Burglar

>Be a burglar.
>Break into some guy's house.
>Be all sneaky, enter through window in back room.
>"New fwend?"
>Heart lurches. Oh, it's just a fluffy pony.
>Gray fluffy pony is only thing in room, besides litter box and door.
>Must be a fluffy safe room.
>"New fwend!" The fluffy pony is whispering excitedly.
>"No," you tustle its fluffy head. "Go back to bed."
>Fluffy suddenly panics. "Daddy got angwy when fwuffy wet in fwends. Fwends made mess in house!"
>She points to the open window. "Go away fwend! Fwuffy no wan' get sowwy stick!"
>"No. Go back to bed, you fucking rodent."
>"Fwend mus' go!" She's pleading, still whispering. "Fwen pwese! No wana get sowwy stick! No fwends in house!"
>Decide to fuck with whiny fluffy instead of stealing shit.
>Go back out window.
>Find a crate filled with abandoned fluffy ponies in alley way.
>Pick it up, bring it back to house.
>Toss them one by one into the open window.
>"No!!" House fluffy is crying. "No new fwends! Go away!"
>"New fwend?" "New home!" "New home for babehs!" "Fwuffy wuv new fwend!"
>"No no no! Fwuffies mus' weave! Daddy wiw be angwy!"
>Hear the door opening, duck under windowsill and listen.
>"JESUS CHRIST!" houseowner yells. "FLUFFY, WHAT THE FUCK!!"
>"No, daddy! No wet fwuffies in! Bwack man wet fwuffies in!"
>Other fluffies are going nuts for attention.
>"New daddy!" "Wan' huggies, new daddy!" "Wan' huggies! Wan' sketties!"
>"FLUFFY, DON'T LIE! I TOLD YOU TO STOP LETTING STRAY FLUFFIES IN!"
>Listen in glee as owner pulls out sorry stick and starts beating all the fluffies.
>Endless chorus of screaming and sobbing.
>"No daddy!" original fluffy sobs. "No fwuffy's fault! Fwuffy sowwy! Owie! Owie!!"
>So much better than stealing a TV. You should do this more often.