How Far Chapter 2: Mourning Run

	I thought about Lilly.

	I lay wide awake staring at the bare ceiling. I twist my neck and look at my alarm clock, which glows faintly in the dark. It takes me a moment to focus my eyes on the red numbers. 4:48. I’ve been laying here for almost two hours, and the only thing that I could think of was Lilly. No matter how many times I would try to distract myself from the thought, I simply couldn’t. No matter how many sheep I counted, I couldn’t fall asleep. My mind focused on her, and no matter how hard I tried to twist and turn it away, it would always come back to her. I rolled over to my side and looked at the vacant spot in my bed where she had lay not two weeks ago, her pale skin and golden blond hair glowing in the moonlight. I thought to myself back then how she looked so fragile, as if she was made of porcelain and would crack at the slightest touch. The slow beating of my heart now reminds me that she was not the fragile one.

	Which made things that much worse.

	I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. I push the covers off of me so that they go only up to my waist, and begin tracing the scar that is on my chest. Its months old, and yet the memories of the pain it had given me are all too fresh.

	I think back to how this all started last winter in that field at my old school. I can feel the cold chill on my skin from the light snowfall. I remember an even sharper chill after Iwanako had confessed to me, something I had been hoping for ever since before I had even received her note. I had thought that it was just nerves, but I remember the sharp pain as I tried to speak. I remember the feeling of warmth being sapped from my body as I stumbled forward into the snow. I remember her panicked screams as I felt my body shut down, and then I only remember darkness.

	I’ve heard people say that things get easier after the first time. Working out gets easier, studying gets easier, but this? Every attack, every flutter, hell sometimes just listening to the beat hurts the same as the first time. Not because of the pain that flows through my body, although that certainly doesn’t help. It’s the aftermath. The looks of endless worry that people give me, and there is nothing that I can do to stop them. I remember how Lilly had looked after my attack in Hokkaido, it was a look of almost complete terror. I had scared her, all because I was a dumbass that wasn’t taking care of myself. I had promised that I would look after myself, that I would go on walks in order to make sure my heart beat fine, and what did I do? I got complacent, I thought walking with Lilly down to the convenience store and back was enough. Even that became strenuous for me.

	I flip the covers off the rest of the way off, and swing my legs from the bed. I rise out of bed and begin pacing as I can feel myself becoming frustrated, but instead of calming down I only get madder. And why shouldn’t I be mad at myself? Here I am lying awake at nearly 5 in the morning on a school night and for what? Because she left me. Because I’m broken. Because there is nothing I can do to fix it, so I mope…

	That last thought stops me. It isn’t entirely true. I may not be able to change her plans, but there is one thing that I can change.

	I quickly walk over to my closet and slide it open to reveal all of my uniforms, but I slide them out of the way as I search in the back for something I had thrown in their haphazardly what feels like ages ago. I pull out my old soccer clothes that I had tossed in their in frustration before going to shower, and I can see just how bad they look. The shirt has several folds in it from lying in a pile for weeks on end, and it smells almost stale. Nothing I can do about it now, I decide, and before I lose steam I slide it over my head. I grab the matching shorts and pull them up over my boxers, and then I pull each sock on. A quick look at the clock tells me it’s just past 5am.

	I then go to the door and put on the shoes I had kicked off last night, and I am about to head out the door when I remember I’ll need my key to get back in. I am about to walk over to my nightstand when I remember I had put them back into my pants pocket. I walk over to my bedside and fish the key ring out, but instead of immediately leaving, I find myself looking at them. With a grunt of frustration, I pull my old house key off of the ring, and I place it on my desk.

	I may have lost a lot of things recently, but home is where the heart is, right? I intend to make sure that heart stays for a long long time.

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	I step outside and I breathe in the fresh morning air. It has a certain chill to it that is common right after dawn on these nice summer days. It was always one of my favorite parts of the day, in fact I’d say that it is one of the reasons I am such a morning person. It’s something I always appreciated. I stretch out my back in the morning sun, basking in it as its rays wrap around my body. I can feel the muscles in my back pull each other to their farthest extent, before I settle back into my usual posture and begin walking towards the track, feeling significantly better now than I had in my room.

