r9kElsa goes bowling

Fuuuck robots. Siscon E here. It's been a while, and I have shit to tell you. This one is fresh in my mind, so here.

>Be in ice fortress
>Playing Starcraft
>Losing
>A and K are downstairs, Cousin R is visiting. I know because they caught me when I tried to make a sandwich
>inb4 makemeasandwich
>inb4 OPcantinb4
>Door kicked in, expansion is killed, ragequit
>Yell "What?!" before even looking
>It's A
>Shit
>"C'mon E, we're going bowling!"
>wat
>it's half past 9 at night
>"Why?"
>"R, E, K, and me want to go, and dad says you'd have to go too."
>E's here.
>Why do I have to supervise them on their double dates, do they have some sort of weird orgy parties if I'm not there?
>They do go on a lot of double dates
>…
>Why do they go on so many?
>Get your head out of the gutter, E
>Oh shit she's been waiting for an answer
>"No, busy"
>Great lie idiot. That doesn't work when she can see you staring at a loss screen
>suddenly, A
>arms wrapped around me
>beetface activate
>concealdontfeel.png
>"Come ooooooon, it's more fun with you anyway"
>…..
>Why do you hold this power over me
>"F-fine"
>Hear voices from the hall celebrating
>The three of them were waiting just outside the door listening
>ivebeenrused
>They know her power over me
>fuck

>In E's car
>Shotgun so I don't have to be next to A and K's touchy feely shit
>Swimming in McDonalds wrappers and cigarette boxes
>Shoe is sticky, don't know how, don't want to
>Dressed as unattractively as possible, ratty sweatshirt, hair pushed into a horde cap, gaudy sunglasses that cover most of my face
>Hear A and K making out in the back already
>thegogglestheydonothing.jpg
>R is teasing them, but I'm not even listening
>E asks if I'm alright
>just dandy, if not for watching that gorilla groping A
>"Yeah"
>This feels vaguely familiar, though I can't remember when or how it happened
>Conversation as meaningless to me as I'm sure my thoughts are to most
>If E says "smolder" one more fucking time
>I don't think he even knows what it means
>E doesn't turn where I expect him to
>"Um, E? Wasn't the place back there?"
>he laughs
>oh god why is he laughing
>prepare to tumble out of speeding car
>"That place is too expensive, I know a better one"
>Shifty-ass E is taking us to a cheap bowling alley
>I never got to say goodbye to my frien- wait
>Well I still don't want to die

>Get there
>itsfuckingnothing.tiff
>There's a sign for a bar with a bowling pin next to it in some shady building a bit too far from anywhere I recognize
>E and R walk in, A and K following
>"You coming?"
>in too deep
>"y-yeah"
>inside it's a five-star hotel with champagne and bowling
>lolno
>it's a dingy disgusting game house with some pool tables, lanes, and a bar
>why would you take A here, E? Why would you let him, K?
>Guys are fucking dolts
>Giant guy behind the bar
>Like fucking huge
>No bigger
>You're underestimating him still
>He's wearing a leather vest that looks like it's about to bust
>responsible small business owner clearly
>Arms look like balloon animals
>balloon snakes, I guess
>Marshmellow yells at us, can't even understand him, thick yuropoor accent
>E yells back at him in some mangled mockery of it, can't pick out a word
>Marshmellow nods
>uwot

>E walks over to the bar to pay for a few round, tells us to get a lane and table
>Consider asking him to get me a drink
>Remember what happens when I get drunk in public
>Ha, no
>Sitting in front of the command board table thing that bowling lanes have
>No monitor to go with it
>It's just a useless table thing with buttons
>metaphors.txt
>A is nestled in K's arms
>not my arms
>whyyy
>Realize R is talking to me, fuck
>"Er, what'd you say?"
>"I said what's going on with you lately? We don't talk much"
>stop being nice so I can rationalize not wanting to talk to you
>"Not… not a lot…"
>A is watching me
>Say something moron
>"I got a-"
>stop stop stop
>I was about to fucking talk about starcraft
>maybe I'm learning to normalfag
>"Just hanging out… enjoying life…"
>insert more cliches here
>"Doing… college stuff…"
>genius.gif
>R nods, I've bored her
>A smiles, then gets back to chatting with K
>Good feel
>Then kisses him
>It's gone

