candy on strike

[The episode opens at The Elysium. Alois is in his office with an adding machine, singing]
Alois: ♪Counting me money, money sweeter than honey, money, money, this, money, money, that, profits will make me wallet fat!♪
[His eyes bug out at the ticker tape and he gasps]
Alois: What?! Profits down three dollars from last month! I got to start running a tighter ship around here!
[Meanwhile, Candy is helping Kit in her ordering boat at the dining area of the Elysium]
Candy: Thank you for choosing the Elysium. Here's your change.
[Gives Kit a dollar, and she walks off. Alois approaches her]
Alois: Mr. Candy!
Candy: What?
Alois: What's with all this "change" nonsense?
[Zerah walks over, knotting his tie]
Zerah: Over and under, grab the end, put it through here, up and around, round the horn, bring it back home.
Alois: Hmm? Zerah! I ain't paying you to play dress up! [Candy becomes exasperated, and sighs deeply] Breathe on your own time. I don't pay you to breathe.
Candy: You hardly pay us at all!
Alois: Oh, that reminds me. I got something for you.
[He hands his employees envelopes]
Candy: Ah, yes! Our meager restitution. [She takes the envelope and smells it] Ah, the sweet smell of payday. [She opens it and enclosed is a pair of underwear] Huh?
Alois: Oh, sorry, that's me dry cleaning. [Trades envelopes with she] Here's your check.
[He gives Zerah an envelope as well]
Alois: And here's yours, Zerah.
Zerah: I can't accept your money, Alois. Grilling is my passion!
[Alois greedily snatches it back]
Candy: What is this!?! [She sees that there is a bill instead of a check. It charges Candy for breathing, talking, standing, existing, lollygagging, and chewing] You're making me pay you to stand at the cash register? What is the meaning of this? Have you gone off the deep end?
Alois: There's going to be a few changes around here. Every time I catch you two goofing off, I'm gonna charge you for it.
[Zerah walks up to Alois, preparing money for him]
Zerah: 18... 19... and... 20. Here you go, Mr. L. I think this should cover all my nonsense. Oh, and here's an extra fifty cents for when I was tying my shoe. [Alois is drooling over Zerah's cash, and Candy pulls Zerah towards him]
Candy: Uh, Zerah? What do you think you're doing?
Zerah: I'm just giving Alois the money I owe him.
Candy: Well, I'm not paying that cheapskate Alois one cent, and I suggest you do the same.
Zerah: Why?
Candy: We've got to unite as workers and demand the respect we deserve from the boss! In fact, you and I should go on strike!
Zerah: Wow! You and me go on strike?
Candy: Sure! After all, you like your job, right?
Zerah: Right!
Candy: And you want to keep working here, right?
Zerah: Right!
Candy: And while you work here, you expect to be treated fairly, right?
Zerah: Right!
Candy: Then let's go on strike!
Zerah: Yay! A strike! [He starts to sing excitedly] ♪Goin' on a strike! Goin' on a strike!♪ I still don't know what a strike means. ♪But we're goin' on a strike!♪[He inadvertently kicks Alois in the butt as Alois sweeps the floor] Hey, guess what, Alois? Me and Candy are going to go on strike!
Alois: A strike?
Zerah: Yeah.
Alois: You mean you're going to make picket signs?
Zerah: Yeah.
Alois: And you're going to make protest speeches?
Zerah: Yeah, yeah!
Alois: And you're going to demand me respect?
Zerah: Yeah! [Cut to Zerah sobbing outside of the Elysium] Noo... [Candy is with him] No! Candy! You didn't tell me I was gonna get fired! Without the Elysium, I-I-I... [He cries more] Oh, Candy, could you hold me? I think I'm gonna be sick.
Candy: Zerah! [She grabs Zerah and pulls him off the door, but his arms and legs stick] News flash, Zerah! I got fired, too! [Zerah is suctioned to the door. Candy pulls him off again, and this time his face remains pressed against the door] This is exactly why we need to go on strike. [Zerah flies back to the door. Candy pulls him off once more, and this time Zerah's front sticks to the door, and we can see his skeleton and internal organs on his other side] He can't treat us like this anymore! [Zerah goes back to the door and Candy's eyes become bloodshot] He owes us for all the precious, irretrievable moments we've wasted in this trash heap. [Zerah and Candy look through the door to see Alois blowing dust off his old "Help Wanted" sign] Soon, he'll realize he needs us more than we need him. We are workers united! [Zerah holds Candy's hand] Ahem.
[Zerah withdraws his hand]
Zerah: Sorry.
Candy: Just do exactly as I say, Zerah, and in no time you'll have your job back and more.
Zerah: And more?
