AnonColt Vs AnonFilly

>Be Bookhorse.
>Doing Bookhorse things.
>Ya know, reading and all that.
>Specifically, reading up on transformation spells.
>Because if you had to deal with one more minute of this nonsense you were going to start tearing your mane out.
>"FUCK YOUUUU"
>"BITCH YOU JUST JELLY I GOT TO KEEP MY DICK"
>Whose idea was this?
>Oh yeah, yours.

>Upstairs were two screaming children.
>They weren't always children, physically at least.
>Mentally you weren't so sure.
>Somehow you got the bright idea to turn them into a filly and a colt.
>It was their idea! One of them said they wanted to be the little filly!
>So you had to turn the other into a colt to keep things fair!
>And then it turned out that it was just a saying, and that they didn't want to be horse children at all!
>You spent like, a month working on the spell too.
>Had to translate it from an ancient dead language.
>But no, they couldn't have brought it up until after you were finished with the spell.

>The filly came running down the stairs in a huff.
>"Twilight! That dickhead won't stop masturbating. He's not even doing it right."
>"AS IF YOU'D KNOW HOW IT'S DONE. YOU'RE JUST A FILLY." ColtAnon teased loudly with a bit of a sing-song in his voice.
>"FUCK YOU! I WAS AN EXPERT!"
>This was definitely getting on your nerves to an insane degree.
"ALRIGHT! ENOUGH. If you two don't stop swearing and arguing, I'm revoking your ability to talk. How am I supposed to find the reversal spell with ALL THIS SCREAMING GOING ON?"
>They shut up.
>But only very briefly.
>"Do you think she can actually take away our ability to speak?" ColtAnon asked.
>FillyAnon had know you much longer than her counterpart, since he had only recently come to Equestria. She'd known you for at least three or four months.
>"I've seen her do lots of amazing things. I'd like to see her try though. My vocal chords aren't going down without a fight."
"AHEM-"
>They both shut their mouths again.

>After a few seconds of peace and quiet, you finally found the page with all the sticky notes on it.
"Aha! Here we are. We'll have you back in your good old bodies in no time."
>"Fucking finally. I can't deal with being a girl for much longer with this prick around to keep-"
>"Prick? Wow, coming from the bitch who can't stop insulting me every two seconds.
>"Fuck you buddy, I don't enjoy this, and I don't have any reason to hide my rage."
>"I think you SHOULD enjoy it. You're pretty fucking good at being a cunt.
>They were starting to get loud again.
"Alright that's enough of that. I'm going to cast this now."
>They continued ignoring you.

>"Fuck you shithead."
>"Piss off cuntface."
>"You sure like saying the word 'cunt', maybe you should've been the filly."
>"Of course, I would have been great at it. You're just shit at everything."
>"Holy fuck that's quite the ego. Compensating for a little something there?"
>"Just your lack of balls, someone's gotta step up for you."
>One half you wanted to step in and stop them.
>The other half was admiring that sick burn-
>No Twilight! Now is not the time.
"Alright, I'm going to need you both to stand apart-"
>They got closer instead, still ignoring you.
>"Seriously? Again with the reminding me I'm a girl right now? Why are you such a dick?"
>"Only because you don't have one."
"Anons, I really need you to-"
>"ASSHOLE!"
>FillyAnon swung a hoof at ColtAnon, decking him across the face.
>He stumbled backwards briefly, before narrowing his eyes in rage.
>This was definitely about to turn ugly.
>Though you were feeling a bit impartial right now, seeing as both of them were being dicks.
>However, FillyAnon wouldn't admit it, but she was smaller than AnonColt by enough to have a disadvantage.
>And spilling blood on your nice floors was intolerable.
"ALRIGHT. THATS IT. EVERYONE STOP."

>A quick telekinesis spell later and they were both floating in mid air spewing insults at each other.
>Also flailing adorably.

>You tried to start casting the spell, but the constant stream of 'fuck you' coming from both their mouths was undeniably distracting.
"Would you two just shut up!?"
>Nope, not even angry yelling was helping now. They were just in their own little world of anger and insults.
>Alright, well you couldn't actually take away their voices, that was a bluff.
>Not without the right spell book of course, you definitely could with enough time.
>But as you said earlier, you couldn't take a single more minute of this.
>Maybe a love spell? Just to make them tolerate each other for just long enough to-
>Nope. Casting love spells on fillies was frowned upon for a reason.
>Instead of hating each other they'd be trying to fornicate with each other.
>And that just too much for you to handle for now.
>But you had to stop the constant swearing somehow-
>OH! That was simple. You may not have memorized a speech removal spell, but swear removal was a breeze!
"ALRIGHT, YOU FOALS ASKED FOR IT."
>They still weren't even listening. Just trading insults and trying to spit at each other.
>You channeled your focus into your horn and tapped into the flow of magic.
>Their throats glowed purple for a second, as they finally shut up.
>Another second later and it was over.