>E comes back
>Holding some turds
>Wait no those are balls
>Shit-brown balls that even I could fit in my hand
>Those are the bowling balls
>Classy joint
>A pipes up
>"What about shoes?"
>He laughs
>laugh one more fucking time
>"Pay like 10 more dollars for renting some ratty shoes? No way."
>Feel like there's a reason bowling shoes exist
>Can't remember
>The rest seem cool with it, so ok
>We start bowling
>E first
>Gutterball, 2 pins
>These things are the size of softballs the fuck you doing
>R next
>Spare
>proceeds to brag to E
>approve
>K goes
>fucking strike
>Does shooting translate to bowling?
>Maybe
>more research needed
>A freaks out cheering and gives him a big kiss when he gets back
>n-no I'm not j-jealous
>Ask A why she's not going
>"Oh I don't like bowling"
>WHY ARE WE HERE THEN
>E tells me it's my turn
>welp

>Pick up the shitball and go up to the lane
>It's sticky, why the fuck is everything sticky
>Consider just chucking it into the gutter and going to see if there's a game shop next door
>a wild thought appears
>A wouldn't… not if I did the same thing… no she wouldn't….
>fuck it, gonna try anyway
>nothing to lose
>psych self up, try to line up the ball and the line and the pins and shit
>this isn't like monkeyball
>take a deep breath, and take one giant step forward and throw the ball
>except it doesn't go forward
>I step on the waxed up lane and get wipe the fuck out
>Ball goes flying into the air, face plants on the wood
>at least there's some tomato sauce for my spaghetti
>no that's blood
>head is bleeding on the lane, faeries and trolls dancing in my vision
>just pass out for a few seconds
>wake up with A and R at my side, saying things
>Marshmellow bartender is yelling at us in yuropoor, E is yelling back at him in half-english-half-yuropoor
>don't know where the fuck K is
>A pulls me up, K appears with some bandages
>y-you're alright lummox
>A takes me into the bathroom

>A's tending my wounds
>Like a battlefield nurse in some shitty romantic soap opera
>Except she's my sister and not ever going to actually do anything with me
>feelsbadman
>"E? E? Are you even listening?"
>Nope
>"I said, are you sure you're alright?"
>Nope
>"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine"
>She finishes washing the split on my head and puts the bandage on it
>"Well okay, you should be fine. You don't have a concussion, you don't have any of the symptoms"
>I look at her like she's bullshitting
>Because I'm pretty sure she was
>"I'm going to go back out with them, let me know if you need anything"
>Having you would be a nice start
>"Okay, whatever."
>Thank her you stupid idiot!
>But she's already gone
>fuck
>Sit in the bathroom for like 10 minutes just trying to comprehend how autistic I am
>I got BTFO by gravity while trying to impress my sister with the ultimate goal of kissing her
>I wish I could fucking end myself
>Go out, see A, K, R, and E bowling.
>nope.gif
>Go to the bar.
>Marshmellow is gone
>Some chick is there. Dyke-cut black hair, all gelled up like some sort of punk shit
>Pours me a drink before even asking
>My night wasn't even close to fucking done

Tell that store another time. Let me know if you want to hear it, I guess. Unless I finally get the courage to end myself.



Hey again, it's E. I left you last time after I split my head open in the bowling alley. i'll assume you know what happened. It only got weirder.

