landons kinky omo fic

P(retty) Shy
Landon Lomasney

Characters

PRESTON: an all-around serious guy. Anxiety issues with a dash of perfectionism make up 99% of his stress, with the last 1% being personal. He is a senior in college and considers COLT an acquaintance. He really has to go to the bathroom.

COLT: an outgoing guy. He likes to joke around with his friends and yank their chains a little. Has known PRESTON since their freshman year in college and considers him a good friend.

(stage directions) PRESTON is leaning against the back wall of a party. He is holding a red solo cup and moving his legs around. On the opposite side of the stage is the bathroom.

COLT
(Coming up towards PRESTON) Yo’ PRESTON, what's up? Why are you all the way back here, dude?

PRESTON
(PRESTON shrugs) You know, anxiety issues.

COLT
With people? That's new. Thought that was with school work and stuff. (Beat) C’mon, you should join in. It’ll be fun.

PRESTON
Nah, (PRESTON shifts positions, winces, and then shifts back) I’m good.

COLT
(COLT smiles and nods) Aaaah... I see.

PRESTON
You see what?

COLT
I see what is going on. (Walks over to the wall and leans against it like PRESTON) All of these pretty girls have you riled up.

PRESTON
What?

COLT
Ya’ know. They got your blood rushing down there (COLT points down at PRESTON’S crotch).

PRESTON
No.

COLT
Then all these pretty boys.

PRESTON
No.

(stage directions) COLT flings one of his arms over PRESTON’s shoulders and stares deeply in PRESTON’S EYES

COLT
(In a mocking “sexy” voice) Is it me?

PRESTON
(PRESTON shoves his hand in COLT’s face and COLT backs away) Jesus Christ COLT, I don’t have a boner.

COLT
Then what is it?

PRESTON
I... I really have to go.

COLT
Home?

PRESTON
No. (Pause and shift) You know, I gotta go.

COLT
Ooooh. Then go take a wiz, man. The can is right over there. (Points)

PRESTON
(PRESTON rubs the the back of his neck and shifts again) I can’t.

COLT
Is it broken or something?

PRESTON
No.

COLT
(Pause) Ooh, okay. You are one of those guys. I see... I see...

PRESTON
(Mumbling) One of those guys... (Gasp) Wait, you know?

COLT
Pssh, bro of course I know. There are plenty guys just like you. (Beat) We have all been pee shy before.

PRESTON
Pee... shy? (Shift and exhales)

COLT
Yeah, you know man, when you can’t go because of other people. It's nothing to be ashamed of. (COLT moves closer to the bathroom) I heard that if you hold your breath for a while, you’ll just go.

PRESTON
(Rubs his face) COLT, its not that... It's something, (awkward hand gestures) y’know, personal.

COLT
(Stares at PRESTON then nods his head and laughs) Dude, that is perfectly okay. They won’t even notice. Hell, no one is even going to look at you.

PRESTON
Really? But I don’t know, its pretty obvious.

COLT
Bro, no one looks. I promise. And if they do, just tell ‘em your a grower not a shower.

PRESTON
What.

COLT
Y’know, its small when-

PRESTON
I know what that means COLT! I meant to say “what the fuck.”

COLT
PRESTON calm down. I’m not trying to insult you. (Pause and COLT looks down towards PRESTON’s crotch) Unless you have the opposite problem.

PRESTON
Stop.

COLT
(Ignoring PRESTON) In that case you should have told me! Dude, if you are that hung you could probably pee anywhere and no one would say a thing.

PRESTON
COLT, that is disgusting.

COLT
I’m just joshing you. (Moves closer to PRESTON) But you should really let me have a look sometime bro.

PRESTON
(Pushing COLT away) You are disgusting. I’m not “hung.”  (PRESTON shifts even more. He drops his cup and holds his stomach with both hands)

COLT
Okay first, don’t sell yourself short. Two, just go to the bathroom dude. You look like you’re in pain. It's not cool holding it in.

PRESTON
You don’t understand!

COLT
(Sighs) Okay, so if it's not the size, and you are sure you aren’t pee shy, then just tell me PRESTON. I’m trying to help you out.

PRESTON
(Exhausted) You can’t.

COLT
Well, just tell me maybe I can.

PRESTON
Its... (looks around) I don’t know. Maybe I am pee shy, but not in the way you think.

COLT
C’mon, the more you stall, the worse it's going to be for your bladder. It's just a bathroom.

PRESTON
I’m transgender.

COLT
What?

PRESTON
I’m trans- it means, I wasn’t born with a penis.

(stage directions) There is silence between the two men. COLT looks PRESTON in the eyes.

COLT
Bro, like I said. No one will look. Just use the stalls.

PRESTON
Really? I mean, I don’t-

(stage directions) COLT starts pushing PRESTON towards the bathrooms.

COLT
Look, I’ll walk you to them, but I’m not going in with you. After all, we aren’t girls.

PRESTON
(Laughs) Thanks, COLT. (Goes into the bathroom).

(Stage directions) COLT shakes his head and leans against the wall waiting for PRESTON. The lights fade out. END