>"Hey! What the buck did you do Purple?"
>AnonFilly's eyes widened as she caught on immediately.
>You returned her a devious smile, before you finally turned around to double check your notes.
>"What? What the feather did she do? Feather? FEATHER?! Why am I saying feather? I want to say buck! Horseshoes! Apples!" AnonColt was pretty slow sometimes.
>"She's trying to cast a spell, and we're distracting her you snowball. Wait seriously, snowball? That's a serious stretch."
"I didn't make the rules, I just cast the spell."
>"But I-"
>"SHH! She's ready."
>You were indeed ready.
>You'd read it all over again and-
>OH NO. NO NO NO NO NO.
>No, it was probably fine.
>You couldn't have possibly made a mistake like that.
>You'd cast the reversal spell, and everything would be fine.

>Be AnonColt.
>Porchlight Spatula was starting to hyperventilate a little.
>Maybe that was part of the spell? Makes the user hyperventilate before use?
>Did it require a certain level of oxygen in your blood?
>You seriously had no idea how magic worked.
>That stupid butt of a filly over there might know. She used to read Twilight's nerd books all the time when you were both human guys.
>WAIT.
>You seriously couldn't say butt- Bu- A-S-S YOU COULDN'T EVEN THINK OF SWEAR WORDS?
>This was such manure. Specifically manure from a cow.
>Oh look, Twilight's horn was doing something fancy. Glowing and stuff.

>Also the world was turning purple again like it had earlier today.
>Looks like everything was going to be okay after all-
BZZZT
>What the shit?
>Oh, that's back! Yay!
BZZZZZZZTTTTTTTT
>Oh, hey I'm in massive amounts of pain!
BZATTTAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

>For a brief second, life was nothing but the screams of a little filly in your-
>Nope, nevermind that's just you. FillyAnon was gritting her teeth, but she wasn't screaming.
>That's a little embarassing.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
BZZZZZZZtttt
blip!

>Everything was black.
>At least nothing was pain now.
>Anon.exe is booting up
>.
>.
>Error detected! Fingers.Digits not found!
>Pony.exe is still running!
>Please close Pony.exe before attempting to run any other files.
>.
>.
>New Error message recived:
"Shit."

>"Oh hey! Other Anon woke up. Bout time faggot."
"Fuckkkkk youuuuuu." You mumbled out as loudly as you could.
>You thought that the pain was gone, but it decided to come back for a sequel.
"Where the hell is Twilight?"
>"She ran off to get help. Something about 'muh friendship'."
>Something was criminally wrong with your body. Everything felt weirder than last time.
>Also last time hadn't been soul-crushingly painful.
"What went wrong?"
>"I'm still trying to find out. Twi's notes aren't very easy to decipher."
>Everything was still black, so you attempted to open your eyes.
>You quickly shut them again.
>Fucking shiny crystal castles aren't easy on the eyes.

>Other than the fact you were still a horse, you couldn't figure out what was wrong with you.
>And your voice was all weird now. Kinda high pitched.
>And other Anon's voice was like... Lower pitched.
>And something felt like it was missing. Something like-
"Oh god."
>"What is it now?"
"Give it to me straight, did my dick survive?"

>Oh fuck silence.
>More silence.
>"Wellll."
>Thats a nope.
>AnonPony.exe has crashed.
>Would you like to send an error report?
>[y/n]

>Don't send.
>Nobody reads those things anyway.
>Well shit.
>Shitty-McShittington.
>You kind of brought this on yourself, didn't you?
>You were the one who initially asked twilight.
>And maybe if she hadn't have been distracted by you and other Anon starting those arguments.
>It was mostly your fault.
>Maybe it was all your fault.

>Be ex-AnonFilly.
>Now you were AnonColt
>And vice-versa for the other guy.
>Seriously, couldn't Twilight's magic ever just work properly in these stories?
>"My life is overrrrrrr."
"Seriously? I JUST went through the same thing. Get over it."
>That ̶g̶u̶y girl was such a drama queen.
>Although you did hit ̶h̶i̶m̶  her in the face when ̶h̶e she reminded you that you were a filly.
>Maybe you shouldn't be too hard on her?
>Nah, fuck her. She's a bitch.
"I'm pretty sure this is your fault. I mean, if you hadn't told Twilight that you wanted to be the little filly, then..."
>You waited for a retort of some kind. Or an insult, or anything.
>Your words hung in the air.
"-Then none of this would have happened."
You finished your sentence. Unexpected. Up until now the other Anon hadn't let you finish anything.
>"I-I know. I'm sorry."
>What?
>Her voice seemed a bit strained, almost like she was-
>You walked over to her spot on the floor, where she was covering her face with a hoof.
"Are you- Are you crying?"
>"No! It's just- It must be raining."
>You moved her hoof aside, revealing a very scrunched up face.

