Pony Outdoorsman Guy

>Today is a good day
>You got paid, you brought your gear to the mountains and now you're plinking on some rocks and having a hell of a time, nothing in life matters today.
>The air is crisp, dusk is setting in, the wind is nipping at the exposed skin, but your face mask keeps the rest warm.
>Camp has been set up, a stew of Rabbits and wild spinach quietly boils to perfection, the pine needle tea enriching the air with the aroma of oranges. The cat-tail shoots you've prepared are a little chewy, but It's ok.
>You quickly devour your meal, hiking in the wilderness consumes allot of calories, but it was probably stupid to eat so much protein and fiber in one sitting
>You gotta go badly
>Rushing downhill to your shit pit (For lack of a better term), the rocks tumble down as you run down.
>Your boot catches onto a loose rock
>Smack face-first into a stump
>Black out

1/x

>Wake up, eyes crusted shut, but all your gear is still there, thankfully no hick stole your stuff.
>Sit up, your body violently reacts with a bolt of pain rushing through your spine
>You can't breath, you quietly sit in agony as you sit in pain
>The pain subsides, yet something's off.
>You were on a rocky outcrop going downhill, but now you rest lying inside a grassy field, and It's not like usual grass-plain style plants at this time of year, It's bright green, not yellow and brown shrubbery.
>Jimmie Status
Unrustled [ ]
Rustled [x]
>Stand up, quietly taking in the calm surroundings around you, your mind is racing, the trees don't look the same, the grass isn't the same, there's not a similar looking thing nearby
>You have all your gear, your rifle, your ammo pouch, so nothing seems to have been tampered, but still, something's off.
>Pulling out your trusty compass, you look to see the direction you must go
Da fuq
>Compass is spinning around like a monkey on crack
Well fuck you too compass
>Set off in random direction

2/x

>Day 3: The water isn't poisoned here, or so as I thought. Running low on coffee filters to filter the boiled water. Not afraid of a little mud and bugs in my water, but It's really not too good. Caught a few grouse to eat, no good source of fat, must find large animal soon.
>Day 4: A giant fucking thing ran out of the woods, took a few potshots at it, it was like a supersized lion, scared shitless. Keeping rifle in front of me at all times now.
>Day 5: Saw smoke rising approximately 20 miles east through my binoculars, hopefully spring water or better, settlement.
>Continuing on through the seemingly odd environment, either jungle, field, even some dry areas as well, weather is always raining or always unbearably hot.
>Day 7: Caught no meat to eat, water in canteens is evaporating quickly, having trouble staying hydrated in this thick clothing.
>Sudden realization
You f*cking idiot Anon, you had a radio this entire time and didn't call for help?
>Turn on radio channel 9
Hello, I am lost in the woods, is anyone out there?
>Static
Well fuck you as well radio
>What's odd is there is no aircraft flying over this area
>No helicopters
>No hikers
>No backpackers
>No deer
>No satellites in the night sky
>All alone

3/x

>Panic sets in
Ok lesse here, you've got tools, somewhat average training, a gun, and I guess if you meet a human, some Krav maga.
>All this trekking and otherwise is letting your mind run free, thinking of what they'll think once you get back home
>Your friends
>Your family
>Keeping clear of that lingering dark thought, you travel on, blisters all over your feet, boots covered in mud, the air is calming as with the nature, but there's still that problem.
>You're stuck in the woods
>Day 12: The smoke seems to be rising out of some sort of tree, but there seems to be a footbridge nearby, caught a rabbit, the stew wasn't half bad, it seemed less tough than usual.
>Climbing on you are within one mile of the smoke stack
>You cheerily march on, until you are greeted with the all to fear inspiring sound of bushes rustling
>Readying your rifle, you aim,
>Rustling behind you, in front of you, to the side of you
This won't end well
>A giant goddamn bear flies out of the brush and beats you in the face, while It's cub claws you in the chest
>Black out #2

4/x

>"And that's when I found it! The poor thing was just laying there in the forest dying!" a soft voice goes on
>"I've never seen anything like it! What is it wearing?"
>"I thought it was covered in moss, but It's actually clothing! It took me a while to get off, it was buttoned up and had a zipper, too small for me to normally get it, I had to get pliers." There it goes again
>You can clearly feel the heat of the sun beating on your skin
>Start waking up
>Eyes open slightly, two goddamn mutant horses sitting there
Herrnngngngg
>As you groan, they both jump three feet in the air, before the purple one composes itself
>"It's waking up!"
>Why the hell is this horse talking
>Oh god you're so hungry
F-foood?
>That came out more as a voice cracked squeal than an actual voice
>"Oh, ok, be right back"
>Left alone with the purple horse thing staring at you like you had a d*ck growing out your nose

5/x

>"My name's Twilight Sparkle, what's your name?" she says
An-anon
>"I'm sorry, did you say Anon?"
Yeah why
>That was awfully raspy how you said that
>"Doesn't really sound much like a name we'd call anyp*ny really"
Well I never heard of someone being called Twilight honestly
>Akward silence
>"I'm back with food!" the yellow one says as she hands you bread and a pitcher of water
>Swig the pitcher in a few gulps, devour the entire half-loaf of bread, stale, dry, at least It's food
>As you are devouring your meal like some sort of pig/ape mix, the ponies akwardly stare at eachother
>"Uh, anon"
Yeah?
>"What are you?"
Human
>"Oh ok"
>*Cough*

