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Jidithrambus

parental/paternal abuse chatlog

Jidithrambus
Sep 5th, 2014
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  1. [3:46:53 PM] Jidithrambus: hey
  2. [3:46:59 PM] Jidithrambus: do you know how to get out of a house?
  3. [3:47:46 PM] Friend: ahh
  4. [3:47:52 PM] Friend: a..are you locked in??
  5. [3:48:01 PM] Jidithrambus: do you want the long or the short of it?
  6. [3:48:01 PM] Friend: are tehre any windows?
  7. [3:48:09 PM] Friend: short first if possible long
  8. [3:48:19 PM] Jidithrambus: i can't live here anymore
  9. [3:48:32 PM] Jidithrambus: dad is going to continually force his projects on me, and i don't have a lot of people to turn to
  10. [3:49:10 PM] Jidithrambus: he told me as much today
  11. [3:49:19 PM] Jidithrambus: let me tell you some of the things he said
  12. [3:49:28 PM] Friend: ; _ ;
  13. [3:49:32 PM] Jidithrambus: "you had a choice and you CHOSE to do this project FOR YOURSELF"
  14. [3:49:50 PM] Jidithrambus: 1 month ago: "THIS IS THE LAST CHANCE YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING"
  15. [3:50:17 PM] Jidithrambus: and then not 20 minutes later he tells me that i shouldn't bother trying to get a job or do anything that he doesn't approve for me to do
  16. [3:50:20 PM] Jidithrambus: he said it like this:
  17. [3:50:30 PM] Jidithrambus: "it's USELESS to do these other things you keep going off and doing"
  18. [3:50:49 PM] Jidithrambus: "you want to get a restaurant job? that's USELESS. those jobs will never pay you anything you can live off of"
  19. [3:50:55 PM] Jidithrambus: "you want all this comfort that i give you don't you"
  20. [3:50:59 PM] Jidithrambus: "all these physical comforts?"
  21. [3:51:10 PM] Jidithrambus: "you know, you can go out there to those restaurants and they'll be polite to you"
  22. [3:52:05 PM] Jidithrambus: "they'll treat you just the way you want to but if you do the way you're doing now" (not doing the projects he sets out for me) "they're just going to fire you without a word"
  23. [3:52:09 PM] Jidithrambus: "they won't try to help you"
  24. [3:52:33 PM] Jidithrambus: because you see, everything that isn't his course of action is worthless, its worth has to be proven to him
  25. [3:52:54 PM] Jidithrambus: and the best part is that everyone who doesn't work and live like he does is a pansy who will sneakily betray you in your moment of need
  26. [3:53:02 PM] Jidithrambus: then comes the best part... are you ready?
  27. [3:53:14 PM] Friend: ; _ ;
  28. [3:53:16 PM] Jidithrambus: good
  29. [3:53:17 PM] Friend: hes a fucking prick
  30. [3:53:26 PM] Jidithrambus: "you can do those jobs and you can get treated the way YOU want to be"
  31. [3:53:36 PM] Jidithrambus: "but you know, i'm GIVING YOU ALL THIS"
  32. [3:53:37 PM] Friend: you can get a restaurant job and use that salary to move up!
  33. [3:53:52 PM] Jidithrambus: "that you could HELP YOURSELF with because these things are going to TEACH YOU SO MUCH"
  34. [3:53:59 PM] Jidithrambus: "and you know what?"
  35. [3:54:23 PM] Jidithrambus: "you can get out of here and have your human dignity and-and all that" (he always stutters on ands when he's angry)
  36. [3:54:35 PM] Jidithrambus: "but IF I WERE YOU"
  37. [3:54:47 PM] Jidithrambus: "i would be happy to be scolded and told what i'm doing wrong"
  38. [3:54:59 PM] Jidithrambus: "and to be called stupid because YOU ARE BEING STUPID"
  39. [3:55:15 PM] Jidithrambus: oh, and if you're wondering why i don't suggest something to him
  40. [3:55:18 PM] Jidithrambus: like a lot of people i meet do
  41. [3:55:24 PM] Jidithrambus: I HAVE TO PROVE EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO TO HIM.
  42. [3:55:32 PM] Jidithrambus: I HAVE TO SHOW HIM EVERYTHING I'M DOING ALL THE TIME, 24/7.
  43. [3:55:39 PM] Jidithrambus: AND IN ORDER TO PROVE TO HIM WHAT I WANT TO DO,
  44. [3:55:44 PM] Jidithrambus: I HAVE TO LET HIM MAKE IT INTO ONE OF HIS PROJECTS.
  45. [3:55:50 PM] Jidithrambus: HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO TELL ME WHAT HE WANTS ME TO DO,
  46. [3:55:53 PM] Jidithrambus: AND I HAVE TO DO IT,
  47. [3:55:59 PM] Jidithrambus: IN ORDER TO "PROVE" THAT I'M SERIOUS ABOUT IT.
  48. [3:56:20 PM] Jidithrambus: IN ORDER TO PROVE THAT I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THE THINGS I WANT TO DO.
  49. [3:56:27 PM] Friend: he acts like a dictator that wants to control other people
  50. [3:56:30 PM] Jidithrambus: that's why i can't tell him about my painting.
  51. [3:56:37 PM] Jidithrambus: that's why i can't tell him about anything i want to do.
  52. [3:56:45 PM] Jidithrambus: the only thing i can remotely talk about is game development
  53. [3:56:54 PM] Jidithrambus: because it's the only thing i don't have to PROVE to him is a good thing
  54. [3:56:56 PM] Jidithrambus: but he still ruins it
  55. [3:56:59 PM] Jidithrambus: by making it HIS projects
  56. [3:57:04 PM] Jidithrambus: that I have to do for HIM
  57. [3:57:14 PM] Jidithrambus: and if i want to do anything else within that framework, well, here's what he told me
  58. [3:57:31 PM] Jidithrambus: "if you want to do something on your own, GET THAT OUT OF YOUR HEAD."
