The Farmer & his Wife VS The Vizier & his Daughter

#7 – The Farmer & his Wife VS The Vizier & his Daughter


	In the frame story of the 1001 Nights, the vizier of King Shahrayar told his daughter Shahrazad the story of the farmer and his wife, in order to render void the decision Shahrazad made regarding her marriage to King Shahrayar. The only thing rendered void, though, was the vizier’s argument against Shahrazad, which, quite deplorably for the vizier, failed since it does not apply to one of strong character, will, and self-sacrifice such as herself.
	In order to understand the situation of the vizier and Shahrazad, the backstory needs to be known. King Shahrayar is your clichéd, generic, cookie-cutter type king who is wise, beloved, brave, famous, just, cool, etc. All this went down the drain, though, when King Shahrayar receives some disturbing information regarding his wife and a black slave. King Shahrayar gets back at his wife in a disturbing fashion involving murder. Then, in order to get what he sees as his point across, he implements a quite disturbing law that involves taking a wife one day and killing her off the next. This went on for a disturbing amount of time, during which King Shahrayar’s subjects felt more than a little disturbed. Then, one day, King Shahrayar’s vizier’s daughter, Shahrazad, asks of her father a request that he finds most disturbing; she asks to marry King Shahrayar. The vizier then threatens his daughter the following story, the story of the farmer and his wife, which some people, women and feminists, may find disturbing.
	Once upon a time, there lived a farmer. The farmer happened to be one of those rare individuals who had been granted a blessing/curse. The blessing part was that he was able to hear and understand the speech of animals, while the curse was that if he revealed such speech to a fellow human being, he’d kick his last bucket; the farmer would die, that is. So basically, one day the farmer was sitting with his wife and somehow managed to overhear some of his farm animals having a small discussion. For the purposes of this story, the names of the animals will not be mentioned nor will we mention the details of their small dialogue. The important thing that happened was that the farmer found the animals’ conversation funny and had a good laugh or two. The farmer’s wife, being her usual self, demanded that the farmer tell her what words went between the animals whose names are not mentioned for the purposes of this story. The farmer replied, “My dear, I cannot tell you, for if I do tell you what words went between the animals whose names I will not mention for the purposes of this story, I will definitely kick my last bucket.” “So what?” replied his wife. “You misunderstand,” explained the farmer, “If I do tell you, then I shall die.” “What makes you think I give a [insert your favorite four-letter word] about your life? I just wanna know what those animals said!” screamed his wife. Basically, within a short amount of time, the farmer found out much to his chagrin that wife found it quite a fair bargain trading her husband’s life for the words between the animals whose names will not be mentioned for the purposes of this story. When the farmer realized that there would be no way out for him, he descended into the dark, dismal depths of depression, and prepared for his death. He fed the poor, left his will, spent time grieving with his family, etc., such that everyone who knew him, even his farm animals, began to mourn him, except of course his wife. During this time, the grief-stricken farmer was sitting outside contemplating about kicking his last bucket when he overheard two of his animals talking. The farmer’s dog was shocked to see that while every other animal on the farm was in a state of mourning, the rooster didn’t seem to care at all about the situation; he was more interested in amusing himself with his many hens. After being accosted by the dog for his apparently selfish behavior, the rooster retorted, “Should I mourn the fact that our master is too stupid to control his own wife? If he took into a room and beat her up, she’d always be on his side and never oppose him.” Hearing this brought a spark of hope into the previously hopeless heart of the farmer. The farmer grabbed his wife, grabbed a stick, and proceeded to very literally beat the hell out of her. His life depended on it. Needless to say, his wife, in more ways than one, got it. After this event, the farmer, his wife, and everything else lived happily ever after.
	Well, the story seems nice, with an apology to those who found it disturbing, but of course, it does nothing to convince Shahrazad. This is, of course, due to the fact that in the story, the farmer physically disciplined his wife in order to save himself when his life was in danger, in addition to beating some sense into her. He was literally fighting for his life. In the case of Shahrazad and her father the vizier, the one whose life is in danger was Shahrazad’s. She wants to marry King Shahrayar in an attempt to rescue her people from the disturbing actions of the king, risking her life in the process. The farmer’s wife was being very selfish, but Shahrazad was being very selfless. These facts tell us that the vizier’s story of the farmer and his wife are not at all applicable to the situation between Shahrazad and her father the vizier. The end.

Note: As most people may find out after reading this, I kind of took a few liberties in retelling these stories. My attempt at an excuse is to say that, well, if storytellers could modify these stories however they wanted for hundreds of years, I see no reason not to retell them in the most appropriate/effective/fitting/perfect way I can think of.