Professional Griefers - text extract

text extracted from
deadmau5 ft. Gerard Way - Professional Griefers
watch it here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr2Bc5qMhE4
] and [ mean that some part of text is missing.


(main screen)

BREAKING NEWS:
MEOWTINGTONS CORP ISSUES MASSIVE RECALL ON ROBOTIC CATS DUE TO FAULTY LOGIC CHIP \\
RIOTS OVER DUDA'S NEW HAIRCUT \\
COUNTY SHERIFF IN CRITICAL CONDITION AFTER USING LEOPARD AS GUN/GUITAR \\
PUBLIC INQUIRY CONCLUDES: IT IS ALL D.POE'S FAULT \\
WHERE NOW FOR MAN RAISED BY PUFFINS? \\
MAN NARROWLY ESCAPES DEATH BY ACID SPITTING KOALAS \\
WHIMSYSHIRE PORTAL FOUND IN LOCAL WOMANS APARTMENT \\
AIRLINE PILOT GIVES BIRTH TO HIS FIRST GIRAFFE \\
PAULY DEE TO PERFORM 'DJ SHOW' AT THIS YEARS OPENING CEREMONIES FOR THE 2038 WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW THIS FRIDAY, BITCHES GO CRAZY \\
PRIME MINISTER BEEBER NARROWLY ESCAPES ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT \\
ZED'S DEAD. SERVICE TO BE HELD IN SAN FRANCISCO THIS WEDNESDAY \\
LOCAL MAN ACCIDENTALLY TELEPORTS WIFE TO MARS - SPACE ADMINISTRATION SEEKS INJUNCTION[
]GRAVITY SUIT FOR CATS A SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH \\
ECONOMY CRISIS WORSENS, RANCID MEAT HAS NEVER BEEN SO AFFORDABLE \\
SBPD SOLVES PRISON OVERCROWDING BY PLACING CONVICTS IN LOCAL RESIDENTS' GARAGES \\
SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW SPECIES OF HUMAN. NO NOT IN FLORIDA. NOT IN JERSEY EITHER \\
FIRE DEPT. CAPTAIN RESIGNS AFTER TRYING TO SHOW CADET PROPER FIRE HOSE TECHNIQUES \\
BRAND NEW TSA SOFTWARE IS COMING TO YOUR PC. GOOD THING YOU'RE ALREADY NAKED, THAT MAKES IT EASIER. BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO RAISE BOTH HANDS \\
ZEN ARCHAEOLOGISTS FIND THEMSELVES \\
MARS COLONISTS VISITING CANADA UPSET THAT THEY HAD TO INTERACT WITH STRANGERS RATHER THAN SHOOT THEM \\
PRINCIPAL SUSPENDED FOR USING BIG FACED CHILD AS SATELLITE DISH \\
A 93 YEAR OLD MAN, SHOCKED WHEN 21-YEAR-OLD EX-GIRLFRIEND DUMPS HIM ONLY AFTER HE BUYS HER A $3.2 MILLION ESTATE ON SATURN \\
REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN FOR ENTRANTS WISHING TO TAKE PART IN NEW REALITY SHOW, 'OW MY BALLS' \\
BRAWNDO HAS WHAT PLANTS CRAVE \\
JIMMY DEAN THE FOUR[
]GRAM TO HELP BOOST GDP \\
WOMAN CONDUCTS LEWD ACTS ON PASSENGERS TO SLOW TRAFFIC AT MARS TERMINAL; OFFICIALS SAY THE WHOLE THING HAS BEEN BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION \\
"COMPACT DISCS" AND[


(when the kid watches TV)

]BEEN RELEASED, ANONYMOUS SOURCES SUGGEST THE AMOUNT[
]MILLION EUROS[]THIS YEARS[] OF RUSSIA" HAVE[


(on the doghouse)

LUPE


(opponents' descriptions)

g3rard
WINS 43 LOSSES 3
TIER: HEAVYWEIGHT
COMBAT STYLE: STRATEGY
X-RAY STRENGTH: 60%
COMBO STRENGTH: 13%
COUNTER: CAMO, ELECTRO PULSE
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, ...

deadmau5
REIGNING WORLD CHAMPION
WINS 63 LOSSES 0
TIER: HEAVYWEIGHT
COMBAT STYLE: AGGRESSIVE
X-RAY STRENGTH: 48%
COMBO STRENGTH: 37%
COUNTER: SPEED, ANNOYANCE
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, ...