A Thousand Son in Equestria Part 19 (Loony Luna)

>Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
>You were a dead man. Tzeentch was going to claim your soul tonight, you were sure.
>Celestia was going to rip your spine out.
>Assuming Luna didn't just break your neck in a depressed rampage when you turned her down.
>You'd seen how emotional these ponies get over seemingly SIMPLE things.
>You were a dead man.
"Shit, shit, shit."
>You stomp in a circle around your couch, scheming up a storm to get out of this alive.
>Trixie, meanwhile, is reading your letter, having climbed back up on the couch.
>"Trixie doesn't know WHAT you're complaining about, Anon. Two ticks to the Gala? Two!? And one of the PRINCESSES is interested in you? Most stallions would KILL to be in your place right now. And not a few mares, to be honest."
>You don't even know what the "Gala" is.
"Trixie, did you miss the part where I was threatened with a de-spining? I'm not sure about ponies, but humans, even Astartes, need a spine."


>She snorts and starts laughing at your discomfort.
>"Why would you even worry about the de-spining? I mean, you've got a prince-"
"Trixie. I have absolutely ZERO interest in that kind of relationship with any alien. Even a pony. That wouldn't even work, for Tzeentch's sake!"
>Trixie's face seems to go blank as you reveal this, and she stays quiet as you continue to brood and march in circles.
>Then, a massive grin splits her blue face from ear to ear, and she rubs her hooves together.
>"That....Anonymous, that is just hilarious. You don't even...but Sparkle...the Princess....hehe. Hahah. HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
>She starts laughing uncontrollably, lying on her back and kicking her hooves in the air.
>You turn a frown on her, irritation coloring your features.
"Just WHAT is so funny to you?"
>She shuts up, stifling her laughter with a smirk.
>"Nothing, Anon. Nothing. But Trixie might have a way to fix your Princess problem."
>You throw up your armored gloves in frustration.
"Really? Do tell!"
>That smirk doesn't leave.
>"Of course, Anonymous. Of course. In return, we start lessons tomorrow."


>You have to restrain the urge to PURGE your little blue alien houseguest.
"Fine. Whatever. Plan. Now?"
>She waves her hooves at you, still smirking.
>"Don't worry about it. Just leave everything to Trixie."
"That does not inspire me with confidence."
>Trixie waves your concerns away, turning over on her back on the couch and levitating her hat onto her eyes.
>"Stop your worrying and let Trixie sleep. All your problems will be solved in the morning."
>You scowl in annoyance, but you stay quiet. If the showmare was scheming, that was good. She was following in the ways of Tzeentch.
>But that didn't mean you had to enjoy being a part of her schemes.
>You roughly re-attatch your helmet and sit down next to a wall, going through the process of resting yourself.
>Trixie's plan had better be something of true cunning, because as far as you could see, you were out of options.
>Either tell Luna the truth and be banished to the moon/de-spined/otherwise killed, or lie to her and go along.
>De-spining looked more appealing.


>You start running possible plans, schemes, and ways to escape this incoming hell while you rest and Trixie snores.
>You count the hours in the back of your mind as the night deepens.
>You could always run away from Equestria in general.
>Appeal to one of your other friends. Surely they'd understand that you didn't see Luna that way?
>Perhaps they'd put in a good word with Celestia....
>No, she'd still banish you to the moon. She loved Luna far too much to let you go unmolested if you let her suffer.
>You were so fucked.
>So beyond fu-
>What the hell was that?
>You hear a quiet flapping from outside your home, barely audible under Trixie's snores.
>The sound of four hooves touching the street outside your door.
>And the wind blowing.
>You see blue-black mist billowing under your door, and you prepare your mind and body.
>You had to either be at your most suave, or die.
>Oh Tzeentch you were so fucking dead.


>The mist creeps over the floor, pausing as it passes over your couch.
>You swear you see it almost SPASM, before spotting you leaning on your wall in the corner.
>Not near Trixie.
>If mist could look joyful, you were sure this mist was ecstatic.
>It flows over to you, coalescing into the blue form of Princess Luna. Her mane lies flat on her neck, and she gives you a coy, half-lidded stare before placing a hoof on your armored chest.
>Oh Tzeentch, oh Tzeentch, oh Tzeentch, just look and go away, just look and go away.
>I'm asleep I'm asleep I'm asleep, look at how I'm not movin-
>Luna's horn glows softly, and you feel your helmet lift off your head.
>You keep your eyes tightly shut, watching her through your psychic senses and praying that she's just going to get a look and go awa-
>You feel warm breath on your face, and cold touch as her mane moves up to your neck....
"Luna....Luna I'm awake!"
>She jumps in shock, recoiling and stealing a glance at the still comotose Trixie.
>Her blue face blushes a bright red, and you do your best to look like you were just woken up instead of awake the whole time.
>"Uh, erm...Anon! We did not expect you to be...uh, no...that's not right. What did Celestia say I should do.....Oh!"
>Her face brightens, and she takes deep breaths, before smiling at you.
>"We wish to have intimate relations with you!"


>NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE-
>You invoke the most dreaded of Ahriman's social rituals.
>The Pokerface of Tzeentch.
>Break it to her softly, Anon.
"Luna, that seems a bit......er..."
>She hesitates suddenly, bringing a hoof to her mouth.
>"Am I being a bit too...forward? I apologize, Anonymous. Things were so much simpler a thousand years ago."
>She seems to think something over, probably more infernal advice given to her by Celestia, Tzeentch damn her hide.
>Her eyes lower a bit more.
>"I know...why don't you...relax, and let me put you in a better...mood."
>You scream internally, but manage to give a half-hearted smile.
"Luna, I don't think that's...."
>She lifts a hoof to your mouth.
>"Hush now. Let Luna take away all your woes."
>She brushes past you, her tail flickering over your face and chest in a way that most stallions would describe as "sultry."
>You are just deeply disturbed.
>Luna begins to do little dances and gyrations over you, and you realize you have not been this horrified in...well...you have never been more horrified.
>You glance at Trixie, praying to your Gods that the snoring mare would just WAKE UP.
>Luna sees your glance, and misinterprets it.
>"Oh, do not worry about HER, my noble Anonymous. The Princess of the Night does not tire as easily as mortal mares. When we are through, you will never wish for company like HERS."
>You pray fervently for Tzeentch to tear your soul from your body.