>Her eyes were shut tight, little filly tears slowly dripping down.
>She pulled her hoof back, covering her face again.
>"Don't look at me. I deserve this."
>Seriously?
>Now she was beating herself up too?
>You stepped around her, and pulled her up into a sitting position.
"Talk it out man. This isn't like you."
>"Yeah it is."
>Eh?
"What, crying? You've been dishing out sick burns and being 'so alpha' since you got here. What happened to that?"
>"I'm- I'm not really that alpha. I'm just some guy. Some filly now I guess."
"I'm not understanding you here."
>She scrunched up more, before puffing out her chest and jabbing you with a hoof.
"I was trying to be impressive! You were already here with Twilight for a few months, and you fit in so much better than I did. You're the only human I'll probably ever see again, so I was trying to get you to look up to me!"
>She looked down again, turning away from you. "Or something like that. Shit man, I don't know.
>She was... Trying to impress you. By being a dickhead alpha and insulting you constantly.
"So... You're -You're trying to tell me that you're an idiot. Like, legitimately retarded."
>"What? No, I-"
"Or do you mean like, you were trying to impress me in THAT way? Are you a flaming homosexual?"
>"This is being completely taken out of context!"
"Well talk to me faggot! What were you trying to do by being a massive tool?"
>"I DIDN'T WANT IT TO BE LIKE IT WAS BACK HOME."
>She got up and started walking away, so you got up and followed her.
>Apparently you really tore up some old wounds there.
>You followed her kind of aimlessly, in case she started cutting or something.

>Not like you had anything better to do.
>If you were still a human you'd be able to open and flip the pages of books.
>But now you were a two and a half foot tall colt.
>Like seriously, hooves are hard to use.
>So you couldn't even look at the book Twilight cast her stupid spell from.

>Where was Twilight anyway? She'd been gone for like, fifteen minutes. Ponyville wasn't that big.
>After that second spell turned you into a colt, and apparently knocked out AnonFilly, Twilight just yelled angrily.
>For like, a solid minute and a half.
>Then she ran down the stairs and out the door, while screaming. "I'll get help from my friends I'm sorryyyyy!"
>What was she sorry for? This was clearly an accident.
>Though you weren't sure why she needed her friends. She could undo this entire mess.
>Right?
>You'd probably be back in your old body in just a couple of hours.
>Right?

>"Anons! I need to talk to you! Both of you! NOW!"
>Oh, Twilight was back. That was good.
>You stopped following AnonFilly, who had given up wandering and was now just sitting in a corner with her head against a wall.
>"I don't wanna talk to anyone." She sniffled.
"I'll go find out what she wants. You can just stay here if you want."
>"Okay."
>You went back out into the hall to try and find Twilight.
>You found her after five minutes or so of searching.
>Stupid castles being large.
>"Anons! There you- Wait, where's the other one?"
"She's going through some shit, give her some time."
>"But I need her to-"
"No 'buts' Twi, she seriously needs some space. We owe her that at the very least."
>"But this is-"
>You raised your hoof to her mouth, shushing her.
>No words now, only dreams.
>"But I need to tell you both what went wrong with the spell." She whined into your hoof.
>You removed your hoof.
"No dreams now. Only explanations."
>"What?"
"Lay it on me Sistah! What's the haps!"

>She took a deep breath, the levitated the a dark colored book over to your face.
>"So it turns out that the spells in this story are fictional, and were never intended to work. The fact that I got one working is frankly absurd, and now it might have messed with the magical-balance of your bodies. Which means any spells I cast on you are going to have either an unexpected side-effect or just not work in the usual way at all."
>Wait.
>Hold on.
"You used a spell from a fictional story?"
>"To be completely fair, it's written in an ancient language and they only reveal that the events are fictitious at THE VERY END OF THE BOOK!"
"But seriously, this is our bodies we're talking about. I know you usually double check things like-"
>"I quintuple checked this Anon."
"And you were 100% certain it was going to work? Were you 100% sure BEFORE YOU CAST THE SPELL?"
>"Anon-"
"And you were certain that you could undo it afterwards?"
>"I screwed it up! Everything! I know! It isn't funny anymore, and I'm sorry! But I really do want to fix this! Can you please get the other Anon in here? Please?!"
>"I'm already here." FillyAnon's voice made you jump a little.
>She was standing over by the door behind you, looking a little downcast.
>"Thank you! Now, I'm going to try again."
>"Will it work this time? Are we going to swap genders again? or something equally stupid?"
>"I don't know if-"
>FillyAnon turned around, and began walking out the door.
>"Then we can try again when you know what you're doing Porchlight."
>"Wha- Wait! But- I need to-"

>Twilight sighed deeply, resting her face in her hooves.
>You began to follow FillyAnon out of the castle.
"I'm sure you'll figure something out Twi. I'll try to bring her back within a half an hour or so."
>You turned back to follow FillyAnon, then something struck your mind.
"Didn't you say you were going to find your friends for help?"
>"Turns out none of my closest friends knows how to reverse transformation spells."
"Can you like... Track down Trixie or something?"
>"What? Ew, no. She's 4000 miles away or something."
"Whatever. Later Purple."
>You left, trying to find a lost Filly.

