Haven't thought of a good name yet

>'So Anonymous my friend, it's been three months since you first arrived here. Before I release you and give you leave to enter and exit this castle at will, are there any final questions you wish to ask me?'
>Over the three months you've been in Equestria, Princess Luna and her sister Celestia had taken a vested interest in you; schooling you in all segments of Equestrian culture and life
>There was one thing they'd completely glossed over however
>Romance
'Oh well, it's about mares...' you begin
>'Yes? Do you require another demonstration on the anatomical differences between mares and stallions?' she says, beginning to turn around
'No, no!' you assure her, shocked over how casual she was over her mare parts
>You still shudder at the memory of the grueling two hour biology class presided over by both princesses featuring live demonstrations of several embarrassed castle guards and, in typically unabashed fashion, the princesses themselves
>You'd heard the guards and castle staff speculate in hushed whispers how perverted their princesses must be
>One maid even recounted in horror how at times Celestia herself would be inclined to join whichever unfortunate soul was in the private washrooms without batting an eyelid
>That she merely washed herself and left only added to the scandal
>Their sexual appetites must be enormous!
'What I mean is, you know, you and Celestia are known to "get around" a bit'
>'We get around the castle often, that is correct'
'Yeah, well I was wondering, as friends, is there any advice you can give me when I'm being, you know, intimate with a mare?'
>A knowing grin stretches over her face
>'Oh I understand my friend' she says, nodding
>You sigh in relief
>'When you cuddle with your mare, make sure you do it like so' she demonstrates, wrapping her forelegs around your waist
>You frown
'No, no I mean when I'm "in bed" with her' you stress
>'Oh of course' she laughs, playfully batting the side of her head with her hoof
>'Tickling always works'

'SEX, Luna, I'm talking about SEX.' you finally blurt out after a series of increasingly crude innuendos
>'Sex? Anonymous I thought you wanted to learn how to be intimate with a mare, not have a foal with her'
>Your eyes bulge
I'm not talking about having a foal with her I'm talking about having fun with her'
>'By having sex'
'Yes'
>'Which leads to a foal...'
'Not if I use protection or pull out. Besides I doubt I'm even genetically compatible with a mare'
>Luna seems confused
>'Protection? Compatible? What do you mean? Why would the spell not work?'
'Spell? What spell?' you cry in frustration
>'Anon are you so inexperienced? Perhaps we should have covered this in our teachings'
>'When two ponies are in love they go under covers and do the sex spell; months later they receive a foal from the foal stork'
>'How can you not know of this?' she asks, pacing back and forth
>'Unless'
>She gasps
>'But humans don't have magic do they?'
>Her pacing quickens and before long she's muttering to herself
>'But that means you can't do they spell. You can't do the sex. You're...'
>She turns back to you and her eyes brim with tears
>'Anon this mean you're doomed to be a virgin forever!'
>'Oh Anon I'm so sorry!'
>With that she buries her muzzle into your chest, staggering you and staining your shirt with tears
>'It's okay Anon, really! Lots of ponies go their whole lives without doing the sex'
'Uh it's fine Luna, really' you stammer, now convinced that this mare was a lot more innocent than you'd thought
>'My sister *sniffle* I have to tell Celestia. She can help you. Some spell perhaps'
>Before you can stop her she pulls herself off you and gallops off, her cries echoing down the hall
>A few servants whisper to themselves, convinced that the princess was practicing some roleplay
>You jog after her to avoid their prying eyes
>Surely Celestia would know better than her sister and be able to answer your question
>Assuming she too was the deviant you'd thought her sister was

