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- >Day ornithologist in Equestria.
- >You are Anon, and you race doves.
- >Not yourself, because that would be silly.
- >What you do is collect and train wild doves, then race them against each other.
- >Then rake in the profits from the gamblers.
- >It's a cushy life, but someone has to do it.
- >You've finished feeding time, and are comtemplating napping, when there comes a tapping from your front door.
- "A visitor!" you exclaim "I'll be two minutes"
- "Only that, and nothing more"
- >The noise stops, and you take off your bird-feeding apron.
- >It wouldn't do to open up to a visitor, whilst covered in bird shit.
- >You peak through the security window, but can't see anything out there.
- >Which is no surprise, as it's at head height, and ponies are only waist height.
- >But it makes you feel more at home.
- >You undo the latch, and swing open the door.
- >"C...Caw. Caw?"
- >She flaps her midnight black wings, and flashes her sharp beak.
- >You swing shut the door, and do the latch up.
- "Raven's aren't my fetish, Fluttershy. Although good work with the dye and the paper mache."
- >Ignoring the squeeing from outside, you settle back, to resume your napping.
- >Day ornithologist 2 (bird harder) in Equestria.
- >You're still Anon, and you still race doves.
- >Not yoursel... we went through this already.
- >You've fed the doves, and yourself, and are settling in with a book about Equestria's more exotic birds.
- >Maybe, by this time next year, you'll be able to race PHOENIXES!
- >Wiping the drool from your chin, you let out an embarrassed cough.
- >You're just thankful nobody was around to see tha-
- >PRAPATARAPPATAPTAPAPARAP
- >For Sol's sake, why can't it be the normal ponies that get obsessed about you?
- "What do you want today, Fluttershy?"
- >"Flutters wants a cracker!"
- >Wat.
- >The black dye isn't fully washed out, but she's painted all over herself with blue and yellow.
- >"Who's a pretty b-birdy?"
- >It's difficult, but you manage to hold in your laughter.
- >"Brawk?"
- >Her confused squawk is all you need to lose it, and you double over, clutching at your sides as you wheeze in laughter.
- >"Pretty Flutters?"
- >You break out in another resurgence of giggles, and have to wipe the tears away from your eyes.
- >Eventually, you regain the power of speech.
- "Look, Fluttershy, parrots aren't my fetish either. And I don't know where you got that idea from."
- >She looks sad, and drops her splayed wings.
- "But I'm sure you'd do well in a costume contest.
- >She turns tail, and bolts.
- >Day ornithologist 3 (bird hard with a vengeance) in Equestria.
- >You're still Anon, you still race doves against each other, and you still don't know why Fluttershy is completely infatuated with you.
- >Today would normally be the day you do a full clean of the birdcages, but that takes time, so you thought you'd leave your pretties safe until after today's guess.
- >The front door's open, and the cool breeze plays through the house.
- >Your gravelled path scrunchcrunchcrunches as something walks up it.
- >Putting down the book on phoenixes, you stand and make your way over.
- >"Coo?"
- >You feel a slight twitch in your trousers.
- >Fluttershy has grey-toned herself out, somehow.
- >She's lost all colour, and looks like something from a wildlife documentary in the 1960's.
- >Another twitch.
- >Sweat beads on your forehead.
- "S... So what's today's guess, Fluttershy?"
- >"Coo... Coo"
- >You have to finish this before you start tenting.
- "Go on then, what is it?"
- >She beams at you, eyes sparkling in delight.
- >You haven't let her get this far with a guess in months.
- >"I thought about it, Anon, a-and I wondered it perhaps..."
- >She pauses, and scuffs her hoof in the gravel,
- >"I wondered if perhaps, being a studier of birds..."
- >You bite your lip.
- >"Are... Are doves your fetish?"
- "MOTHERFUCKER!"
- >You scream in rage, and punt her over the horizon.
- >She was so close, too.
- >But perhaps it is for the best...
- >After all, your father would never forgive you if he found out you were a pigeon fancier
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