F*ck This Noise

>Day fuck this noise in Equestria.
>This place is terrible.
>You're tired of these pones.
>Tired of your day to day humdrum life.
>It's not like they're all bad. Hell a few of them you would even call friends.
>There's the pink one that bakes some bitchin cupcakes for you.
>The orange one is the only pone you know with a respectable job.
>Making booze for your ass.
>The rest just bullshit their way through their lives, working on menial tasks that don't need doing.
>If wild animals can't care for themselves, they deserve what comes to them.
>The weather doesn't need manipulating, you polychromatic thundercunt.
>You don't need to wear clothes, you have no sense of modesty.
>Get a real job, god damn hippies.
>Not that you can say much. You don't even job.
>Princess fatass basically pays you a stipend to not cause trouble.
>Not to mention be a tourist attraction.
>Fuck, they may as well have put you in an exhibit.
>Come see the talking space monkey! Watch his will to live slowly drain away!
>But the worst part of this land of talking horses you found yourself in has got to be...
>Insert knocking on door here.

>You would normally be raging at this point, but you can't seem to work up any more fucks to give.
>Lying in bed, trying to hate that slut off your doorstep has never worked anyway.
>But it did usually make you feel slightly better.
>Knocking increases in volume. It's up to a slight tapping now.
>"U-Ummm, Anon?"
Why have you abandoned me Odin? Have I not killed enough in your name?
>Yeah, it's really for the best that you wound up here.
>Who the fuck has battle-axe sweestake giveaways anyway?
>You let the fond memories of that week in Canada wash over you.
>Seriously, learn to lock your fucking doors.
>"A-Anon, I know you're home. Please open the do-"
>You hurl one of the many empty bottles littering your floor towards the door.
>You must have startled her off, as you hear a squeel and a rapid flapping.
>The returning silence is comforting, and you almost feel like you can gather the will to face the day.
>It won't last. It never lasts...
You know what? Fuck this noise.
>Getting up, you don't bother with shaving or showering.
>And you don't shit in the toilet anymore.


>One of the few joys you have left in life is seeing purples face when she opens one of her books to find a turd smeared between the pages.
>Though you did feel a bit bad for Spike. He cries every time he has to clean one.
>Pussy.
>After putting on some generic clothes made by the white one, you drag yourself downstairs.
>Don't bother eating, it will only delay the inevitable.
>Walking out the door, you step over the bag of aborted fetuses.
>Feti?
>Sighing heavily, you can't help but wonder if these were legally acquired.
>You would wonder what makes her think they could possibly be arousing, but you stopped questioning her thought process on such matters long ago.
>Better for you mental stability you said.
>You're glad you don't plan on returning.
>Those will probably start to reek by noon.
>Fucking sun bitch.
>Walking down the path towards Poneville, you let your mind wander to the days when you first arrived.
>Sure, you were a bit weirded out, but the constant unassailable kindness and understanding from these horses made you quickly stop caring.
>This was the genuine article, not like the faux understanding and compassion those filty Canadians were always preaching about.
>Fucking Canada.
>Still, if there's anything that can be said about Anon, it's that he's a douche.
>Even after the Princess offered to pay your way in this world.
>You aren't really allowed to correspond with the royalty anymore.
>Burned that bridge with your first letter.
>"Dear Princess Celestia" And a nice fat lugie in the center of the page.