6/x

>Awkward silence for at least 3 minutes
>"Twilight" or whatever that purple horse is is looking at you like a fat man looks at roast beef
>The yellow thing is hiding behind her hair, sneaking looks every once in a while
>"So... Anon... What brought you here?"
I dunno, I tripped going to the bathroom and ended up here.
>"You... I just... What?" she mutters to you
I had to go to the bathroom, started running downhill, tripped on a rock, smashed head-first into a stump, and ended up here.
>Awkward silence for another two minutes
Can I stand up now
>"I suppose so"
>starting to get up, you hear your joints violently pop like pop rocks as you stand
>Stare down at the horses
>They are at least 1' 6'' shorter than you
>The yellow one is cowering at the sight of you looking down at her
Perchance do you know how to get back to my people
>"Uhhhh"
That's fine, I'll just go live in the woods
>"WAIT! I need to report you to Princess Celestia!"
>Report
>Princess
>Report
>NOPE
>Start bolting out the door
>The door is covered in a purple aurora, slams shut and won't open, not like you could get out quickly anyway seeing as it is half your size
>Kick door open
>Bolt for the woods

7/x

>It seems that you can outpace these horse things due to longer legs, but only by a few mph faster, they are still pretty damn fast for their short leg length.
>The purple one keeps on erupting in flashes of light and purple bolts are shooting, as well as objects falling after being engulfed in the aurora.
>Face mask: Check, Gear, Check, Rifle, Check
>Pretty damn dark out, It's almost dark out completely
>Idea!
>Grab flashlight, set to strobe, flash 150 lumens behind myself blinding the two behind me
>All you hear is two fleshy lumps smacking eachother
>Turn around, the purple horse is toppled over by the yellow horse having run into her
SUCKERS!
>Dive into woods
>Don't stop running til the alcohol is burning your entire lower body
>Set up camouflage tarp and cover self
>This is going to be one hell of a long time.

8/x

>End up sleeping in cold tent, this jungle is ungodly cold some nights, yet sometimes ungodly warm. Which doesn't make sense, there's so much water it should trap heat during the day and release during the night. Seems wild.
>Not too hungry, not parched, still have allot of water in the canteen, the wound on my chest is leaking a bit, but what do I expect when a 1,500 pound grizzly slices me.
>Didn't have to shoot anything today, not those horses, not any large critters, it seems the forest gets less deadly the closer you get to civilization.
>Start journaling snacking on a cliff bar
>Day... 14? Maybe?: Found civilization, Check, got attacked by a bear, check, got patched up, check, found a race of sentient horse things, or ponies, as that purple one said in place of anybody. No radio connection, no rust on my tools. Did I mention those horses can do magic? One of them had wings too!
>Drift off into a deep sleep, probably the most restful being full and all.

9/x

>Wake up, hearing shouts in the distance
>Climb out of tarp/tent whatever the hell you call it and look up with binoculars.
>Nothing I can see in the woods
>Look up
>Goddamn flying pony things
>They're flying in a formation, coming towards you
>Idea #2
>Grab gyrojet pen flare, aim toward formation, and fire!
>Flare shoots out, three seconds later it burns brightly and flies into the formation
>The horses fly out of control trying to avoid it, two smack together and plummet while the others dash to help them
>Fold up tarp, cover coals with dirt, start trekking far away from where those horses are
>Come upon a trail, worn as hell, doesn't look like anyone has been using it in months
>Eh why not follow it, might find a nice cabin to stay at, just gotta turn back when I see any living things
>The path leads not too far, sooner or later you see a big tree
Sumabitch!
>Hey why not, I'm hungry, it might be abandonded
>Peer in window, nobody inside, soup is brewing
>Jackpot
>Kick door next to handle
>Opens up with ease
>Suddenly the smell of the stew hits you, It's foul, It's obviously not stew
>"Who is there, who does dare, to break into my home, will end up in a tome!"
>Turn around, Zebra staring at you
Uh... Sh*t
>Push zebra aside and run like a madman
>"You will pay! Night or day!"

10/x

>Nearly shit my pants from the shock that damned Zebra gave to me when she popped up behind me
>What did she mean I'll end up in a tome? Hell if they come for me I'll end up in a tome cutting them down!
>Oh shit she was a pony as well
>This isn't going to end well
>Set up camp 15 clicks (15 kilometers) from Zebra's house, time to do what you do best
>Traps
>Start digging pits, sharpening dry wood
>Carefully place the sticks in a circle inside a small hole angled down
>The apache foot trap, they'll fall inside and when they pull up It'll dig deeper into their leg
>Dig out another pit, place punji sticks pointing up, smear berries on top and dirty water
>Punji stick fall trap, when they fall it will split their leg, and infect them severely.
>Bend sharpened branch on tree, add small trip wire made of 550 cord from the bracelet around your wrist
>An average trap, they trip the cord it pulls the branch out and it cuts down onto them
>Hang spare hooks from fishing kit at, what pony eye level would be at
>Classic weed farm traps
Wait isn't this just going to end up killing something and then I get executed...
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
>End up carving signs in trees warning of the traps every 5 feet in front of a trap, covering with fluorescent coating used for pistol sights for visibility
>Fall asleep to the sound if crickets, at least some things are normal here.

11/x

>Wake up, light is flowing through the crack in your shelter
Why'd I wake up so early, It's barely eve-
>SNAP
That's why
>Ready rifle, your trusty deer rifle, specially made inserts for the what would be normal 12 gauge over, for 7.62x39 over, 12 gauge under
>Peek out of tent
>Flying horses, flying over your traps and landing
>Of course you fucking nitwit, you forgot them
GET AWAY OR I'LL SHOOT!
>The rainbow pony/horse thing is taken aback, but then casually flies over the traps and lands back down on the other end.
>"Didja hear him? He probably has a bow! We can't go over there" the rainbow one muttered
>"Shh, I'll try to disarm him with my magic, ready, GO!"
>Suddenly a bunch of ponies start teleporting after you, one casting purple from her horn towards you
>Feeling a slight tugging, but it alternates, It's not very strong, you ready your rifle
I TOLD YOU I'LL SHOOT!
>Fire a payload of rubber balls from the 12 gauge
>They all visibly jump and shut their ears with their hooves, they've obviously never seen a firearm before. Let alone heard one.
>They retreat