	As I near the track, a memory floats to the top of my head. Just a few weeks ago I had come here after promising the head nurse that I would try and work out to take better care of myself, and I met with a “spy” he had watching out for me. She was supposed to tell him when I finally made my way down to the track, and after not hearing anything about it for close to a week, he sought me out himself and made me promise I would come and meet with her. I laugh as I remember watching almost in awe, as I walked down the hill that day, of the girl who was moving through the air fluidly as if without a care, without any legs. I remember the rhythmic clacking of her prosthetics ringing in my mind. I had pictured her as a half-mechanical gazelle with the way that she moved, her face set with a smirk on it. I watched as her brown hair in two little twintails bounced in step, and was beginning to feel daunted by the entire thing and was considering leaving, but she noticed me and ran over to greet me. That was one of my first real experiences with Emi, besides getting run over by the little bolt of lightning in the hall the day before.

	The memory of that puts a wide smile on my face, until a thought rung through my head. She had hit me pretty hard in the hallway when she ran into me, so hard that I tumbled over with her. Yet, I didn’t have an attack? I contemplated this as I walked past the bleachers onto the track. I smile, remembering how adorable her expression was after, which wasn’t helped by her shortness. What was it I had called it in my head? Puppy like? Yea, that’s a fitting name for her apologetic pout. Maybe it was that look that kept my heart from rising, it was extremely cute.

	I shrug off the event, trying to put it out of my mind. I’m doing this right here now so that I won’t ever suffer another attack again. This is to make sure nobody has to worry about me. All the cute looks in the world wouldn’t save me if I let things get much worse. I take a position on the track and think back to what Emi had said before we began our first run about stretching. I hate stretching, and didn’t I technically stretch already when I walked out the door? And the way over here probably stretched my legs just by walking.

	I’m sure that will be good enough, I think to myself, and I lower myself towards the ground like I’ve seen people who run track do.

	Ok, this is it.

	3…2…1… GO!

	I rise out of the form fast and-

	“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!!!?” A shrill voice screams from right behind me

	I stumble forward in surprise, still half risen from my pose, and I stick out my arms in an attempt to balance myself. It does no good and I go crashing to the ground face first, like a new born bird trying to fly.

	“Owwwww” I moan out, and push myself up from the ground. I flip over onto my back to see who had snuck up on me, and I’m suddenly covered in shadow. I look up and look into the green eyes a very angry Emi.

	“I said, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” She says as she looks down on me, both figuratively and literally. I look back at her with what I’m sure is a startled expression, but it quickly hardens. I’m in no mood for this. “Well I was trying to run before you fired a cannon off in my ears,” I remark sarcastically with annoyance. She must have snuck up on me to try and scare me or something. I place my arm behind me to push myself up, but Emi’s running blade finds my stomach and easily pushes me back down. The malicious look on her face says everything.

	“Didn’t I tell you when you first started running that you needed to warm up!?! Bad Hisao,” and she flicks me on the nose as if I am some sort of dog. She then takes her blade off of my stomach and puts a hand out to offer to help me up. I refuse to take it, instead standing up on my own before shooting a glare at her which she returns in force, darting out her tongue to complete the look.

	We stand there for a moment simply glaring at one another from inches apart, before she begins giggling. It’s a cute laugh, it reminds me of when I was younger and laughed at almost everything. Her laughter proves to be infectious, as I find myself laughing slightly at the absurdity of the situation, and she smiles. “Why are you here anyways?” She asks, looking at me curiously. “I saw you leaving the male dorms in your gym clothes, and I put my spy skills to work and followed you here.” She bounces back and forth in what I’m assuming is supposed to be sneaky, but the noise they make befuddles me. How had I not heard her a mile away? “You know, my eyes are up here” she quips, which makes me blush.

	“Oh, sorry,” I reply. Is that all you have to say? Think of something! “Wait, so you’re saying you stalked me all the way here?”

