Kingdud leaves the E&B Emulator.

Normally, I leave in silence. Normally, I don't spin up drama. So why have I been such a royal pain in the ass to at least a handfull of devs in the time I've been back since 2012? In short words, because the people I have been a pain to have forgotten why they make this game, and who for. Games can tell stories, games can be fun, games can be hard, games can be anything you want them to become. But all of that is meaningless without fans who adore and enjoy your work. Those I have been a pain to have gotten high on that euphoric feeling of being adored.

Let's take a history lesson, but from my point of view. I first joined this project and coded for it back in 2009. I had no job, I'd just graduated college, I thought I wanted to be a programmer. It was a very dark time for me, filled with lots of desires for suicide and depression. I logged in to play, and was frustrated when my PW wasn't as awesome as he should of been, because Critical Targeting didn't do anything. Shield Nova had no code. Combat Trance gave no bonuses...hell, even the weapon skills themselves didn't apply the damage bonus.

Tienbau and David were still furiously busy trying to both get the server stable and also still implement some of the more advanced network features. I downloaded the SVN, hacked on the skills a bit, and offered up patches to implement the skills, or fix any bugs I found. I was soon allowed to become a dev.

I loved being popular with the player base. I like being loved in general. I want to be adored and appreciated because despite everything, when you point me in a direction and let me work, I do really, really wonderful work. My RL co-workers attest to this. My managers attest to this, anyone who has seen the end results of this attests to this. I am a beautiful, if temperamental, machine once set in action and given a reasonable amount of appreciation as fuel.

But then, later in 2009, the DB went closed, and soon after the server source code. David gave 6 different reasons why. In the end (2012, when Kyp gave me a different view after my asking), I learned the real reason was because a group had gotten tired of the current EMU culture and had tried to fork their own server, using the code and DB to jumpstart their progress. Sadly, good programmers are few and far between, and they sputtered and died all on their own.

Around the time the DB and code went closed, I also learned, from Imp of all people, that there was $8000 in the paypal, despite the EMU saying it needed donations like crazy to keep going. This came to light when David made a post saying the DB was closed off because we couldn't afford the bandwidth cost of people downloading it constantly. Imp called bullshit on this, as, at the time his name was the one actually on the paypal and server hosting accounts. Oh, and the bandwidth was unlimited. I got so pissed off at these revelations I left.

In hindsight I realize now it was nothing more than an over-reaction. When Ralph Nader won...what was it, 3%? 12%? Of the vote in the 2008 presidential election, the Republican and Democratic parties got scared. Have you Americans noticed the 'debates' aren't debates. Both sides agree on all issues, and only differ on how to implement them? This was mandated by fundamental changes to who hosts the debates, how many there are, and the circumstances under which they occur. It's a fascinating bit of reading, and very relevant to what happened here. Someone tried to make a third party, the powers that be got scared, and everyone suffered for it. A third party is still a terrifying option to the current powers that be.

I thought about writing a post to my beloved player base and telling them all that had happened but I didn't. I'm not sure why I didn't. Perhaps because, unlike what I am doing in this post, I prefer to leave quietly, letting only the crackle of the bridge behind me be the sound of my departure.

In 2012/2013, I found myself with a load of free time, and went poking for the Emulator I found myself missing. I was amazed to see it was still around, as I had assumed someone would take a run at that $8000, get caught, and something legal would happen over that. Turned out Kyp was in charge. I had known him only in passing in the 2009 days.

I asked questions, he provided answers. I wanted to host a wiki because I'd been working a solaris sysadmin job in which I had used mediawiki to *great* effect. I thought they were the best thing since sliced bread. I wanted the players to have somewhere easy to look stuff up, and since 300 people isn't enough to justify restarting EBIIA (Ohai Ulydian {spelling is hard :/}. I loved your site in the 2002-2004 span. Much access, many information, wow.), so a wiki would let players who wanted spoilers and tips go find them. Shaddex and Kyp obliged, with some groaning, and net-7.org/wiki was born. I figured players would love having somewhere to look up specific drop locations and other things. Instead, I got a collective *meh* as a reaction. I was not loved, except by a very small few.

I asked specifically not to be allowed access to the server source code. Why? Because I greatly fear the government of the country I live in, and for good reason. If someone came in with a court order, I wanted to be able to look a judge in the eye and say "I in no way helped contribute to the profits of this company." and have there be no lie in that statement.

What I found when I came back was a server with extraordinary performance improvements. It actually stays up for 24 hours without crashing or becoming unusable! Wow! I started playing and...something was wrong.

There was this anti-player sentiment weaved throughout the very fabric of the game. "You should read the quest text because I wrote it! No note taking! No note sharing! No I won't repeat it! No I won't make it easy for you to find!" What? For a one-off like Agrippa, ok. But not for main story quests. No. That's not ok. That's bad game design. If this were a proper game release, TotalBiscuit (as an example) would rip the devs a new one for making a decision that asinine and anti-player.

