clearing the cobwebs from her thoughts. “It..it doesn't change anything. It changes nothing. I don't care. It doesn't mean anything to me.“
  254.  
  255. “Liar.”
  256.  
  257. I kiss her again and she squeaks.
  258. She's not fighting back anymore, all that built up restraint starting to break down. All those years of being silent and quite, the good girl starting to fall apart and intimate memories of the two of us rushing back to the front of her mind.
  259.  
  260. That healthy sex drive of hers is still intact, I'm pleased to find. I had been counting on it.
  261.  
  262. “Hisao,” she gasps, “no, please. Don't do this to me. It's...it's my wedding. Don't, please.“
  263. “Do you think he'll have the time for you? When was the last time you were alone?“
  264.  
  265. She stops. “He's...Sean is a busy man.”
  266. “When was it, Lilly? When were the two of you alone?“
  267. She hesitates. “It was...a month ago. We've just been busy with the wedding, that's all!”
  268. “Have you slept with him?”
  269. “Hisao!”
  270. “I want to know, tell me.”
  271.  
  272. She bites her lip. “We haven't....”
  273. “You haven't been with him?”
  274.  
  275. She hesitantly shakes her head. “He wanted to wait.”
  276. “Has there been anyone else?”
  277.  
  278. She tries to speak but only shakes her head.
  279. “There's hasn't been anyone for me. I haven't even kissed a girl since you left. It wasn't easy. You can tell, right? I'm handsome, you said so yourself. Women were all over me. But it was only you. I couldn't even bring myself to think of Hanako, there was only ever you. How hard was it to wait for all these years with no one to be with? How frustrating has it been with Sean? It was his idea to wait, wasn't it? You wanted him, but he made you wait.“
  280. I lean close and kiss her cheeks, moving towards her ear. “You didn't wait with me.”
  281.  
  282. She shudders from my movements. “We were...young...stupid.”
  283. “In love,” I finish for her.
  284.  
  285. She stops. Her breathing is heavy now, but I'm fine. It's not like she weighs much, she's so light and fragile, I could pick her up and carry her wherever I wanted.
  286.  
  287. I like being strong and so does she.
  288.  
  289. “You wanted me to stop you, but I didn't. I failed you, Lilly, and I'm sorry for that. I made a mistake, but you can't make another to compound what we did.“
  290.  
  291. “My family....”
  292.  
  293. “Forget them. This is your happiness, not theirs. Haven't you given up enough for them already?”
  294.  
  295. I press up against Lilly and she halfheartedly presses back, falsely trying to keep some distance between us. Her white dress is bunched up below and it's fabric is the only thing between me and her now.
  296.  
  297. “Can he really make you happy? Will you be satisfied with him? Or will you compare him to me every day you're together? How am I making you feel right now, Lilly?“
  298.  
  299. She swallows, her eyes blankly gazing into mine. She shuffles, squirms in my arms.
  300. “I'm...scared. Excited.”
  301.  
  302. “Do you want me to stop? I'll stop right now if you say so, I promise.“
  303.  
  304. She remains silent.
  305.  
  306. “He couldn't do this to you,” I whisper. “He can't make you feel like this. Do you remember that last time we made love together? The way you blindfolded me, what you did in front of me?“
  307.  
  308. Her cheeks burn red.
  309.  
  310. “Do you remember that you wanted me to take control? I tried and I failed. My heart betrayed me. I was pathetic back then, weak. Just like you said, a meek little boy. I'm not a boy anymore. Physically, I'm in the best shape of my life, you can tell, right?“
  311.  
  312. She gulps again, back pressed against the wall. She's trying not to but she's squirming against me, her legs tightening.
  313.  
  314. “It's all right to think about it. I've thought about you enough. Every night when I was alone, when the loneliness got to be too much, I thought of you. I ran every night when it got to be too much, all that frustration and self hatred. I used it, it was fuel for me. What have you done to make the lonely nights better? Sean wasn't there for you. Did you think about him, Lilly? Or did you think about me?“
  315.  
