Touchy Subjects

	Undyne sat in Gerson’s old loveseat, spending this part of the day with her old, other father figure, and, of course, with his patented sea tea. She had always enjoyed sitting and talking with the gnarled old geezer as she sipped on the salty brew, his whole house basically a museum with all of the antique furniture. The two were still rather close, with the older monster taking half of the duties in raising Undyne when she turned up at his shop one day, and since then they’ve nearly been inseparable. Though, he took more of a role of grandpa rather than father, which Asgore filled the role of naturally, but Gerson couldn’t complain. He was far too wrinkled and nearsighted to be worried about being old.

	They sipped on the refreshingly brisk and salty drink and nibbled on crab apples. There was a solid feeling of nostalgia for Undyne that came with Gerson’s refreshments. Many days after training with Asgore, she would drink some to settle herself and finish the chores she had to do with Gerson. Or she would drink several cups before taking Asgore on, hoping that the added speed would be the edge she needed, though it never seemed to matter. It was a welcome feeling to the ex-royal guard. All these memories swirling in her head drummed up a smile, and then came the feeling of brashness-- wishing she still had that young energy.

	She set down her drained mug, looking up at Gerson with a wide grin. Now it was time for the best part: gossip. Gerson still ran his shop despite his old age, very successfully selling his tea and fishy food amongst humans who needed the energy in a pinch. And when those new shoppers arrived, so did their rumors.

	“So, what’s the scoop today?” Undyne leaned forward interestedly.

	“Slow down there, sport,” the old monster said, “I still haven’t even finished my tea!”

	“Whose fault is that?” Undyne spat back. “I think your age's showing, old man!”

	With a chuckle, he erupted into a rather sarcastic rant-- “You trudge through a couple millenia and just try telling me you'd stay as quick as you are now!” He shook his tea cup at her in false anger. “I've earned the right to be slow.”

	“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” She rolled her eyes. “Slow and steady, and all that crap. Was your sister the one who took on the hare?”

	He scoffed. “Why, I never! Not all shell wearin’ monsters are related to me, y’know.”

	“Well, you sure are snappy for a turtle.” Undyne smirked.

	“Tortoise!” He exclaimed, throwing his arms up, “And don’t you dare make a pun like that in my own house, Missy. I taught you everything you know, you know.” Tension hung thick in the air before the two broke into laughter, both of them teetering as they settled back into their chairs.

	“Anyway,” Gerson said, once he'd caught his breath, “as for the gossip… there isn’t much that I caught this past week.” He looked at Undyne’s smile shrink, his half closed eye gleaming. “But, there is one little thing that might pique your interest.”

	Undyne sat up, every bit of disappointment leaving her bones. Gerson chuckled. “Knew that would perk you up.”

	“What is it!” Her request wasn’t quite in the form of a question as she sat forward in her seat, ravenous for new drama.

	“It seems like Asgore has found a new lady.” Gerson announced, smirking as he saw the gears turn in Undyne’s head. He had placed bets on what emotions would show on her face, and in what order, and every single guess hit the mark. First came confusion, then contemplation, then disbelief, and then a slight bit of denial.

	“No way.” She shook her head. “He’s still caught up on Tori. We both know that.”

	“What? After having two dads you’re scared of finally having a mom?” Gerson grew just that bit cheekier as he spoke, knowing exactly where to toy with his hot headed apprentice.

	“Pssh,” Undyne flipped her hair and rolled her eyes. “Of course not! I know that Asgore wants his family back.”

	“Aye, but have you seen him lately?”

	“Of course! He’s basically my dad.”

	“Yeah and so was I, doesn’t stop you from calling me 'Gramps'.” he grumbled, “Since you've seen him so often, surely you've noticed how differently he's acting...?”

	Undyne opened her mouth to speak, but then thought back. Was Asgore acting differently?

	“I’ve known the guy for years, much longer than you have, squirt,” he said smugly, “and he’s acting the same way he did when he first met ol’ Miss Tori.”

	She crossed her arms, leaning back in her seat. “What do you mean?”

	“He’s acting smitten! He’s got that spring back in his step, whistlin’ as he’s walking down the street. He’s even trimming his beard, for the moon’s sake! When was the last time you’ve seen him with his beard fixed up all nice and pretty?”