	“Noooo, I said followed. Stalking you means I would have been planning to hurt you.” She replies

	“But you did hurt me!” and I show off my scraped knee in emphasize the point

	“Well yea, but I wasn’t planning on it” she says, and with that she winks. “And hey! You never answered my question!!” She pouts, something I try to look away from lest it steal my manhood.

	“What question?” I ask

	“I asked you why you were hereeee” she elongates the last word as if trying to convey a worded pout. I turn back to her, which makes her smile at me, but still with curiosity in her sparkling green eyes

	As much as I would like to not talk about this, it seems as if that really isn’t an option at this point. I sigh and let my head droop slightly, not entirely wanting to admit to it. “I need to be healthier.” I remark. “I’m tired of feeling as if I’m a moment away from falling apart.”

	When Emi doesn’t respond right away, I look up almost terrified that she would have a look of pity on her face. There isn’t. The look that she DOES have on her face is one that gives me pause. Is that… determination? Her small frame is set as if she were a rock, her mouth is set with a slight smirk, and her eyes spark with an almost electric feel. She turns and saunters a few paces away. In a voice that I have to strain myself to hear, she says “Morning stretches Hisao. Now.” While quiet, her voice is filled with an almost concreate conviction that says I’ll end up back on the ground if I don’t do as she says, so I follow her lead. As she starts stretching herself, I do some minor stretches that I used to do before playing soccer with my friends, but as she glances at me she gives an enthusiastic sigh and walks over. She tells me to watch her and do as she does, her voice calm and even. I must be pretty awful at this. I mean how bad do I-

	A light bump on my shoulder snaps me back into attention. “Hisao, you gotta pay attention to this. If you don’t wanna fall apart mid-run, you gotta stretch well. Here, like this” She bends down towards her left blade without bending at her knees. Her outstretched fingers can reach practically to the ground. I stare at her and find that my eyes are slowly wandering down her body. Her soft skin almost shines in the morning sun. “You gotta hold this pose for a couple seconds… Then slowly let go” she says while breathing out. “Then you gotta do the other one.” As she reaches over my eyes trace out her body once more. Her long arms… her well-toned thighs… before I can lead myself further down a path that would make it exceedingly hard to run, I snap my eyes towards my own leg and, perhaps a little too overenthusiastically say, “Like this??” I reach down and I strain to even get past my calf. I feel myself pushing further, but I can’t seem to do it without bending. Then I feel a hand on my back.

	“No, you have your leg locked out. Try it like this.” She bends over in front of me and slightly taps the back of my knee forward. Not enough for it to bend, but it takes some strain off of the back of it. Her hand lightly touches mine, and I feel them guide to my toes.

	“Do you feel the slight burn in all your muscles? What you’d been doing put all of the pressure on your knees, and that’s not good for them.” She looks up from the ground and we lock eyes just a few inches apart. She looks at me and I see a blush slowly spread across her face just as I feel my own face heating up, and I abruptly stand up, forgetting about her hand still gripping mine. Apparently she had as well, as I pulled her right into me and we fell backwards onto the ground with a yelp.

	My head hits the track ground hard, and for a moment everything goes blurry. I close my eyes and groan.

	“Are you ok?” She asks?

	“My head…” I reply. I open my eyes and see that her fall was cushioned much more than mine, which explains the sudden weight on my body. She pushes herself up on her hands, and her head hovers just a foot away from my own.

	“You know, I seem to be making a habit of holding you down, you’d make a good hostage” she says with a wink. I feel my blush return, and she giggles at how I seem to squirm. I put my hand behind my head and rub where I hit it. “Just try not to use ropes or anything,” I reply.

	Now it’s her turn to blush, and she lightly giggles. She then pushes off from my chest, and extends her hand. “Come on,” she says. “I think that’s more than enough stretching.” I take her hand and she smiles widely as she helps me up.

	Her demeanor seems to change from playful to more serious again. “When’s the last time you went running?”

	“Ummm when I went with you.”

	“THAT LONG!!!” Her mouth is open in shock. I nod.

	She doesn’t say anything, but her face has that determined look again as her mouth puckers for a moment as if she’s considering something.