>'You've never done the sex?' cries Celestia, mouth agape
>'Oh Anon...' she whimpers, barely containing her tears in contrast to her sister bawling beside her
>She moves to hug you but you check and hold her at arms length
'I have to ask, 'cause I'm not sure if you're both crazy or if I am. What do you think sex is exactly?'
>Celestia looks at you with a mix of love and pity
>'Oh my dear, naive Anonymous' she begins and closes her eyes as if to recite a passage
>'Sex is a spell conducted between two ponies wherein a signal is sent to the foal stork, who then-'
'Oh my god you too?' you ask, cutting her off sharply
>Luna stifles her sobs and turns the two of you. You had never treated Celestia in such a rude manner before
>'A-Anon?' whimpers Celestia, stepping forward a step
'Go away' you growl, frustrated at this charade
>Were they mocking you?
>'Anon I-I understand' Celestia soothes, taking another step towards
'Understand what? Sex? Evidently not'
>'No Anon. You. Yo-Your'
>Her eyes start watering again
>'Your virgin rage Anon!'
>You're unable to block her hug this time as she wraps her forelegs around your chest, bawling loudly and sobbing out slurred condolences and sympathies
>You try to wrench her off you before Luna fixes herself to your legs, pinning you in place
>Celestia's fluffy chest muffles your screams of indignation as they're added to the cacaphony of voices in the room

>From outside the door a small crowd of ponies was gathering
>'What can you hear?' asks one guard to the maid with her ear pressed to the door
>'I keep hearing moaning and... Anon's name... oh my Celestia they must be taking turns with him!'
>'How debauched!'
>'Absolutely disgusting'
>'Makes me feel sick to my stomach'
>'Why, we oughta leave this abomination right now' says one castle guard
>All the guards and servants agree in hushed whispers and nods
>...
>Within seconds the door almost buckles under the strain of the ponies eagerly pressing their ears to it and salivating

>Various furniture lay scattered across the room as you dragged the alicorn-human sandwich back and forth trying two escape your two friends and teachers
>Eventually you gave up and instead elected to work your way to Celestia's writing desk before scrawling out a hasty letter to the only mare smart enough to help you
>The two mares remain oblivious to your endeavor; burying their faces deeper into your drenched self
>You roll up the creased writing paper and twist your body until you're directly facing Celestia
>This would require careful timing
>She only came up for air every 15 minutes after all
>You'd counted
>You watch the clock ticking and, right on cue the alicorn lifts her for a brief moment
>In a flash you stretch out your finger whilst holding the letter just over her horn
>*boop*
>Your finger gently grazes her nose
>Her face quivers, her eyes twitch and in a a great convulsion she lets loose a mighty sneeze
>Her horn emits a bright green flash and consumes the letter, almost melting your hand
>You gasp and fall back to the floor; the mental and physically strain at last proving too much
>Celestia settles back down on top of you whilst Luna grips you almost painfully now
>You pray that Twilight comes soon as your vision darkens and sleep overtakes you

>Almost the entire castle staff was now outside, hoping to hear what lewd acts the Princesses were doing to Anon
>Two entrepreneuring guards had taken to charging ponies 2 bits each to listen at the door for 5 minutes
>The castle cooks, gardeners, butlers and any other ponies not apart of the original group grumbled at this but paid anyway
>No way they were missing this after all
>'Hey what gives? There's no sound now!' comes a bitter cry from the door
>One of the guards wracked his brains for an answer
>'Uh, that's because they're doing it silently, idiot. Special princess love technique'
>>'How debauched!'
>'Absolutely disgusting'
>'Makes me feel sick to my stomach'
>The crowd grew even larger

>You awake to a loud crack and the familiar smell of ozone which always accompanied a magical transportation
>'Anon I came as fast as I could, are you okay?' cries Princess Twilight, standing above you and the princesses
>You nod weakly and she uses her magic to pull you out from the sisters' grips, neither of them waking
>'What happened here Anon?' she asks, looking around the trashed room
>You struggle to find the words before something inside you snaps
>Twilight is met with a torrent of words detailing the princesses' actions, their unintentional efforts to suffocate you and the fact that you're certain you've been hearing ponies on the other side of the door for an hour now
>Twilight stands silent for a moment processing your story
>'But, but how can you not know about the sex?' she demands, utterly flabbergasted
>Her horn lights up and you, the princesses and several pieces of furniture are lifted into the air
>'How can anypony not know!?'
>You and the princesses are now flung around in a maelstrom around Twilight
>'AND WORST OF ALL, HOW DARE YOU CONTRADICT PRIN-'
>'Twilight stop it right this instant!' snaps Celestia
>The light from Twilight's eyes instantly fades and you, the princesses and the room's furnishings are dropped the floor
>'I'm sorry Princess' mumbles Twilight, her ears splayed back and head drooping
>'Remember, my former pupil, that ignorance cannot be defeated by violence'
>'I know I know. I just got a little worked up at Anon' she shoots you a withering glare 'Implying you and Princess Luna were stupid is all'
>She laughs awkwardly
>A few feet away Princess Luna stirs at the mention of her name before settling back down
>'Anonymous spoke only out of ignorance, my dear Twilight' she says, turning back to you with a near manic glint in her eye
>'An ignorance which now must be purged'
>Celestia gently wakes her sister before whispering a few words to her
>Luna raises herself up and the 3 alicorns march towards you in tandem