--

>Be Twilight.
>Be panicking a little.
>It wasn't like you had a time-limit or anything.
>But you really wanted to solve this as quick as you could.
>the Anon's were always a hoofful to deal with.
>But you'd never had BOTH of them angry at you before.
>If you didn't have anything substantial in the way of solving this by the time they got back, who knows how they'd react?!
>The Anon you'd known longer, who was currently ColtAnon, was very patient and forgiving most times.
>But the other one. FillyAnon.
>She-
>-He?
>Whatever. She was physically female right now. It was just simpler to call her a 'she'.
>You hoped she didn't start screaming at you for disrespecting her pronouns.
>Did the Anon's do that? You couldn't remember who even told you about that kind of thing.
>Was it Celestia? No... Maybe?

>You looked at the clock, one minute had gone by.
>You glared at the imposing red book.
>Stupid ancient fiction writers only telling you it was fiction at the end of the book.
>How were you to know Ancient human-like creatures didn't help build the pyramids? It just made sense damn it!
>It was certainly a strange book, from start to finish it seemed to change genre about four times.
>And reading it for clues as to how to reverse it's fake spells was hopeless.
>You'd already re-read it six times, there was nothing useful you could decipher.

>If only there was some sort of wise pony you could go see about this.
>Someone who might more readily be able to translate the ancient Zebrican texts-
>...
>IDEA.
>WAIT.
>False alarm.
>Reading every book in your library until you find a solution wasn't very feasible.
>WAIT.
>FUNCTIONAL IDEA THAT ISN'T TERRIBLE!
>It was so crazy it might just work.

--

>Be AnonFilly.
>Stupid filly body.
>Every step you took was barely a quarter of the distance of your old steps.
>How did these tiny horses get fucking anywhere?
>By the time you got where you wanted to go you might actually be a fully grown adult again.
>Where were you going anyway?
>You had kinda just started wandering away aimlessly.
>Taking a second to get your bearings you find...
>Wow, you are somewhere in ponyville, surrounded by houses.
>To your front, thatched roofs and cartoony colors.
>To your left, right, backwards, and every other which way, same goddamn thing.
>Don't say it...
>Don't say it...
"I think I'm lost."
>You fucking said it.

>Up until now, you hadn't ever really been outside in ponyville alone.
>You always had BookHorse or someone with you.
>Now you were free.
>Free to-
>Free to do what?
>What did you even want to do?
>Wander aimlessly again and hope you can find your way home or something.?
>You would've liked to say you were 'free to begin your reign of terror in Equestria'.
>But you were two and a half feet tall.
>And you weren't even sure how to start a reign of terror anyway.
>Like, did you just shout it out? Were there papers you had to file first? Did you need a terror permit?

>You started letting your short lil' hooves carry you forwards again.
>Obviously you most definitely wanted to get back to your old body.
>But it didn't look like Dimlight Shizzle knew how to do that just yet.
>And while you could hope that she would fix it soon...
>You weren't very optimistic.
>It took her a month just to figure out how to cast the original spell.
>Chances were you were going to be the little filly for quite a while.

>Something familiar caught your eye.
>Town Hall! Now you could probably reorient yourself.
>Looking around the square you could see busy ponies bustling around.
>It was kinda surprising that no one had taken note of the lone filly wandering around.
>What if there was some weirdo out to nab foals? Didn't anyone care?!
>Wait, right. Utopia land.
>Most everyone in this town was Mr.Rogers levels of nice.

>Your teeny hooves carried you through the hustle and bustle and onto the steps of the town hall.
>Maybe you could go upstairs and get a view.
>Find the giant crystal castle thing.
>You approached the nearest pony.
>She looked to be doing some important paper filing or something.
>Even had a filing cutie mark.
>God what a boring life she must live.
"Excuse m-"
>Holy shit your voice was unfamiliar.
>Stupid high-pitched filly voice.
>You gave a slight cough, and tried again.
"Excuse me. Miss? I'm a lost filly. Can you direct me to the stairs so I can look out a window and find out which way I'm supposed to be going?"
>Perfectly reasonable request. No one could deny such a-
>"Not a chance sweetie. Upstairs is off limits to everypony right now. We're undergoing renovations, so it's not safe for you."
>Oh shit. Safety. And rules. Your arch-enemies.
>Okay, play this off Anon, just act really heartbroken and sad. She'll have to at least tell you which way to go.
"O-okay. I'll just continue... Being lost then."
>You gave a pout and then turned around with your head hung low, stepping away slowly.

>"Wait- I-"
>Gotcha! Now you'll be forced to help me!
>"I know you're trying to look sad and get me to help, but I really can't leave these files un-filed! Filing is the most important thing I have in my life!"
"What, seriously?"
>Get a better life lady.
>You kept on walking. Truly that creature had too simple a purpose to help a complex being such as you.
>"Good luck tiny filly! I hope you find your way home someday!" She waved goodbye and everything.
>Then went back to her filing. Without a care in the world.

>"Wait, did that mare say you were lost?"
>You looked over at another mare standing near you, her head tilted in curiosity.
"Uh, yes? I need to know which way Twilight's castle is."
>"Oh, splendid! What a great landmark. Is your house nearby? I can take you there."
"Oh, uh. Kinda. I need to visit Twilight."
>"Princess Twilight."
"Yep, her."
>"Oh no, I wasn't confirming sweetie, I was correcting. Sorry, it's just more polite to use her proper title."
"Oh, uh. Okay then."
>"Right. Anyway, I'm with the childcare division here. What's your name sweetie? Mine's 'Wellspring'!"
>Uh-
>Should you just go by Anon?
>It couldn't matter too much.
"I'm Anon!"
>Wellspring cringed. "Oh, I don't think that could be your real name. No one would name a cute little filly like you after that bizzare beast Princess Twilight entertains from time to time."
>Your smile and optimism: Gone.