>Drink poured in front of me by that short-haired bartender
>Still hasn't said anything
>Drink it, cuz I need it
>Rum
>Don't know if I really want to get that kind of drunk, but fuck it
>"Smooth moves blondie"
>illbashurfukinheadinIswearonmemum
>instead nervously try to chuckle
>"h-ha, yeah"
>"The big guy was mad because y'all didn't buy shoes. Worried about being sued and such."
>I just thought it was roid rage
>Still think it might be
>"He's alright once you get to know him. Not afraid to fuck you up though, and that's a desirable quality in a friend."
>who the hell is this bitch and why is she monologuing to me like a disney villain
>"I-I guess"
>stuttering more than elmer fucking fudd
>Chick is one of those tryhard bartenders that does weird tricks and stuff with the glasses
>It's annoying
>Hear a bunch of pins get blown the fuck out and A cheer
>Drink more

>Suddenly her face is inches from mine
>She's leaning over the bar, uncomfortably close
>"What's got you down, babe?"
>Maybe if I'm real quiet she'll go away
>"Quiet type huh? Cute."
>Oh well
>"That your friends over there?"
>"Family"
>"Even worse. Maybe it's in bad taste now to comment on that cute redhead."
>overtheline.jpg
>Blurt out "She's taken!"
>She looks amused
>Want to punch her weirdly round head
>"What, by you?"
>Shit, think
>Oh wait
>She actually is taken
>"No… boyfriend"
>"Not surprised"
>Not sure if implying something
>"She's my sister"
>She laughs
>Why do I want to hit people who laugh so much
>"Hotness is genetic I guess. Well it's probably a good thing she's not taken by you, huh?"
>"y-yeah"

>They're still bowling
>How the hell are they still bowling
>I look at my empty glass and wonder how hard I'd have to hit myself in the head with it to die
>Look up to see the bartender shooting glances at me while polishing
>Can't tell if she's eyeing me up or making sure I don't steal something
>Possibly both
>I think they paid for another game, because I just heard K pitch one of the shitballs into a strike again
>At least I'm not in this one
>Look up to the bartender
>She gone
>No wait she's beside me
>"Blondie, wanna smoke?"
>Offering me a cir and pointing to the door
>Don't want to
>Don't want to be alone with them either
>Don't even like smoking
>The air smells disgusting
>I wish I was in my ice fortress playing Starcraft

>Might as well get some fresh air
>I said for the first time in my life
>Nod and take a cig and follow her out the back door
>The alley is somehow more appealing than inside
>She lights hers and tells me to put mine in my mouth
>suspiciousharvey.jpg
>Do it anyway
>She leans in and pushes her cigeratte against mine
>Mine lights up
>Normal cigarettes don't do that
>What sort of hell sticks are you making me suck on succubus
>She never breaks eye contact and smiles as she pulls away
>slightly terrified
>slightly aroused
>Forget to even smoke for a while
>"The really quiet type. Still cute."
>y-you too
>If she wasn't flirting before she definitely was now
>"Family can be a bit of a drag, I can help you loosen up, y'know."
>n-no pls
>Is my mouth open?
>Can't tell
>Can't feel face
>mfw I have no face
>Mutter something and go back inside, dropping my still good cig

>Get inside
>Look around
>Empty
>The whole fucking place
>Half the lights are turned off
>I was gone for 5 fucking minutes and the place closed
>A left me
>feelsbadman.png
>Go out the front door to see if they're still there
>Nope
>Reach in pockets for phone
>Right, no phone
>Of all the fucking times
>Face the risk of going back inside and either facing succubus or marshmallow
>Or I could try walking home from a place I didn't know existed, probably walking until morning
>Truly Sophie's Choice
>Turn around and go inside
>Girl whose name I still don't know cleaning off the bar
>Deal with the devil time

>She notices me come in
>Slyly grins
>I want to hurt her
>Still somewhat aroused
>Don't you dare give me a fetish bitch
>"Welcome back. A bit rude to just run away y'know. Didn't even get to say goodbye."
>"Do you have a…."
>What the fuck do I want again?
>She stares a me
>"Phone! A phone!"
>I am beyond autism now
>I am become Downsy
>Destroyer of Retards
>She giggles at me
>Between her and E I have now developed a pathological fear of laughter
>Fuck them
>"Sure thing cutie."
>She pulls out one of those old flip phones
>1999was56yearsago.jpg
>She hands it to me
>Thank her you moron
>"Tanks"
>Did I just say 'tanks'?
>I did didn't I
>Open up the phone and start dialing
>Dial home
>Ring ring ring
>No answer
>Dial again
>No answer
>consider dialing again
>She's looking at me like a goddamn starving wolf crossed with an angry bear
>Reason against it
>Wait A has a cell phone
>…
>I don't know it
>Or any other number
>I thought I was supposed to be good with numbers
>Awkwardly hand it back

