Pages From a Diary (worksafe)

Tags: Nevyn, Hunting
Hunt and Home

Dear Diary,

I got caught sneaking out to see my pack the other night. The Groundskeeper found me going out a side door and marched me straight up to see the Professor. I guess I was kinda breaking rules, being out after curfew and everything.

But when I explained that I just wanted to be out running with my pack, the Professor got a funny look on his face and told me to go to bed. Well thanks Professor that really helped me sleep! I thought I'd never see my pack again!

The next day he came to see me and told me that I was allowed out to see my pack on a couple of conditions. Uh oh, guess the elf will be tagging along I thought. But it wasn't that bad. Whenever I'm out with the pack I have to wear an armband the Professor made for me that does some stuff like allow him to find me, as well as let him know if I get hurt. I guess I can kinda see the point in that. He also said that if I missed any classes due to oversleeping, then he'd stop me going out.

Finally, and most importantly, he said that if I was out running with my pack then I had to be doing something useful, like training them. He told me that he'd cleared it with the druids and the elf that there was part of the forest we were allowed to hunt in as long as all of our kills were eaten, or taken back to the schools kitchens (he was very clear that I shouldn't combine the two).

Hunting isn't as easy as it looks by the way; sure when I was in my animal form leading my pack I could pick up deer trails and stuff, and the boys got the point quickly enough. But when we found a buck then just all charged at it and it ran off, dodging and leaping between the trees and easily got away. This happened like 3 times before I managed to pound the idea in their skulls that we can't just run at it, we need to surround it and trap it.

It took some time and a lot of practise, but on our third night out we managed to bring one down. Of course by that point we were all starving, having run through forest for hours. I suppose if I'd been in my human form I'd have turned up my nose at eating raw meat, but as an animal all I could smell was food. We gorged ourselves that night and fell asleep in the clearing, all in one big pile.

That revealed another problem, other than me having to run flat out back to the school to be at classes in time. No the real problem was that when I woke up I was freezing, my legs were stiff and I couldn't even feel my tentacles. You'd think that fur keeps you warm, but on a cold night it's just not enough. So I decided we'd need a den in the forest, well maybe three or four given how large the place is. And no more gorging ourselves until we had a warm place to sleep.

I didn't want to be sleeping underground in a cold cave so I tried building some shelters, piling up branches and stuff, how hard could it be? Well, really hard apparently. After the third one collapsed I dug around in the library until I found a book on making shelters out of whatever was handy. It took almost 2 weeks to build the first one, mostly because I changed my mind and redesigned it halfway through. But finally it was done.

It's not much to be honest: A frame of long thick branches all arranged in a circle and meeting at the top. I wove lots and lots of vines and stuff through them to keep it together and then covered the outside in mud and plenty of leaves. Around the base is a thick wall of short branches and leaves to keep the wind out. It's got one entrance with a 6ft-long tunnel with a sharp turn, to help stop the wind blowing in. It's also big enough for the whole pack to get in and with room to move around, even play in, if we had to we could easily fit twenty displacer-beasts in here.

Of course part of the reason building it took so long was that I kept up hunting practise with my boys. Mostly we went after small stuff: birds and the like. I wanted to be sure that we wouldn't gorge ourselves into a stupor again.

My pack are getting really good at hunting: Lorze is shaping up to be a good second-in-command, I guess that's a beta or something. Anyway, he's really good at getting the others to do it his way.

Unby is happy to let the others take the lead but he's a great team player and will rush in to help the others when stuff is difficult Skorze and Tezro compete a lot, which is mostly fine, as each wants to bring in the biggest catch they push themselves really hard. If they end up chasing the same thing however, they usually end up fighting over it and either it gets away, or is torn to shreds when they play tug of war with it.

Yanbo is...Yanbo. He's a really good hunter on his own, but doesn't like working in a team. When he  catches something he also likes to play with it whilst its alive, which is horrible to see. Fortunately he won't cross me or Lorze, we usually pair one of us up with him when we hunt; he grumbles a bit but does what we tell him to.