12/x

>Sitting there for around 10 minutes of silence while the ponies mutter to themselves
>The rainbow one flies over with the sternest face ever
If you land I'll shoot you again and this time you won't get up
>She looks visibly shaken, but returns to her visage
>"Not cool, we aren't here to hurt you, we are here to make peace. Will you agree to talk"
Fine, but if I see any police I'm going to shoot. I've got more than just this on me.
>Good
>Suddenly in a flash of light five ponies are teleported in front of you.
>"Let's start, first we have some questions we'd like you to answer, Applejack"
>"Now why ain't yo-"
>"What's with you dude, that was totally uncool, hey, WHY DO YOU SPEAK EQUESTRIAN? Huh? You some sort of spy?" she trots up to you and starts jabbing at you.
You've got three seconds to step back before I slice you in the face
>She complies, but furious
>"Why are you so violent? Ain't you got anything better ta-do than to hurt others?"
Well seeing as I was teleported here and nearly killed, and then a bunch of you rushed towards me trying to capture me, I think I'm well within my rights
>The pink one begins to pipe up "Do you like cupcakes, HUH DO YOU? How about cake? I love cake I mean It's so moist and soft and PARTIES? DO YOU LIKE PARTIES I LOVE PAR-"
>"PINKIE" the others shout in unison
>"I'll be quiet" she says with a disheartened tone.
Any other questions.
>"Well, hundreds actually, so let's begin."

13/x

>"Sooo.... What do you eat?"
Meat...
>They all become wide eyed as you say this
Vegetables... Fruits... Mushrooms... Can eat some nonliving things such as dirt for iron.
>"D-did you say... Meat?"
>Point out the k9s in your mouth
Humans were evolved so in times of drought or plant die off they could survive, eating other animals and even... their friends, it was a rather good strategy seeing how many mass die-offs have happened back home.
>By now they are all visibly shaken by the implications that you can eat your own friends
I ask that you refrain from asking me the history of myself, and of others like me for your own sake, seeing as you are visibly shaken just by nature.
>It appears that that yellow quiet has fainted.
>"I-I think I'll just come back later, no more questions for today" Twilight says as she teleports off with her friends.
Well fuck, they'll come back with the police and I'll be screwed

14/x

>Go through out day waiting for a bunch of flying ponies to attack and having to scramble for a revolver
>Not like a .22 magnum will take down a horse pony thing if not hit in a vital organ, the over under maybe.
>Snacking on cliff bars and home-made protein bars, too dangerous to be caught shooting animals to eat right now, only have a few left in my pack.
>Spend the time widdling memories of home into the stock of the over under, and checkering the grip of the revolver.
>Every so often some brightly colored flying horse thing swoops over, looks down, and flies back. It's not worth bothering to pull out flares from the handle of my survival knife to shoot at them.
>Create lattice work out of paracord/branches and camouflage it with leaves, hang it over the area to prevent them from seeing
>All of this because I slipped when going to the bathroom
>Just your luck, and of course it had to be some f*cked up world of sentient pony things.
>Might as well read up on some religious texts while waiting there, Qur'an, Torah, Bible, always interesting what is inside.
>Fall asleep clutching the bible turned to genesis.

15/x

>Wake up at the crack of dawn to Twilight's voice calling out
>"Hello? Anon? Can we continue the questions"
Yeah, sure
>Rush out of bed, catch mouth on tent zipper
>Pull loose, instantly blood everywhere.
>Walk out of tent staring at some horrified ponies
What?
>Start eating the torn off part of lip
>"W-what are you doing?" Yellow quiet piped up
Nothing
>"You are eating your own lip, how do you explain that?"
I snagged it, It's dead now, problem solved. I get the protein and iron back.
>"Are all humans like this, how grotesque, you humans are filthy creatures, how do you expect us to hold you in high opinion if you do such horrifying things to yourselves?"
Seeing as I'm already deprived of vitamins not eating regular food, and not eating any mean, I need all the protein I can get.
>"But do you really have to be so blunt about it? Couldn't you just patch it up and let it grow back?"
I suppose so
>"C-can I patch up you-your lip?" yellow quiet said again
No stay away from me
>"I'll be real quick! I promise!"
I can do it myself
>Start whipping out the medical kit
>Vodka for bacteria
>Gauze for blood
>Tape to hold it down
Finished
>"O-oh ok. That's fine too" she mutters while giving a short lived smile.
So what did you want to ask me
>"We want to you to meet our princess" the rainbow one sputtered out.
I'm not going anywhere
>"But you don't have to go anywhere" a deep flowing and regal voice spoke out.
Oh god no
>There emerges the biggest damn horse/pony ever seen.
>It's still only about your height
>"We need to talk Anonymous"
H-h-here we go again!

