On a warm summer's evenin
On a train bound for Evo
I met up with the smasher
We were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns a-playin
Melee matches on CRT
The boredom overtook us, he began to speak

He said, "Son, I've won two Evos
Thanks to readin' people's inputs
Knowin' what their moves were
By the way they held their eyes
So if you don't mind me sayin'
I can see you trying Mangles
For a taste of your whiskey
I'll give you some advice"

So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette
And asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet
And his faced lost all expression
He said, "If you're gonna play Melee, boy
You gotta learn to play it right

You've got to know when to Hax dash
Know when to down smash
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the setup
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the tourney's done

Every Smasher knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' when to go deep
And knowin' when to camp
'Cause every moves's a winner
And every one's a loser
And the best that you can hope for
Is to not go 0 [pronounced Oh] and two

And when he finished speakin'
He turned back toward the window
Crushed out his cigarette
And faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness
The smasher got edgeguarded
And in his final words
I found an ace that I could keep

You've got to know when to Hax dash
Know when to down smash
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the setup
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the tourney's done

You've got to know when to Hax dash
(When to Hax dash)
Know when to down smash
(When to down smash)
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the setup
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the tourney's done

You've got to know when to Hax dash
Know when to down smash
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the setup
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the tourney's done