	Undyne shifted in her seat, the evidence stacking up against her. “I don’t think he ever did when I was living with him…”

	“Exactly!” Gerson exclaimed, pointing with a loud laugh. “He’s fallen back in love, I’m tellin’ ya! Finally got out of his stink and over Tori.”

	The ex-guard contemplated for a short minute before finally speaking. “I’m not buying it,” Undyne said, staying resolute. “You know him better than anyone, even me. He wouldn’t date anyone as long as Tori is still around.”

	“Trust me, if you look for ‘hung up’ in the dictionary, he’s sitting there waving.” Gerson leaned back. “You should’ve seen him way back when Tori first went missin’. Girls flocked to him like bugs to a light as they tried to become the next would be queen of monsters, but he barely even paid them attention. He had to stop taking walks it was so bad!” He took a break to laugh before his face turned serious, or as serious as it could be. “But he never took any offers-- his mind was still stuck on Tori.” He sniffed. “Almost felt bad for him.

	“But if he’s back in the game then good on ‘im! I’ve seen enough of his mug looking sad whenever he and I go out. He’s still my friend, y’know-- I want what’s best for him.” He looked down sadly. “I know how much Tori means to him, and I’d put up with their disgusting antics if it meant that I could see him be fully happy again, but… you can’t force things like that to work.”

	The two sat in silence as their originally joyous talk took a turn towards melancholy. Undyne couldn’t stop thinking about Asgore. Was he really dating someone else? He had never seemed to be outgoing in that sense. He was usually focused entirely on work or on his family. Maybe he finally found someone else? But what about Tori? There’s no way he’s gotten over her so quickly.

	 Gerson looked up with a smile. “Enough about your dad-- you wanna hear what the bunny sisters did with their brother?”

	“Nah,” Undyne said, looking at her phone, “I wanted to take Asgore on a surprise visit to the gym. He said he wanted to get into shape again-- what better way than by forcing him?”

	“Sounds like a plan,” he commented. “Well, best of luck to ya! Here’s hoping that you don’t accidentally walk in on Asgore and his new fling.” A wicked smirk crawled onto his lips.

	Undyne’s face wrinkled in disgust at the thought. “Oh my god! Gross!”

	“Hey don’t blame me! Not my fault that your father has more sex appeal than any monster on this earth.” Cackling laughter came from the tortoise as Undyne got up and covered her ears.

	“I seriously did not need that mental image of my dad,” she gagged as she raced for the door.

	“It’s my job to horrify you youngsters!” He kept laughing, his chair threatening to topple over backwards in his fit. “Don’t come back crying to me when he has his horns buffed and a bouquet of roses ready when he answers the door! Wahahaha!”

	Undyne slammed the door behind her, though she could still here the old monster’s laugh as she walked down the block. She shook her head, shivering and spitting as she got the disgusting thoughts out of her head. Though, those were quickly replaced with thoughts about what Gerson had said earlier. There’s no way that Asgore had gotten over Toriel, especially not this suddenly. All throughout her childhood she saw his almost obsession with his past life, his home still feeling as if there should be more people living there, even though it was just him.

	Before she even knew it, she found herself at Asgore’s house. She realized immediately that there was a new car parked out front. It wasn’t the king’s-- this one was smaller, newer, and bizarrely familiar. She shook her head, obviously playing tricks with herself. She walked up to the door, knocking on it a few times. However, she received no response, even after making the monumentally patient decision of waiting more than a few seconds. Once a while had passed, she knocked again... waited, knocked again... several times, with growing confusion. Still there was no response. This was very unlike Asgore. His car was still in the driveway, so he was obviously home. So why wasn’t he responding?

	Undyne tried the handle, which turned without issue, and let the door swing open slowly. She poked her head through, glancing around the seemingly empty home... But something felt decisively wrong. There were a pair of wine glasses and dirty plates sitting on his coffee table, as opposed to his usual single tea cup. Her heart sank deep into her stomach as the truth hit her right in the face. Gerson was right. She walked over to the empty glasses, both of them still holding the dregs of red wine. She looked at the TV, which was still on as it displayed the credits of a movie, though they were paused. It all fell into place, the realization hitting Undyne like a brick; Asgore had spent the afternoon with his date. She pinched the bridge of her nose and cursed silently to herself; she was never going to hear the end of this from Gerson. Though, the question was where Asgore was now. She whipped her head towards the kitchen, noticing the bottle of wine and more importantly lavender purse on the counter. She could’ve sworn she had seen that purse before and went to look at it, but heard commotion and froze.