  316. She sobs in my arms.
  317.  
  318. “It's been building up, hasn't it? All these years you've been alone and away from me. I could work, I had a facet for it, but you've been burning. I can tell. Anyone who would make a woman like you wait doesn't deserve you. He can't satisfy you, not like the way I did, the way I could again. I love you Lilly and you still love me. You still want me.“
  319.  
  320. I kiss her and she moans into the gesture before I pull back just enough to speak, our lips barely touching.
  321.  
  322. “If I made you feel this way back then, imagine what I can do for you now.“
  323.  
  324. She gasps, quick little breaths. Her skin is burning hot, her cheeks bright red
  325. “Please...no.....”
  326.  
  327. “You still love me.”
  328. “I love Sean.”
  329. “Do you really? Then tell me this; did you ever stop loving me?“
  330. She shakes her head.
  331. “How can you love two men? I came first, I knew you before. Did you really fall in love with him or did you convince yourself you did for your family's benefit?“
  332.  
  333. I pick her off the wall and carry her to the table, dashing from the top the glasses and plates, scattering them on the floor. I lay her down on a bouquet of lilies and reach under her dress.
  334.  
  335. “No! Hisao! No! Please!”
  336.  
  337. I find her, move silk aside and press into her gently with my fingers. Lilly gasps, a tiny impassioned sound.
  338. I move slowly, watching her face, the dress obscuring her from me slightly. She bites her lips to keep moans from coming out.
  339.  
  340. “Tell me to stop and I will. Cry out for Sean and I'll stop, I promise.“
  341.  
  342. She tries to keep silent, but the tiniest moan escapes from her lips.
  343. I climb onto the table and spread her legs. Her arms are wrapped around herself and she's shaking slightly.
  344. “Hisao, my wedding....please....”
  345.  
  346. “Weren't you the one who wanted me to take control? You wanted me to stop you from leaving, didn't you?“
  347.  
  348. She nods slightly.
  349.  
  350. “That's what I'm doing. Lilly, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you back then. I was weak, I couldn't go against you. I thought it's what you wanted. I was wrong, wasn't I?“
  351.  
  352. She nods again.
  353.  
  354. “Say it,” I tell her.
  355.  
  356. She parts her lips, red with lipstick. “I...wanted you to stop me.”
  357. “You wanted me to take control, to show you how important you were to me.“
  358. She nods in agreement.
  359. “Let me show you now, Lilly. Let me show you what you mean to me.“
  360. I lean down and kiss her and for the first time there isn't any fight in it, only eager acceptance.
  361.  
  362. “Tell me to stop if that's what you want. I'll leave or you can scream and people will come here and take me away. Is that what you want? Is that what you want to happen? I'll never see you again and every memory we had together will be ruined. Do you want that?“
  363.  
  364. She's shaking all over, a mix of excitement and distress. She roughly shakes her head, crying. “No. No, no, no, please, no.”
  365.  
  366. “Then what do you want? Tell me and I'll do it.”
  367.  
  368. She holds her tongue.
  369. I take my belt, free myself and press into her.
  370. Lilly cries out, but bites her lips and nods 'yes' furiously, wrapping her arms around me and pressing tighter and tighter.
  371.  
  372. I make love to her on the table top, on a bed of lilies.
  373.  
  374. When it's over, she's panting furiously and I've barely broken a sweat. I feel like a machine, like an unstoppable engine of destruction. It makes me feel powerful and I like the sensation. From her muffled cries, she liked it too.
  375.  
  376. There's a knock at the door and Lilly gasps in surprise.
  377. “Who...who is it?” she asks, her voice shaky from what we've just done.
  378.  
  379. “Lilly, it's Sean.”
  380.  
  381. Lilly tries to pull away from me, but I hold her down, keeping us together.
  382.  
  383. “Wh-what is it?”
  384. “Are you all right? Is that man still here?”
  385.  