  59. [3:57:48 PM] Jidithrambus: "you don't have TIME. you can do that AFTER YOU FINISH WHAT I SET OUT FOR YOU. After you have PROVEN TO ME THAT YOU CAN DO IT."
  60. [3:58:02 PM] Jidithrambus: "because if you don't want to follow through. if you don't want to prove to me that you can do this"
  61. [3:58:06 PM] Jidithrambus: "then you are going OUT."
  62. [3:58:37 PM] Friend: he will be a lonely idiot
  63. [3:58:47 PM] Friend: and he will regrett what hes saying today
  64. [3:58:50 PM] Jidithrambus: "if you really want to show me that you don't want any of my help" (because he always wants you to know that if you don't want his arguing and bitching and his forcing you to do shit, then you are REFUSING ALL HIS HELP)
  65. [3:58:58 PM] Jidithrambus: "then i won't give you ANY MORE."
  66. [3:59:14 PM] Jidithrambus: "you living here is a PRIVILEGE."
  67. [3:59:24 PM] Jidithrambus: "you don't have a goddamn human right to any of this" yes, he said that
  68. [3:59:34 PM] Jidithrambus: i'm not fucking kidding
  69. [3:59:37 PM] Jidithrambus: about any
  70. [3:59:38 PM] Jidithrambus: of this
  71. [3:59:42 PM] Jidithrambus: just so you can be sure
  72. [3:59:50 PM] Friend: he dont have a godamn human right to his high elitist post of douchebags
  73. [3:59:56 PM] Jidithrambus: yes
  74. [4:00:08 PM] Friend: ..i hope he gets fired and gets to taste how it is to be poor
  75. [4:00:14 PM] Jidithrambus: the best BEST part is
  76. [4:00:18 PM] Jidithrambus: that he keeps telling me
  77. [4:00:23 PM] Jidithrambus: "we can't afford to keep supporting you"
  78. [4:00:30 PM] Jidithrambus: "we can't afford to do this for you"
  79. [4:00:37 PM] Jidithrambus: oh yes, fuckface
  80. [4:00:56 PM] Jidithrambus: i'm sure your 100,000 dollars a year salary (i looked at his paycheck) is having a real tough time feeding me off the food you already buy
  81. [4:01:03 PM] Jidithrambus: getting a computer once every seven years
  82. [4:01:29 PM] Jidithrambus: paying (now) $1000 to go to school a year
  83. [4:01:36 PM] Jidithrambus: you know how big our house is?
  84. [4:01:40 PM] Jidithrambus: you know how much it cost?
  85. [4:01:42 PM] Jidithrambus: $500,000
  86. [4:01:45 PM] Friend: !?
  87. [4:01:48 PM] Friend: thats alot
  88. [4:01:52 PM] Jidithrambus: he could pay $500,000 for a house
  89. [4:01:55 PM] Friend: wtf..
  90. [4:02:03 PM] Friend: if anything, hes a spoiled fucktard
  91. [4:02:05 PM] Jidithrambus: and we go to restaurants that cost $50-100 per meal for all of us
  92. [4:02:07 PM] Friend: what is he even working with??
  93. [4:02:12 PM] Jidithrambus: every weekend
  94. [4:02:17 PM] Jidithrambus: lunch and dinner
  95. [4:02:22 PM] Jidithrambus: for two or three days
  96. [4:02:25 PM] Jidithrambus: EVERY WEEKEND.
  97. [4:02:35 PM] Jidithrambus: do you know that we have two widescreen TVs
  98. [4:02:38 PM] Friend: i fuckin despise people like this
  99. [4:02:48 PM] Jidithrambus: seven computers
  100. [4:02:54 PM] Friend: its those consumerists that throw shit as they get bored on it
  101. [4:02:57 PM] Friend: completely disrespectful
  102. [4:03:04 PM] Jidithrambus: and we even have a spare bedroom with a completely extra bed in it
  103. [4:03:12 PM] Jidithrambus: that mom sleeps in sometimes (no hate to her since it's because of dad)
  104. [4:03:33 PM] Jidithrambus: we got the ENTIRE FUCKING KITCHEN AND FAMILY ROOM RIPPED OUT AND REPLACED.
  105. [4:03:35 PM] Friend: i understand her.. i wouldnt want to sleep beside such an ignorant prick
  106. [4:03:43 PM] Jidithrambus: THIS FUCKING HOUSE IS NOT WHAT FATHERLY NEED LOOKS LIKE
  107. [4:03:58 PM] Jidithrambus: and the best best BEST part is that when mom buys him stuff to cook
  108. [4:04:01 PM] Jidithrambus: he lets it rot
  109. [4:04:09 PM] Jidithrambus: except the meats and veggies he can easily think to fry
  110. [4:04:22 PM] Jidithrambus: and then at the end of the week he blames her for not using the veggies she bought that he used to demand
  111. [4:04:25 PM] Friend: so damn wasteful >.<
  112. [4:04:38 PM] Jidithrambus: he blames her for even BUYING THEM
  113. [4:04:47 PM] Jidithrambus: as though it is all HER FAULT
  114. [4:04:59 PM] Jidithrambus: and by the same token he blames me for not doing HIS PROJECTS
  115. [4:05:01 PM] Friend: if he gave the order, then hes guilty
  116. [4:05:11 PM] Jidithrambus: because "you have such a cushy life that you can do all of these so why don't you?"
