Old One-Shots

An AiE Funeral

>He is dead.
>His body rests in a fine mahogany coffin, surrounded by his close friends
>I am the last to arrive.
>Everyone is here, especially Wuten.
>SorcererAnon and Brainhorn look solemnly upon the body, tears rolling down their cheeks.
>DukeOfDerpy is staring at me, I think.
>Æther has his dick out.
>BettySpaghetti has her dick out.
"Stop that." I tell them. "That is very disrespectful."
>MisterElGuapo turns to face me. "Who the fuck is Zuul?"
>“Wah didn't ya sav 'im, Zuul?" asks Fillydelphian, "You were sapposed ta bring 'im back home!” His words cut me deeply.

>Atlas decides to say a few words.
>"He was a good man."
>That /was/ a few words.
>The crowd parts for me so I can see his body
>On seeing his face, I can no longer hold back my tears.
>Gadget and AnonAirman try to comfort me with their LOVE.
>Azathoth offers me one of his voodoo pony buttholes, which I accept.
>I place my hand on the body (Now drenched in my eye excretions)
"Goodbye, PaleNarrator."
>"Goodbye." he says.
"You're alive?"
>"Yeah, I just had a bad internet connection or something."
"I missed you so much!"
>"Who the fuck is Zuul?" he asks.

The End

Executive Producer Jerry Bruckheimer



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Close Encounters of the BettySpaghetti Kind

>She stares at me from across the thread.
>Our eyes meet.
>I'm feeling the LOVE.

"Hi, Betty. I'm Zuul."
>"Who?"
"Fuck, nevermind. Hey... uh, can I.. um... buy you a cup of coffee?"
>BettySpaghetti looks apologetic.
>"Oh, sorry Zululu. I'm a 'ponysexual'. I am not attracted to humans."
"Then who's LOVE was I feeling?"

>It was brainhorn's.

The end.




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>Day 1 in Equestria
>The first pony you meet happens to be the awkward, socially inept manchild from the Iron Will episode.
>His eyes grow huge when he sees you!
>"Woooah!"
>He holds out his hoof.
>"BROFIST!" He says.
"Uuuh..."
>"Can I get a picture?"
>He snaps one with his smartphone and posts it on 4chan.
>"I have to share this with EVERYBODY! That is the best Anon cosplay I have ever seen!"
"What the fuck's going on?"
>Rarity shows up.
>RARITY: "Your life is a little girl's show here. This faggot is a bruman."
>Today was a wat day.




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>Day 4815162342 in Equestria
>Fluttershy has become a real problem.
>Her constant rape attempts and fetish guessing was cute at first, but now it's irritating and a little scary.
>You watch cartoons while you wait for her to arrive.
>As expected, there is soon a knock at your door.
>It's Fluttershy, and she's missing a leg.
>"Hi, anon! Are amputees your fet-"
>You put a shock collar on her.
>"What's this?"
"A shock collar. Every time you think about fucking me you will recieve an electric shock."
>"Are electric shocks your feti- AAH!!!"
>Fluttershy is shocked by the collar.
>"Anon. That really hurts."
"Good. Hopefully you will learn your les-"
>"AAAH!!"
"Fluttershy, you just have to stop thinking about it."
>"Thinking about what?"
"You and me having sex."
>"AAH!!!!"
"This was a bad idea."
>"AAAAH!! OW!"
"Oh god, Fluttershy, are you okay?"
>"AAAH!!!!!"
>You try to take it off, but it just shocks you too.
>"AAH!!"
"AAH!"
>"It hurts!"
"You're on your own."
>You slam the door in her face.

>The next day, for the first time, there is no knock on the door.
"Great! I guess I taught Fluttershy a lesson about trying to guess my fetish!"
>You open the front door and find her charred, blackened, body on your doormat.
>Oh god, she's still alive.
>"Hi, anon. Are burn victims your feti- AAaAHH!!!"
>Fucking fetishy.



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Beverage in Equestria

>Day 1 in Equestria
>What is stranger: that you have been transported to a land of talking ponies or that you are a sentient beverage?
>Either way, both are true.
>Were you conscious before you came to Equestria?
>You must have been, how else would you know you weren't always here?
>Yet, you have no memories of your existence in the other world.
>How strange this all is.

>You are encountered by a small pink pony.
>Not small relative to you, of course.
>After all, you are a beverage.
>She wants you inside her; you can see it in her eyes.
>Not in a sexual way, no, she wishes to drink you.
>Because you are a beverage.
"Stop, if you please, my friend. Do not drink me, for I am alive. At least, I think I am alive. Or perhaps not. I am a beverage, after all."
>She is shocked, as she should be.
>It is not every day that one meets a talking beverage.
>"Who said that?" she inquires.
"Are you deaf, or just dumb? It was I, the beverage."
>She stares at you in disbelief.
>"But... You're a drink. You don't have a mouth. How do you talk?"
"Add that to the ever-growing list of questions I've acquired since I was blessed with the power of thought. The list is in my mind, though. I could not write a physical list of questions, you see, I am a beverage."
>"You're silly, mister beverage."
"I am no such thing. You will apologize at once. I am a dignified, intelligent being. After that, I wish to speak with your ruler."
>"I don't like your tone of voice, mister."
>You can't believe what you are hearing.
>This pink half-wit is making a fool of you.
"I will not stand for this!! Take me-"
>Pinkie Pie drinks you, for you are a beverage.