>Okay, you can't take this anymore.
>You reach out and gently grab one of Luna's outstretched hooves.
>She smiles again, leaning into you in a way that rustles your ancient jimmies.
>"Ooooh. Celly warned me that bipedal beings could be a bit...rough. Have I excited you enough, Anonymous?"
>Oh Tzeentch you were going to be sick.
>Instead, you muster the suavest smile you can.
>To Luna, it looks a bit like a pained grimace.
"Princess..."
>"Call us Luna, Anon. Such titles should be thrown aside if we're going to be so...close."
>Her horn glows, and her crown and mantle go flying into your kitchen.
>You realize this is the pony equivalent to disrobing and enter panic mode.
"Luna, then. I do...I do not...erm...I appreciate the efforts, truly I do, but I don't....uh..."
>Her eyes grow big and watery.
>"Dost thou....dost thou not like us, Anon? Are we...are we not as pretty as the magician?"
>Your life flashes before your eyes.
>Minus Prospero burning to ashes, you think you had a pretty good run.
>Maybe the Moon wasn't such a bad place. And if you were REALLY lucky, Celestia might just snap your spine.


>You are snapped out of your reverie by the sound of Luna sobbing quietly in front of you.
>That's....you could work with that.
>Better than rejection-fueled rampage.
>According to Celestia, the last time she did that, she almost drowned the entire world in eternal night.
>But that crying....
>You reach out, carefuly, and give her a soft hug on her neck.
>She stiffens immediately, trying not to move.
>"A-Anon? D-does this mean....thou hast chosen u-"
"No, Luna."
>She gasps, and you can hear more sobs.
"Luna, I am not...involved with any, er, p0ny. Especially not Trixie. I don't....Luna, if I may ask...what brought this all on?"
>She smiles sadly, and you slowly release the hug, wary of her.
>"Celly suggested that....well, she's always believed I should be more confident....and she suggested that we-that I make the first move."
>New scheme enacted. Revenge on Celestia. But first, you had to handle this.
"Luna...that's not exactly what I meant. I mean....what did you..when did you look at me, specifically?"
>She blushes, and her wings spread in that way you've seen Fluttershy's do.
>"Well...Anon, you fought for us, when my sister was injured. You fought Farseer. You're always so willing to protect our subjects, and us. And you're so...well, well-formed."
>You raise an eyebrow quizzically. When did she-
>"We've seen you, erm, bathe in the river. The moon is our eye."
>Note to self; the night is full of eye-rape.
>Luna looks mortified at having revealed this to you, and you can't blame her.
>It was incredibly creepy.


>She raises a hoof to you as she notes the expression on your face.
>"Anon, I...I should go..."
"Luna, truly, this is flattering, truly, but I do not...I do not believe...well.."
>Let her down easy, Anon.
"...I do not think that kind of relationship will work, Luna. I am human, Luna, and you are a pony. We do not fit together. I cannot be physically attracted to a pony."
>That wasn't easy, you dipshit.
>It was better than screaming in horror and hurling her through a wall with a burst of psy-energy.
>You pat yourself on the back for self-restraint.
>Luna stares at you with a sad frown, and you feel a bit bad for letting her down that way.
>Then, to your horror, a small grin splits her lips, and she rushes in to plant a kiss on your forehead.
>"All of that can change, Anonymous. Oooh, I must go speak to my sister. Have a blessed night, Anon."
>She fades into a cloud of mist and retreats under your door, leaving you lying there, stunned and in shock.
>WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?
>Trixie snores again, rather loudly, and you glare at her in hatred.
>She hadn't even twitched during that entire exchange.


>You wait a few hours before waking Trixie by overturning the entire couch.
>She snorts and jumps from beneath the cushions, glaring at you from the overturned furniture.
>"What the BUCK was that for?"
"For you sleeping through Luna almost molesting me in the night, that's what."
>Trixie sputters.
>"Really, you're upset about THAT? Come on, Anon, she was all over you! I thought it was cute."
>You turn a nuclear glare on Trixie, and she wriggles her eyebrows at you and laughs.
"You were awake?"
>"For most of it, yes."
"You....."
>You clench your fists in anger. If anything justified what you were about to do, it was this.
"Trixie. It's time for your first lesson in warp-sorcery."
>Trixie stops laughing long enough to stare at you in confusion.
"Dealing with the presence of a Pariah. Miss Hooves, come on in. Trixie can join us for breakfast."
>Trixie's screams of horror wake up every sleeping pony in Ponyville, and a few in Cloudsdale.


>The scream disrupts your concentration, and you cut off your speech with a yelp and a jump.
>Most of your listeners were also disturbed.
>"What the BUCK was that!?"
>"Where'd it come from?"
>"The horror! The horror!"
>You cough loudly, turning attention back to you as best you can.
>You can't afford for your listeners to be distracted.
>Not when you have so much wisdom to offer them.
>You tap a mint-green hoof on your makeshift podium, and point your other at the bag around your throat.
>The bag that contains the source of Wisdom and Knowledge.
"As I was saying, before I was interrupted! Welcome, my new friends! To the first meeting of the Cult of the Hand!"