  117. [4:05:13 PM] Jidithrambus: because you see
  118. [4:05:15 PM] Friend: he deserves to be alone
  119. [4:05:16 PM] Jidithrambus: my feelings don't count for anything
  120. [4:05:20 PM] Friend: i understand you now
  121. [4:05:24 PM] Jidithrambus: the anxiety he presses on me
  122. [4:05:31 PM] Jidithrambus: all this pressure that i have to keep fucking tiptoeing around him
  123. [4:05:34 PM] Jidithrambus: to get a break when he doesn't want me to
  124. [4:05:42 PM] Jidithrambus: because he wants me to ALWAYS IDEALLY YOU WILL BE WORKING
  125. [4:05:52 PM] Jidithrambus: IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT I FEEL ANY OF THAT
  126. [4:05:57 PM] Jidithrambus: BECAUSE IT'S NOT HIS FAULT
  127. [4:06:02 PM] Jidithrambus: IT'S MINE FOR NOT "ACCEPTING MY REALITY"
  128. [4:06:11 PM] Jidithrambus: IT'S MINE FOR NOT "RESPONDING TO HIS NEED"
  129. [4:06:25 PM] Jidithrambus: IT'S MINE FOR NOT "SHOWING HIM RESPECT FOR ALL THE THINGS HE GIVES ME"
  130. [4:06:33 PM] Jidithrambus: you know, all of his POCKET CHANGE
  131. [4:06:37 PM] Friend: no, its not your fault in any of this
  132. [4:06:41 PM] Jidithrambus: all of his CONVENIENCE MONEY
  133. [4:06:47 PM] Jidithrambus: and the only time we go to restaurants
  134. [4:06:49 PM] Friend: its his fault.. thinking money is power to rule over other beings
  135. [4:06:52 PM] Jidithrambus: IS WHEN HE WANTS TO GO TO RESTAURANTS
  136. [4:06:56 PM] Jidithrambus: but he holds that over OUR HEADS
  137. [4:07:08 PM] Friend: he should be stripped of his power abuse and left to realise "REALITY" as it truly is
  138. [4:07:09 PM] Jidithrambus: because any time we want to go anywhere it's our fault for being GREEDY
  139. [4:07:14 PM] Friend: for the thousands of starving people in the world
  140. [4:07:20 PM] Friend: thousands of millions..of dying people
  141. [4:07:23 PM] Jidithrambus: but anytime he wants to go anywhere it's OUR FAULT FOR ACCEPTING WHEN HE WOULD BITCH AT US IF WE DON'T GO
  142. [4:07:37 PM] Jidithrambus: because "WE'RE NOT RESPECTING HIM FOR ALL THE THINGS HE DOES TO US AND WHY WOULD YOU EVER REFUSE?"
  143. [4:07:41 PM] Friend: all that sufffering..and hes ..playing power-game with people he should show love to
  144. [4:07:48 PM] Friend: ..such a fucking wifebeater he is
  145. [4:07:54 PM] Friend: emotionally
  146. [4:08:05 PM] Jidithrambus: it's OUR FAULT FOR WANTING TO HAVE A LITTLE PEACEFUL TIME WHERE HE MIGHT NOT BITCH AS MUCH AND WE CAN EAT SOMETHING NICE THAT TAKES OUR MIND OFF THIS MISERABLE FUCKING PLACE
  147. [4:08:18 PM] Jidithrambus: BECAUSE THIS EXISTENCE IS HORRIBLE
  148. [4:08:22 PM] Jidithrambus: I WANT OUT
  149. [4:08:29 PM] Jidithrambus: yes
  150. [4:08:37 PM] Jidithrambus: you know the funny thing about that?
  151. [4:08:41 PM] Jidithrambus: he always holds that over our heads too
  152. [4:09:00 PM] Jidithrambus: any time we do anything that doesn't abide by what he tells us is "our greed and wastefulness"
  153. [4:09:05 PM] Friend: he needs a reality check, to realise he looses what he takes for granted
  154. [4:09:07 PM] Jidithrambus: any time we leave the lights on or forget to cook something
  155. [4:09:13 PM] Jidithrambus: he tells us about those starving kids in africa
  156. [4:09:22 PM] Jidithrambus: he tells us about those poor people who can't get a job and can't pay for food
  157. [4:09:24 PM] Friend: a family.. is a loving thing, if he takes that for granted.. then it will crumble and he will find himself sad and alone
  158. [4:09:31 PM] Jidithrambus: he uses those people as tokens
  159. [4:09:39 PM] Jidithrambus: to make us feel like shit
  160. [4:09:43 PM] Friend: money cant buy happyness
  161. [4:09:49 PM] Jidithrambus: when he does the exact same thing
  162. [4:09:52 PM] Jidithrambus: but we can't criticise him for it
  163. [4:09:59 PM] Jidithrambus: because "I DIDN'T MEAN TO."
  164. [4:10:06 PM] Jidithrambus: and "I'M BETTER ABOUT IT THAN YOU."
  165. [4:10:14 PM] Jidithrambus: "YOU WANT TO TELL ME I'M WRONG? FINE. PROVE IT."
  166. [4:10:29 PM] Jidithrambus: "EXCEPT YOU CAN'T. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY WRITTEN EVIDENCE. YOU NEVER RECORD ANY OF THIS."
  167. [4:10:55 PM] Jidithrambus: "ALL YOU HAVE IS HEARSAY, AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU HEAR AND SAY. I'M RIGHT. IF YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME"
  168. [4:10:59 PM] Jidithrambus: "YOU'RE WRONG."