[He imagines himself in his Krusty Krew uniform hat, except his hat is slightly bigger]
Candy: Alright Zerah, now listen up. I'm going to have to teach you how to strike. First, we must get rid of our uniforms, [She takes off her hat] they are a symbol of our oppression. I want you to throw your hat on the ground like so. [Candy throws it into the ground and stomps on it] Now, stomp it into the dust! Your turn, Zerah.
[Zerah hesitantly takes his hat off]
Candy: That's the idea. Now, throw it on the ground.
[Zerah attempts to do so, but the hat sticks to his hand despite the fact he no longer has any grip on it]
Zerah: [screams in frustration] I can't do it, Candy. This hat is my friend! It never oppressed me.
Candy: Zerah, you're pathetic. Look, I threw my hat to the ground.
[A police fish walks up to Candy with a ticket in a scene similar to the one in "Bossy Boots"]
Officer Adri: Aha! A confession! Next time, think before you litter.
[She sticks the ticket to Candy's forehead and leaves. Later, Candy and Zerah are painting signs]
Candy: Okay, pay attention, Zerah. Now we're going to make picket signs. This is a very important part of striking.
[Zerah holds up a picket fence on a stick]
Zerah: Like this, Candy?
Candy: Not a picket fence, you ding-dong. Picket sign!
[Zerah holds up a sign that has a finger picking a nose]
Zerah: How's this?
Candy: ...No. [Picks up hers] This is a picket sign: Elysium Unfair. Short, sweet, and to the point. [Zerah holds up his similar one that reads "Elysium Funfair"]
Zerah: How's this, Candy?
Candy: Zerah, it's "unfair," not "funfair"!
[A person walks by]
Lucine: A funfair? Where? I could go for some fun.
Zerah: At the Elysium.
Lucine: Hey everybody! Let's go to the fun fair! [A crowd of fish trample Candy to get the restaurant. Later, Zerah is holding a sign that says "No Fair!" on it]
Zerah: Elysium is unfair! Alois is in there! Standing at the concession! Plotting his oppression!
[A teenager fish with a cap and braces walks up]
Luka: What the heck does that mean?
Zerah: I don't know. Candy told me to yell it at people.
Luka: Then you must be Zerah SquarePants!
Zerah: Yep!
Luka: Dude, you are like a fry cook legend! Will you sign my spatula?
[He pulls out a pen]
Zerah: Anything for an aspiring fry cook. [Zerah signs the spatula] So, did you come down to help out the cause?
Luka: No, I came to take your job.
[Zerah is shocked. Luka grabs his spatula and pen and runs into the Elysium to apply for a job]
Luka: Hey, thanks, dude!
[Candy walks up and bellows at Zerah through the megaphone so loudly that his facial features fall off, and he flies away.]
Candy: Attention, Zerah! You are a terrible striker! [Zerah inserts his eyes into their sockets] You just let your replacement cross our picket line without so much as a single threat.
Zerah: I'm sorry, Candy. [He holds up a sign reading, "I Heart the Elysium"] How about I try the signs again?
Candy: [into megaphone] Forget the signs! I've got something for you to do. Go stand over there.
[Zerah stands next to a telephone pole]
Zerah: Like this, Candy?
Candy: Almost. A little more to the right. And... perfect. [We see that Zerah is now hidden behind the telephone pole. As Candy begins to speaks, a crowd gathers] Attention, people of Seattle! You have been cheated and lied to!
Astra: I knew it!
[She slaps Alex]
Candy: The gentle laborer shall no longer suffer from the noxious greed of Alois!
[The crowd cheers]
Takeshi: Hey, what's that guy talking about?
Cherry: I don't know, but he's got a megaphone.
Candy: We will dismantle oppression board by board! We'll saw the foundation of big business in half, even if it takes an eternity!
[The crowd cheers]
Zerah: [From behind pole] Gee, I don't know what Candy's talking about, but he sure sounds convincing.
Candy: With your support, we will send the hammer of the people's will crashing through the windows of Alois' house of servitude!
[She speaks into Reva's face, and her eyes shoot into the back of her head. Then, they return to their sockets. Everyone cheers]
Nyx: Wow, all this supporting is making me hungry.
Lucine: Hey, everybody! Let's go get a Krabby Patty.
[Everyone cheers and run into the Elysium, once again trampling Candy]
Candy: Nobody gives a care about the fate of labor as long as they can get their instant gratification.
[Zerah walks up to him]
Zerah: That was a great speech, Candy. You practically had them eating out of your hands.
Alois: But they didn't, did they, Ms. Candy? 'Cause they were too busy eating out of mine. I wish you two had gone on strike earlier. Thanks for attracting all these paying customers with all your signage and your sloganeering!
Zerah: Alright, Alois. You've gone too far this time. You can pick on me, but Candy is a great leader. We are workers united! We're tired of your smelly greed! And we're gonna saw all your tables, and we're gonna smash stuff with the people's hammer. And we're gonna... we're gonna... Candy, what was that other part?