>Meanwhile outside the door the crowd now spilled outside the palace gates and into Canterlot proper
>Nobles and commoners alike bustled alongside each other; wondering what amazing attraction the princesses were hosting to wager such a long line
>At the other end of the line a marketplace had sprung up
>Ponies pedaled their wares and put up poster alerting other ponies of the event
>The two entrepreneuring guards had moved to bigger fish and were now running a betting agency over which pony the insatiable royal sisters would add to their carnal delights
>'Why is Shining Armour at 10/1 odds' asks one irritated stallion 'And Big Mac at 4/1?'
>'Everypony knows Shiny stands a much better chance with the princesses than him!'
>'Because Big Mac a best stallion' replies one of the guard ponies gruffly, crossing his forelegs
>'But that's not tr-'
>'A BEST'
>'Keep it down I think I hear another voice!' calls the maid pony, now serving as an official announcer of sorts
>She presses her ear to door and furrows her brow before her eyes turn to pinpricks
>'Princess Twilight is in there now!' she screams in excitement
>A roar came up from the crowd and one mare, Lemon Hearts, leaps into the air in delight
>It seemed Twilight had been ranked at 3-1 odds and had won Lemon Hearts a pretty penny
>'I knew it! I knew it!' screamed the exuberant pony as she collected her winning
>'You all thought she got her wings from solving some dumb old spell? Ha! I always knew they just wanted her closer! Now Lemon Hearts' on her way to the big time losers!'
>And with that she raises her nose in the air with new found composure, now rich enough to become one of the leading mares in Canterlot, and daintily trots out the front gates
>The two guard ponies are nearly overwhelmed with the new surge of ponies making their own bets

>You struggle in vain against the knotted bed sheets binding you to the stool you were hunched over
>The princesses circle around you silently, hoping to unnerve you
>It was working
'Y-You're not going to hurt me are you?' you squeak
>Their facade instantly disappears and is replaced by indignation
>'Of course not' assures Celestia, raising her hoof to her chest 'That would be uncivilized'
>'Uncivilized eh?' you deadpan, writhing your hands against your bonds
>'Yes that's right'
>You smile in relief. It seemed the irony eluded them but at least they weren't going to hurt you
>'We're just going to break your mind over and over until you accept and admit the truth'
>Your smile disappears
>Her horn emits a beam of light over her face; illuminating her calm visage and exaggerating her normally graceful features to terrifying proportions
>'It's just the civilised thing to do after all'
>The three alicorns' horns light up together and a glow surrounds you
>You struggle in vain against your bonds and your your limbs grow sluggish
>You try to scream but your tongue hangs loose in your mouth
>As the spell grows stronger you muster up all your willpower and hear the sound of glass breaking in your head
>'Ca-Cadence' you choke out
>The glow disperses
>'Cadence? What about her?' inquires Twilight
'Please. Not like this. Hear it, from her. Let me hear it from her' you pant, regaining control of your speech
>The princesses shuffle aside and whisper among themselves, staring back at you from time to time
>'Very well Anon.' announces Celestia 'We shall contact the Princess of Love to have her personally explain your folly to you.'
>'If that does not convince you however' she murmurs, leaning into you with concern
>'Then I am afraid we shall have no choice but to continue this... precaution'
>'I hope you understand Anonymous' pipes up Twilight 'You're just simply wrong on this one'
>You lower your head and don't respond, praying the Princess of Love would set things right