  169. [4:11:31 PM] Jidithrambus: yes
  170. [4:11:35 PM] Friend: hes the sociopath that should feel guilty for comparing the suffering people like this.. he should feel ashamed.. to toy with resources irresponsibly like this and then even blaming other people for his ill behaviour
  171. [4:11:45 PM] Friend: but sociopaths dont feel guilt
  172. [4:11:49 PM] Jidithrambus: no
  173. [4:11:52 PM] Jidithrambus: he never, ever feels guilt
  174. [4:11:54 PM] Jidithrambus: for anything he does
  175. [4:12:01 PM] Friend: they are calculated creeps that just act like robots to play on peoples emotions
  176. [4:12:01 PM] Jidithrambus: he has "apologized" sometimes
  177. [4:12:20 PM] Jidithrambus: but even this is always twisted to his ends
  178. [4:12:24 PM] Jidithrambus: because he says,
  179. [4:12:28 PM] Jidithrambus: "i'm sorry i made you so mad,"
  180. [4:12:37 PM] Jidithrambus: "but i really think i was right."
  181. [4:12:43 PM] Jidithrambus: in other words,
  182. [4:13:12 PM] Jidithrambus: "i'm sorry i tripped you off, because to me, you are an irrational object that i shouldn't have to be bothered with."
  183. [4:13:18 PM] Jidithrambus: "but i don't care what you actually think."
  184. [4:13:29 PM] Jidithrambus: "you're just a machine to me. you should be doing the work i said you did,"
  185. [4:13:33 PM] Jidithrambus: "listening to the things i tell you,"
  186. [4:13:41 PM] Jidithrambus: "making the world just right the way i want you to."
  187. [4:14:00 PM] Jidithrambus: "but you didn't. so i don't feel any remorse. i just feel bad that you got angry about it."
  188. [4:14:12 PM] Jidithrambus: "i only care whether or not you want to do what i tell you."
  189. [4:14:16 PM] Jidithrambus: "i don't care about you."
  190. [4:14:27 PM] Friend: he cant buy happyness, he cant sculpt a world to fit his purposes because it will crumble instantly, and he cant have true love with egoistic behaviour like this
  191. [4:14:32 PM] Friend: the love and feelings is not mutual
  192. [4:14:48 PM] Friend: hes in a sinking ship and he cant get away, because hes blinded by greed
  193. [4:15:30 PM] Friend: you will be more successful than him, live your life however you see fit, sometimes it may not be rich and awesome..but you will atleast feel alive..and feel real happyness..
  194. [4:15:39 PM] Friend: you will learn to appreciate the smallest of things
  195. [4:15:43 PM] Friend: while he, cant..
  196. [4:15:47 PM] Jidithrambus: yes
  197. [4:15:49 PM] Jidithrambus: all he tells me
  198. [4:15:50 PM] Jidithrambus: ever
  199. [4:15:55 PM] Jidithrambus: is that if you don't do what he tells you
  200. [4:15:57 PM] Jidithrambus: you are fucked
  201. [4:16:00 PM] Jidithrambus: you will never get anywhere
  202. [4:16:01 PM] Friend: he always need to stuff more food into his face.. but he will never truly feel the taste
  203. [4:16:19 PM] Jidithrambus: and "YOU CAN'T TELL ME OTHERWISE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T PROVE IT. YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING TO ME."
  204. [4:16:20 PM] Jidithrambus: haha
  205. [4:16:25 PM] Jidithrambus: that's a funny thing you should mention taht
  206. [4:16:29 PM] Jidithrambus: because he has always eaten fast
  207. [4:16:36 PM] Jidithrambus: he used to eat so fast he outpaced mom and me
  208. [4:16:42 PM] Jidithrambus: when i was little,
  209. [4:16:46 PM] Jidithrambus: i learned to eat faster
  210. [4:16:52 PM] Jidithrambus: because we would have a buffet style dinner
  211. [4:16:59 PM] Jidithrambus: and we would take what we could get from the center of the table.
  212. [4:17:01 PM] Jidithrambus: and every time,
  213. [4:17:21 PM] Jidithrambus: he'd always take more than his share before anyone else could get it.
  214. [4:17:35 PM] Jidithrambus: and when he got it,
  215. [4:17:41 PM] Jidithrambus: he would always reply like this -
  216. [4:17:49 PM] Jidithrambus: "well, you should have eaten faster."
  217. [4:17:55 PM] Jidithrambus: "it's not my fault."
  218. [4:18:10 PM] Friend: ..its a miracle that your mom stayed with him for this long
  219. [4:18:20 PM] Friend: she must be a truly wonderful person..
  220. [4:18:31 PM] Friend: with.. alot of.. patience..and motherly care
  221. [4:18:39 PM] Jidithrambus: she has a long banner of patience
  222. [4:18:54 PM] Jidithrambus: she and him get into fights, too
  223. [4:18:56 PM | Removed 4:21:13 PM] Jidithrambus: This message has been removed.
  224. [4:19:00 PM] Jidithrambus: she's not here because she wants to be
  225. [4:19:20 PM] Jidithrambus: first she married him because he convinced her that she wouldn't be going anywhere without him
  226. [4:19:36 PM] Jidithrambus: and now she stays with him because he holds his income hostage unless she does what he tells him
  227. [4:19:42 PM] Jidithrambus: she needs the money to help her family in florida
  228. [4:19:45 PM] Jidithrambus: so really, she is his hostage
  229. [4:19:50 PM] Jidithrambus: and so is her family
  230. [4:19:54 PM] Jidithrambus: because he doesn't give a shit about them
  231. [4:20:01 PM] Friend: >.<
  232. [4:20:06 PM] Jidithrambus: he told us he thinks they are stupid people who don't deserve help
  233. [4:20:16 PM] Jidithrambus: stupid rednecks
  234. [4:20:28 PM] Friend: ..you two.. need to escape from there..somehow..
  235. [4:20:38 PM] Friend: but..question is ..income though..
  236. [4:20:58 PM] Friend: there gotta be a place.. that can hire you..
