Eldar Blues

As a general rule, Orks don’t get many visitors. You’d have to be right daft to come knocking on their door, because they’re Orks. It’s like using the tongue of a Carnifex as a pillow and expecting to still have an upper body when you wake up. As dumb ideas go, you really have to try to go dumber. For example, you could be, oh, two pointy-headed gitz knocking on the door of Orks.

“I have absolute faith in Farseer Vaedrisa’s abilities.”
“Alleed, why the sudden affirmation?” The other Pathfinder shifted in his armor nervously.
“No reason, I just felt the urge to say that, answer that unsaid question between us.”
“You mean in regards to us coming out here to a world in the middle of nowhere, barely armed and heavily undermanned, all to visit a group of bloodthirsty Orks that will sooner kill us and loot our bodies than look at us?”
“I have absolute faith in Farseer Vaedrisa’s abilities.” Alleed repeated.
Lennithe thought for a moment. “I also have absolute faith in Farseer Vaedrisa’s abilities.”

Having just sent word by one of the smaller ones, a grot, Lennithe recalled, they were waiting on the outskirts of camp, hesitant to venture further in. They eyed various suspiciously placed barrels and bushes, and notably one prone Ork holding up a sign that said “I IZ DED” on it, apprehensively. Especially the prone Ork, who kept lifting his head to make sure they were still there. Soon enough the Warboss approached. Wearing a Commissar’s hat, swinging his massive Power Klaw, with an Ethereal’s dress draped over his shoulders along with two grots, and mugs littering the rest of his body, Warboss Urtylug was a peculiar but definitely intimidating sight. For some reason your mind focused on the mugs as the most intimidating part when you saw him.
He was flanked by a strange bunch, but what else was new with the Scraplootas. On his left walked a weird skinny Ork that swayed to and fro, chattering to himself, and a large Ork with a mohawk holding a multibladed chainsaw contraption. On his shoulder sat what was possibly the grimiest looking adolescent Tau Lennithe had ever seen. On the right of the Warboss was an Ork dressed in what seemed to be Priest robes to some Chaos God, holding a book of some kind, and an Ork that darted around between cover in a camouflaged cape and cowl, trying his best to not look conspicuous. The other Orks popped out of their hiding places in bushes and barrels, and that one prone Ork got up and tossed the sign away.
All of the sudden, the two Pathfinders were surrounded.

Warboss Urtylug looked at the two Eldar from over the rim of his mug. He took a long and soffist– soffish- sofff- nobbish sip of his Squig tea, hopefully projecting the air of having better places to be and better people to see, and said, “Whut youz pointy-headz want?”
“Warboss Urtylug Dursnik—”
“Urtylug ‘Titanloota’ Dursnik,” Alleed chimed in.
“Yes, Warboss Urtylug ‘Titanloota’ Dursnik, we are an envoy from Farseer Vaedrisa, who wishes you well.” Lennithe and Alleed bowed as low as they dared.
“Aw no. Not dat git.” Urtylug dropped his mug, which was deftly caught by one of the grots on his back, and placed his palm on his forehead, “Da last time dat git had us doin’ fings, we wuz neck deep in dose udda pointy-headed-gits fer dayz.” It was probably one of the quickest routings of that large an army of Dark Ones in Eldar history. The Orks had put them in such disarray that the Dark Eldar literally did nothing but land, panic, and take off again. The titan helped. The Tau on that world had no idea the Dark Eldar had ever been there.
“Yes, but you were able to collect fabulous ‘mad lootz,’ were you not?” Alleed was laying it on thick.
“Shure, but dat ‘ad nuttin ta do wid da pointy-headz. Da mad lootz wuz all from da grayskins on da plannit.”
“But without our Farseer’s instructions, you wouldn’t have landed on that planet at all, correct?”
“ I nevah finked uv it dat way.” Urtylug rubbed his chin before shaking his head. “Anyway, whut are youz ‘ere fer? Beside a krumping?”
“Farseer Vaedrisa would like to recommend a course of action.” Of course she did. That’s all she did all day every day.
“Does it involve dose pointy-headed emoboyz?”
“No, actually, it does not. Instead, we wish that you join the ruinous forces on a world not far from here.”
“Whut? Join da wossname?”
“The Chaos forces are looking for mercenaries to help subjugate the populace. They will allow you to plunder as you will.”
“And whut’s da big trick dat git’z got up ‘er sleeve?”
“At a certain point, which you will recognize, you will have the chance to betray the legions of Chaos, and plunder their armories and vehicles as well.”
The Warboss gave a low whistle, “Now, Oi like da sound uv dat!” He turned left and right, looking at his gathered boyz. Nobody seemed to object, not that they would have a choice. Chaos had some pretty Orky loot. Especially the red angry ones.
“Alroight den, tell yer git dat we’ll do it. Which world izzit?”
Lennithe handed over a communicator, “Tell your navigators to set your coordinates for this world. It should only be a short jump away.”
“Okay den, fanks.” Urtylug pocketed the communicator and Lennithe started to object when Alleed started pulling his partner back.
“Anyway, we should get going, it was nice dealing business with you, Warboss.”
“You too, I fink.” Urtylug extended his meaty hand, and after a quick mental back and forth, Alleed ended up shaking it awkwardly. The circle of Orks opened up and the Pathfinders walked as quickly back to their Nightwing as they could without looking like they were running.
“I liked that communicator.”
“And I like not having my head bashed in and being left for dead.”


They reported back to the mothership, the Farseer was waiting for them.
“Welcome back, Pathfinders. I trust everything went as planned?”
“Yes, Farseer. The Orks will take the bait. They will head towards the same world the Blood Jaguars are projected to land on within the week.”
“And yet again, they will prove their might in most glorious combat.” Lennithe wondered what was so glorious about dropping a Titan from up high onto unsuspecting troops below.
“Lennithe, you may go. Alleed, I want you to come to my personal quarters.” Vaedrisa turned and started walking away. Alleed gave Lennithe the largest smile he could manage and quickly followed along. Some Eldar have all the luck.

A little while later, Lennithe caught up with Alleed again.
“So, how was that?”
“How was what?”
“Well. It was so good it was wiped from your memory?”
“What? Oh. You mean with the Farseer? Oh no. It was nothing like that.” Alleed shrugged disappointedly, “Turned out, all she wanted from me were my memories of shaking that Warboss’s hand!”