>Twilight sends off a letter as the two royal sisters stand guard over you
>'I'm warning you Anon' she begins 'Princess Cadence is very busy running the Crystal Empire. Why, it's likely she won't even have the time to come all the way her-'
>Twilight is interrupted as a heavily Princess Cadence appears with a loud crack and flash of light
>She looks from side to side in disbelief, first to you, then the royal sisters and finally to Twilight
>'I came as soon as I read your letter Twilight' she cries 'What, what's happening here? Why is Anon tied up?'
>Celestia steps forward
>'I'm afraid our efforts to educate him in Equestrian culture have been somewhat unsuccesful, Cadence.'
>'Anonymous knows not of, and refuses to accept, the sex'
>She turns back to you
>'It is hard Anonymous, I know, but you must grow up and accept that this is how foals are born. You can't stay ignorant forever my young friend'
>Turning back to Cadence she continues
>'Anonymous himself begged for you to explain to him, Cadence, the sex, the foal stork, all of it.'
>She trots back beside her sister and smiles and motions for Cadence to begin
>Twilight and Luna smile at her too, confident of her answer
>Cadence's mouth hangs agape
>'Is, is this some kind of joke?' she gawks, struggling to keep her composure with great effort
>'We can assure you that we are most serious about this' replies Luna
>Cadence again looks back and forth between you and the princesses as the corners of her mouth twitch
>Her eyes widen and a snort escapes her
>The princesses take a step forward in concern as Cadence erupts into a fit of giggles before at last bellowing with laughter

>The Princess of Love rolls around Celestia's bedroom floor; tears streaming from her eyes in ecstatic laughter
>'Cadence? Dear, is everything alright' asks a concerned Celestia
>Cadence nods her head on the floor gasping for air
>The princesses awkwardly eye each other as poor Cadence's laughter evolves to a completely silent, almost painful state; her chest convulsing and head jerking in mirth
>Finally she takes a deep lungful of air and her laughter steadily dies out, rising again periodically and at last settling into small exhales
>'Oh I needed that' she sighs
>'Hmph, well, I hope you explain just what's so funny' says an indignant Luna
>Cadence again lets out another snort
>'The foal stork? The sex "spell"? You don't all seriously believe that childish explanation right?'
>The princesses don't answer
>Twilight looks down and digs at the floor awkwardly
>Cadence is taken aback
>'Oh. Oh my. Oh wow I...' she begins, staring at each of the alicorns
>'You actually-?'
>She doesn't finish, blowing at her fringe and sinking to the floor
>You strain against your bonds in another bout of effort and her gaze turns to you
>Pulling herself to her hooves, Cadence's horn lights up and deftly removes your bonds
>You fall flat on your face with a grunt and rub your chafed wrists
>'B-But you're all mature mares. Alicorns! Founts of knowledge and wisdom!' she moans in exasperation
>'You two are centuries old for crying out loud!'
>The two royal sisters look ashamed, but confused, knowing that, but not how they were mistaken
>Cadence rubs her temples in frustration
>'By Starswirl next you're going to tell me you still believe in the Hearths Spirit leaving you presents every Hearthswarming she derides
>The alicorns stand silent
>'Th-The Hearths Spirit isn't real?' asks Twilight, tearing up
>Luna lets out a long piercing scream of grief and descends into sobbing
>Beside her Celestia rocks back and forth muttering to herself
>Cadence drags a hoof down her face and groans