  237. [4:21:20 PM] Friend: ..like.. even if its a small sum of money.. it would be a start to get away from that cucumber brain of a wifebeater
  238. [4:21:28 PM] Jidithrambus: well
  239. [4:21:41 PM] Jidithrambus: i have to do his stupid coding work for the next year
  240. [4:21:47 PM] Jidithrambus: i have to do everything he tells me
  241. [4:21:49 PM] Jidithrambus: he told me as much
  242. [4:21:57 PM] Jidithrambus: "if you want to do something else, GET OVER IT."
  243. [4:22:11 PM] Friend: you can do whatever you want, because its your life
  244. [4:22:16 PM] Jidithrambus: you know, he always tells me i have a "choice" and holds it over my head that i CHOSE to do what he tells me
  245. [4:22:21 PM] Friend: remember.. you are a free individual.. no matter what situation you are in
  246. [4:22:23 PM] Friend: you are free
  247. [4:22:24 PM] Jidithrambus: yet every time it comes down to it the choice is always
  248. [4:22:25 PM] Friend: because you are openminded
  249. [4:22:40 PM] Jidithrambus: "you do the things i tell you, or you are REFUSING MY HELP and i won't give you any."
  250. [4:22:50 PM] Jidithrambus: "in other words, get out of this house. i don't need you."
  251. [4:23:02 PM] Jidithrambus: "and i have no problem kicking you out of here if you don't show me you're worth my time."
  252. [4:23:14 PM] Jidithrambus: he has always, always said this
  253. [4:23:22 PM] Jidithrambus: since i can remember, he has said this.
  254. [4:23:48 PM] Jidithrambus: when i was five years old, he told me, that he doesn't have time to spend with me
  255. [4:23:59 PM] Jidithrambus: because it's not worth his time to not work 24/7, every day of the year.
  256. [4:24:04 PM] Jidithrambus: do you know how often he takes vacations?
  257. [4:24:06 PM] Jidithrambus: NEVER.
  258. [4:24:13 PM] Jidithrambus: not unless MOM can convince him.
  259. [4:24:18 PM] Jidithrambus: and not unless MOM plans everything
  260. [4:24:21 PM] Jidithrambus: and then when we do go
  261. [4:24:26 PM] Friend: what does he work with?
  262. [4:24:28 PM] Jidithrambus: he screams at MOM for not planning everything just right.
  263. [4:24:31 PM] Jidithrambus: software development
  264. [4:24:33 PM] Jidithrambus: he is a software engineer
  265. [4:24:41 PM] Jidithrambus: chief software engineer at Xerox palo alto division
  266. [4:24:41 PM] Friend: damn..
  267. [4:24:57 PM] Jidithrambus: up in the peninsula northwest of here, below san francisco
  268. [4:24:58 PM] Friend: ..in..that case though.. its..a damn good teacher..even if hes a prick
  269. [4:25:03 PM] Jidithrambus: i don't care...
  270. [4:25:09 PM] Jidithrambus: please...
  271. [4:25:12 PM] Jidithrambus: i can't live here
  272. [4:25:18 PM] Jidithrambus: it makes me want to kill something
  273. [4:25:28 PM] Friend: ..i would..want to steal his knowledge.. and surpass the fuck out of him.. take over..then drive the shit to the ground as he becomes poor and unwanted
  274. [4:25:28 PM] Jidithrambus: i've tried to ask him to let me do things i want to do
  275. [4:25:41 PM] Jidithrambus: i've tried to tell him i'll ask him for help and do things on my own
  276. [4:25:43 PM] Friend: then spit on him and say "tough luck you shit, paybacks a bitch eh?"
  277. [4:25:52 PM] Jidithrambus: but every time he demands that i prove to him that i will do it
  278. [4:25:54 PM] Jidithrambus: that i can do it
  279. [4:26:07 PM] Jidithrambus: and i always fail
  280. [4:26:19 PM] Jidithrambus: because i want to take a break
  281. [4:26:26 PM] Jidithrambus: i want to g e t o u t
  282. [4:26:30 PM] Friend: hes pushing you too hard..
  283. [4:26:40 PM] Jidithrambus: and if i don't do it
  284. [4:26:43 PM] Jidithrambus: he will kick me out
  285. [4:26:44 PM] Friend: coding is supposed to be fun.. if forced..everything becomes a pain
  286. [4:26:45 PM] Jidithrambus: he threatens me
  287. [4:26:51 PM] Friend: ..everything forced is bad
  288. [4:26:53 PM] Jidithrambus: and when i get angry
  289. [4:26:59 PM] Jidithrambus: he tries to shut my mouth with his hands
  290. [4:27:03 PM] Jidithrambus: or push me over
  291. [4:27:12 PM] Friend: >.<
  292. [4:27:15 PM] Jidithrambus: please
  293. [4:27:25 PM] Friend: i would take such a swing at him right now if i were there with you
  294. [4:27:27 PM] Jidithrambus: help
  295. [4:27:29 PM] Friend: fucking bastard
  296. [4:27:39 PM] Friend: ..we must get you out from there
  297. [4:28:01 PM] Friend: ..but what will become of your mom if you leave to get a better envieroment?
  298. [4:28:09 PM] Jidithrambus: she will stay there for all i know
  299. [4:28:11 PM] Jidithrambus: i can't help her
  300. [4:28:13 PM] Jidithrambus: i don't have money
  301. [4:28:19 PM] Jidithrambus: i don't have anything
  302. [4:28:21 PM] Jidithrambus: i'm sorry
  303. [4:28:29 PM] Friend: ..no dont be sorry ; - ;
  304. [4:28:43 PM] Friend: ..we must find a way to get you out of there.. how much time do you have?.. or is it relative?
