Paper Flowers

Stupid.

You knew damn well that you couldn't handle this alone, why had you sent him off like that? All it would have taken was a word. All you had to say was 'stay', and that idiot would have been at your side without a second thought. You could have tackled this monster together, maybe then... Maybe.

You lied to yourself like that, just like you lied to him. Because you knew that he would believe you when you said "I'll be fine". If he had stayed, nothing would change. It wasn't a matter of whether you were alone, this wasn't something humans could fight against. If he had stayed, you knew he wouldn't have backed down. To the very end, for both of you, he'd have struggled by your side. You knew that, and it's exactly why you had waved him off with that Shade damned smile.

Trust me.
Don't come back for me.
You shouldn't have to die for my country.

---

"I'm going back to East Heaven." You announced, spitting the words out of your mouth before you had a chance to choke on them. It was almost casual, the way you cut to the point. You had planned it like that, of course. If you took too long, you'd get nervous. You'd start to make excuses to put it off.

"Alright." He shrugged, "I'll keep my ear to the ground in the meantime."

Jump in the water, Mint. Commit.

"There is no 'meantime', I'm going back to become Queen." You brushed him off, snorting derisively. Of course he misunderstood. This wasn't any different to him than any other time you'd broke off to go back... Except it was. It was very different, this time. It was the last time.

The confusion was clear in his face. You couldn't help but smirk at the way he had nodded along out of habit, before processing what was said. The slight furrow of his brow as he tried to think of how to respond. "Just 'Alright'?" Still, your impatience got the better of you, irritability bubbling over as your hands raised in exasperation. "That's all you're going to say to me? I'm going to be Queen, you know? Queen!"

"Ah..." He hesitated to answer, leaving a breath caught in your chest. Say something, won't you? "Congratulations."

You turned away with a sneer, shaking your head alongside a gruff shrug. "You say it like it's a surprise. It's been a long time coming. I'm the best thing those royal jerks are ever gonna get."

"And you'll be the greatest Queen in history." He agreed tiredly, echoing a sentiment you'd driven into him since the first day you'd met, before continuing more genuinely. "I'm sure you'll be fine. You're amazing, after all."

"I am, aren't I?" You accept the praise haughtily, feeling it reverberate through your body hollowly. Say something else. Say you'll come too. Tell me not to go. "Without me, you're like to get yourself killed doing something stupid." He needs you. He has to realize it. Just admit it, already. Get over your damn autism and fucking say it, Ruen!

"It'll be a bit harder, but I'll manage." Your teeth grit at his misplaced reassurances, fingers curling until they shone white in the cool night air. "I guess you'll be leaving in the morning, then?"

"That's it?" You felt an immaterial crack spread inside. Something hot burned a streak down your face as you whirled around wrathfully. "That's really all you have to say?!"

Even if it was a lie, say something! Fucking cry! Suffer! Act like a Shade-touched human for once, you worthless doll!

"I'm... Sorry?" His smile was the final straw, shattering that intangible glass inside just as quickly as your own self-restraint. "I don't know what you want me to-"

"Shut up!" You grabbed him by the shirt heatedly, slamming his back against a tree for the split second it took to seal his mouth with your own. You had to wrench him down even as your neck craned back, standing on the tips of your toes for every feverish moment it took. It was like a wildfire had broken out, every nerve of your body searing in agony at a touch. Your tongue burned in desperation, seizing every moment of confusion to claim its prize. Your prize. You needed this. You needed this, and so much more.

When you finally broke apart, you could feel the bruises beginning to form along your lips; Aching lungs greedily sucking in air as your body clumsily moved against his. You couldn't think through the haze that was driving you. You didn't have time to think anymore. You just needed to get his shirt off, you needed these clothes to disappear. You were burning up, and you couldn't think of anything else you needed more right now.

"Mint, wai-"

"Shut up." You shed your tunic like a beast from its leash, baring yourself against him. It was hardly the first time you had seen one another like this, but tonight was different. You had to show him tonight; He had to see you. All of you. Everything you couldn't bring yourself to say. Nails raked down his chest, pushing the blonde gently to the ground as a throbbing pain erupted behind your eyes.