.You could already tell that Wellspring and yourself were going to get along SO VERY WELL.
>Attempt new name?
"I mean, um... It's actually just- different. My REAL and totally not fake name. That I will tell you. In a second."
>Shit
>Greeny? Green spear? Hornet? Leaf? Meadow?
>You felt unoriginal for some reason.
>Just Nonny?
>Too similar to Anon, Wellspring wouldn't approve.
>Not that you really cared about her approval.
>But you didn't want to spend anymore time with her than you had to.
>And if you came up with a good enough name she probably wouldn't ask anymore questions.
>But come up with the wrong one and she seemed the type to interrogate you.
>She was already leaning in expectantly.

"Ummm."
>"Yesssssss?"
>Anonymous
>Anon y mous
>Mous
>Moose?
>Mouse?
>MOSS!
>PERFECT! YOU WERE GREEN, MOSS WAS GREEN, IT WAS A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN!
>LETS FUCKING GO FOR IT, SHE'S BEEN STARING FOR PROBABLY A FULL MINUTE NOW.
"Moss." You whispered, trying to appear as though you were ashamed of it. Seeing as that was the only excuse you could think of for taking so long.

>She looked delighted!
>"Ah! It fits you so beautifully! Is it just Moss, or? Something more?"
>This bitch wants more? A beautifully fitting name wasn't good enough!?
>"If you need help, I just love coming up with names! I work in child services- Oops, already said that- So I actually sometimes help name some ponies!"
"Well what goes well with Moss!? It's just damp grass lump stuff!"
>"WELL, I was expecting something to remark upon your gorgeous eyes! Like Emerald Moss, or- Or perhaps something to match that dark mane, like Midnight- Ah! Midnight Moss. Or maybe-
>Midnight Moss?
>Did this lady think you were some half-assed OC?
>That sounded like the kind of OC that someone started drawing to be edgy but got the paper wet and just called it a day.

"Okay okay! Whatever Miss Wellspring! Emerald Mossy face or whatever is fine! Can you please tell me which direction Twi- PRINCESS Twilight's castle is?"
>Your restraint was remarkable considering the situation. You were half expecting yourself to give up being polite and just start spewing a shitstorm of rage.
>Dealing with this mare was infuriating. If you had to spend another second with her you might-
>"Of course! I'll take you there myself. I've got Grey File handling all my paperwork today, so I have all the time in the world to get to know you Sweetie!"

>OH
>GOD
>WHY

--

>Be AnonColt. Wandering through town.
>You couldn't find AnonFilly anywhere.
>Which was bad.
>That guy couldn't NOT cause havoc in a peaceful town like this.
>He just wasn't built for friendly interaction with ponies are far as you could tell.
>Oh sure he was mostly fine around Twilight, but he was prone to insults and obscenities after a short while of holding them in.
>and while you, Purple Smart, and sometimes Blue Fast could handle that kind of thing...
>The random ponies on the street just weren't able to handle him.
>In the two months you were here without him, you built a good and respectable reputation for humans.
>He destroyed it on his very first day. Equestria was just too much for him to handle back then.

>So how was it-
>That after TWO and a half hours-
>OF SEARCHING FOR ANY SIGN OF HIM-

>Everything looked normal.
>There were no screams.
>There was no fire.
>There was nothing.

>Maybe you had misjudged him?
>The last couple times Twilight had risked bringing him out into public weren't that bad.
>Maybe he was a changed man?
>Oh shit.
>What if he fit perfectly into pony society?
>What if you never saw that fucker again?
>He may have been abrasive as all fuck, but you still liked the guy.
>And he was a she now, and kind of cute-
>Fuck, where did that come from?
>You weren't related or anything but-
>He was a guy.
>IS STILL A GUY.
>Mentally.
>Physically, she's-
>OKAY, LETS STOP RIGHT THERE.
>ALSO, SHE'S A FILLY.
>Now you needed Chris Hansen to offer you a seat too.
>Jesus fuck what was wrong with you?

>From now on, you were going to refer to him exclusively as a 'he.'
>And when you found him, you were going to go back to Twilight's castle, get changed back into a human, and forget all about this.