  305. [4:28:47 PM] Jidithrambus: i have one day
  306. [4:28:53 PM] Jidithrambus: before he starts applying the pressure again
  307. [4:29:03 PM] Jidithrambus: i'm uploading my files to the cloud
  308. [4:29:06 PM] Jidithrambus: and backing to USB
  309. [4:29:16 PM] Jidithrambus: and i'll take my goddamn phone if mom comes back and she lets me go
  310. [4:29:27 PM] Jidithrambus: because i'll be fucked if i don't have something steady to communicate with
  311. [4:29:43 PM] Jidithrambus: dad is threatening to take away my phone, my computer, and all my files with them
  312. [4:29:51 PM] Jidithrambus: he's threatening to take away my room and everything in it
  313. [4:29:52 PM] Friend: ; _ ;
  314. [4:29:54 PM] Jidithrambus: beause technically, he owns it
  315. [4:30:00 PM] Jidithrambus: but i don't know if it's just him
  316. [4:30:05 PM] Jidithrambus: since mom and him share bank account
  317. [4:30:06 PM] Friend: he needs....basically all his work deleted..before you go
  318. [4:30:12 PM] Jidithrambus: yes
  319. [4:30:15 PM] Friend: ..so that hes genuinely fucked
  320. [4:30:39 PM] Friend: and rewrite with .. 35pass gutmann erase..from ccleaner .. its a setting there that cleans empty space
  321. [4:30:52 PM] Friend: and it will make sure that if i tries to recover it all.. it will really..really be gone
  322. [4:31:13 PM] Friend: but... you really...need to have someplace to stay..
  323. [4:31:22 PM] Friend: and some way to get income..before you do that
  324. [4:31:40 PM] Friend: but a parting gift liek that would be so well deserved
  325. [4:31:45 PM] Jidithrambus: yeah
  326. [4:31:54 PM] Jidithrambus: but you remember that he's holding mom's family hostage on his income
  327. [4:32:01 PM] Friend: and if he rages go like ".. its not my fault, you got a virus~ D: "
  328. [4:32:10 PM] Friend: "in your brain!"
  329. [4:32:13 PM] Friend: >_>
  330. [4:32:18 PM] Friend: and then freakin run for it
  331. [4:32:23 PM] Friend: because he will shit bricks
  332. [4:32:28 PM] Jidithrambus: yeah
  333. [4:32:36 PM] Friend: ..but really....yeah..
  334. [4:32:39 PM] Friend: ..your mom..
  335. [4:32:44 PM] Friend: ..so..
  336. [4:32:48 PM] Friend: its sorta..bad to do that..
  337. [4:33:20 PM] Friend: ..but....
  338. [4:33:25 PM] Friend: do you ahve any friends nearby?
  339. [4:33:35 PM] Friend: that can have you stay there for a few days?
  340. [4:33:51 PM] Friend: while you search for work.. like crazy..
  341. [4:34:15 PM] Jidithrambus: i have two...
  342. [4:34:30 PM] Jidithrambus: i might be able to ask some old friends... that i haven't talked to in years
  343. [4:34:35 PM] Jidithrambus: but i don't know them well anymore
  344. [4:34:59 PM] Jidithrambus: maybe
  345. [4:35:16 PM] Friend: walk in to ..stores.. restaurants.. present yourself "hello, my name is -name- and i would very much like to work here, i am very capable and i learn and adapt quickly!, im willing to test and show my efficiency!"
  346. [4:35:46 PM] Friend: and ..sorta.. really.. do a good job.. talk with them and befriend them..stabilise yourself.. in that area..
  347. [4:37:14 PM] Friend: and as your salary comes in.. also look for other jobs.. and if they ask for previous hirings.. you can mention the place you are at.. and say "im working at that place at the moment but i feel it would be nice to variate my abilities and this job would be perfect!"
  348. [4:37:18 PM] Friend: or ..maybe no that last part..
  349. [4:37:28 PM] Friend: cus i dont know how they would react on..someone that skips jobs back and forth
  350. [4:37:46 PM] Friend: actually just mention that youre very interested in the job
  351. [4:38:18 PM] Friend: ..and be ..sorta..more social than you normally are.. ^.^ i myself cant maintain such a composture for very long.. before i get all tired in my brain..
  352. [4:38:33 PM] Friend: but ..try to focus for that moment to give the best impression
  353. [4:39:00 PM] Friend: and.. regarding your friends.. contact them and talk to them..
  354. [4:39:52 PM] Friend: explain the situation..that you need to get away from this abusing situation..and ask if its okay if you live with them while searching for jobs..and also helping out there..so that things become easier for them..
  355. [4:40:11 PM] Friend: like.. use helping out as an bargain..
  356. [4:40:28 PM] Friend: be very helpful and they will quickly take liking to you..
  357. [4:40:43 PM] Jidithrambus: yeah
  358. [4:40:46 PM] Jidithrambus: i will
  359. [4:40:50 PM] Jidithrambus: there's one other thing
  360. [4:40:55 PM] Jidithrambus: my phone plan is my mom's
  361. [4:40:56 PM] Jidithrambus: not my own
  362. [4:41:00 PM] Friend: ah..
  363. [4:41:14 PM] Jidithrambus: so if i go, he will probably hold it hostage until mom buckles under the pressure and kills it
  364. [4:41:21 PM] Jidithrambus: so if i manage to keep the phone
  365. [4:41:31 PM] Jidithrambus: he will probably not allow me to use it on that plan
  366. [4:41:34 PM] Jidithrambus: i will need to get a new one as well
  367. [4:41:39 PM] Jidithrambus: or a disposable phone
  368. [4:41:44 PM] Jidithrambus: prepaid thing
  369. [4:41:47 PM] Friend: ; _ ;
  370. [4:42:07 PM] Jidithrambus: i mean, i will be able to use it on local wifi nets
  371. [4:42:09 PM] Jidithrambus: but no data
  372. [4:42:14 PM] Jidithrambus: no text and no calls
  373. [4:42:33 PM] Friend: is it locked to that phone plan? or can you put a new card in there and use?