	“Alright, well since it’s been so long” I could swear she was shooting daggers with her eyes “we’ll take it easy on you today, ok? Just a few laps”

	“Ok, I can do that.” I say

	“You’re damn right you can!! Now let’s go!”

	She spins around as deftly as a ballerina, if a ballerina had no legs, and just like that she’s off. Caught off guard by her sudden start, I break out into a sprint to catch up with her. I soon have to slow down, as she’s quickly lowered her pace to try and even out with my own. Over her shoulder she shouts, “It’s not a race, it’s about lasting! Just keep it at an even level!” I try to say something but already I can feel my breath coming raggedly, so I nod and hope she understood it over the bouncy run. We’re almost halfway through the first lap when I stumble, but I quickly right myself and keep going. I remember running a lot when I would play soccer, before that accident. I never felt tired then cause I always had something to focus on, so maybe if I focus on something… the click clack of her running blades is the first thing that catches my attention. She’s running slightly ahead of me, but I can feel her making the effort to slow herself down for me. I stare at her blades, and I slowly feel my eyes drifting up her legs until they come to a rest at the back of her shorts.

	I force myself to stop looking, to stop even thinking about it, and I lock my eyes and head forward. Just think of the run, don’t think of her legs, don’t think of her laugh, don’t think of…

	We pass by the bleachers on our first lap, and I decide to focus on my breathing. Right now, I can feel my chest burning and begging for air, and no matter how much I gasp down it doesn’t seem to be enough.

	“Almost there. Almost there.” I keep exhaling the words between each breath, and I can feel sweat gathering on my forehead. I see Emi look over her shoulder at me for a moment worried, but I don’t pay it any attention. I just need to go a little farther.

	We’re halfway through the second lap when I start to realize how stupid this is. I don’t need to go running all the time, I don’t need to put up with this crap. I can take care of my own damn self! I may have said it before, but I’ll do better this time!

	I start to slow down, but then Emi turns over her shoulder. “DON’T YOU DARE QUIT ON ME AGAIN GOD DAMNIT!!!”

	She whips around and starts sprinting towards the finish line. I can only think that I need to catch up to her, and I start pumping my arms. Each step I take I can feel my legs burning and begging to collapse, but I need to do this! Come on, final turn! Emi is racing ahead of me, but I’ve almost caught her.

	She’s 20 feet away

	Faster!

	15

	Move faster!!

	10

	GO!

	And then she stops

	I only have enough time for the thought 'Oh shit' to hit me before I run almost full steam into her, and both of us go tumbling onto the track.

	I don’t even feel the pain from hitting the track, just the burning of my aching muscles. “Holy shit” I breathe out as I am gasping for air. I close my eyes and I try to move, but my body disagrees with me as pain flows throughout my body. The last time I felt pain like this… oh no.

	Immediately I put my hand to my chest and begin to focus on my heartbeat, and I can feel it beating extremely hard. I am still gasping for air that never seems like enough, but I can at least feel it beating. It’s not beating out of rhythm though, more like a hard and steady beat. A strong beat. An unbroken beat.

	I take my hand from my chest, and I begin to feel as if I can breathe slower. Then I feel a light touch on my chest where my hand had been. It’s a soft weight, as if unsure whether or not to stay, but it remains. Emi must have wanted to make sure I wasn’t having an attack, and placed her hand there. I raise my own hand to pull it off of me, but as I place my hand against it, I don’t feel a hand. Are these beads and… hair?

	I open my eyes and I see that my hand is resting on the top of one of Emi’s twintails. The other is pressed to my chest as she lays her head on it. She looks at me with a huge smile, and only then do I realize that she’s listening to my heart beat.

	“So this is what it sounds like?” she says. “Is it always so fast?”

	The question shakes me, and once again the situation seems absurd to me, as if I am still sleeping and dreaming all of this. I laugh slightly at her child-like curiosity, it’s quite endearing. “No, actually it’s normally really slow. This is probably because of all the running.”

	“Oh” she says simply. She continues laying on my chest, and I let my head thunk back to the track. If anyone were to come by the track and see us right now it would be scandalous, I think. However I find myself uncaring right now. “Why did you run away?”

	“Huh?” She responds. She seemed to have lost herself listening to the beat.

