Red Neck Anon One Shot

>Day thriller in Equestria, be Redneck Anon and after a series of unfortunate, but hilarious events, you are now teamed up with Cadence.
>At the tallest building, of the empire, you and Cadence look at all the places not to go.
"We gotta get this here sombromb, away from dah Crystal Methpire!"
>"Can you PLEASE stop calling it that."
"Sorry purtty horse lady, dem words just often go tagether back home."
>The large black bomb with a distictive horn protruding out of it ticks down the seconds.
>30, 29, 28..
"Its no use! Er goose is well cooked!"
>"No, its not."
"Huh?"
>"Give me the bomb, I'll take it a safe distance away from here."
"No way, we's in this tugether, ya drank from dah koolaid with me, we's kin now. Sept I would never sleep with ya."
>"Damn it Anon, there is no time! Give me the bomb!"
"No! Ya got yer whole life ahead of ya, wit dat white horse and yer yungins."
>"How did you know I was pregnant!?"
"I lived on a farm woman!"
>10, 9,
>You look in all directions before tears swell in your eyes,
"Tell my wife/cousin, ah love her."
>You jump off the balcony and plummet to the ground.
"YEEEEEHAAA.."
>BAYSPLOSION!!! B-B-B-B-BAYSPLOSION AGAIN!!!
>Cadence weeps as the dark bomb explodes midair and away from the building. Shining Armor breaks through the door, "Cadence! Are you all right!?"
>"I'm fine sweetie, but...Anonymous."
>The two hug as the screen goes to black, much later, the two stand in front of a statue of you.
>It depicts you fighting off 4 royal guards, while holding a bottle of whiskey. Cadence wips away a tear and smiles. "That was the first time I ever saw him, do you think he's looking up at us from hell? As he would say."
>"I'm sure he's in hell right now, having the time of his life. C'mon sweetie, lets get you back home, Twilight can’t look after our kids forever you know."
The end