  374. [4:42:43 PM] Jidithrambus: i'm not sure
  375. [4:42:45 PM] Jidithrambus: it's an iphone 4
  376. [4:42:50 PM] Jidithrambus: also
  377. [4:43:06 PM] Jidithrambus: i'm not sure if i can take it if my mom doesn't OK it herself and if she doesn't end up having the power to make it mine
  378. [4:43:23 PM] Jidithrambus: i'm not sure if he can claim i stole it if i take it myself
  379. [4:43:36 PM] Jidithrambus: and i'm not sure that if i "lose" it he won't call the police/apple and have them brick it
  380. [4:43:40 PM] Friend: ..iphones..have that killswitch feature..sadly..
  381. [4:43:47 PM] Jidithrambus: yeah
  382. [4:43:50 PM] Friend: they were the ones that started with that shit..
  383. [4:44:03 PM] Jidithrambus: you remember he doesn't care about me anymore if i don't prove myself to him
  384. [4:44:06 PM] Jidithrambus: if i don't do what he says
  385. [4:44:16 PM] Jidithrambus: so i have no doubt he would stop me from using it underhandedly
  386. [4:44:22 PM] Jidithrambus: since he intends to take it away anyhow
  387. [4:44:40 PM] Friend: ..do you have an apple laptop?
  388. [4:44:45 PM] Jidithrambus: yes
  389. [4:44:49 PM] Jidithrambus: but its screen is shot to hell
  390. [4:44:51 PM] Friend: take that one with you
  391. [4:44:53 PM] Friend: ah..
  392. [4:44:55 PM] Jidithrambus: i need an external monitor and only he has that
  393. [4:45:01 PM] Friend: damn..
  394. [4:45:03 PM] Jidithrambus: maybe my friends do, though, yeah
  395. [4:45:11 PM] Jidithrambus: so i'll call them...
  396. [4:45:16 PM] Jidithrambus: also
  397. [4:45:18 PM] Jidithrambus: when i go
  398. [4:45:20 PM] Jidithrambus: he wants to take that as well
  399. [4:45:26 PM] Jidithrambus: so i have to be sneaky about it somehow
  400. [4:45:32 PM] Jidithrambus: or i have to convince mom and she has to have the power
  401. [4:45:39 PM] Friend: ..leave it outside..before you leave..
  402. [4:45:46 PM] Friend: in a bush somewhere..
  403. [4:45:49 PM] Friend: where its not visable..
  404. [4:45:54 PM] Jidithrambus: yeah...
  405. [4:46:13 PM] Jidithrambus: and i can still use the screen if i bend it really hard
  406. [4:46:18 PM] Jidithrambus: i'm not sure how long that will last
  407. [4:46:22 PM] Jidithrambus: but it should be enough for a little while
  408. [4:46:27 PM] Friend: this is so hurtful ; - ; why do i live so far away..
  409. [4:46:33 PM] Friend: i would take you in instantly
  410. [4:46:43 PM] Friend: before you go..
  411. [4:46:44 PM] Jidithrambus: ^^
  412. [4:46:46 PM] Jidithrambus: thank you...
  413. [4:46:49 PM] Friend: double check with your friend..
  414. [4:46:51 PM] Jidithrambus: mm?
  415. [4:47:08 PM] Friend: ..like..discretely.. talk with your friend.. explain the situation that your dad abuses you.
  416. [4:47:14 PM] Friend: ..and that you need to get away.. somehow
  417. [4:47:28 PM] Friend: and you dont know where to turn.. and you are scared and worried..
  418. [4:47:54 PM] Friend: and that you will do anything to help out ..while searching for jobs..to get away from your dad..
  419. [4:48:10 PM] Friend: ..and if they are human beings with actual emotions..they will offer help..
  420. [4:48:17 PM] Friend: but dont show that you intend to leave ..to your dad..
  421. [4:48:24 PM] Friend: just..play it casual.. play along
  422. [4:48:45 PM] Friend: ..and when you get stuff aranged..and the Ok from your friends place.. or someone..
  423. [4:48:51 PM] Friend: ..then you can proceed with the plan..
  424. [4:49:00 PM] Friend: dont just jump out without doublechecking..
  425. [4:49:03 PM] Jidithrambus: yeah...
  426. [4:49:14 PM] Jidithrambus: i will double check
  427. [4:49:40 PM] Friend: you need to ensure you dont end up on the streets >.< cus i dont want to loose contact with you.. i want to meet you one day and spend my happy days with you
  428. [4:49:48 PM] Friend: ..so you must stay alive at all cost!
  429. [4:50:04 PM] Friend: ..dont live on the streets because its not the way to go
  430. [4:50:27 PM] Friend: you gotta arrange this silently and perfectly!.. and you can do this! i know you can!
  431. [4:51:01 PM] Friend: i have yet to get in contact with joshua that escaped from that abusing couple ..that i helped get away..
  432. [4:51:12 PM] Friend: ..im so worried hes on the streets..without electricity for his phone..
  433. [4:51:16 PM] Friend: or stuff like that..
  434. [4:51:35 PM] Friend: i want to talk to him.. i send messages all the time..but i dont get recieved messages..
  435. [4:51:46 PM] Friend: even on kik.. i have gotten no reply in almost 3 weeks now..
  436. [4:52:07 PM] Friend: so dont just go out without a bulletproof plan ; _ ;
  437. [4:52:09 PM] Jidithrambus: ah /. - .\ i hope you will get one soon...
  438. [4:52:11 PM] Jidithrambus: yes...
  439. [4:52:20 PM] Jidithrambus: i will...
  440. [4:52:29 PM] Friend: please ; _ ; you mean alot to me
  441. [4:52:38 PM] Friend: so dont abandon me ; _ ;ever
  442. [4:52:40 PM] Jidithrambus: how do i start? after i call my friends and everything...
