jokepasta

My name is John and I've been a Nintendo fan for my entire life, so imagine my surprise and joy when I found a Mario game that I had never heard of before at a garage sale down the street from my house. The cartridge was blank but clear as day on the thing was a piece of paper, with the name 'SUPER MARIO 64 2' written on it in black market. It was only 90 cents so I felt obligated to purchase it, I took it up to the old man behind a wooden table and gave him the money he was asking for. Before I could turn around and leave he grabbed me by the arm, and still to this day his words haunt me, you'll find out why they do later on.

"Listen kid, you don't want that game, my son died while playing that."

"It's a new Mario game, I don't give a fuck OLD MAN."

"Be warned then, if you feed that game after midnight you'll regret it."

"Pfft, whatever, you senile old geezer."

On my way home I found myself deeply confused about what he had told me earlier, don't feed the game after midnight, what could that possibly mean? The only thing that came to mind was to play it at midnight as soon as I could, I mean what's the worst thing that could possibly happen? Maybe he unlocked Bowser as a playable character or his game glitched out or something, not like anything weird could happen, it's just a video game after all.

So midnight came and the first thing I did was pop the cartridge into my Nintendo 64 and flipped the power switch on, something was weird at first because the music was slow and it took an entire 15 minutes to boot up.

So when I got to the part where you stretch Mario's face he looked visibly distressed, you could almost see tears streaming down his cheeks, I didn't pay any attention to that so I began stretching Mario's face, trying to turn his mustache into a pair of shades like I had done so many years ago as a small child. However, when I tried to stretch his mustache he just grunted and I swear I was pulling bloody chunks of his mustache off, he was crying the entire time too and screaming. This had to be a glitch though, because when I played Mario as a kid his face would just stretch, right? I stopped with the mustache and went to pull his nose, surprisingly it popped off, blood streaming from his nose hole and revealing part of his realistic bare skull as I started in his red, bloodshot eyes.
Wow, I never knew Mario 64's sequel would be this glitchy