>From outside the door the crowd of ponies had drastically changed again
>Braziers adorned the doorway and illuminated the castle hallway
>The two guards previously handling bets now administered holy oil to any visitor who wished to receive the door's blessing
>The sound of drums boomed through the hall and shook the castle to its foundations as a small cadre of mares and stallions danced around a bonfire
>High Priestess Lemon Hearts, having renounced her prior wealth in favor of the enlightenment of the door watched the spectacle in silence
>'It's time High Priestess' whispered one of her attendants
>Lemon Hearts nodded wordlessly before raising a hoof
>The drums fell silent
>'Let us bring forth the Listener, that we may bask in the message of the door and ponder its sacred mysteries!' she bellows
>The previously lusty maid listening at the door advanced from her post to Lemon Hearts' side, her eyes covered by a scrap of fabric torn from her maid outfit
>The ponies listen in anticipation, not a sound was heard except for the convulsive epileptic fits of a particularly pious pony
>'A fourth voice has been heard!' the Listener announced
>The crowd stood in silence
>'Princess Cadence!'
>The crowd erupts into loud ululating
>Chants of 'LEWD!. LEWD!. LEWD!.' break out as pornography of the imagined scenes between Anonymous, Celestia, Luna, Twilight and now Cadence were fixed and added to the door
>The Listener returned to her post in a dignified manner before crying out in concern
>'Crying! I-I hear crying!' she tremors, tearing the sash from her eyes, the act broken
>The rest of the castle staff whinnied and neighed in concern
>Their princesses were in danger!
>The heroic servants charged towards the door, trying with all their might to break through the protective spells they themselves put in place
>In vain Lemon Hearts commanded them to stop, enjoying her position of power
>'This can't be happening" she thought in disbelief 'I'm in charge here!'

>You are Anon
>Back inside Celestia's bedroom, things had escalated
>Your arms are wrapped around Princess Luna's midsection as you try in vain to restrain the distraught Princess
>Her horns spews bolt after bolt of magical energy and you weave to and fro to avoid the falling pieces of ceiling
>Her sister fares no better, having taken a more... unrefined reaction to the revelation
>Celestia gnaws at one of her bedposts, leaving deep gouges in the wood before, with a mighty 'CRACK' she rips it free from the bed
>Without missing a beat she works her head under the mattress and wrenches it free, hollering like the tribals of old she had educated you about
>You would have cursed Cadence for bringing this upon you but she herself was immobilized by a dangerously calm Twilight
>'And the Tooth Spirit, who collects teeth from young foals and leaves them bits in return, is she real?'
>Cadence, Twilight's magic leaving her unable to lie stutters out a terrified 'N-No'
>Twilight's eye twitches and her magical grip tightens
>'And the Hearts and Hooves Spirit...'
>All 5 of you freeze as the door to Celestia's room booms and shakes before bursting open
>Hordes of panicked ponies stream into the bedroom, chiefly palace staff but also a few Canterlot citizens
>'We heard screaming! Is everything alright princesses?' begs the lusty maid
>She and the ponies freeze and notice of the that greets them
>Celestia stood panting, several pillows impaled on her horn
>A few feet away lays Anonymous with Princess Luna in his grips, the both of them covered in plaster dust and sweat
>The pregnant Princess Cadence floats above them all, flailing and begging Princess Twilight, who had yet to notice the crowd gathering, to release her
>Princess Celestia is the first to regain her composure
>'It is customary, my loyal servant, for a maid to knock before she enters a room' she says regally; as if stating the obvious
>A pillow slips off her horn

>'May I ask what has incited you all to' Celestia motions towards the door and sighs 'Make such an entrance?'
>Her tone was even, but belied underlying danger
>'Oh... well it's a funny story your grace' blusters the maid
>'You see we thought' she begins, motioning to the rest of the castle staff around her who desperately shook their heads
>'That you were, erm, "doing it" with Anonymous, your grace'
>Celestia tilts her head in confusion
>'But that is true. We were doing something'
>'No, No I mean that you letting Anon' she coughs '"Explore the castle"'
>'But he was here with us the entire time'
>'Greasing the loaf pan?'
>'I believe that's the cook's duty'
>Why didn't her beloved pervert princess understand her?
>The maid huffs; her frustration overcoming her fear
>'I mean that you were having se-'
>The castle servants snap out of their stunned fear and mob tackle the maid
>They knew well enough not to imply such a thing to their ruler
>'Se-se, second thoughts your grace!' cries one butler. 'About um, er'
>'Changing the' pipes up another
>'T-Tile pattern and we wanted to remind you!' finishes one of the guards
>The rest of the servants look at him as if he were an idiot
>Celestia squints her eyes and looks at her servants suspiciously
>The ponies huddle in fear and the rest of the crowd shuffles out, eager to avoid what they assumed would be their ruler's great wrath
>'Hmm, you're quite right' decides Celestia
>The servants breathed a collective sigh of relief
>'Indeed it is rather drab. The pattern has been the same for at least a century after all'
>Celestia beams with pride and affection 'It seems my loyal ponies truly do know their princess well. You may return to your duties, and I will see to it that each of you is given double-pay for a month'
>The ponies mutter half-hearted thanks, more grateful that their lie had gone undetected than for the money
>As the ponies shuffled out of the room one by one they each in turn froze
>The hallway!