16/x

>"So, you emerged from the woods one day, got mauled by a bear, got patched up, fled from those who helped you, stole from a Zebra, and shot at those who helped you, do I have this clear"
>Cocking the hammer of your revolver, and loosening the potassium cyanide capsule, you ready yourself to suicide if it comes to it
Yes that is clear
>"And you are called Anon, you are a human, an omnivore, do I have this correct?"
Yes...
>The revolver is fidgeting in your shaking hands
>"Now tell me, why did you flee from the cottage?"
They said they'd report me
>"And why did you rob Zecora?"
>That must've been the Zebra
I thought the cottage was abandoned
>"And finally, why did you shoot at those who helped you"
They charged at me and tried to disarm me
>"I see, and what do you have to say for yourself"
I have nothing to say, I ended up in your world by mistake and I want out.
>You raise your revolver, blood boiling in rage
My family was left behind, my dog, my friends, and then I come here and get chased by mutant fucking horses. I'm telling you, I want out, and I'll do it in any which way that'll work. Now I bid you, goodbye.
>You raise the revolver to your temple, angling it
>"STOP HIM!" Twilight screamed
>Bang
>All goes black
>Falling to the ground, ponies swarm to your corpse

17/x

>"Mgmsdmgs? Ismemegoimmgaligh"
>So faint the voices, so cold
>"Mrmgsgm! hemgwsghms!"
>I didn't hear anything much after that for a long time
>Where am I
>Why am I so cold
>Why can't I feel my body
>Coming back through
>Why is it so bright
>Can I open my eyes?
>Opening
>Opening
>It's a bright white room, chilly, pale and clammy.
>Is that, that's my gear in the corner!
>Am I all alone
>Nobody inside
>Score
Hngnggng
>I can't lift my arms
>What is this zipties
>Pushhhh
>PUSH!!
>PUSSHHH
>SNAP
Sweet
>Getting up off the bed
>Getting on my gear
>Grabbing my guns
>This is great
>Walking out the door, no guards in site
>Walking down the stairs, no guards still, what kind of a castle is this?
>Opening a door, OH SHIT A GUARD
>Grab his neck, put him in a lock
Shhh, stop struggling, you'll be unconcious soon
>He blacks out, hitting the ground with a thud
>Start sprinting into town
Oh shit this is not good.

18/x

>Ponies running away screaming left and right, some stay and watch in awe while others run away in panic
>Guards trying to keep the order while some sprint trying to stop you
Get the fuck out of my way soldier
>Your voice is booming, your eyes full of anger, anger and fear.
>Few guards jump at you, easily manipulating their body you flip them leading them face first into ground
What can none of you fight as men? Must you fight in packs? Cowards all of you
>It's you who is the true coward, you must make it to the forest, run from those who follow you
>Guards become more and more hesitant to fight, so much for soldiers, they have not experienced battle in this city for what, dozens of years?
>And of course, here comes a pack of guards with fierce looks
Let's see you fight after this
>Unholstering your revolver you fire at their feet, some topple over like fainting goats, while the others fly away, some run away and end up face-first into walls.
>Reholstering, you pull out your knife, preserving ammo should be a priority,
>Your light jog has turned into a full blown sprint, the pack on your back shakes and jiggles as you run, the contents shifting with every step
>Royal guards have stopped attacking, but uphead a road block, but these guards are of much darker color
>"Stop criminal"
It is you who is criminal my friend
>Running straight at them with the knife, they brace and buck, you just use this to your advantage and push off of one's back and fly over
>Unicorns keep on tugging and tugging, It's nothing more than a 5 year old's grip, their magic is useless so far.
>Keep running and running
>Little do you see is a giant shadow heading towards your direction.

19/x

>Gigantic black and blue pony thing lands in front of you
>Well It's still only around my height, but It's regal and its main is as the starts are, a magnificent sight, if one were to look to long they would be lost in its gaze forever.
>"STOP, you may not go any further"
>Several bat-eared dark ponies fly to the side blocking my path
I do not think you understand the situation
>You wave your rifle around
My point is made
>"So, shoot someone, be my guest, there's still 10 ponies here that will rush you from the front, and ten from the back."
I never came here to wish for harm, but you brought it upon yourselves
>Rushing into a small shop to the side of you, you grab a pony and hold it at gunpoint
I want clear passage back to the forest, no funny business
>Suddenly you are clubbed in the back of the head
>Blackout #3

20/x

>"MMfmgsgsdg! MGSADHGSHSH!"
>There are those damned muffled voices again
>"WHMGHSMHSHEMMMS!"
>Why am I still here
>Is this hell, was I trapped here when I died?
>Have I done bad? I followed my set of beliefs wherever they derive from
>Well here I go waking up again
>This time the light isn't as bright
>Oh well, I might as well get this over with
>Opening
>Opening
>And the light burns as I open my eyes
>"I hope you are happy"
>Who's voice is this
What do you want with me
>"Oh nothing, you're lucky you are alive after you caused 30 people to be trampled, and several guards injuries... Now what will I do with you?"
>All I know is she's angry as hell
Kill me? Is that what you want to do
>"Oh no no no, I want to do much worse things to you, but first you'll have to explain yourself."
Fine, I'll be tortured, I'll be murdered, I'm fine. As long as I get the hell out of your world.
>"Oh don't worry, you'll be out of here within this month"
>It's obviously Celestia, she must be asspained as hell, It's not like I asked for this, I hid in the woods, I didn't call her upon me.
Great, let's get started.
>"First I'll bring you up to the court, disturbing the peace, assault, 10 counts of battery, taking a hostage, attempted murder... Then we'll get rid of you"
Let's go then
>Unchained, and rechained between the legs, you awkwardly walk into the court room. Upon entering you are assaulted by all the voices inside.
>"MURDERER!" "CRIMINAL!" "TO THE DUNGEON" "Hang him on the fountain!"
>This is going to be a long trial.