	Undyne looked towards the source, which was Asgore’s bedroom. A lump formed in her throat at the implications, and what she was about to do, but she had to know who this was that Asgore was seeing. She felt like she knew exactly who it was-- everything that she saw seemed so familiar, from the car, to the purse, to even what brand of wine was being drunk, but she couldn’t quite place it. She walked slowly to the door, taking extreme caution to not make a sound. She could hear Asgore through the door.

	“Oooh,” he sighed, “You are far too good at that, honey.” Undyne heard a stifled giggle come from the other person. Undyne’s eyes widened and her heart stopped. She recognized that giggle; it was Toriel’s.

	“Good at what, dear?” Toriel asked with a cheeky laugh. Undyne’s heart did a backflip back into its place in her chest from her stomach. She covered her mouth to quiet a shocked gasp, and continued listening.

	“I think you know exactly what I meant,” he laughed, which Toriel joined him in. Undyne couldn’t believe her ears. Last thing she knew, Toriel was severely hostile and cold to Asgore. Now the two were exchanging cute bedroom talk? It was almost like whiplash. She wanted to celebrate, do a few backflips and destroy a table to show how happy she was for her adoptive father, but now was certainly not the time. He was in the bedroom with the love of his life, who has obviously done some obscenely lewd act with him, and she was acting all cutesy. Undyne nearly pinched herself to make sure this wasn’t some odd, perverted dream.

	“Mmmmaybe,” Toriel replied innocently. Lewd giggles and laughs followed, the two obviously unaware of Undyne’s presence. “It’s just too much fun when you make such cute little noises.”

	“You’re one to talk,” Asgore taunted, the smile evident in his words.

	“Oh come here you big ‘Dreem’ boat.” There was a silence after a few chuckles, leaving Undyne only able to imagine what the two were doing. She stuck out her tongue, almost gagging at the thought. She may be happy that Asgore was finally back with Toriel, but that didn’t make this any less awkward. Even if it was just a kiss, it was her dad in there, and she’d really rather not think of him in that way.

	As she sat, an idea struck her mind so hard she was amazed she hadn’t thought of it earlier. She whipped out her phone and tapped the first person on her messaging list, her fingers moving as fast as lightning as she texted away.

	Alphys was sitting in the little apartment she and Undyne shared, wrapped in a blanket and watching anime on her computer. A half-eaten container of ramen was in one of her hands, a fork in the other. She was curled up nice and cozy in her chair, leaning back as she watched the animation play out some shonen fight scene. Her phone buzzed, which she absentmindedly grabbed as she stuffed her fork into the cup of noodles she was nibbling on. With practiced ease she opened her phone, flipping through her Mew Mew themed home screen as Undyne messaged her.

	ALPH HOLY CRAP
	ASGORE AND TORIEL ARE BACK TOGETHER

	Alphys nearly spat out the mouthful of ramen. She never paused a show faster, and her attention was now completely on her phone.

	WHAT?!

	Her mind was racing as she waited for a response. She was going through so many scenarios-- how the two got back together, what they were doing, how their first date went. The two had been her OTP ever since she saw the two together at the barrier, and thought that Toriel was just playing hard to get at first. She took reassurance in the fact that Frisk had thought the two would get back together, but things were looking grave for her ship. Though, now it seems to have sailed.

	YEAH! IKR?!
	I came over to take Asgore on a surprise gym visit but it turns out he had other plans. Wine, a movie, dinner, the whole shebang

	Alphys tapped as fast as she could.

	How did you find this all out?!?!? They didn’t see you?

	Undyne responded:

	They were both in the bedroom when I came in. His front door was unlocked
	I’ve just been sitting here
	Babe she just called him Gorey

	The scientist felt her nose begin to run.

