Lilly Remembers

Floating in a well of darkness, I feel naked and alone, drifting through a soundless vacuum. Whatever I had been doing, I can't remember. The only way I know I'm still alive is the thrum of my own pulse racing through my ears and the steady breaths that pass in and out despite my inability to feel them, or smell the air.

Totally cut off from every sensation, I feel useless and depressed, but that's not the worst part. Somewhere in this shroud of gloom, I can sense the presence of another; some other lost soul is trapped here with me, doomed to reside in this pervasive nothingness.

Hisao...

Remembering his name brings tears to my eyes, or at least I feel like I'm crying. After keeping so much from him, I know I deserve this fate, but not him; never him. All he tried to do is become a part of my life, and, for a while, that was enough. I led him on, letting him think everything was alright; letting him believe I could stay.

But I couldn't...

Waking, I feel wretched and deceitful; as I should. Tears stream down my cheeks and I'm shaking, but there's nothing I can do; we're already in the air. Akira's soft snoring in the chair beside me reminds me how much of a coward I've been. Despite everything, I couldn't bring myself to tell him I had to leave; she had to do it for me. Now I've left everyone I ever loved behind; my classmates, Hanako, Hisao – even my antagonizing cousin.

And for what?

Maybe the answer is right in front of me, but I'm too busy thinking back to consider the future. These past months have been some of the best in my life, and I've gone and thrown them away like so much trash.

I deserve that senseless vacuum...