21/x

>There she is, Luna, staring you in the face, as is the rest of those brightly colored horses, It feels bad to hate on the yellow one, seeing as she saved my ass more than one. Her look is much more of pity than of disgust.
>Everyone's eyes are focused on you
>I'm not beading sweat
>I'm not nervous
>They gave me an ultimatum I was to die.
>I never killed any of theirs
>I shot at their foot, or myself. I didn't shoot anyone even when I had the chance.
>I wasn't about to kill them for no reason
>They looked at you as if you were a monster
>Brainwashed by the media
>You can't help but to laugh at how similar these things are to yourself.
Hahaha.
>"What was that"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! You honestly, you honestly believe, I am some sort of monster.
>"Quiet down"
I never even hurt anyone, you brought it upon yourselves to attack me, I had a chance to shoot you, I can a chance to kill your Pretty little Princess, and I did not!
>"THAT'S ENOUGH" the guard smacks you in the stomach
>Barely hurts compared to all those brawls back on Earth
A-AND YOU THINK I AM THE ONE AT FAULT. I NEVER CAME HERE, I WAS HAPPY BACK ON MY PLANET! BWHAHAHAAHAHAA
>Around the room they seem to have gotten it, you never meant any harm, many had solemn faces but you could see that they are becoming uneasy
I could have killed your worthless guards, you think they can protect you? I had easily taken out a few, and the rest had been scared off by loud noises!
>"THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT" the guards shout as they beat you down
WORTHLESS! WORTHLESS!
>You finally are bound by a gag and brought to your chair
>This is too rich.

22/x

>The court goes silent.
>"We are here for the trial of Anonymous, 10 counts of battery, 30 counts of assault, disturbing the peace, kidnapping, and resisting arrest, all combined a life sentence of 500 years, and death. May I remind the jury that this is the first prosecution of an alien"
>Look over, no lawyer, how nice.
>"Bailiff, please remove the gag"
>The fat, spherical pony pulls the gag out of your mouth and returns to the stand.
>"How does the defendant plead?"
Not guilty you fat bitch
>"Excuse me?"
Nothing your honor
>"Very well, let us begin shall we?"
>"We have witness reports from guards and civilians alike of Anon fighting guards, he assaulted several, shot at others, and ended up finally kidnapping a poor girl to get away. Finally a shopowner clubbed him unconscious."
>"Anonymous how do you counter?"
Well for one, I am claiming police brutality and corruption, I was out for a run when several blocked my path. I was in fear of my life and defended myself accordingl-
>"The jury may now go and decide if the Anonymous is guilty. The vote must be unanimous. The jury is excused"
HEY I NEVER GOT MY CHA-
>The bailiff smacks you in the face
you fat asshole...
>"You better show some respect son"

23/x

>After sitting there completely emotionless for around 30 minutes, freaking everyone the hell out how you don't even care about being executed or not, finally the jury came back.
>"I assume the jury's verdict is guilty, Anonymous you are here by sentenced to death by hangi-"
>"Actually your honor, we reached the verdict that he was not guilty" said the pony in the shakiest damn voice ever heard.
>"You what..."
>"We found that we cannot legally prosecute someone who is not under our citizenship, or our species. Nor can we prosecute someone who was jumped by guards and unfairly attacked. He had a honest fear for his life we believe, and therefore was acting upon Equestrian law SE-03, 'Upon fearing for your life, you have a right to defend yourself against any physical harm in any which way you deem will stop the threat.' so we ruled not guilty.
>"Well it seems that, uhhh, anonymous. You are free to... Go? I suppose. Uh"
>The judge starts whispering to Luna, and then Celestia, who are obviously completely out of words for this entire account.
>Celestia rises and begins to speak.
>"Anonymous, you are hereby sentenced to life with parole, and further more, you are to never set foot in any pony settlement until we instruct you to do so, you are to never contact any pony or creature other than those in the everfree, and you are banished from the kingdom of Equestria until further notice"
>Half the court is in an uproar in cheers, while the other half is shaking their head in disgust.
>Unchained, brought out of the chamber, passing by the furious guards, some with pavement burns on their skin, fur scraped off in clumps. Others with broken limbs.
>This will be a long life.
At least I didn't get sentenced to death...
>"Boy, the everfree is death, no creature can survive there for more than one month, I promise you that."
>Scratch that, this will be a very painful and short life.

24/x

>Got the most mixed feelings from every damn group imaginable
>Old people: "When I was your age we never had any humans, and they didn't beat our guards up! Back in our days our guards fought giant tarantulas I tell you hwhat" Young people: "Dude you are so badass" Anarchists "Dude you gotta teach me your moves some time"
>Riding down on a carriage wasn't too comfortable, but at least you're getting away from that god-forsaken place.
>Finally getting dropped off in a clearing
>Gather sticks and leaves and start forming debris shelter
Finally an insulated place to sleep
>Getting out your sewing kit you sew up the gigantic three claw holes on the front of your clothing
Oh shit I didn't remove my bandages
>Taking off all the outer layer of clothing, and wife beater, finally slipping off the bandages hurt like a f*ck. It scabbed and healed with the bandages somewhat, so it ripped off causing excruciating pain.
>Luckily no ponies in site, life is looking up, still looking for a way back, no real luck, the radio's dead.
>They said no contact with ponies, but they never said Zebras.
>Maybe if I just find her I can apologi-
>"It is you, I knew something was askew."
>Just my chance.

25/x

Look, I didn't mean to break into your home, I thought it was aban-
>"Silence! You must pay your dues, your excuses are few, pay what you owe, or you must go!"
I don't want any troubles, how can I repay you
>"You must make a door, for I am quite poor."
If I make you a door, will you help me?
>"I suppose I must, but you must trust, that what help from me, will be for a fee."
Great, now onto the door.
>Unsheathing your axe, you begin chopping down trees
Lesse here one tree should make six planks, ponies are small, so half sized. Some 550 cord to secure it.
>Continue to slave for an hour making a door, working up quite the sweat.

26/x

>Eventually by cutting holes into the planks, weaving the 550 cord through the holes, sticking sap between the slits in the wood, you have a not to shabby door ready for Zecora.
>"Now what is it you seek, that makes you seem so meek?"
I was actually banished here by Celestia for now, and now I cannot talk to any ponies, but I can talk to other species. So I'm wondering if you could help me communicate with those elsewhere so I may receive supplies.
>"Well you must excuse, if I might refuse. The ruler of the sun, may be glum, to see me aid, when you are astrayed.
I expected as much, well cya later. I have to set up camp, and catch some lunch.
>"Farewell!"
>What a waste of time, at least I got that zebra off my back for now.

