Dear Zach, I honestly don’t know where shit went South, but it really doesn’t matter like that considering you cut me off for seemingly no reason, not vice versa. With that being said, I have plenty of shit to say to your fickle ass: For starters, “I had something come up”? Really? Like if you just didn’t want to fucking go with me to, wherever, you could have just said it. I just find it to be so fucking rude and so fucking disrespectful to lie to someone’s face and to make a commitment that you know you’re not going to follow through with in the near future. And then unmatching me shortly afterwards on Tinder after I asked “Is this a bad time?” Really, dude? I guess the only thing that really gets me is the fact that I was blindsided by the same, familiar routine, maybe it’s because I sexted you, or maybe you just got tired of me? I honestly could care less, fuck you, fuck every other douche on tinder, fuck grindr, fuck jack’d, fuck your cheesecake factory, fuck your failed musical career, fuck your law school, fuck your graduation, and I hope someone shoves your guitar so far up your fucking ass that you never think about any other anal shit again in your horrendous life you fucking dog.

P.S: You actually seemed really nice and sweet as hell, so I hope that’s the person you really are, and not the condescending asshole that you just made yourself out to be. I hope you’re successful in the multiple avenues that you plan on taking in life, and I hope you can find someone worth your while that appreciates both the big and little things that you do for them. One positive that I can say for sure is that you made me realize just what kind of guy that I would like in my life: a soft, sweet, compassionate man, similar to you, minus the unreliable inconsistencies.

Dear Austin, I honestly don’t know you very much so my bitter message to you will be short and sweet: You’re a guy…..in college…. I get we all (well some of you might I definitely don’t) fuck around with other people and want to hoe around. That’s fine. Just be more clear and more up front with whatever the hell it is that you want instead of having someone waste their time entertaining whatever dumb game it is that you play in order to beat around the fucking bush. It’s 2017, grow some balls, dude.

Dear My Sweet Joshua Lasiowski, this may or may not be a long message since it’s been so long since the last time that I spoke to you. We all have our “kinks”, and some of us do certain things for attention. You’re a man whore, I’m sure you know this by now, by what I don’t understand is what a “nice” guy like you grows the douchebag mentality to stand people up constantly? I honestly feel like you only texted / messaged me back in the short time span that you did out of pity, and I will have you know that I’m not a fucking charity case. With that being said, maybe if you were able to keep yourself out from in between someone’s legs long enough to actually think about other people’s feelings, you just might be a compassionate and cooler guy. Even though you stood me up twice and basically are as flakey as they come, I can’t help but have a soft side for you, I have no idea why, I don’t even find you that attractive (and yes I’ve seen your penis), yet I still can’t understand what it is about you that makes me be so “nice” to you.

Dear Kris, I miss you, or maybe I just miss having someone to talk to that “understands” me. Regardless, at some point I felt like I had some sort of emotional attachment to you, and I do miss that bond I had shared with you, regardless of how misguided or brief it may have been. I honestly can’t think of anything to say, and it’s so annoying because it’s completely going against the purpose of me typing this shit out in my list of bitter letters, but anyways, I just felt like you were the best friend that I was never able to find out in the real world. You give (or gave at some point) me hope and you’re basically the person I want to marry. All jokes aside, I really do hope that I find someone that makes me feel as happy as you do, or did, because that was so fucking amazing. I normally don’t mind opening myself up around other people, the biggest concern being that I might scare them off, but usually I don’t care that much, but you were different. You actually made me nervous as hell with half the shit I said, “am I telling him too much? Is he going to judge me for this or for that?” it was so fucking sweet and the fact that you made me feel that type of way: so emotional and fragile, yet so happy and hopeful is the reason why I “fell in love with you”. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you, and I hope that you find a way to live your life like how you would like to instead of living a life bogged down full of responsibilities and taking care of other people.

Dear Myself, I honestly don’t know why you push yourself so hard and think so critically of both yourself and the people around you. It’s probably your biggest pro and also one of your bigger cons. The sooner you come to respect and accept everyone else, the better. Stop taking other people’s ridicule as a means of putting yourself down, at the end of the day, their opinions will simply be that, and you shouldn’t let that change or influence your life. It’s ironic, though, that you’re so opinionated about all of the little shit in life that doesn’t matter, yet when it comes to standing up for yourself or boasting the vast amount of self confidence residing inside of you, it’s almost as if it’s nonexistent and that’s something you should work on changing. The sooner you’re able to confidently love yourself and tell all the haters to fuck off in their face, the sooner you’ll find just how much better life is.