They're also getting used to the idea that some things we catch are ours, and some are taken to the kitchen. Those that are happy to give up their catch are Unby, Tezro and Skorze; Lorze and Yanbo usually require convincing, or distracting.

The floor of our den presented a problem; I was thinking of using old blankets or straw to cover the cold hard ground but Unby solved the problem. Once I led the pack inside, to get them used to the place he started exploring it and sniffing all over it, just as the others did. But then Unby did something weird: he sat down, bent over and started biting at his stomach, pulling mouthfuls of fur away and dropping it, then the others started copying him. The fur on the belly of my boys (and me in animal form) is really thick and soft, totally different to the more hairlike fur on the rest of our bodies. Before long there was a small pile of soft fur just big enough for one person to sit on. Great idea Unby, but covering this whole place could take months.

So I had an idea: I pulled off my own belly fur, then turned back to human form. Then I turned back to my animal form and most of my belly fur was back. Of course shifting between forms is tiring, so covering the floor of the whole den is still going to be a long-term project. But still, we now had our den to hunt from, and a warm place to sleep when we stay out too late.

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Tags: Janrael, Spells, Class
Just a Taste

Dear Diary,

I need to make some sense of what's been happening to me recently, and it seems that getting it down on paper is the best way to do that.

Ugh! Where to start? Well, I guess the best place to start is with my tutoring on protection spells.

The Professor is under the impression that my ability to detect evil has a purpose beyond ruining my life and so once I had learned how to cast the spell that protects me from sensing evil all the time he wanted me to experiment with it.

Ok, some of the stuff he had me doing makes sense: cast the spell fast, be able to cast it when blindfolded or when there's loud noise or distractions.

Although, Professor, if you're scrying on me right now: A bucket of ice water was going a little too far don't you think? What's next, getting Chame to tickle me when I cast the spell?

Also he had me boost the strength of the spell, making it last longer or simply blocking everything out until I couldn't sense any evil at all.

Some of the stuff he had me doing made less sense, like making the spell selective: blocking out only a single source of evil, or everything but one person.

It sounded silly, but I practised it as instructed, after all, disobeying a teacher is wrong. And maybe he knew what would happen...

I was working in natural sciences class with Amara, probably because unlike the rest of the class, I'll actually watch her closely to make sure she doesn't add all sorts to the mixture to 'make it more interesting'

“No we're trying to mix perfume” I pointed out, when I saw Amara tampering with our experiment “not a stronger acid.”

Now I'd been practising with my protection spell, as instructed, and I figured that Amara would be a good subject, so I'd altered the spell so it blocked out all forms of evil, except hers. Huh, maybe calling her evil is wrong.

What I sense isn't always evil intent, I also sense creatures and people infused with evil magic, or with supernaturally evil heritage. But to me its all the same, like swimming in something foul that eats away at your skin. Pain and heat and corruption all at once. Without the spell protecting me it collects on my skin like dirt, but never gets past that, I think some part of me keeps it out, to avoid me going nuts maybe.

But anyway, as as tiefling, several generations removed from a demon parent, Amara ranks pretty low on the evil scale, so letting her past my barrier just gave me an itchy feeling. If nothing else, it let me sense her location.

But when I told her to put the acid down a second time, she frowned and stomped off to put the acid back on the shelf. At the same time the sense of mild discomfort her presence constantly made me feel changed. It was no less unpleasant for me, but for a few seconds I suddenly felt disappointed, as if I was the one who had just been scolded.

I was so wrapped up in that I must've stood frozen because when Amara came back she was giving me a funny look.

“What?” I said.

“I said, how about essence of silverthorn?” she said, holding up a small vial.

“Fine, fine” I said, puzzling through what I had just felt, looking back ansa analysing it properly I realised that it hadn't been my emotion, instead I had felt Amara's emotions instead. It had been strong enough that I had thought it was my own though.

Throughout the rest of the class I tried feeling Amara's emotions again, but all I could feel was a sense of focus and concentration. Maybe that helped me too, because at the end of the class, our natural sciences teacher, a gnome by the name of Master Figgs proclaimed the 'perfume' that Amara and I had made to be the most interesting and took a copy of all the ingredients we had used, as well well as all the steps we had followed.