27/x

>Start setting up camp
>sharpened logs stacked and pointed as spear walls help as defense from charging animals
>Pitfalls catch lunch, and also intruders (Thank god for the Apache foot trap)
>The small debris shelter keeps you warm at night, and food cold during the day
>Lattice work keeps the big bugs away from the inside of the shelter
>As all the cliff bars have been exhausted, It's time to hunt
>Slowly creep through the forest, revolver cocked and ready, both chambers of the Over/under shotgun/rifle loaded, cocked on the 12 gauge.
>SNAP
I've got you now you sumabitch!
>Take careful aim at deer's heart
>Squeezing the trigger, the gun explodes into life, a homemade wax slug tumbles out of the barrel, piercing the flesh of the deer and entering the heart.
>It sprints for five seconds but collapses into the dirt
>Dragging it far from camp, slitting the throat, and gutting the corpse was the easy part. Hauling it back is the hard part.
>Slowly drag 50-80 pounds of meat through the hot jungle, keeping it next to the canteens to keep it cool, a light sprinkle of salt from a the spice packet keeps it dehydrated a bit better.
>Jesus f*ck this is hard
>Weave through snares, punji stick traps, apache foot traps, nearly fall through the lattice work of a pit you placed earlier
>Finally make it to camp, storing meat salted in a big plastic tub used to previously store some important goods, before you just dumped them into the backpack, shoving the tub into the debri hut.
>Now to make a fire.

28/x

>Slowly cut a groove into a split log
>Taking wood, sharpening it into the tip, you grind it through the groove in the wood, going faster and faster always returning to the same spot, and stopping at the same spot.
>Slowly the sawdust begins to pile up, the log heats up and the dust comes to life
>A steady stream of air on the fire keeps it alive, while feeding in light shrubbery and grass
>Minutes later the fire is full blown, rocks piled around it as it spews smoke out
>The venison cooks well while the other parts smoke above it on some lattice work made of 550 cord and branches.
>Finally a real meal, after days and days of cliff bars, or stale bread and water. Some wild spinach and cat-tail shoots accompany the meal, and wild raspberries add for the desert.
>Life isn't half bad. Finally taking time to relax, you kick off your boots and lay down in the debri hut.
>Dusk is approaching, and you fall asleep to the sound of the wind.

29/x

>As the fire roars down you finally get into a deep REM sleep.
>Dreams of your family, friends, the times riding the highway on your motorcycle, skydiving, paragliding, skiing, hiking, fishing.
>Potato Potato Potato Potato
>Ok It's obvious that I'm dreaming now
>Awaken, you stumble out of your shelter grasping your gun.
>Ok let's see if I can go to the bathroom in the woods without ending up knocked out and in a different world.
>Start taking a whizz
>Suddenly eyes pop out of the nearby tributary and starts adavancing toward you
>NOPE
>Load up both chambers, fire potshots in the direction, wax slug, then Soft point 7.62.
>The creature floats downriver in a stream of blood.
>Phew
>Spend the rest on the night building downward-angled spear walls toward the river
>Eventually form a wall around 3/4 of the 10' x 10' camp.
>Finally safe, you drift off to bed again.

30/x

>Awoken by the gruff voice calling down to your hut
>"A... Ano- Anonymous? This is the Royal Guard, we're here for your check up."
>Emerging from the hut into the sunshine burns, but It's probably for the better to get up this time
Yeah, what do you want to check up on
>"Have you or have you not contacted any other pony/ponies after your court sentencing?"
No I haven't
>"Would you be willing to allow Twilight Sparkle to come down and talk to you?"
>Oh boy here we go
Yeah, sure! As long as you don't arrest me for it I'm ok with that.
>A blatant lie, but It's probably for the best to make out your reputation for the better, after beating guards into pavement and what not. Blowing out your brains in front of the princess and her pupil... Yeah this is probably for the best.
>"Ok we'll send her down, but don't try any funny business"
Tell her to stay 10 meters from the spear wall, so I can lead her around the traps.
>"Will do, thanks for your compliance!"
>Well at least some ponies aren't complete nutbags.
>Soon the purple pony arrives, as expected, ten meters from the traps.
>Making your way to disarm every trap and trigger any pitfalls, you lead her through and into your camp.
So....
>"So..."
>*cough*

31/x

>"So about that... almost getting executed in front of everyone."
Yeah what about it
>"Nothing.. nothing... So can I study you?"
Study me? Why? Afraid an army of us humans are going to invade your world?
>"You can do tha- I mean no. As is customary with all species we like to keep records on how they look, act, feel, and work. All your organs, bo-"
You aren't cutting me open, if you want I can sketch a drawing of what's inside of me but I'm not going to let you cut me open
>"How about just a litt-"
No
>"But just a sli"
NO
>"Fine, here, draw yourself" she says handing you a quill and ink
Quill eh, these haven't been used by modern peoples since oh what, the 1800s? Let's see if I have good calligraphy.
>You sketch the basic design, liver, kidneys, pancreas, stomach, esophagus, intestines, teeth, tongue, endocrine system, brain sections, a few basic bones
Yeah this is about all there is
>"You sure I can't cut you op-"
NO
>"Ok ok, so onto my questions, what do humans normally eat in their meals, specifically, not just like last time"
Venison, rabbit, gopher, anything meat really, luckily for you most humans don't eat equines. Grains, flour, bread, cake,  similar to what I've seen here. One thing we don't eat is grass or really any native plants, most don't contain enough calories to use, but we will sometimes eat them in teas or if they are berries.
>"Interesting, so you are similar to monkeys?"
Don't call me a monkey
>"I wasn't calling you a mon-"
How about a call you a mutant horse, how does that make you feel
>"W-well... I gotta go, cya later Anon"
Bye Twilight

