determination

I have a policy that I like to live by. If it can be done, it can be done better. Apps for sound effects buttons exist, but they could be done better if only they offered more, and better quality. A video game has a fantastic translation for its time, but it could have been translated better and made so much clearer if they had used this definition of the Japanese word instead. A computer uses all top of the line components, but it would run more smoothly and be that much more power efficient if you swapped this part for that one.

When I do things, I don’t half-ass them. I try to put my entire heart into it, no matter what. That’s why, when I decided to learn rites from the sept’s ritemaster, I knew I wanted to go all the way. I wanted to learn everything he could offer me, and possibly help him put them to use. Sure, Ragabashes don’t typically learn rites. That’s true. This one does, though. I’m happy to learn them, of course, don’t get me wrong. I think they’re neat. But I also know I’m in this for life.

When we were faced with the initial problem of stopping the Black Spiral Dancers from awakening that Bane and destroying the island, I voted first to clear out the hive and then to light the snake on fire. As time went on, though, and as we tried to figure out what to do, I came to realize that cleaning out the hive would be dangerous, and possibly take long enough that the deed would be done by the time we finished. It was better to stop them from being able to wake it at all, immediately.

It still feels unsatisfactory to me, but sometimes in order to complete the job, you have to wait. Someday, I’ll see its stench cleared off of my island.

If another pack were asked to help Bat, to bring her back to Gaia’s arms, they might stop after a point. Restore certain aspects, and then leave her to crawl from the muck on her own. And the Camazotz? Who the hell are they? Not me, though, no. I will stay at her service until the day she flies free from the Wyrm’s talons, healed and whole again, and after that forevermore.

My sister is the first werebat in hundreds of years, and I’ll make damn sure she isn’t the last. I have met the bats of the Deep Umbra. And I will see to it that they will never suffer what they have again, should they choose to emerge. What happened to them, and all the others, can probably never really be forgiven, but it can be set right. I’m going to make it as right as I possibly can.

With the cave lion, it’s the same deal. Everyone knows the story of how the White Howlers delved into the Wyrm’s own pit, hoping to end the war once and for all, but instead becoming the Black Spiral Dancers. No one truly knows how they were before that… except for me, and my pack. We saw through their eyes, thought their thoughts, knew their land.

Some Garou believe that perhaps they can make it right merely by stealing Black Spiral cubs, re-educating them. But the Black Spiral Dancers haven’t been the White Howlers for millenia, and those re-educated cubs end up falling into other tribes. They don’t know beyond that, and I don’t blame them. Merely taking their cubs didn’t get Lion’s attention. Not like this cloning project did. And only Lion can designate a cub as a White Howler. And if we succeed, and if a new Howler is born after that, it’ll still take generations on generations for them to become strong as they were again.

I’m still going to see it through. Until the day I die. And I will make sure my children see it through, and their children after that. Because that’s what it means to put your whole heart into it.

I don’t know in particular why I’m writing this down. Maybe just as some kind of affirmation to myself. Apparently I’m the leader, or something. Can you believe it? I don’t know how to leader at all. All I really know how to do is just be myself and keep doing what I do.

I’m still gonna try.

Because I don’t half-ass things. That’s my policy.