Hi. I really have no idea if you jumped at seeing this simply because its from me, or immediately dreaded what's in it because its from me.

Regardless, I should explain things to you.

I do not want to be your friend. Not now, not in the future, never. You have forfeited the right to that by saying and believing what you said about me and Chris. So do not get your hopes up about that. I will not be your friend even if you change, even if you apologize for what you have said. I showed you almost nothing but kindness and gentleness and you eventually spat it back in my face like it was acid on your tongue. You have pushed the boundaries any reasonable person would have and thus, simply put, broken my heart.

When Chris first sent that note to you, most of the words, the opinions, the poured out emotions, they were not mine. They were his. I did not tell him to write those thoughts on my behalf. They are HIS thoughts because of how you treated him, how you perceived him as an enemy. You call his view of me as a sister cringey. May I remind me of the fact you once viewed him as a brother? You are a hypocrite. I have nothing but shame with how you let your paranoia tangle you and let it change your perception on people you loved.

When I had first fallen in love with you, when I first met you, you were innocent, gentle, and extremely sweet. Anyone who met you fell in love with your charming personality. I was no different, though I suppose I fell much harder, and in a different sense. I talked to several people about what happened. All of them agreed the way you have changed was drastic. You turned sour, your perceptions of life and people corrupted, and you became a sick, withering rose with sharp thorns. You changed from outside influence, friends, family, media and your growing paranoia, and I suppose, there was no real way to change that, or prevent it. By time we realized, there was no real way for us to try to change it. But you are capable of changing how you act for yourself. Not for me, not for anyone else. I hope that you do. You have truly turned into something nasty, whether or not you realized or understood your change. You literally insulted things Chris and I liked several times because you thought it was a "joke we'd like."

I am truly disgusted by how you perceived Chris' and I's platonic relationship. Platonic, of love or of friendship, is intimate and affectionate but not sexual or romantic. With Chris and I, it was purely friendship. I'm sad how you looked upon the two of us because I stepped out of my nervous shell and started to show people the love I held in because I was trying to keep it all to you. How selfish of you, to react so negatively to me trying to change for the better of myself and others. I hope you know I changed because of the kindness you used to have inspiring me to. You are so obsessed, so possesive of me, that the moment someone showed me affection that I long needed from someone who wasn't a lover, you turned your head in disgust. I do not belong to you. I have never belonged to you. I am not an object. I am not something you can wrap your arms around and go "Everything about this girl belongs to me." I am free to my own thoughts and actions, and it is truly sad how you heavily believed otherwise.

I would like to remind you of the fact I am biromantic. Would that change how you viewed things, if I were affectionate to a girl? Or would you just think nothing of it solely because of their gender? I truly wonder, but I don't even care if you answer. Your actions have spoken enough. You can't use your paranoia as an excuse, nor can you use your "attempts of trying to tell us how you viewed things." You purposefully hid details from me, which only led me into thinking that you didn't trust me, and thinking you thought I was in love with Chris. Your actions with that lead us to where we are now. You are so paranoid with whether or not 'I belonged to you' that it corrupted your perception on it and caused you to push and lash out at the two people who did nothing but love you. You then told everyone your paranoia but you left out details that would normally make people question your paranoia and then mostly try to help you like how Chris loved Hana for 6 years and how I was scared of losing your trust.

I was melancholic at first. I was sad things ended the way they did. But then when I read how you saw me as a sociopathic, psychopathic person and how my kindness was an inflatable ego. I believed that you merely said those things in denial and anger. But then I realized. You had said more about me than you did Chris. And the things you spoke of were in so much detail. You kept these things inside of you, these disgusting, hateful things about someone you claimed to love. You didn't look at anything you said in a positive light. And then, when I heard what Psan told me, you basically admitted you believed what you said about me. You viewed me as annoying, untrustworthy, trashy. You make absolutely no goddamn sense. You talked absolute shit about someone you spent a year and a half with, someone you said 'I love you' to every night, someone you tried and "wanted" to live your life with. You called me a horrible person, acted like the time we spent together, the time I spent showing you my love, the time I spent hating myself because I hurt you in the slightest, as a waste. How dare you say you love me all this time. How dare you?

You have absolutely NO right to my heart, to my time, to my love. I don't give a damn if you change for me. If you change at at all, good for you. I can't forgive you for the things you said, the ways you acted. At first I was remotely forgiving, because you're a human, you make mistakes. That 'humanity' would have redeemed you, but no, you're very clearly lacking it. You admitted how you felt about me and admitted that you wanted to use me for my kindness, to 'help you fix your own problems.' I am not your tool, your 'feel better medicine', your emotional rag. The only sociopathic one here is you. I would rather go through every type of hell imaginable than say 'I love you' ever again. You are unworthy.


You are capable of living without me. Do not try to bribe me. You are free to ask me questions if it alleviates you. I want you to move on and get out of my life. I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy knowing you made someone scared of love and scared of people even moreso than she already was. I hope you have fun living with yourself. You have changed my view on relationships in a disgusting way. In my eyes, Brett has more humanity than you.

I refuse to let myself be in a relationship with anyone after this experience God, I hope you're fucking proud.