At this point Amara was right next to me and I was still keeping myself open to her presence. Maybe it was her proximity, or maybe I wasn't concentrating.

I felt a strong surge of triumph, happiness and accomplishment from her that made me feel elated and really, really happy. But at the same time I felt the weak sense of evil that was her enter into me, along with the happy emotions, getting under my skin. It mixed in with our joint happiness and at once I felt overjoyed and also somewhat dirty, like I was enjoying something I shouldn't be, something shameful.

It was new, different and unexpected. And on some level I want to feel it again...

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Tags: Syphoebeus
Stormy Emotions

Dear Diary,

Everyone tells me how calm I always am, no matter what sort of craziness is happening around me.

If only they knew.

I was raised around titans, and was one of only a very few titan soulborn there. I will say that the titans, adult and child, never treated us as monsters or evil. But we were smaller than them, and weaker and they treated us with care and caution, but otherwise raised us as they did their own children.

As you'd expect, some of the stuff they taught us, we didn't learn so well. Control of magical powers for example. Soulborn or not, our powers simply weren't as strong as the other kids.

But some other stuff, we were more suited to.

Titans are elemental creatures: some have an affinity for fire, or earth, or water. The titans that raised me are the ones whose powers I have; the titans of sky and storm.

All titans (except maybe earth I guess) suffer from their elemental nature when it comes to their emotions, and they don't like it. They think that being controlled by ones emotions is a sign of weakness.

So as a child I was taught, just like all the others, the way of Kothongake, or 'emptiness'. Kothongake is all about letting the emotions rage through you, lifting you up or casting you down, but not lingering within you, not letting them own you. As the chant we were taught goes “the storm passes, and I remain”.

I practise it a lot, and so the other girls tell me I'm so calm, not letting anything affect me. The truth is I feel emotions just as strongly as anyone else, I just try not to let them rule me.

I try.

But this holiday season, in the middle of all the other stuff that almost beat my concentration, Kittrane confessed she liked me. Kothongake deserted me when she said that, I couldn't let my emotions just pass through me then. I felt everything: surprise, disbelief, curiosity, compassion, embarrassment, confusion. And they didn't pass through me, no, they threw me around like a rushing wind tosses a leaf.

What do I think about Kittranes feelings for me? How do I respond? Do I have feelings for her? Or perhaps someone else?

I sat in an empty room late that night, my thoughts churning, trying to make sense of my own feelings, and trying to rebuild my Kothongake.

When I'd finally calmed myself down, I tried to work my way through what I've just experienced.

Kittrane has just confessed her feelings to me. I can't ignore it, that would just hurt her. So I need to let her down gently, or accept her feelings.

But do I have the same feelings? And how do I reject her or accept her? This has never happened to me before.

I need to speak to someone who knows about relationships. Someone experienced, someone wise.

So not Chame then.

I'm going to ask Nataline for advice on what to do.

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Tags: Tisania, Dungeon
The Face of Fear

Dear Diary,

A couple of the other girls said they do this, and that it might help with what happened.

We were doing a practise dungeon, the club had gone out with the professor when he had to be his big villain or whatever. I think he's supposed to be scary when he gets in costume, but it just doesn't seem that way to me. That's not what made me freeze up and [parts scratched out].

So we did a couple of practise missions and one of them was capturing a small fort and we were warned there would be an expected event – something they change or add to stop things getting boring. The other teams tried it and sometimes the goblins defending the fort had giant spiders or there were traps everywhere. That didn't scare me.

Then it was our turn. I was in a group with Anlanesa, Kittrane and Phaysis. Kittrane took charge and planned the raid: She and Anlanesa would do most of the fighting as we cleared out the fort, Phaysis and I would hang back and pick off stragglers, or move up to support them when they got in trouble - because we could both move pretty fast.

I thought I'd be scared, since I'm still not used to this, I mean, I know I can't really get hurt, and the pain isn't very strong, but it feels like real combat, or looks that way anyway.

We went running into the fortress once Anlanesa and Kittrane had hacked down the door and I hung back as I was supposed to, watching their backs. When Kittrane was busy with a big group of goblins one raced out from a side door and tried to stab her in the back. I flew in quickly and thrust my spear into it yelling as I did so: it dissolved into a pile of watery snow.