  386. I smile at Lilly's face. She's so confused and I haven't let up, still moving, making her feel good, clouding her mind.
  387. “Hisao....”
  388. I touch her face, her warm cheeks and she leans into it, tracing my fingers along her lips.
  389. “He's gone. He left,“ she says.
  390.  
  391. “Are you okay?”
  392.  
  393. “Yes. I just...need some time. That's all I need.”
  394.  
  395. There's hesitation outside the door. “All right, Lilly. I can tell you're upset. We'll be waiting, just take your time.“
  396.  
  397. I hear footsteps leave from outside.
  398. “Lilly?”
  399.  
  400. It's Akira. She must have come to check on Lilly as well.
  401.  
  402. “Y-yes?”
  403. “Are you really okay?”
  404. “I'm...I'm fine, Akira.”
  405.  
  406. A long moment of silence. “Yeah, okay, sure. Hey listen, I'm sick of carrying this stuff in my pocket, so I'm going to leave my wallet and keys on the table right here. My car is parked out front. Make sure no one runs off with them, okay?“
  407.  
  408. Lilly gasps and I can't help but smile to myself.
  409. Good old Akira.
  410. “O-okay,” Lilly says.
  411. “Glad to hear. I'll tell everyone you need a few minutes. Maybe a fifteen to twenty minute window, okay? I'll talk to you later, Lilly. I love you.“
  412.  
  413. More footsteps leaving.
  414.  
  415. “Well?” I ask Lilly after some time passes.
  416. She's silent. Her face has no emotion on it whatsoever, pure confusion and passion fighting for a place in her mind.
  417.  
  418. “I don't...I don't know. I don't know what to do. Hisao, how could you do this to me? My family, everyone is here! Oh, God! Oh, God, what have I done?“
  419.  
  420. “Don't Lilly. Don't be that little girl I used to know, that meek, fake person everyone thinks you are and expects. Be that woman who said she loved me in Hokaido, that passionate, daring woman I fell in love with, that woman I was stupid enough to let go. Don't live up to their expectations. I know who you really are, who you are beneath all that polite and proper crap you let people see. You want to be who you really are, but you don't want to disappoint them. For once, be selfish. We've both given up years of our lives. If you were to give me back every year we've lost, I couldn't do all the things for you I've wanted to. I couldn't do to you all the things I've wanted to. I've wanted to make it up to you for so long and now I can.“
  421.  
  422. I kiss her and wipe her tears away. “Tell me to stop and I will, I promise.”
  423.  
  424. “But....”
  425. “But what?”
  426.  
  427. “What about Sean?”
  428.  
  429. I smile.
  430. I think I might start to like cruelty.
  431.  
  432. ----------------------------------------
  433.  
  434. Akira stands on the church steps. Her car is gone and people are wandering about trying to find the bride. She's got a bottle of wine in her hand and it's about half empty. She's looking at one of the cars, the one that belongs to Sean. It's a beautiful vehicle, silver and covered in chrome, limited edition, with all the bells and whistles. Sean stands next to her, staring at the car and what's been done to it.
  435.  
  436. All four tires have been slashed and the passenger side door has a message on it, scratched into the finish with a key;
  437.  
  438. Honeymoon's Canceled.
  439.  
  440. Akira shakes her head. “That's a shame. Nice car like that doesn't deserve this sort of treatment.“ she shrugs. ”Get a little wax and it'll take it right out.“
  441. Sean continues to stare blankly, a shattered look in his eyes.
  442. “Chin up, Sean!” She hands him the bottle of wine. “Come on, might as well dip into all that nice champagne we have stocked up.“
  443. She puts an arms around him and leads him limply away.
  444.  
  445. “Don't take it personally. Did you see the dude? Hisao got huge! I might have made a pass at him myself, but I like older guys.“
  446.  
  447. She smiles.
  448.  
  449. “You, know, Sean, I always did think you were a very handsome man! Just because Lilly ran off doesn't mean our families can't come to some mutual agreement.“
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