He wasn't resisting. He never did. No matter how unreasonable you were, or what you demanded. It wasn't enough this time, it wasn't nearly enough! Your body ached under the dusk breeze, and every hair stood on end, but the blood thundering in your veins still sang. "Just, shut up!" Cool night dew slipped from the grass to your legs, knees digging into the ground on either side of his hips. You wanted his eyes, you wanted his hands. You wanted his heart, and you wanted THIS, so badly.

Your vision blurred as you leaned over him, a choked sob hitching in your breast. You weren't even sure if the pain in your heart was still a metaphor or not, but you could feel that debilitating anguish flooding you. Their voice, and every word, only made this torment worse. It hurt when he called your name.

It wasn't fair.

"Shut up. Shut up. Please, just... Shut up." Just for tonight, there weren't anymore barriers. Just for tonight, you had everything you needed. You had him. "Just for tonight... Just... Shut up."

It wasn't fair.

Even in the midst of that, three words still caught in your throat. Every desperate touch, every trail of fire he left along your skin. When all you wanted was to be held, to hear him say he needed you, to beg you not to go. You still couldn't say them.

---

Tears like fire streaked down your cheeks as your eyes clenched shut. Why now? Why remember this now? You couldn't afford distractions, not when a single misstep would be your last. You didn't have time to sort through it now, you... You'd never... Have time.

If you had just told him how you felt. If you had swallowed your Shade-taken pride that night, would he have asked you to stay?

The answer didn't matter. You knew it didn't matter, just like you knew deep down that nothing he said back then would have been enough. Because unlike him, a single word wouldn't have kept you. No matter how he begged, or what he confessed, you would have left that night regardless.

You were Queen. It wasn't something you had the luxury of running away from. It wasn't just your life, anymore.

It wasn't fair!

The bracelet was like lead against your skin, straining every muscle in your arm just to hold it aloft. You were nearing the breaking point, and there wouldn't be any second chances after that. It was a struggle just to breathe. One of your lungs had already collapsed under the strain, but your body was still strong enough to hold together. You weren't going to die yet.

Because you were the Queen, and this wasn't just your life anymore.

---

"Your Majesty, the general would have you for a meeting in regards to Teranford's recent tariffs."

"He couldn't just bring it up through the council?" Your jaw set in a scowl. "Are they still stalling over the border reforms?"

"The council has not yet come to an amiable consensus, your Majesty." This diplomatic answer was one of the more tiresome ways you could hear someone say 'no', and it was one you had been having to deal with often since becoming Queen. You'd have made a remark on how completely unexpected it was that someone who spent exactly none of their time making friends with the aristocracy would suddenly find their political life difficult, but even that kind of disparaging humour was something you'd lost the motivation for.

"When is my next public appearance?" You scratched at your arm, trying to recall the schedule you'd be provided for the month. When you'd become Queen there was no shortage of people vying for your ear, to reserve your time for this matter or that, and you'd all but thrown out the entirety of the court just to have some peace and quiet. This monthly itinerary had been your eventual solution to dealing with it. "...There isn't one this month, huh."

"No, your Majesty. I suspect the people will not need another event from the Throne until the winter festivals approach."

To hell with what they needed, you were tired of being cooped up in this damn palace! You couldn't even talk to anyone without them babbling agreements and 'your Majesty' at you, and Luna forbid you accidentally made an acquaintance with anyone. That would spark all manner of trouble and whispers. You'd be dealing with that for weeks.

"Does the army have any kind of special training event going on soon, then? Maybe a survival expedition, or some kind of beast subjugation?" It would be easy to make an excuse to go join them, and write it off as a token action to improve morale. Never mind the fact that the last time you'd seen the army, it had been disappointing.

"I am afraid not, your Majesty. The last report of concern came from Carona shortly before your coronation, but the issue seems to have resolved itself before our support arrived to handle it."

A dull thunk echoed through the study as your head plopped down onto the oak desk. You resolved that.

"Your Majesty, might I suggest you consider a reply to your cousin's treatise on the security of the Throne's bloodline?"
"Might I suggest you fuck off, instead?"