32/x

>As you reset the traps, can't stop wondering if at any moment if I'll be ambushed.
>The sky is wide open, and so is one side of the camp
>Idea #3
>By poking the sharp thorns of local plants into paracord, and linking it across the tree tops, any invaders would be entangled and cut up trying to silently sneak into camp through the air
>A line of obvious pitfalls coming down the uncovered wall, making some real and some just a thin ditch and lattace work, allows for easy escape but will keep ponies at bay.
>By laying down spikes facing outward in the tall grass, ponies will be walking and spear their hoof trying to get through
>Perfect protection from all sides, except down, but ponies can't dig too well I suppose.
>Day ???: Ponies tried to execute me, Jury found me not guilty. Somehow survived a bullet wound to the head, must be pony magic or some sh*t. On parole for a while, traps are set, feeling pretty confident right now.
>Spend the entire day lifting boulders for exercise and snacking on venison and berries.

33/x

>As you sleep, you hear a rustling sound and the yelps of a pony, that damned rainbow one that came up to you earlier.
>"SWEET CELESTIA HELP ME, ANON'S GOT ME HE'S GOT ME GOOD!"
>Sumabitch is framing you
>Pull out gyrojet pen flare, pop off a red flare into the air, signalling the guards
>Two minutes later of the rainbow pony tangling, the guards arrive
>"Thank you! Anon got me caught in here! He's trying to kill me!"
I sure as hell didn't, I was sleeping this entire time, and then I hear some crazed pony screaming her lungs out. The question rises, why the hell are you by my camp
>"I... Uhh... No reason, I was out for a fly and got tired and landed" she said lying through her teeth "Why do you have traps laid here huh!?!?"
So ponies like you don't rush down and start trying to kill me you f*ckin dyke
>The Rainbow pony starts getting redder than a hot coal at this comment
>"WHO YOU CALLING A DYKE YOU STUPID MONKEY!"
>"That's enough of that you two, Anon, go to bed, Rainbow Dash come with me" the guard says as he struggles to pull away 'Dash'
>Why'd she get all assmad when I called her a dyke
>End up falling asleep ten minutes later from pure exhaustion, adrenaline + a weak body from a day of exercise is never a good combo.

34/x

>Wake up, mouth tastes grimy, nomatter how hard you brush your teeth it still has that grimy coating and weird taste in the morning, even with the limited mouth wash was left in the pack.
>Oh shit, yesterday Dash got all cut up, she probably told Celestia or some sh*t
>"Anon, you awake yet" that bro-tier guard shouts down
Yeah one second
>Uncrusting your eyes, walking out burns the eyes, again, but at least you're safe.
So what's up
>"You remember what happened yesterday..."
Yeah
>"With dash ending up in your traps?"
Yeah...
>"Celestia wants to know what happened, Dash gave her that bull story, but I told her afterwards about how you were sleeping when she got snared. She wants your statement now"
Tell her my traps are more for their safety then it is my safety, and I don't lead people into my traps, had they happen to fall into them well, they'll get cut up a bit. Staying 10 feet away from all sides of the camp will ensure nobody gets hurt, which I told Twilight to stay at when she came in
>"Ok, thanks for telling the truth, take care of yourself"
You too
>F*ck Dash, she's trying to ruin your reputation even more, she had it in for you as soon as she saw you. And if she ends up hurt somewhere, they'll come after me first.
>Y'know, I'm going to improve my relations with them if they want to or not, I'll exchange gifts, peace offerings, kind words, maybe they'll leave me alone for one damned day.
>Beginning to whittle wood into crosses, doves, and different symbols and even the Star and Crescent, for Luna of course, will probably show her that humans are in touch with the stars as well
>After the entire afternoon of whittling, passing out by the fire is the only thing keeping hands off of the wood.
>Another restless night to come

35/x

>By now the entire life has become habit
>Wake up, get called upon by soldiers
>Answer stupid questions
>Work out, eat berries, or whittle
>Today was no different
>"Anon?"
Here
>"Got anything new to report?"
Can you take these to Celestia, Luna?
>"Depends what it is."
It's just some wooden carvings I made, thought it would be nice to give them away since I have no use for it.
"Dokay I'll take it then"
>Hand guard 6 carvings, some of mountains and sun positions, others of stars and moon positions.
>"Cya" he shouts as he's flying away
Bye
>Same repetitive thing every, damn, day.
Lesse if something comes up
>Fall asleep
>Even your dreams are repetitive, prior life, then random potatoes, and then Lucid dreaming
>Oh w/e, at least I'm not in a dungeon somewhere.

36/x

>"ANON WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?"
HUH WHAT
>Start scrambling out of bed and outside
>"The princess, wants you to come to canterlot and have a, 'talk' WHAT DID YOU DO"
I don't know man! When do I go?
>"She's sending down a carriage now."
Shit, well I guess I won't be seeing you around anymore. I'll cya later
>"Take care man, and DON'T PISS HER OFF"
>The carriage swoops down from the sky, two bat guards holler to climb in, as you do it takes off with tremendous speed, nearly was thrown off.
Well I'm fucked