	GOREY?
	THE BEDROOM?!

	IKR
	They’ve been talking for like 15 minutes. I think I came in after they did stuff

	Alphys nearly dropped her phone, her mouth hanging ajar as Undyne sat still, drowning out her adoptive dad and soon-to-be foster mom’s sappy little exchange. Still, sometimes it was too hard to not listen.

	“My, my,” Toriel giggled, “Eager as ever, Fluffybuns.”

	Undyne’s eyes widened for what felt like the fifth time today, once again texting her girlfriend.

	SHE JUST CALLED HIM FLUFFYBUNS!

	Alphys’s response was a string of scattered letters and numbers that could only be interpreted as intense joy, which made Undyne laugh quietly. She leaned back against the door, setting down her phone. Her ears perked as she heard Asgore again.

	“You make it hard not to be, Honeybuns.” Undyne tried her best not to gag. For all of the things he was good at, she could not imagine how Asgore was able to land Toriel in the first place with compliments like that.

	“Ooh,” Toriel tittered, making Undyne eat her words, “‘Honeybuns’, I like that. You have always had a sweet tooth, Gorey.”

	“It’s because you are such a treat to talk to.” Undyne could hear the schmooziness in Asgore’s voice, and his disgustingly sweet tone making her sick.

	“Hehe. I think you deserve a ‘treat’ after that one~,” the queen added cheekily, her words turning lustful. Undyne realized what Toriel meant almost too late.

	“What about the ‘main course’?” He added, causing more giggles to stream from his wife.

	“I simply do not think I could wait any longer.” Undyne could imagine the smirk on Toriel’s lips, though she really wish she couldn’t.

	“Oh ho ho, and you called me the eager one.” The bedsprings squeaked and squealed as the goats shifted on the bed. Undyne felt her stomach drop at the multiple implications, her mind immediately signalling ‘retreat’. Soft sighs and giggles came from the bedroom as Undyne intended to make her speedy getaway, drawing the line at bedroom talk before anything too graphic entered her brain. Her agility and speed paid off, her footsteps barely making any sound  as she left the house in mere seconds, right before anything bad could happen. She panted as she rested on Asgore’s lawn, escaping just before she could hear the first, ‘Oh, Gorey~’.

	~~~

	“Asgore, did you just hear something?”

	“No. I don’t think so, at least. What was it?”

	“It sounded like someone… running away? But very, very quietly.”

	“I think you are just hearing things, dear. No one could have gotten in. I locked the front door, remember?”

	“I do not remember you doing that.”

	“Really? Huh.”

	~~~

	The goats were laying in bed together, wrapped in his plush sheets and watching another movie on Asgore’s little TV as they relished in the afterglow of their date. Toriel was cuddled against Asgore’s side as they enjoyed the film, and his arm was wrapped warmly around her shoulders. The day had been very successful for the two, as they’d managed to sneak another secret date underneath everyone else’s noses. Dinner, a movie, wine; the two couldn’t ask for anything better than each other's company, especially when things led to the bedroom.

	Asgore sighed, smiling as he looked at his wife, whose tired gaze was fixed on the television. He couldn’t be any happier, resting in her loving warmth, which was constant at his side. Toriel yawned and snuggled up closer to him, closing those last few inches between the two as she rested her head on his shoulder. He looked over as his phone turned on, displaying a new message.

	He reached over, careful not to disturb Toriel, as he snatched the device from his bedside table. The king smiled as he saw that it was from Undyne and gladly opened it. However, his smile quickly vanished as he read the message.

	HELL YEAH ASGORE!!! GET THAT GOAT TAIL!

	Almost as soon as he read the message, another came in with just as much enthusiasm as the last one:

	Did you hit it twice????

	Asgore was shocked, his entire muzzle turning red with blush-- he didn’t know what to say. He gazed over at Toriel again, who was peacefully resting against him under the covers, her white fur shining. His focus returned back at his phone and pursed his lips, looking resolutely at the keyboard.

	Yes.

	He turned his phone off as he saw Undyne begin to respond again, and sighed. He would have to talk to her tomorrow.

	Toriel looked over at him from the TV and chuckled, chiming in:

	“I told you you didn’t lock the door.”