You rolled your head to glower up at your assistant, watching their mouth primly snap shut. "My sincerest apologies, your Majesty." You grunted some vague form of acknowledgement, waving a hand dismissively towards the door. You sat up once he had left, feeling your shoulders sag while leaning against the chair's unyielding back. It'd been barely two months since you became Queen, and they were already pushing for you to find a partner. It wasn't as if it was necessary for you to have a King, but the existence of some form of heir was paramount to the council - Even if it was just a consort.

One hand drifted down to rest over your navel, while you quietly searched the ceiling for some kind of inspiration. You didn't have much time left before you would need to make a decision, even if it was just for show. Better that, than having to deal with more rumours behind your back.

"You look like you could use a nap."

A paperweight hurled fruitlessly out your window, its mark having ducked beneath the windowsill as you turned. Their blonde hair glowing warmly under the sunlight as they popped back up with a concerned smile. "Bad time?"

"Why the fuck are you at my window?" You'd not heard a word from this idiot since the night you left. He hadn't even had the damn decency to show up at the coronation! "This is a damned tower, Ruen, use the door!"

"I'm not really welcome in the palace." He laughed, swinging himself up and into the room. "Normally they turn me away at the gate."

"...Normally, huh?" No one had bothered to tell you there'd been visitors for you... "Well obviously, I'm the Queen now. I don't have time to deal with each and every peasant I rule." It made sense if you stopped to think about it. Some part of you had just... Forgotten that he really wasn't anyone special. Of course no one would care to inform you. "Well, what do you want? I'll tell you now, but I'm too busy to go fight your battles for you."

Still, he smiled so fondly. "I'm... Not sure." the blonde admitted his lack of reason with a careless shrug. "I just wanted to say bye before I left."

"What kind of idiot shows up to say 'bye' when I haven't even seen him for three months?" Your arms cross in vexation, "I thought you'd buggered off already."

"I've been around. Mostly kept myself busy hunting and dealing with local problems. Tim said it might make it a bit easier on you if someone else took care of little things." The blonde scratched his cheek awkwardly, trailing off as he spoke. "Anyway, I've heard some rumours about an Atelier in Teranford."

"And?" Your brow quirked. "It'd be a national field day if I waltzed across their border now that I'm Queen, you know."

"No, I didn't want you to come with me, I..." He shook his head, searching for words. "It's nothing. I'll be off, then."

"...Hold on." You licked your lips anxiously as he turned away. You'd already said your goodbyes, so what was this? "When are you coming back?"

"Back?" He blinked in confusion, "Back where?"

"Here, you idiot. Back to East Heaven." Back to me.

Was it selfish to just assume he'd come back? Even after you had already split up? No... No he'd still been in the area. He was probably the reason you'd been stuck in the palace, since the damned idiot had been dealing with all the excuses you could have used to leave. He was still here, there was still something keeping... him... here.

"I've stuck around for too long." He shrugged after a moment's consideration. "One place is as good as the next, but I'm starting to get restless."

Ah. You misunderstood.

This was his goodbye.

The blonde never had any home country, or family. He just went where the fates took him. When he left this room... When he left...

You needed something. Some excuse to stop him, or... Or put a collar on him, or something! If he left now, there's no telling when, or if he'd ever come back. Think, Mint. Think. You were Queen of the most powerful nation in the land, there had to be something you could do to keep one Shade damned man!

"Land." You snatched a quill from the desk, ignoring his confusion as a writ of ink was sloppily drawn together. You'd deal with the consequences and details later. "When you're done in Teranford, get your ass back up here. You have a home here, you're damn well going to come back to it."

"I... What?"

"A home, you idiot. I'm making you one. And land to go with it- A lot of it. You're going to be a damn noble."

"Mint, I don't really want-"

"Shut up!" The quill snapped between your fingers as your fist clenched, "It's not about you, I'm making an investment for the country. East Heaven is too big for a centralized force to handle effectively, and the council's been dragging their feet since my mom was Queen. You're going to fix that."

"I'm never going to be around, Min-"

"One month a year." You cut him off forcefully, slamming your hand down onto the desk as you glared up at him. "I don't care what month, I don't care what you have to do. You have one year to deal with things in Teranford, and then I'll have business for you to handle here."

---

...No more lies.

You couldn't do this on your own.
You didn't care if it wouldn't have made a difference.
You were dying, alone and scared.

Please, come back.
Help me. Save me.

...Raise her well.

Our Ariel.