37/x


37/x

>As the chariot/carriage takes off, swarms of royal guards trail in formation
Wow you guys must really hate me
>"Not so much hate, but you really clubbed the heck out of our guards, we gotta take precautions or Celestia will flip out."
>Sudden realization that many ponies are actually somewhat, and actually have some level of respect left for you.
>The chariot begins to slow as it reaches closer to the damned fancy city
>As the chariot docks, and you exit, several ponies form a barrier blocking you from running away.
>Being lead up endless white steps, only to dirty them with mud only makes you feel even more different.
>Still all alone, no friends, no family.
>As the final step is reached, the massive double doors engraved with pictures of ponies open, walking in is like walking into a black panther meeting in a white hood.
>Everyone but two ponies were looking at you funny, Yellow quiet and the big blue pony sitting beside Celestia.
Here it goes again... Let's get this over with.
>"I suppose you are wondering why I have brought you here"
No clue
>"Well it was not me, it was my sister, Luna. Luna, will you please?" said Celestia with a sinister voice
>"Where did you learn about the constellations" Luna spouted out
Uh... Come again?
>"Or the stars, the sun, the moon, where did you learn about it?"
Every human back home is taught about the stars, as the stars used to lead them home.
>Luna looks like she's found a pink diamond.
>"So you're telling me all the humans learned and appreciated what the stars meant, and lived by them?!"
Yeah
>Celestia looks like her blood is boiling, it looks like she's bright pink since she's so mad.
>"AND WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANON LUNA?" shouted Celestia in anger
>"How many humans are there on your planet Anon?" eagerly shouted Luna, like a five year old.
7 billion
>Suddenly Celestia looks very solemn, scared looking, while Luna is as giddy as a school girl
>"That has to be a mistake Anon, there's no way there's seven bi-" Celestia sputters out
You underestimate humans, by the age of 20 we can and many will have 8 children.
>It's obvious she had just had comitted. a huge mistake

38/x


>"H-how protective is your species Anon?" she managed to sputter out
Well there's numerous accounts where people's kids were mauled by bears, and they took it upon themselves to slaughter the bear with nothing but a knife of a tree branch. An eye for an eye, you kill my family, I kill your family. Except the government will do allot of the punishment for us.
>She's scared, you can smell it. If one human got through, imagine what happens when an entire army gets through.
>"A-and h-h-how large is the government army?"
Combined? Well over ten million. With bigger, deadlier, larger weapons.
>Luna is completely oblivious and just interested in how many humans there are.
>"Wck, Well Anon-" she manages to cough out. "If humans come into Equestria will you stop them?
I don't think I even could.
>By now you notice Yellow quiet is shaking, Twilight is having a minor panic attack and twitching, and the rest are staring mouth agape.
>Celestia, supreme ruler over all the land, is now shaking alongside yellow quiet.

39/x

Alternate Ending 1

>Idea #4
>Pick up radio
Yeah this is Alpha 9, I'm going to need to call in for backup
>The ponies are all visibly shaking and yellowquiet and Celestia are crying
>Suddenly the radio buzzes alive
>"Is this Anonymous"
Uhh, yeah.
>"When we searched we found your camp site, but down the hill was a bright light, when we looked inside we saw nothing but forest. It seems to be staying open, where are you?"
Listen man, there's a race of sentient goddamn horses in here, I need you to send the army in, quick
>"Already on it, SEND EM IN BOYS"
>By now the entire room is filled with ponies panicking and crying, Celestia's face is in her hooves, Luna is even panicking a little bit.
>Suddenly, you hear helicopters in the distance
This is Anon, send the helicopter to the big city with the waterfall will ya?
>As the helicopters get louder, and eventually end up right on top, seals start pouring into the room pointing their rifles at everything
>"NOBODY FUCKING MOVE OR WE'LL SHOOT"
>By the 3rd day 500,000 troops are stationed all over Equestria
>The government is abolished, Celestia is imprisoned, the Mane 6 are imprisoned, and Equestria's resources are exploited day by day by Russia, United States, and China

Alternate End 1

Alternate #2

>"Listen, A-anon. If we can send you back to where you came, will you promise never to return with the army?"
I sure as hell promise
>Soon you are brought down to a lab with hundreds of unicorns
>"Hold still"
>As all of them use their magic at once, it overcomes the lack of strength of regular magic, and finally with both sister's rays, Anon is teleported back to his own world.
Hey is this, THIS IS EARTH! FREEDOM!
>Live happily on Earth for the rest of time

Alternate Ending #2

Alternate #3

>"If we promise you a peaceful life, down in Ponyville. Will you promise not to sick the army onto us?"
I accept, but I wish to reside in the everfree and not in the town.
>"Your wish is our command"
>Live out the rest of my days with Zecora, Fluttershy. Even though every female is deafly scared of you, the males look up to you with respect
>You do wonder what happened in your old life, but It's too late to look back now.
>Die with a group of friends at the age of 82

Alternate Ending #3

Alternate Ending #4

>Suddenly, a temporal rift opens
>Ponies are sucked in screaming and being ripped apart
>Run out the door
>The entire city of canterlot is gone
>Keep on fucking running

5 years later

>Humans have invaded Equestria and exploited the natural resources
>Old people are made into fuel for tanks
>Children work on assembly lines producing tanks

Alternate Ending #4

Real ending

>As you sit there, ponies panicking, you just sit and wonder. What happened of your life back home.
I promise not to call the army upon you, on one condition.
>"What!?" everyone in the room shouted in unison
If you can take me to the portal that leads back to my world, I will never return, neither shall I send anyone inside. You have my word.
>"Deal"
>As began the monthlong trip searching for the portal.
>Along the way you befriended Fluttershy, she helped you, she didn't completely hate you, but Rainbow Dash, nada. No help from her. She didn't even come along on the trip.
>As you neared the end of your trip, and found the field and the portal, you turned to face those who you will always miss.
>Saddle Smack, an oddly named guard pony who was always nice to you.
>Fluttershy, the healer of my wounds, a soft kiss and I let her go.
>Luna, she was the one that got me in this position to be free, a hug let us part.
>As I stepped in the portal, I whispered goodbye, and teleported back to the real world.
>Goodbye forever, ponies.

40/40 END