Candy: Dismantle your oppressive establishment?
Zerah: Yeah, that too!
[Alois pretends to yawn and leaves]
Zerah: And me and Candy are gonna stay on strike until we get what we deserve! Even if it takes forever!
[Candy's eyes become bloodshot. Zerah's voice echoes "forever" in Candy's mind as she opens the door to her house, takes a bath, looks in the mirror, and sits in bed, wide-eyed. She seems to have a case of insomnia as the word haunts her]
Candy: On strike with Zerah... forever? [She imagines herself as an old woman with a white beard holding a sign reading, "Krusty Still Unfair." Cobwebs branch from her to the ground. An old Zerah approaches her, supported by a cane]
Zerah: Hey, Candy. I bet old man Alois is going to break any day. [tugs Candy's beard] Eh, Candy? Eh, Candy? [bonks Candy on the head with his cane] Eh, Candy? Eh, Candy? [floats around Candy] Eh, Candy? Eh, Candy?
[Candy sits up in bed and screams]
Candy: I gotta beg Alois for my job back and put an end to this nightmare!
[She runs to the door and opens it, and Alois is there in his nightclothes, about to knock on it]
Alois: Oh! Uh, evening, Mr. Candy. Uh... I was just in the neighborhood and I, uh... thought I'd drop by to... beg you to come back to work! The Elysium is a wreck! I'm ruined without you and the little yellow guy. [He grovels at Candy's feet] The teenagers I hired is ruining the place! And the worst part is, they won't leave me alone! [The teenagers appear right outside the door]
Teenagers: Alright, Alois! [They give him the thumbs up]
Alois: See what I mean? Candy, please, you got to come back.
Candy: You'll give us anything we want?
Alois: Yes, anything. So what do you say, Mr. Candy?
Candy: Your story breaks my heart, Alois. Why don't we take a little walk and, uh... discuss my terms.
Alois: I got a bad feeling in the pit of me wallet.
[Meanwhile, at Zerah's pineapple house, where he sits on his bed listening to a country record] ♪Hey, Mean Mr. Bossman, I'm a-quittin' this here job You've been outside gettin' tan And I've been gettin' robbed My life is worth so much more Than a dollar 'n' ten an hour Wakin' up by the quareter to four And I'm startin' ta turn sour So, Hey, Mean Mr, Bossman, I'm a-quittin' this here job I'm sick of eatin' old bran And living like a slob. You've got me living like a slob!♪
Zerah: Gee, being on strike with Candy sure is a kick. Candy's words are still buzzing around in my head like an angry jellyfish. Candy was right! I can't just sit here, it's time for action! [He kicks open his front door, hammer and saw in hand. He runs to the Elysium and into the dining room] I will restore the working man to his rightful glory. I will dismantle this oppressive establishment board by board! [He pulls up a loose floorboard. He then saws a table in half] I will saw the tables of tyranny in half. Gnaw at the ankles of big business! [He takes a bite out of a wooden column. Mouth full] Candy will be so proud!
[Cut to Candy and Alois, now fully dressed, walking to the Krab at dawn]
Alois: Well, Candy, those were intense negotiations.
Candy: I'm glad you saw it our way, Alois.
Alois: Now I can fire them teenagers and get me two golden boys back. Well, see you at work!
[Candy sees a disassembled Elysium and screams. Alois seems not to notice and hums as he puts his key where the door used to be, unlocking nothing. Zerah peeks out from the mangled sign pole. He runs out, trying to hold in his laughter]
Candy: S-Sp-Zerah! W-W-What have you done?
Zerah: I did exactly as you said, Candy. I dismantled the establishment! Now we'll get our jobs back for sure.
[Alois walks through the rubble of the Elysium, oblivious, and sits in his chair. Only then does he see the debris. Only the floor and base of the walls remain, so when he looks straight ahead from his chair, he can see Candy and Zerah at the dilapidated door frame. Alois' arms pop off followed by his eyes. His head slides off his torso and onto the floor where his nose falls out of it. Then his pelvis and legs fall out of his chair]
Alois: Candy! Zerah!
[Zerah is excited, but Candy is nervous]
Both: Yes, Alois?
Zerah: Here it comes!
Alois: In order to pay off these damages, you two are going to work for me forever!
Zerah: Ya-hoo! The strike worked, Candy! We got our jobs back! Forever!
["Forever" once again echoes inside Candy's mind, and the camera zooms in on her bloodshot eyes]
Anya: One eternity later...
[The Elysium is shown to have full of dust, but without any customers. Cobwebs are everywhere. A skeleton Candy brushes off the floor, and a skeleton Zerah waits in the ordering boat]