“Good one” said Phaysis encouragingly. I was shaking, but I wasn't scared, it was a weird feeling, but not a bad one.

We managed to clear the fortress and I killed several more goblins, by the end of it I was starting to feel happy, which is not something I get a lot of.

Anlanesa wasn't happy though “so where's the surprise?” she asked, once we had control.

“The shamans maybe” Kittrane said, but didn't sound convinced.

Then we heard running footsteps and shouting.

“A counter-attack!” yelled Phaysis suddenly, rearing up on her hind legs and charging out of the courtyard we were stood in.

“Of course” said Kittrane “We have to defend this place after taking it, “Nesa east door, Tis, west door!” she went running in the opposite direction to Phaysis. I span around in a circle, trying to avoid tripping over my spear and not sure if I should salute or something, before rushing to the west door. I was really enjoying myself.

I got to the west door, the one we'd come in, and it was all broken, with no goblins or anything in sight. I waited there and could hear sounds of the others fighting in the distance, but I stuck to the plan, I didn't want to let my team down. It seems strange to write that. My team, my frie- [some words scratched out]

I waited, and waited, and got bored. So I started practising my spear moves, and maybe talking a bit to myself, trying some cool stuff to say when I beat a really tough monster like “It's time for you to disa-spear!”

That's probably why I didn't hear the ogre until it was too late. It came stomping around the corner, a huge club in hand, rumbling in a deep voice “little girl break easy.” Suddenly my whole body felt like it was made of ice, I couldn't move.

Then I wasn't there anymore, I was six years old, lying on the floor, trying to crawl away after my dad had hit me. I'd been bad, very bad, and he was punishing me.

He walked over and knocked me over on my back, stepping on my wing, pinning it to the floor.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean it” I whimpered. I'd touched one of his medals, the ones he got for being a hero in the war. I shouldn't have done that.

“Why do you keep being so bad?” My father asked, as I struggled to get away. He sounded puzzled, and sad.

“I won't do it again” I promised “I'll be good”

“You've said that before” he said, reaching down and taking hold of my arm in both hands “you shouldn't be so bad Tissy, you're just a little girl, and you break so easily.”

I passed out from the pain when he broke my arm; the dull wet crack was the last thing I heard.

I must've frozen for a while because the last thing I remember is the ogres club coming at my face, and I woke up later in bed in the clerics tent, the team around me.

“What happened?” I asked.

“We lost” says Anlanesa, looking unhappy “the ogre got into the courtyard and that meant we lost the fort.”

“Oh” I said, trying to shrink under the covers. I'm no good at anything, I shouldn't be surprised, since I'm worthless, but I just, I liked it, I was having fun.

I was about to tell them I was going to quit the club but Phaysis spoke first, putting her hand very gently on my shoulder and looking me straight in the eyes saying earnestly “the ogre was the real threat, the other goblins were the distraction, really we shouldn't have split up, or come to help you after we beat our invaders.”

“No one is blaming you” added Anlanesa “none of us could have taken that ogre alone, we need to think of better plans in future.

Kittrane grumbled something about being able to fight an ogre, then added “but you're new, wouldn't expect you to beat one alone, good job on facing it head on, thought you'd have run from th-” Anlanesa coughed and Kittrane broke off, saying again “anyway, better luck next time.”

They asked me how my fight with the ogre went, I lied and told them it all happened to fast, that I can't recall much of it. When they had gone I curled up in my bed and tried not to cry. I'm a weak useless coward and I'll never be any good at this.

But I'm having fun, I have fri- [words scratched out]

I don't want to quit, but I could lose matches for my team because I'm a coward. I really am a bad girl.

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Tags: Phaysis, Dreams, Prophecy

Bad Dreams

Dear Diary,

I've been having some strange dreams. It's always the same dream though: I'm running away from something, but nothing is chasing me. I just know that if I stay still something bad will happen.

I find myself running over land, over the sea, through the air, but I can't outrun it. No wait, it? Something is chasing me, I just don't want to admit it exists. It's as though by admitting its real I'll have to confront it, to deal with it.