  443. [4:52:47 PM] Jidithrambus: leave the laptop and so on...
  444. [4:52:54 PM] Jidithrambus: well...
  445. [4:52:57 PM] Jidithrambus: that's all i know i mean
  446. [4:53:07 PM] Friend: ..take what you need.. like..all the things that you know you cant live without..
  447. [4:53:17 PM] Friend: and hide them somewhere.. that only you know..
  448. [4:53:38 PM] Friend: and then when you leave..you pick up your stuff and proceed to the new safehouse..
  449. [4:54:11 PM] Friend: ..and you get job hunting like really intensively.. walk to the stores.. be polite and ....that extra bit of social that i just personally cant handle for more than a few seconds
  450. [4:54:49 PM] Friend: ..and ..then you help out at the new place.. while going to job when you get hired..
  451. [4:55:00 PM] Friend: and proceed to repeat this.. ..help them with laundry and stuff..
  452. [4:55:39 PM] Friend: ..and you get your salary.. you help pay for food and stuff.. while putting away some ofhte salary.. continue to work.. to get more.. while also looking for a cheap apartment .. like the cheapest you can find basically..
  453. [4:56:05 PM] Friend: ..and when you have the ammount needed..you move in there..and continue to work to get more.. and..you get internet and .. stuff
  454. [4:56:34 PM] Friend: ..like.. chew your way through the system.. bite the system and tame it x..x
  455. [4:57:08 PM] Friend: and..always look for new works..so you have alternatives and backups
  456. [4:57:33 PM] Friend: ugh.. america feels like hardmode..
  457. [4:57:59 PM] Jidithrambus: i help every day, i look for work every day, i find work, i chew through the system and take what i need, and i work every day, and help every day, and keep finding new work
  458. [4:58:16 PM] Jidithrambus: yeah?
  459. [4:58:25 PM] Friend: ..and also.. doing the things you like doing on the free time
  460. [4:58:44 PM] Jidithrambus: on the free time. okay.
  461. [4:59:05 PM] Friend: even..if it sounds really tough..horrid and painful.. which is..basically is.. to some extent..
  462. [4:59:28 PM] Friend: it will help you reach the next step.. to realising your goals..
  463. [5:00:06 PM] Friend: ..eventually you can either ..well.. in sweden you can take .. something called A-kassa .. which is .. that you take free time from work and get paid..
  464. [5:00:37 PM] Friend: ..and you can do your personal stuff on that time.. be it hobby stuff.. or house renovating.. or .. whatever..really a person would do on their free time
  465. [5:00:47 PM] Friend: i dont know if that exists in usa..
  466. ...
  467. [5:04:31 PM] Friend: yes ofcourse!.. i just want you to be safe.. im really worried for you right now..
  468. [5:04:53 PM] Friend: cus this is not an easy step in your life..but once you go through with it.. you will adventure to new grounds in life..
  469. [5:05:01 PM] Jidithrambus: m w m
  470. [5:05:03 PM] Friend: you will begin to live..for real!
  471. [5:05:09 PM] Jidithrambus: yeah!
  472. [5:05:16 PM] Jidithrambus: i will begin life adventure!
  473. [5:05:17 PM] Friend: ..some days bad.. some days amazing.. just like.. reality
  474. [5:05:39 PM] Friend: ..your dad will never know what reality feels like, because his boat is sinking
  475. [5:07:25 PM] Jidithrambus: yes
  476. [5:07:30 PM] Jidithrambus: he doesn't care about anything
  477. [5:07:33 PM] Jidithrambus: except material
  478. [5:07:38 PM] Jidithrambus: and expectations of his own
  479. [5:07:42 PM] Jidithrambus: so he will never get anything
  480. [5:07:44 PM] Jidithrambus: except material
  481. [5:07:47 PM] Jidithrambus: and loneliness
  482. [5:07:48 PM] Jidithrambus: and hate
  483. [5:07:50 PM] Jidithrambus: i hate him
  484. [5:07:54 PM] Jidithrambus: and i will never not hate him
  485. [5:08:01 PM] Jidithrambus: i will never forgive him for beating me
  486. [5:08:07 PM] Jidithrambus: for five years of my life
  487. [5:08:18 PM] Jidithrambus: for abusing me emotionally all year long for all of my life
  488. [5:08:27 PM] Jidithrambus: the only time he was ever not abusive
  489. [5:08:29 PM] Jidithrambus: was when i was 3 or so
  490. [5:08:34 PM] Jidithrambus: when he didn't have any expectations of me
  491. [5:08:40 PM] Jidithrambus: but as soon as he had expectations
  492. [5:08:45 PM] Jidithrambus: as soon as i dropped out of his convenience
  493. [5:08:49 PM] Jidithrambus: i became a liability
  494. [5:08:52 PM] Jidithrambus: not an asset
  495. [5:08:57 PM] Jidithrambus: i understand how it is now
  496. [5:09:25 PM] Jidithrambus: i understand that he never cared about me and mom except as liabilities and assets
  497. [5:09:30 PM] Jidithrambus: he was happy with mom when she was going to have a baby
  498. [5:09:42 PM] Jidithrambus: because he knew he would soon get a child that he would be able to show off
  499. [5:09:44 PM] Jidithrambus: to force his will on
  500. [5:09:49 PM] Jidithrambus: and to make an image of himself
  501. [5:09:57 PM] Jidithrambus: but as soon as he realized that might not happen
  502. [5:10:00 PM] Jidithrambus: he got angry
  503. [5:10:02 PM] Jidithrambus: he flipped his shit
  504. [5:10:07 PM] Jidithrambus: and he made me suffer for it
  505. [5:11:00 PM] Jidithrambus: i will never forgive him
  506. [5:11:00 PM] Jidithrambus: ever
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