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- > Be Twilight Sparkle, at your makeshift podium of books
- > You have gathered together the various elements of ...
- > "It is this the part where I say my first name and what addiction I have?"
- > Awkwardness
- "No Anon, but you are on the right track. Welcome to the weekly ABLB meeting, where we help each other figure out how to be appropriately social."
- > "The Great and Sensual Trixie does not see why she is here, and she also wonders what ABLB stands for."
- > Patience, Sparkle
- > If you beat them within an inch of their life, it won't make for a good friendship letter
- "No speaking in the third person, Trixie. And as for what it stands for..."
- > You look at your note card
- > You might not have thought this through completely
- "The Association of the Blind Leading the Blind."
- > Starlight nods seriously
- > "Fitting."
- > You clear your throat and address your three associates
- "So! Does anyone have a social interaction they feel could have gone better? It could be a little thing, if that makes you comfortable."
- > Everypony glances around, waiting
- > Anon sighs and raises his hand
- > "Alright, I'll go first. The other day, I was patting Apple Bloom on the back as thanks for helping me pick up my groceries, and she seemed to like it. Then I went to scratch right behind her ears, and-"
- > You shudder and scrunch hard just imagining it
- > Anon smiles in relief
- > "Yeah, that, you get it. What's up with that?"
- > You exhale slowly, trying to calm down and think
- "It's like... Anon, you are from a predator species, right? Claws and sharp teeth?"
- > Anon looks dubiously as his finger claws
- > "Let's just say yes, and get to the point."
- > You don't like the way Starlight is eyeing the only stallion in the group
- "Right, so scratching is a normal part of your social behavior. But ponies don't have claws or sharp teeth, so our social behavior is more... rubbing, leaning on each other, that sort of thing."
- > Anon frowns, but nods slowly
- > "Alright, so the patting was okay. Is there anything else I could do to show gratitude?"
- > Trixie waves her hoof in the air
- > "The Great and Insightful Tr-"
- > You glare at her
- > She coughs, and continues
- > "That is to say, I believe I have a suggestion."
- > You beam at her, happy at how quickly she caught on to how the meeting should go
- > Trixie smiles a little
- > "Suck her clit."
- > Your heart sinks, while Anon tilts his pure, pure head
- "Trixie!"
- > She jolts in her seat, look at you with wide eyes
- > "Oh, is Apple Bloom a stallion? I mean, you could suck his cock, and I could watch, but just getting him flowers or some other colty thing should be fine."
- > You grit your teeth
- "Trixie, Apple Bloom is a mare, and that would not be appropriate. She just got her cutie mark a few months ago."
- > The showmare stares in confusion
- > "But that's the first time a stallion sucked my clit, right about then."
- > Normalnagsgetthehayout.neigh
- > As you struggle to explain why that isn't a good standard to go by, Anon makes a sigh of realization
- > "I get it, I'd be the older woman sucking his dick. Um, if we were gender switched or whatever. Seems like a big favor, just for helping pick up groceries."
- > Oh no, Trixie the Trixie is corrupting him!
- > Starlight hesitantly raises her hoof
- > You turn to her with desperate hope in your eyes
- > Salvage this, my apprentice
- > She gives you a quick smile
- > "What about, promoting her within your secret organization to overthrow the status quo?"
- > There is no hope
- "Starlight, do you currently have, or are you preparing such a secret organization?"
- > She looks at you with uncertainty
- > "Not counting this one?"
- > You sigh
- "Not counting this one."
- > "Then no, not anymore."
- > You raise an eyebrow
- "Anymore? Do I need to feed you more hayburgers to fill you with the light of Equestrian Capitalism?"
- > Starlight Glimmer smiles uneasily
- > "No?"
- > Right
- > You turn back to Trixie and Anon, who seemed to have been whispering while you were distracted
- > You feel you should be worried
- > You are worried
- "What did you two come up with?"
- > Anon smiles, innocence twinkling in his eyes
- > "The proper amount of thanks is showing her a little ball cleavage. Reminds me, I'm going to have to get a ball bra sometime."
- > ...
- > Does that mean he's not wearing one right now?
- > You try not to stare at his crotch
- > Why are his shorts so baggy and tantalizing?
- > Maybe if you tilt your head, you can look up his-
- > Trixie coughs, wearing a knowing smile
- > That bitch knows too much
- > You shake your head and smile sharp, pointy friendship knives at her
- "Moving right along then, do you have something to share? Some mistake you made?"
- > Trixie tosses her mane over her shoulder and sticks out her chest, prominently displaying her tuft
- > Trotting on thin ice, mare
- > "The Great- ah, rather, I didn't make any mistakes, yet for some reason mares are unreasonably hostile towards me."
- > You roll your eyes
- > Starlight licks her lips, obviously trying to put it delicately
- > "Perhaps it is because you pose like a marewhore and hit on everypony's coltfriends?"
- > Your apprentice lacks subtlety, yet she hasn't said anything wrong, exactly
- > Trixie looks startled at the implication
- > "I, a marewhore? It's not as though I steal coltfriends, except that one time in Baltimare, oh, and Fillydelphia, and hmm. But I only rut the good-looking ones, so it's fine."
- > Anon looks around at the group, from your raised hackles, to Starlight's cold stare, to Trixie's artificially voluminous tuft
- > He gets this goofy smile that makes you want to hug him and push him down to your tea-
- > That is, it make him look cute
- > "Are you serious? Little miss vainglory here is supposed to be a man-eater, or lady-killer, or whatever?"
- > You feel a little better at the disbelieving tone in his voice
- > Starlight nods
- > "Trixie's always get the colts, even when they are jerks."
- > Anon is grinning at the marewhore
- > "Your name is an epithet for that sort of mare? That's amazing! Come on, seduce me, I dare you!"
- > You start to feel you are losing control of the meeting
- "Now, none of that, we-"
- > Trixie grins back at him
- > "I like a stallion with spirit. Why don't we go back to my room, and I can show you how my hold on you is tight and powerful?"
- > Poor Anon is lost to his coltish whimsy, giggling at the vulgar pick up line
- > "A stallion with spirit! Oh, my sides."
- > Starlight trots up to him, a hopeful expression on her face
- > No, don't do it
- > "Hey Colt, are you a salt mine? Because I can lick your rocks all day."
- > You groan, scrunching hard
- > This was a mistake
- > No matter how much Anon is laughing, this was a mistake
- > Then you hear his voice
- > "Come on, Twilight, you give it a try."
- > You stare at him blankly
- > Is he serious?
- > He's smiling at you
- > The girls are looking at you expectantly
- > Oh no, you aren't prepared for this, you are a nice mare!
- > Think, make a pun about dicks or slits!
- > Why is it so hard?
- > Oh, maybe that will work...
- > You swallow nervously
- "I always make things too hard, when I talk to stallions."
- > You grin uneasily
- > Anon rocks back in his chair, groaning
- > "Oh, that was terrible,"
- > Your ears flatten and your heart drops like a rock
- > "You win, nothing can top that."
- > What?
- "What?"
- > Anon smiles at you, a healing smile
- > "A pick up line's effectiveness is proportional to the terribleness of the pun. You win."
- > What?
- > Really?
- > You scramble for a quill and parchment, you need to write this down!
- > "Hey Twilight."
- > You glance up at Anon
- "Yes?"
- > "Thanks."
- > He pulls one of the legs of his shorts to the side
- > Your mind and magic halt, transfixed
- > You have seen the Holy Grail
- > Trixie nods
- > "That's right Anon, just like that."
- > Today you have learned that sometimes, even Trixies can be a true sis
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