>If you could ever find him that is.
>Your little legs weren't really long enough to get anywhere quickly, but you knew your way around these streets.
>You'd already checked everywhere!
"Anon! I finally found you!"
>What? Had he found you first?
>You turned around as fast as your unfamiliar body would let you.
"Clever girlll... Oh, Nevermind. Hello Twilight."
>Just Purple horse. Nothing exciting to be seen here.
>"Anon! I can't find Anon anywhere! I mean, other Anon- You know what I mean! I literally flew over every road and street, she's vanished entirely!"
"He."
>"Oh no! I knew I was misusing his pronouns! I'm sorry!"
"What? No, Twilight. Bad pony. He wouldn't care about that. Call him or her whatever."
>You booped her nose roughly as punishment.
>"I- I'm sorry? I guess? Wait didn't you just correct me for-"
>"I'll call him whatever the hell I want. Did you figure out anything involving our problem?"
>"Yes and no! I got Zecora to have a look at the book. Turns out she knows the language pretty well. She said it would take an hour or so to go over my mistakes and see if she can help fix this. Except, you know. Add Rhymes and stuff."
"Right. So... That was two hours ago and if we find Anon we can be done with all of this?"
>"Well, no. She actually said three hours, I was just correcting the estimated time to be more accurate to right now.
>Oh. Still an hour to go.
>"Applejack and Spike also came back with her."
"Okay."
>"Do- Do you even know why they were there?"
"Don't care at all."

>Where the fuck was she?
>HE.
>This was going to destroy you from the inside out at this rate.

--

>Be FillyAnon
>"Why, Emerald Moss, isn't this delightful?"
>You are trying to stare into the abyss.
>It won't meet your gaze anymore.
>Must have scared it off.

>You were sitting with a pale yellow and tan coloured horse named Wellspring.
>She has her mane done up in a tight bun, and she is the most uptight pony you believe ever lived or will live.
>You and her are enjoying a light snack.
>Indoors. In a cafe. Where neither twilight nor AnonColt could save you.
>And she tied a little napkin around your neck.
>It was sickening.
>You hated everything.
"Oh yes Miss Wellspring. This is positively lovely."
>Not even the lies you spewed could make you feel any better.

>Literally everything that could go wrong happened.
>The, size of the troubles you are in haven't just doubled.
>THEY FUCKTOUPLED.
>YOU ARE SO SCREWED. STRAIGHT UP THE ASS. TO HELL AND BACK.

>Somehow you had let it slip that you were staying in Twilight's Castle.
>Somehow, Bitchspring had talked you into revealing that you were living there full time.
>Somehow she had deduced that you were an orphan and had no other parents or guardians to care for you.
>.
>.
>.
>Yeah.
>You were fucking dead in the water.

>She was of course going to speak with Twilight about it.
>But she wasn't just a childcare worker.
>SHE WAS THE FUCKING HEAD OF EQUESTRIAN CHILD SERVICES.
>Which she had prattled on about how-
>Shit, did you just say 'prattled'?
>Her mannerisms were getting to you.
>SHE HAD TALKED FOR A VERY LONG TIME ABOUT-
>-About how the child Services could actually outrank a Princess when it came to decisions about living situations for little Fillies and Colts.
>You were screwed.
>AnonColt was screwed.
>Twilight was screwed.
>Maybe Spike would finally find a loving family.

>She took another bite of her flower sandwich thing finishing it off, then looked over at you.
>"Not hungry sweetie?"
>She had ordered you your very own salad thing. You had yet to try a single bite.
>It had roses and daisies and was served delicately onto a bed of sweet grass and alfalfa.
>It looked pretty, but it didn't really look like food.
>But since you were a horse for now, you'd have to get used to eating things like this eventually.
>Maybe later though.
"Would I be able to get it to go?"
>"Oh, uh. Sure."
>She turned to call over a waitress.
>Oh hey, she's looking away, maybe you could use this opportunity to get away.
>Nah, she already knew where you lived.

>You wanted to use all of your rage.
>To scream and yell and bite.
>Something was wrong though.
>You just couldn't.
>All your normal misbehaving and refusal to co-operate that you usually felt.
>It just wasn't there.
>Maybe it was something about the way Ms. Wellsprig talked.
>Or the fact that she bought you food and was showing you around Ponyville.
>You just... Didn't feel angry right now.
>It was almost like, another feeling.
>One you couldn't remember the name of.

>"Okay, ready to go? we've already dilly-dallied for far too long."
>She tucked away your meal safely in a little paper bag.
>And then made you carry that shit in the standard horsey manner.
>In your mouth.
>...
>They must flavour the paper or something. It tasted vaguely sweet.
>Wheelsprung walked out of the door, expecting you to follow her.
>You stood there, somewhat defiantly.
>"Ain't ya gonna follow yer Mom kiddo?" A waitress asked, looming over you.
"She's definitely not my Mother."
>"Well, whatever she is, she's leavin' with or without ya."
>You sighed, and exited the cafe.
>Couldn't have her arriving at the Castle without you.

>You walked in silence for quite a ways.
>"So why did you refer to yourself as Anon when we first met? That fellow is quite a bad influence from what I gather."
>Oh great, we're back to the minefield that is the 'Talk about yourself without revealing who you are' game.
>You thought about not answering, and keeping up the silence you had been reveling for nearly an hour, but this was your honor we were talking about.
>You had to defend it, at least a little bit.
"I'm- He's not all bad. Once you get to know him. Wait, which one do you mean?"
>"Which one? I beg your pardon? Is there more of him?"
"Well, yes. There's two."
>"Good heavens. That explains a lot." She began to chuckle. "And here I thought he had a split personality disorder on top of being quite rude. That's a relief."
>Oh good. Now she just thinks the two of you are just rude with no mental illness for an excuse. Fantastic.
>"So which one of them was responsible for- Well, you know."
>There were literally thirty possible events you could think of she might be referring to.
"Which-"
>"The one that set Ponyville on fire."
"Oh. Yeah."

