i need to be stopped

You know, she doesn't admit it, but it ruined us. The embrace did. She was so proud of herself. She was going into nursing. It was something I was so happy to see, even though I was under a lot of stress and my grades were tanking. It didn't matter to me, as long as she was happy. I just wanted to see her succeed.

I know it wasn't Tia's choice to do it. We're friends now. We're in a band. There's still a part of me that wishes I could blame her, just so I could have something to direct this at. After the embrace we both flunked out. Her from being carted around vampire society, me from the attack I had after it happened. We were driven out of our place. We had to live with my mom in Seattle until we got our own apartment.

Even after things settled into a rhythm, it was never the same. It felt like I couldn't do anything I used to like to do with her anymore, because she could only be out at night. Because she could only drink blood. Because a Chantry meeting needed her. Because now she couldn't go near fires or she would flip her shit. Because she was cold now.

And it still hurts to this day. Maybe it hurts even more than before. Because now I know there are people out there who want to hurt her for her clan. She's been hurt by them before and I dread the day she gets hurt again. It isn't fair. None of this is fair.

She says she's okay with this. But is she really? Is there not a single sliver of her that wishes things were different? Maybe it really is just me that wishes things could go back. Maybe I'm weird. I am weird. I don't want any of this. She says she likes the perks of living forever. I never wanted to live forever. She says she likes magic. I could care less.

It would be so easy to just say this is wyrmtaint like every other Garou does. It would be simple. I would be trusted by other wolves. Instead I can never go to other septs, because they'll think I'm tainted. I'm not, I promise. Neither is she. Neither is my boyfriend, neither is my brother in law. I can't believe it, not anymore. It hurts.

If I could rewind time then maybe I'd take her and move to the caern that was nearby the city instead of the apartment we had. It'd be simple living, sure, but I like that kind of thing. And then I would know she would be protected. It would never happen. She would get her degree. I could be with my kind. We would be happy, and she never would have been hurt.

It ruined our lives. Or maybe... maybe it just ruined my life, if she's so okay with things. Maybe I'm just meant to be alone in life forever.