aragon sucks dicks on a daily basis

// ==UserScript==
// @name        aragon sucks dicks on a daily basis
// @namespace   Selbi
// @include     http*://*fimfiction.net/*
// @version     18.10.2015
// @grant       none
// @description Because of how Math.random() works, the default case can't ever be reached.
// ==/UserScript==

$("span, a.title, a.story_link, div.left>ul>li, div.description>p").each(function(){
    aragonsucksdicks(this);
});

function aragonsucksdicks(ohmygoddidyouknowheswallowedwholelastnightanddidntevensaythanks) {
    var randomdicks = Math.floor(Math.random() * 10);
    var aragonsdicks = "ARAGON ";
    switch(randomdicks) {
        case 0:  aragonsdicks += "SUCKS DICKS ON A DAILY BASIS"; break;
        case 1:  aragonsdicks += "PLAYED CHESS AGAINST HIMSELF AND LOST ON BOTH SIDES"; break;
        case 2:  aragonsdicks += "WOULD MASTURBATE TO CARROT PORN"; break;
        case 3:  aragonsdicks += "ACTUALLY KISSED HIS WALL WHILE SINGING PINK FLOYD"; break;
        case 4:  aragonsdicks += "AGREES THAT SELBI IS THE KING"; break;
        case 5:  aragonsdicks += "FURIOSLY MAKES OUT WITH HIS PILLOW AS WE SPEAK"; break;
        case 6:  aragonsdicks += "FARTED IN HIS OWN FACE TO CHECK IF HE'S BIOLOGICALLY DISPOSABLE"; break;
        case 7:  aragonsdicks += "LISTENS TO SMOOTH JAZZ WHILE POOPING"; break;
        case 8:  aragonsdicks += "SET HIMSELF ON FIRE WHILE RUNNING THROUGH THE STREETS NAKED"; break;
        case 9:  aragonsdicks += "PENETRATED HIS COMPUTER AND SINCE THEN HIS AUDIO SOCKET DOESN'T WORK"; break;
        default: aragonsdicks += "is actually a pretty cool dude.";
    }
    $(ohmygoddidyouknowheswallowedwholelastnightanddidntevensaythanks).text(aragonsdicks);
}