>"No one? Aww, that sucks."
>She's smiling though
>STOP FUCKING SMILING
>"Y-yeah"
>"I'd offer you a ride, but I don't have a car. And I don't think you'd want a ride from Storr, even if he was still here."
>Assume Storr is marshmallow
>Like my name for him better
>"Hey, have another drink"
>Fear for my life vs. desire to black out
>Take the offer
>Sit at the bar and let her make me a drink
>I have no clue what it is, I just know it's hard as shit
>She comes around to sit next to me
>Her unholy aura is lowering my defense stat quick
>Hand on my thigh
>Choke on my drink
>"So, how about you have a bit more fun tonight, I think you deserve it."
>Do I have a giant flashing "GET AT ME DYKES" sign above my head?
>This is a bad idea
>Leave, walk, get out of there
>…
>…I wanna do it though
>Don't know if it's the horny talking
>Or the strong as fuck drink
>Can't be worse than that scottish redhead
>Can it?
>"Ha, maybe"
>Super attractive

>She grabs my chin, making me almost drop my drink
>It's a good thing I'm apparently paying for these with my body
>"Like a book"
>She's kissing me
>dafuq
>Don't kiss back, just let her keep macking
>Okay fine I kissed back
>Damn good kisser, I'll give her that
>Pulls off, I start gasping for air like a dying fish
>I'm a supermodel if you didn't realize
>"C'mon, let's get out of here. My place is just next door"
>I'm now being dragged by my wrist out of the place, which she locks up and turns off the light on the way out
>Can't see straight for shit
>Drunker than I thought I was
>She better not have drugged me
>Oh god watt if she did
>scaredmascot.gif
>Realize this girl that's taking me back to her fucking apartment and I haven't even exchanged names
>She thinks the same thing
>"What's your name again, sweetheart?"
>Don't call me that
>Stutter out my name
>"No way! Me too!"
>This is officially a shitty Twilight Zone episode

>In the hallway of her apartment building
>Seriously shit building
>Like it might be a project
>She's not pulling me any more
>On our way down, she just takes off her shirt
>l-lewd
>And bra
>okay water you doin
>Turns around
>sweet mercy those are some nice knockers
>"Like 'em?"
>Nod probably a bit too enthusiastically, because she's laughing again
>Fear is back
>Stops and opens a door in the hallway, half of her clothes in her hands already
>Look in
>internallyscreaming.png.jpg.exe
>Fetish gear, bondage stuff, really kinky shit litters the place
>She's grinning like a psychopath now, topless
>Say nothing and nope the fuck out of there
>Literally run away down the hall
>Like a fucking cartoon
>Trip
>Scramble back up
>Run down and out the stairs
>I'm too fucking drunk for this shit
>She's yelling something at me
>Can't hear

>Get like half a mile down the road before realizing there's no point in running anymore
>Or at all really
>Fall on my knees on the sidewalk
>Why does this shit happen to me
>Why can't I just have a normal relationship with my sister
>Oh right
>Car lights shining in my eyes, getting closer
>Good, a serial killer would really make this night complete
>It's my parents car
>Oh god I'd prefer the serial killer
>"E! Are you alright?!"
>It's A
>Of all the divine sights in this world none could ever hope to match the halo of headlight around the holy figure of A coming to my rescue
>Honestly could cry
>She pulls me up
>"E said that you had left with some girl, so we went without you, but I just wanted to make sure you were okay so I came back in this car by myself because I was worried and then I saw you on the side of the road and I-"
>oh god she's going into overdrive again
>Don't have the heart to stop her
>Throw up over the side of the road
>Get in the car
>Go home
>Sleep for about 3.5 days
>Shitpost on r9k
>I seriously hate my life

And that's the worst night in a long time for me. Suicide still pending.