>To be fair. You had no idea thatch roofed houses were so flammable.
>You'd really rather not talk about this.
>Maybe you could confuse her, and shift the conversation away from your failings and shortcomings.
"Definitely not the one you don't not like at all."
>"What sort of quadruple negative grammar is that, child?"
"The type I'd prefer shifts the conversation over to something else."
>"Ah! You're not getting off that easy! If that's the one you'd not rather I'd definitely not un-prefer, then whom is the one I do not un-like in a positive manner?"

>Oh shit, she was using your tactics against you.
>Even worse, she was making the conversation harder to follow.
>At this rate you were going to slip up and then-
>Well, you'd never had a battle of this sort before.
>You didn't know what happened to the losers.
>Wellspring watched your face scrunch up as you tried to decipher if her statement was positive or negative.
>How were you supposed to respond?

>"Give up, Sweetie! I teach children language arts and grammar, AS A HOBBY! I know every trick in the book to stretch these sentences out!"
>Geez Equestrian grammar could be poor sometimes. Is this really what they taught children in schools?
"I refuse to never not give up to anyone else except you!"
>"Aha! You aren't not a worthy opponent! But alas, your refusal to refuse has already not declared me the false winner, not leaving you as the loser!"
"Wait, did you just say that I- Didn't I just win?"
>Her face flared with a look of shock. Then joy. Then she started laughing.
>"Yes, I suppose I just did. Bravo, Miss Emerald Moss. You are quite a smart little filly for your age."
>It was a total bluff. You had no idea what she actually said.

>"And look. Here we are, right on time. Princess Twilight's castle. I'll be coming in after you of course. But if you want to run ahead I totally understand."
>What? Twilight's castle? Where?
>You looked up.
>It was bright and shiny, and reflecting the color of the sky in just such a way that you couldn't quite see some of it.
>Stupid camouflage crystal castle. You wasted an entire afternoon trying to find your way back here.
>You bolted towards the castle as quick as you could.
>You couldn't spend a single more minute with that horse! She had been driving you crazy all-

>Well, actually, looking back it hadn't been so bad. She did give you a free lunch and tour of Ponyville.
>And that word battle.
>You had almost felt yourself smiling.

>when you reached the door of the castle, you turned and forced yourself to give Ms. Wellspring a wave and a smile.
>Maybe you could get used to not being an ornery dick constantly.
>Be a happy filly for a while instead?
>Could you change yourself around like that?
>You hadn't yelled or kicked or screamed for several hours now.
>You hadn't even swore once.

>How did you feel?
>Oddly content.
>You weren't used to it. You decided you probably didn't like it.

----

>Be Twilight Sprinkles.
>Be completely done with everything and everyone.
>You had just flown and stomped your way around town for hours on end.
>Looking for an angry green filly.
>Looking for a trail of destruction.
>And YOU FINALLY FOUND HIM.
>HER.
>WHATEVER.

>AND SHE WAS AT THE FRONT DOOR OF YOUR CASTLE.
>For all you knew she had actually been there all day long.
>You hadn't checked your castle, surely Anonfilly wouldn't have been hiding in the place we wanted her to be!
>But lo an behold, there she was.
>No destruction behind her fortunately.
>Though there was an oddly familiar looking mare walking close behind-
>Oh god it was that Weltsprung or whatever.
>From Equestrian Child Services?
>ON A DAY LIKE TODAY?

>"You okay Twilight? You're kind of shaking a little. And I can't tell if that's exhaustion, or anger, or stress, or-"
"Anon. Just- Cease and desist."
>"But what-"
"New royal decree. Green colts of your exact age may no longer speak. Shush."
>"WHAT- But I need to speak, What-"
"You're going to go inside, I'm going to talk to this ominous mare."
>"Why is she ominous? Who is-"
>You swatted his rump and he took off, running away with a confused look plastered on his face.
>Good thing Weltspray didn't see that.
>She turned to face you just as Anoncolt ran past her, barely missing her watchful gaze.

>"Ah! Princess Twilight. How splendid to see you."
>She bowed before you.
>Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.
"Hello again Ms. Welphskkkk Ack Ek Cough hack cough!"
>You broke into a coughing fit to disguise the fact that you had no idea what her name was.
>"Oh goodness! Are you okay Princess?"
"Oh yes, quite fine. Must have inhaled one of my feathers or something. Because I was flying around. For hours. Looking for a certain green filly. That I just saw you following into my home. I hope you can guess where this is going-"
>"You'd like to know where she was all day, like a concerned parent should?"
"Yes actually! Exactly that! Where in the hay was she?"
>"Ah! Delightful to hear your concern. It truly marks a level of protectiveness a mare such as yourself should have. Have no fear princess, she was under my watchful eye all day long."
"I got that part, but WHERE. I literally searched every nook and cranny of town!"
>"Oh, I kept her mostly indoors where she'd be safe from passerbys and prying eyes."
"The only prying eyes were mine! I needed to know where she was!"
>"Well, thank goodness I brought her back safe and sound to your castle then."
>Her unwillingness to apologize bugged you.
"Can I get a sorry, or something? You should have come right there!"