>Eventually though, your optimism that this was the best place for you began to wane.
>It's not that you started to be treated badly, or ran into trouble.
>You just got bored.
>Nothing happens here, day in and day out, all you do is try to kill time faster than it's killing you.
>You thought this place was interesting at first, Hydras, Dragons, Manticores.
>Yet even the most deadly of these beasts couldn't touch you.
>Some retarded deus ex machina always shows up to save the day.
>You literally called the god of chaos a faggot, and the worst he did was reverse the polarity of your personality or some shit.
>Making you more of a cynical asshole than you already were for a day or so.
>What you wouldn't give to see Slaanesh wreck his shit.
>You're pulled out of your musings as you reach the town proper.
>The pones go out of their way to give you a friendly wave and "Good morning!"
>You respond by shooting them the bird.
>They keep on smiling as they walk away.
>Fuckin pleb pones and their useless blunted appendages.
>Don't even get the finer language nuances of the hand.
>As you reach a nice empty spot in the middle of the market, you lie down and accept your fate.
>You will sit here and waste away.
>Your only wish is that when the time comes, these pones know that it was their fault.

>"Anon... U-ummm, what are you doing?"
>You don't bother responding to yellow. She can go fuck herself.
>"This umm, probably isn't the best place for a nap..."
>As she says this, her face slowly comes into view above you.
>You normally wouldn't allow yourself to be in such a vulnerable position around her, but it's not like she would try anything in the middle of town.
>You were wrong.
>She apparently took your silence as an invitation and begins inching her lips closer to yours.
>Still on the ground, staring upwards with a blank expression on your face, you rocket your forehead into her snout as suddenly as possible.
>She flinches back from the force of the blow, and doesn't seem to realize what just happened.
>As the blood starts to drip from her nose, so do the tears from her eyes.
>"O-ow, that really hurt, you didn't have to be so mean..."
>Pones look on in disapproval as she quietly flutters away sobbing.
>If only you had known it was so easy.
>It wouldn't have had to come to this, you would have slapped her shit the first day she tried her shenanigans.
>As the day drags on, the bustling marked moves around you.
>Some of the pones stop to check if you're alright, but the silence and dead look in your eyes seems to unnerve them.

>"-nd he's just been laying there all day..."
>You vaguely process the sound of multiple sets of hooves moving up to you.
>"Anonymous, how dare you bring harm to a lady, especially one as fragile as our dear Fluttershy! I demand that you apologize!"
>1000 yard stare, yo
>White was unprepared for the amount of fucks you don't give.
>She steps back with a huff as purple approaches.
>"Anonymous, are you alright?"
>Not receiving any response seems to worry them further as the lot of them try to get your attention.
>"We need to get help, this isn't normal."
>Leaving you with your thoughts of eventual entropy and decay, they head of to who gives a shit.
>Only to return minutes later with mint green in tow.
>For some reason, she is believed to be the most qualified pone when it comes to understanding and interpreting human interactions.
>She's really just a fucking nut job.
>"Oh it's nothing to be worried about girls, he's just beginning his metamorphosis! You see, when Humans reach a certain age, they begin their transformation into adults."
>"But ah thought Anon here was already an adult."


>Fluttershy looks around nervously.
>Is there a pony version of Chris Hansen?
>"The reason that he is lying so prone, is that he is conserving his energy for the process. Let's just give him time, and when he emerges, he will be a beautiful new creature."
>You feel your eye twitch.
>It's like just being around these bitches makes your brain lapse into retardation.
>"Well, I guess if that's what's for the best... Come on girls, we'll leave Anon to is."
>"Bye Nonny, I hope you transform soon so I can throw you a "Finally cast off his ugly shell" Party!"
>Ow. Well fuck you too, pink.
>"Do you think he'll have wings? No way he'd be faster than me!"
>As they trot off, you think to yourself how anything could possibly be this stupid.
>Yellow brings her face over yours once more.
>"N-no matter what you turn into, I-I'll still love you."
>With a quick peck on the cheek, she's off.
>Huh, that wasn't so bad, is this what I've been making such a big deal about?
>Whatever, no turning back now.

>It took 6 days before you succumb to a combination of exposure, starvation, and dehydration, but it's finally over.
>The only thing that could take you out in this world of sunshine and gumdrops is complete innactivity.
>Now you know the secret.
>You may have died in an incredibly painful way, but at least you aren't
>Fucking Fluttershy.