DOOM Anon

>”Until we meet again.”
>You are Doomnon.
>That cyborg trickster, Samuel Hayden, just duped your ass so hard you were ejected back to earth.
>You think.
>There’s trees so it's /likely./
>You wander through what seems to be a forest.
>You don't remember, you haven't touched grass in seven thousand something something something years.
>Being in hell didn't lend you a good sense of time.
>You wander, going at your perfectly within human bounds speed of 60 mph.
>Hell also seemed to warp your standards of human physical limits.
>You hear a distant roar.
>Channeling your inner ‘Fuck you.’, and charge toward it as fast as possible.
>You eventually come to bear with a giant.
>Cat?
>Bat?
>Scorpion?
>Soon-to-be-dead-thing?
>Soon-to-be-dead-thing.
>Pulling out your super shotgun, you aim in it’s general direction and fire.
>Suddenly the thing is soaked.
>But not in blood, is what confused you.
>It was soaked in water.
>It hissed and ran away while making cat-yowl sounds.
>You open the break of your double-barrel and peer inside.
>It’s dry.
>You check your ammo.
>It’s not made of water.
>You shrug and pin it on demon-magic.
>Rushing back forward and past the thing, you reach the edge of the forest.
>Immediately you spot a yellow-horse.
>A yellow talking horse.
>You pin it on demon magic.
>You approach to apply some RIP AND TEAR to its body, but before you can she faces you and disappears faster than your perfectly normal eyes could see.
>You look around curiously and shrug.
>Demon-Magic.
>You see a town in the distance and approach.
>Before you can reach the limits of the town, a pink-horse appears in front of you.
>You grab it before it can escape.
>”What are you doing, silly?”
>You ignore the voice and bring the horse above your head to RIP in half.
>You do so quickly, hearing the sweet, sweet, sound of…
>Paper TEARing…
>You feel things patter on your head and notice candy was falling all over the place.
>You look above your head and notice that it was actually a pinata.
>You have no idea where the hell the pink horse was.
>A voice sounds off next to you.
>”You sure do like breaking piñatas, don't you? I’ll have a bunch at your party! I'm pinkie pie, by the way! Most of the 4channers call me Ponk!”
>It dashes seats before you can do anything else.
>You follow the pink trail left behind by the horse.
>You had to RIP and TEAR that horse before you died, went to hell, and got kicked out.
>You chase after it, hoping to catch it and fulfill your needs.
>Hey, even immortal, professional, non-stop, demon killing machines had needs too!
>You come to a stop after you notice the sheer amount of horses here.
>They notice you soon after, dashing into their houses and barricading them.
>It said you needed a Purple Skull to open every single door.
>You don't even get to RIP and TEAR them a little…
>You spot a large glowing,pink,crystal castle tower-tree thing.
>That's where the Skull must be.
>You walk at a sedate pace and make it there in 2.3 seconds.
>You climb the meagre stairs at the front and brutally kick down the door.
>Causing it to swing open slowly.
>That was usually a bad sign.
>You go inside cautiously.
>Which is to say you don't.
>The first thing you notice is a gape-mouthed purple horse.
>You’ve found the skull!
>You dash forward, landing a killing blow on it’s face that…
>Caused a squeaking sound…
>She looks scared, then switches to indignant, and then to angry.
>”Is that how you greet people! No wonder all the ponies are afraid of you!”
>It’s horn glows and quickly flickers out.
>”Immune to magic?”
>Immune to demon magic?
>This is much appreciated.
>You go for another punch to end it’s puny life.
>Your hand bounces off and makes another squeaking sound.
>Fishsticks.
>”Maybe Pinkie Pie can help…”
>It begins to walk off, you pull out your super shotgun to end it now.
>It’s now soaked, but not in blood like you had hoped.
>”My coat!”
>You pull out your Heavy Assault Rifle and fire into it.
>Small multi-color paper slips rapidly fly out.
>”Is that confetti?”
>It’s getting closer to a place that looks like a giant cupcake.
>You bring out your plasma rifle and fire mercilessly into the horse.
>It’s now coated completely in pie.
>It stops for a moment to stare at you in a look of anger that the cyber-demon completely dwarfed.
>You bring your mini gun to play, setting it up into a mobile turret.
>You fire round after round into the horse, splattering different colours all over its outside.
>Fortunately, some of them are red.
>”Did you just fire paintballs at me? Those hurt!”
>It picks up it’s pace and you finally decide to take a final stand.
>It's about to open the door.
>You charge your BFG, the last round being used for this most dire of emergencies.
>You release the deadly ball of Argent Energy and wait for the guaranteed results.
>The horse collapses to the ground in a fit of all consuming laughter, squirming and attempting to cover her body completely.
>The door swings open and you spot the inhabitants looking directly at you.
>”SURPRISE!”
>You were about to go in and charge, ready to RIP and TEAR before you notice what's behind the crowd.
>Millions of Pinatas that shouldn't be able to fit in such a small place.
>Maybe Horseland wouldn't be so bad.
>It was candy, instead of blood and guts, but.
>At least you could still
>RIP AND TEAR!