But I have to confront it. I turn, ready to face my pursuer, ready for anything but before I can catch a glimpse of it, I wake up.

I come awake with a start, the dim glow of the early morning sun illuminating my room, the remnants of my dream still clinging to my half-asleep brain. The covers I am wrapped in feel like some monster holding me down, wait, is Chame pulling her 'pretend to be your bed trick again'? No, it's just the after-effects of my nightmare.

Hah, my nightmare. I don't usually get bad dreams – I give them. Or good dreams, but no erotic ones. I tried that once and it, uh, well ok first it felt really weird like I was intruding. And second, the girl who volunteered needed to change her, um, nightclothes.

Anyway...

I got dressed and ready for school kinda distracted, barely noticing my room-mates, I mean, I sat down and ate the breakfast that Liliana made and thanked her for it, but I was thinking of my dream, and what it meant. I knew it had to be important because I very rarely had dreams I couldn't control, and this was the third night in a row I'd had this one, I had to speak to someone about it.

Once we'd finished breakfast we headed back to our room as a group, the others were still talking, especially Julie, but I was quiet, lost in thought. As everyone was packing their bags full of scrolls and spare parchment (or in Rachaels case, lamenting the homework she'd forgotten to do) I decided I had to ask them, I mean, they were my friends, plus I dunno, maybe I'd done something weird when I was sleeping?

“Was I doing anything weird when I was sleeping?” I just sorta blurted it out, I probably could have said that in a better way.

They all paused, and looked at one another “Weird how?” asked Lilly.

I shrugged “I dunno, thrashing around, making funny noises, sweating, stuff like that?”

They all share another look, a longer one. Finally Rachael asks “why?”

“I was having a strange dream” I explained, feeling kinda silly explaining it to them now, it was just a dream after all.

“A dream that you think might make you move around a lot, sweat, and makes noises” says Cybele, starting to grin “why Phaysis” she draped an arm over my shoulders “you must tell us all about it: details girl, details, who was the lucky girl? Or was it girls? Was I in it? I mean you can control your dreams right? So who was in your own little-”

My cheeks heated up as I realised what she meant. Julie started to giggle and Lilly said “really Phay' you gave yourself dreams like that?” She sounded disappointed.

“NO!” I yelled. I know my skin is too dark for a blush to really show but I felt like my face was going to burst into flames “oh Gods no, I didn't, I mean I wouldn't, I mean I sometimes maybe wondered but-”

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore Cybele and Julie's amusement and said in a much calmer voice “I think this is a dream warning me that something bad is going to happen.”

That killed the mood for sure; even Cyb stopped laughing.

Slowly Rachael asked “what was it about?”

“I'm running away from something, but nothing is chasing me...” I began to explain.

When I'd finished we were well past the time to be in class, but these were my friends. After several minutes of intense discussion they decided we should research it in the library over lunch.

In the library we started looking for books on dreams and portents and stuff, but none of the stuff we found made much sense.

“According to this” said Rachael, reading from one book “you're scared of your arranged marriage.”

“She doesn't have an arranged marriage” Lilly pointed out gently.

“Maybe she has and she doesn't know it!” Julie said quickly. The five of us were sat at a table in the corner of the library, leafing through books for hints.

“Or she's broken some rules” said Cybele, looking through another book “it says here that many bad dreams are as a result of a guilty conscience, so Phay, are you a bad girl?” She grinned at me, suggestively, drawing out the second to last word for far too long.

And Cyb if you're reading my diary, yes, I know what you were suggesting, but I wasn't going to give you the satisfaction, ok?

“No” I said, looking away from her, burying my gaze in my own book “I'm not.”

My eyes caught an important phrase in the mass of words I was barely reading, being too mad at Cyb to concentrate –in prophetic dreams- I read the whole sentence out loud.

“The Gods sometimes reveal the future to their servants in prophetic dreams” They all looked at me.

“What?” said Rachael, sounding kinda confused.

I gulped and said kinda shakily “I guess I need to speak to Sister Mary...”

She scares me; I hope I'm not in trouble.