Suicide Skeleton

There comes a time in every man’s life when he must look deep inside himself.  Deep, deep inside himself.  This story (if something of such magnitude as this can be placed at such an insulting level of writing) is of one of those times.
The man’s name is Roger Dodge, and he lives at a dark, scary place: a graveyard, and Roger has the spookiest job imaginable: dead body checker.  Roger got paid only 26K to dig up dead bodies and check to see if they were still dead.  He had been doing this for 19 years, and Roger noticed that, after a few weeks, all bodies became skeletons.  No one knew were they came from because only Roger was brave enough to look at the bodies.  Roger, graduating from Harvard as the valedictorian, theorized that the skeletons grew from the bodies brains, which had been polluted from watching television and reading books, ate the bodies for food.  After, the skeletons could not escape, and they would die.
Deciding to test his theory, he needed freshly dead bodies.  He had a few enemies, and it just so happened that Roger had an exceptionally sharp knife near him.  So, Roger did the only logical thing, and cut himself open.  He watched himself as he died, seeing the life leave his eyes with his own eyes.  However, he would need a better view of his brain, so he cut open his head, and to his surprise…


THERE WAS ALREADY A SKELETON IN HIM.

Jumping back in fear, the skeleton left his body.  Roger, in fear, pleaded with it.  He kneaded to know what it wanted.  The skeleton, leaning in close, whispered, “I need about treefiddy.”
Roger, not knowing what the fuck treefiddy was, took up his Glock and shot the hell out of the skeleton.  He didn’t know that his brain was inside the skeleton, and he inadvertently killed himself, but Roger didn’t need to travel far, because hell was right next to him, for he shot it out of the skeleton.  The devil smiled, coated in blood, ur moms blod, and he made Roger bend over.  A hellhound ejaculated from Satan’s penis, and raped Roger.  His asshole stretched, but because he had no skeleton in him, he felt the most fucking pain in his life.  Satan raughed, and he bellowed, “This beast still be under warranty!”
The skeleton watched in horror, as he knew that his ass was next, and his rape would be much worse.  Smiling from anal stimulation and pleasure, Roger looked at the skeleton and said, knowing what hell awaited the skeleton, “You can’t dodge the Rodge.”
The skeleton, fucking scared, pissed himself, took Lucifer’s penis in his hands, and took his seed into his eyeball, committing suicide.
And that is the story of how Roger won life.
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