>The servants entered into a desperate effort to remove all evidence of their recent conversion to pony paganism
>Lemon Hearts cursed at her former servants for abandoning their faith
>She tried in vain to pull them from their clean up efforts until at last she gave up and, fixing Celestia's diadem upon her head, resolved to claim her reward
>'Only those who believe in the the door's power shall receive it's blessing!' she quotes before disappearing into Celestia's bedroom
>...
>'Is that my diadem?' they heard their princess inquire
>Lemon Hearts shot back out of the room
>'IT'S A PRANK I SWEAR IT'S JUST A PRANK' she cries, fear apparent on her face as she races towards the castle entrance and back out into Canterlot proper, Celestia's fallen diadem rattling behind her
>The palace servants chuckle amongst themselves
>'Boy some ponies sure are stupid huh?' laughs one of the guards

>And so life returned to normal back in Canterlot castle
>Or at least as normal as it gets around a castle with two sexually stunted princesses, a cadre of servants now only half sure they were perverts and a green alien who, though he had been given permission to leave, still bummed around there
>You were wandering the palace a week later when you were given a letter by a particularly hurried mailpony from Princess Cadence herself
>'Dear Anonymous' it read 'After last week's incident with the other princesses I've decided to take it upon myself to make sure they're properly educated in carnal matters to prevent a repeat of this from happening ever again'
>The next few lines detailed various outlines of her incredibly in depth lesson plans
>'Due my current condition, however, I've need of a helper. Thus I formally request that you consider aiding me in my endeavor as my assistant'
>'P.S. You owe me for dragging me into that bedroom in the first place. I still have vertigo from Twilight's spell'
>Your stomach drops
>You knew you had no choice
>Besides how bad could it be anyway?

>SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH
>You clutch your ears in pain as Twilight shuffles her chair backwards and forwards, stopping for a few moments before frowning and scraping it over the floor again
>For the 8th time now
>Behind her Celestia and Luna, perhaps remembering simpler times, had reverted to the mentalities of schoolfillies
>The floor around the bin in the corner was littered with balls of paper
>The crazy thing was you never saw them throw them, you just heard whether they hit their mark or not
>You eye up the sisters
>Celestia was leaning back in her desk, loudly chewing and blowing bubbles with a seemingly unlimited supply of gum
>Beside her Luna sat with a scowl, the wood of her desk deeply scarred with graffiti she'd cut into the surface
>These two were going to be a handful
>But Cadence had asked for your help and you were a man of your word
>Speaking of Cadence where was she?
>She was supposed to have been here 5 minutes ago
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH
'Twilight stop moving your desk!' you order
>Your head was already pounding and the lesson hadn't even begun
>'But I can't see from back here'
>'Then move forward!'
>'But then I block their view' she says, motioning to Celestia and Luna
>The two sisters look at each other and smirk knowingly
'Then-'
>The door bursts open and the class is greeted by a dishevelled Cadence
>'Sorry I'm late class' she pants before maneuvering her weight behind her desk
>The class sits up straight and Cadence smiles gratefully at you
>'Wow Anon I'm impressed that you've managed to keep them quiet. Looks like this is going to be easier than I thought'
>SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-