People would report bugs on the forums, skills not working as intended or described, or as expected. And every time either the player base, or the devs, would step in and say "That isn't a bug. It's working as intended because ~made up reason~". I mean, ok, the bug I opened on weapons fire rates was a legit explanation. But the TT group skill bonus being 20% on sell items? Negotiate being 2.8% per level instead of 5%? Don't tell me I'm the first person IN TWO YEARS to notice this. I refuse to believe that.

I became angrier and angrier by anti-player sentiment. 8 months ago Zackman proposed making gates fail, and snickered with joy about making player's lives miserable. I was the only person in the channel who said that was a dumb idea. In extremely harsh words, because I was disgusted that I was alone in wanting the players to have fun. That was the last dev meeting I attended. It was clear to me that no one here cared about the players they made the game for anymore. I wrote a long PM to Kyp and ragequit for 6 months or so.

But I love the idea of E&B. I don't know if its nostalgia or what. So I came back, hoping things had gotten better. They didn't. They got worse, and when I logged in today to see Zackman's idea for broken gates implemented I blew a gasket. I've calmed down as the day went on, seeing Kenu report that the rate of failure was too high, and noticing that someone had tweaked the failure rate, or I was on a lucky streak compared to earlier, because in 45 gates I only got 2 malfunctions. Much better than the 50+ I had gotten around 8am. But the fact that it was implemented at all still chafes me.

But then it hit me. Why I wanted to be a dev, why you want people to care about your story. We all want to be loved by someone. We want someone to give a damn that we worked hard to bring them something to do. Now that some people on the wiki have mapped out Agrippa a bit better, and I can see a pattern and flow to what is involved in it, I am sated. I feel I can make an educated decision as to whether the items, time, and everything else are 'worth it' to hunt down. The concept itself, content you must do while leveling, is an interesting one, and worthy of pursuit. With 9 accounts and 5 chars each, 45 chances to do all the mid-level content no single character could manage becomes a problem solved by replay-ability.

This, Byhakee, is why I came to respect your work after despising you for so long. The one issue I had, Agrippa being a blackbox, was removed, and its novelty and creativity shone through.

But the gates are shoving the story down a player's throat. Saying "YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT I'M DOING!" It's the wrong approach. In the biggest wars, there are people who sit on their porches and let the world change around them, refusing to allow it to affect them. Some people use these games to escape their inner most demons. When you make the game a non-hiding place, you make life inherently unsafe for them. That is why I had and still have such a passion for a good gaming experience. I know what it's like to be afraid to not be lost in a game. I know what it's like to ask "Why haven't I killed myself yet?" and not have a good answer.

So, that is why I am leaving. Because there are too many broken things, my words fall on deaf ears, and I am a bitter husk of a person, rather than capable of helping mend the situation. Do I think this will help it improve? No. I think eyes long since washed over with rage at the sight of my name and style of my writing will continue to be angry, and this EMU will continue to shrink.

I am also aware that not all of this is the dev team's fault. It's 2014. It's been 10 years since sunset, and 5 years since the Emu was more or less operational. Most people burn out of games in 1-2. There aren't many E&B lovers left that really want to play anymore. The hayday is passing. I dearly wish to go back to the days of open source, and have the size of my community ruled by the quality of my work, rather than the size and strength of my bludgeon. I miss being loved for making the game fun.

In the end, I leave because I'm too full of anger to be of use to anyone. The game is not fun because it's not the game I remember playing, and no one wants to help it go back that way. No one will let me take it back that way.

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Ending note: The people I think/know I've been a pain to? Blacklung (at least once I was a dick to him), Kyp (more consistently a dick to him), Zackman (0 respect for the gates bro). Bhyakee (I never can spell his name right, I just say 'bee-yah-key' to myself and think that's close enough; when I finally take a step back and look at your work, apart from spelling errors and outright lies in quests due to version iteration and mistakes being made, I see the progen quest lines as the most complete. As much as I hate your guts, I must admit your work is, eventually, high quality.) I speak in vague terms because those are the four people I know I've pissed off. I don't know how many others.

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The thought of leaving some contact info occurred to me. Perhaps I will log in and check for messages every now and then. I expect none, or angry ones if I do. I more expect my accounts to be banned and "good riddance {choice words}" to be said at the next dev meeting.

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Ulyydian: Thank you for fixing the prices on manufacturing and goods. That is the sort of work I know NO ONE thanks you for. I saw all the bitching threads about ammo being super expensive and whatnot (about a month after they happened, otherwise I'd have tried to defend you). Overall, you made manufacturing about 1/2 as expensive on T1 and 2 items (I never got much past that). You have my immense respect, and I feel it is wrong to leave without letting you know what it means to me that you did something good for the players. I hope you can comprehend even 1% of how much it means to me that you worked toward a goal with me rather than against me.