>"Princess. How long have you been looking after that filly?"
>Wh-What?
>What should you say?
>Should you tell her that the filly was actually Anon?
>Did she already know that the filly was Anon?
>Did Anon straight up tell her?
>AnonFilly didn't seem like the type to throw around secrets like that.
>Then again, she'd hadn't been told NOT to tell anyone.
>And she DID seem like the type to enjoy spreading chaos.
>And causing you problems.

>It would probably be best to keep it a secret for now.
"Not very long."
>"Have you considered putting her into the care of our Child Services?"
"Not a chance. That filly needs special care. Special care that I am quite capable of handling myself thank you."
>She matched your hard gaze with her own.
>Then it softened.
>"That's good. You'll be a fine guardian for her."
"Eh?"
>She was just judging you?
>And you passed?
>"Listen, Princess. While I was with her, that filly barely smiled, barely talked, and wouldn't eat a bite of the sandwich I purchased her. She might just be extremely shy, or more likely she has other issues that would be difficult to address. If you're sure you can handle her-"
"I can."
>"Very good. Then there isn't much reason for me to be here. I told her that I would be inspecting her living situation, but I don't think that'll be necessary."
>She raised her hoof, and patted you on the back in a friendly manner.
"Oh, uh. Thank you then."
>"Make sure you take good care of her. She needs a good mother. Farewell Princess."
>Wellsprack turned away, trotting away briskly.
>You still had no idea what her actual name was.

>Well that was... Easy.
>She just wanted to make sure she was leaving a troubled filly in good hooves.
>You wondered where she got her reputation of being nasty and uptight.
>She clearly just wanted what was best for the foals she looked after.
>Maybe she turned into a super-villain if you weren't a good parent?
>Whatever. It'd be fine. You were great at parenting! Probably!

>Even if it was the two Anons.
>Oh Celestia help you. You were doomed.

>Wait! That's right. Zecora was here to help. And maybe Spike could help you out in a jam.
>And Applejack was here also.
>Spike and Applejack had been at Zecora's trying to find a cure for an ailment they claimed to have.
>They had said they suffered from 'Background Character Syndrome'.
>How bizzare was that? As if certain ponies were less involved in life.

>You galloped back into your big shiny castle thing.
>There was no time to lose! Zecora might have already deciphered a way to fix everything!
>You ran up stairs, and around the corridors.
>"So what ya'll are sayin' is... You think it'll work?"
>"Of this translation, I am quite sure. Their ponyification we can fix, my faith is pure."
>You burst in to the room, a smile on your face.
"Zecora! You've found a solution!"
>"Yes Princess, no need to fret. My promise to you, I did not forget." The Zebra replied with a grin.
>She turned back towards the book and continued writing something.
>You looked over at the Anons, re-united at last.
>They were smiling. And staying quiet.
>It was almost unnerving, you'd never seen them act so... Normal, before.

"So you've already translated the spell I have to cast? I can just go ahead and fix this?"
>"Patience princess, I have only translated the book. Finding the right spell, requires a second look."
>Looking over her work you found that Zecora had written a basic translation guide down for you.
>There were a lot of characters on her page though. Far more than the two dozen or so found in your alphabet.
>You could also see your original translation notes off to the side, with many new notes written beside them.
>A closer glance afforded you the knowledge that Zecora had attempted to rework your translations into something usable.
>She didn't succeed though, your guesses and theories were simply too far away from the true writings of the book.

"Are we sure there will even be a spell in there? My translated version only seemed to have that one spell, I couldn't find any other usable ones at the time."
>"I have perused this book quite carefully. So forgive me if I answer wearily. I am certain we'll find the spell we seek, just give me time to take a peek. This story is ancient, but very well known. It's the story of a beast, who used to sit on a throne. He was the king of all monsters, and brought nothing but fear! Until one day, before him, a Unicorn did appear.
>"He thought the Unicorn foolish, until the spell was cast! The same type of spell you used, in the very near past. That turned beast to pony, and let him experience a view. The view of a filly, to him it was new!
>"And he made friends, and lovers, and family too. Until the day came when along came you know who. The spellcaster again, come to turn him back! The spell caster met the beast, and gave him a magical whack! The beast was a creature of fears and terrors once more. And fearing his new friend's reactions, he ran straight out the door!
>"He feared that now they who once cared would just not. But of course that is not what the ponies who loved had been taught. They sought out the beast, and told him all was well. They accepted the Beast no matter what his form. and the story ended happily, as is the norm."

>Anonfilly clapped a little. "Does the original story come with rhymes? Or did you just do that all on the spot?"
>She hadn't been introduced to Zecora yet? Wow, you were really slacking in the 'introducing ALL your friends to the humans' quest you had going on.