	“Why did you run from me?”

	“Oh!” She lifts her head off of me, and then suddenly swings her leg over my body so that she on either side of me. She scooches her body upwards so that her face is right over mine and blocks the sun, and I see that look again. “Cause you were gonna give up again!” She pouts, a pout that could melt ice.

	“Was not!” I reply unconvincingly, but her puppy dog eyes remain, breaking through. “Well… I might have thought about it…”

	“You said that you wanted to get better, do you feel this?” she places the palm of her right hand against my chest where my heart is still beating strongly. “This is better!”

	I am about to object but she cuts me off by placing a finger on my mouth “No, stop it. I’m not done. I hate it when people give up, I hate it hate it hate it! The look you had before you ran was determined, you want to get better? Then I won’t let you give up on yourself like you did again.” She takes her finger off of my mouth, and sits back on the lower part of my chest.

	And I thought it would be scandalous if someone caught us before.

	“You’re right” the words coming out of my mouth surprise even myself, but she responds quickly. “Of course I’m right” she says with a wink, “I’m always right about these things.” I laugh and give her a pointed look, and she responds by sticking her tongue out at me. I return by blowing my tongue out at her, and she does it again in response, coming closer

	“Mynah!”

	“Nyah!”

	“MYNAH!!

	“NYAH!!!”

	And then she’s hovering over my face again and I’m wrapped up in instinct. She leans in but my hands fly to her sides and grip her. She looks at me in shock, but it quickly turns to laughter as my fingers begin dancing on top of her, tickling her.

	“Hahahaha Stop!!! Hisao!!” she falls off of me, and suddenly I’m on top of her, pinning her to the ground with a smirk

	“So this is what it’s like to be on top” I say, and when she blushes I throw in a wink.

	“Ohh get offa me you big goof”

	I comply and she slugs me in the arm

	“Ow!!”

	“That’s for tackling me in the first place!!” she says, but she doesn’t seem that annoyed by it.

	“Haha that’s fair,” I laugh. I stand up, and this time I lend her my hand. She takes it, and I watch her legs as she bounces up as perky as ever. “Why did you come down here today?” I ask, finding myself curious.

	“Oh I run every morning!! Just cause we’re on break, doesn’t mean you get to take any time off of working out,” she says with an enthusiastic thumbs up. “Besides,” she adds, “I’m supposed to go into the city with the whole team soon, we’re going to be having a meet with a bunch of different schools.” Her smile is electric. “It might not be an official meet, but I still intend to win!! I’ll show them you don’t need any legs to be the fastest there ever was!!” She says, pointing her thumb into her chest.

	I smile at her, something I find myself doing a lot around her. “Well, what time are you meeting up with them?” I ask.

	“Oh, we’re all meeting up at the gate to catch the bus at 6. I figured I could squeeze in a quick run and a shower first haha.”

	6am? That’s just an hour from when I first came out, right? How much time has passed? I quickly notice that Emi doesn’t have a watch or anything, and judging by how much the sun has risen since I came out here… I look down at my watch and I feel my face contort at what it says.

	“Oh noooo” I hear her whine. I look up and see that she has seen my face after looking at my watch. “What time is it!?” she half-shouts panicked at my expression

	“Ummm… It’s 5:56…” I trail off, seeing her face go pale white for a moment and she stands completely still as if she were a statue.
Suddenly, she begins bouncing up and down on her blades as if she had just been supercharged. “Oooooh nononononononononono I gotta go shower gotta run bye Hisao!!!” She takes off like a gunshot and I’m left almost blown away at how fast she can go from standing to a full sprint up the hill. I reconfirm the time, and then I slightly laugh to myself at just how Emi manages to make being late cute.

	I slowly make my way up the hill, listening to the sound of birds chirping as I arrive. I look towards the girls dorms, but there is no sign of the little lightning bolt. Maybe she’s already shot off. I chuckle once more to myself as I walk inside. Today certainly has had an interesting start, I think to myself as I get to my room and insert the key. I quickly strip down my now sweaty clothes and grab a towel to head to the showers, left wondering what the rest of today will have in store.